I (21f) am a skinny flat-chest flat-booty girl and I hate it. My friend “Jenny” (22f) is plus-size, pear-shaped woman. She has my dream body.
We were at the gym. Jenny told me she wish she had legs like mine. I told her I wish I had a body like her’s. She told me that’s cruel to say. She also said the two things are not comparable. Am I the asshole ?
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I (21f) am a skinny flat-chest flat-booty girl and I hate it. My friend “Jenny” (22f) is plus-size, pear-shaped woman. She has my dream body.
We were at the gym. Jenny told me she wish she had legs like mine. I told her I wish I had a body like her’s. She told me that’s cruel to say. She also said the two things are not comparable. Am I the asshole ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action to be judged is the action of telling my platonic plus-sized friend I wish I had a body like her’s.
I may be the asshole because my friend said it was a cruel thing to say.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH – she’s probably very insecure about her body and maybe felt as if you were mocking her or weren’t being genuine.
NTA
But it is worth telling Jenny that you were being 100% honest. You wish you were more voluptuous.
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NAH, she’s defensive and can’t believe that you’re being serious.
NAH. You can want to be bigger. She can want to be skinnier. You being honest about your feelings, even if they are contrary to her feelings, doesn’t make you an asshole.
With that said, openly wanting to be less healthy probably isn’t the best goal. You should talk with your doctor before intentionally seeking to put on weight.
YTA. All you have to do to be like her is overeat.
NTA. You were being genuine.
NTA, assuming you meant it positively. She’s likely self-conscious and thus overly defensive. I’d reassure her that you sincerely meant it.
Not rude to say, but she obviously has some self confidence issues for her size. You have to understand OP, society will treat plus size people like dirt a lot of the time. We’re avoided in clothing line sizes, told we all just need to “stop eating so much” and also are just a joke to a lot of people. The same can be said about skinny people ( like yourself ), but you could walk into a store still and see a size 000 in jeans. It’s just not the same. Models ( most ) are skinny. A lot of guys I’ve dated dumped me because I got “too big”, I’m constantly called “fat” because that’s all people will see, not the person underneath.
I think your friend is insecure, and needs help with her confidence. Maybe you can explain to her exactly what you like about her body and why. And if she says something like “but that’s ugly” just explain how much you like it. You could really boost her confidence that way!
NTA, just be more self aware of the fatphobic society we live in. I’m sure your friend can tell you all about it if she’s comfortable.
Girls with big boobs wish they had smaller ones, girls with small boobs wish they had bigger ones. Same with butts. NTA
NAH. You were being honest. She doesn’t feel good about herself and therefore thinks that any compliments are insincere and mocking. She’s projecting.
NAH as someone who was at one point fat. you were being genuine, but at that time I definitely would have thought you were lying
Uhhhh. I mean…I think talking about each other’s bodies like that is gonna be fraught in a lot of cases regardless, but INFO: what exactly did you say? Did she specify why she thought it was cruel?
I don’t really get why the two things wouldn’t be comparable but you seem to be summarizing rather than quoting so it’s really hard to judge.
NTA, but I can see how she might have thought that you were teasing her or something. I remember as an overweight teenager, I always got sarcastic wolf whistles, etc. But you really meant it. This is like how people with curly hair want straight hair and vice versa. Just tell her that you were being sincere and you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. After that, you really can’t do much more. I hope she sees that you really meant it.
NTA I feel like your friend took it as if you were being facetious and just honestly didn’t understand that it was a compliment. That’s the way it sounds to me anyway 🤷♀️
Id take the skinny flat no ass over the plus sized 10/10 times
If it’s your genuine truth, NAH
Soft YTA – do you REALLY wish you were plus-sized? Health problems, being labelled ‘fat’…it’s hard to imagine someone wishes to be plus-sized, where is it more appropriate to say, you would like to be up a few sizes or, had some more ‘meat’ on your bones? Let’s say you’re a size 2. Do you really want to be a size 1X or 2X? (That’s plus sized), or do you wish you were like an 8?
Plus-sized people usually have had lifelong struggles with weight, appearance, food, etc. So if you are truly a rare person who WANTS that, you need to be sensitive that most don’t therefore will find you are mocking them, or it’s such an odd ‘want’ that it would appear to ignore all the struggles that come with it.
NAH you didn’t know the comment would upset her, but it did. She has a right to tell you how your comments made her feel. Just avoid it in the future and you can set your own boundaries too (for instance, it’s fine to say “okay then please don’t say it about me either” if you want)
NTA.
This is why I’m not friends with most “plus-size” women. Way too many insecurities and having to walk on eggshells around them. Can’t even take a damn compliment.
She maybe thought that you were being sarcastic and insulting her weight tell her you meant it in a good way.
everyone here wants to act like the plus sized friend is the asshole here, but like really??? really??? Have you seen the way society treats plus sized people? OP, maybe from your beautiful rose colored lenses where people like your friend could look like that and be fine then maybe your comment makes sense. But from medical malpractice, heinous comments from both family, strangers and the internet in the disguise of ‘caring for your health’. It makes sense that she feels that way, I even agree with her. I’m not saying you’re an asshole, but your friend is 1 million percent.
Would you TRULY want to look like your friend and have her body after you got to experience life in that body? The stress of having more weight to carry and the societal expectations? Please, be very serious here.
She’s thinking you’re just being nice, it’s normal among insecure people this mindset but still she was in the wrong
NTA at all, just make sure you tell her that you mean it and you were not making fun of her or something like that. It’s quite normal for people to not like their bodies, unfortunately, so it’s hard to believe when someone else does
We all want what we don’t have. Some people don’t understand that
Your plus sized friend is the asshole.
NAH.
As a girl like that, just laugh and tell her she looks great and is gonna look even better when she feels herself after losing weight. A lot of women grew up in the early 2000s-2010s where skinny culture meant if your ribs didnt show, you were fat. And kids? They’re ruthless and destroyed our esteem before we got a chance to build it. Being reminded we are allowed to like our bodies or not like them at our leisure is important to our esteem growth.
You can also deflect. “Thanks, now if losing fit could give me some curves that’d be great!”
NTA Normally I’d say you shouldn’t be commenting on anyone’s body, but she commented on yours first. You replied with what you felt was a compliment.
Honestly, I’m not sure what kind of response she was looking for. Would it have been better if you said, “Yeah, you’d look much better with thin legs: yours are too fat.”? Or if you told her that your legs are slim because you eat less than she does?
NAH. Although you were being sincere, would you want 100% of her physical attributes? Gut? Big arms? Probably not. Would she want the flat chest and butt that went with the skinny legs? Probably not.
You’ll both be happier if you stop comparing and focus on being comfortable with yourself. Failing that – keep it focused on specifics.
“I wish I had your legs”
“I wish I had your boobs”
NTA She’s insecure and assumed you were making fun of her because you’re skinny. You just need to make it clear that she really does have your dream body. It can be tough for plus size women, especially now that being skinny is becoming the ultimate ideal body type again.
NAH. “I wish I looked like you.” Doesn’t seem like something that would be offensive in the majority of situations. Unless she has told you before that she hates her body and has been actively trying to work on herself to change her appearance. But she is not an asshole for letting you know it offended her, as now you know what not to say in front of her.
NTA. she chose to turn the compliment into insecurity
NAH here. Truthfully larger women can never take compliments at face value – they are so often followed by something truly mean. Or they are a joke. I can understand her reaction. I can also understand that you were being sincere. Talking about someone’s body – even as a compliment is a real risk.
NAH. Plus-sized = Fat/Obese. Why would you want to be fat/obese? Skinny is far better.
NAH, sounds like she’s had some bad experiences and immediately assumed you were being sarcastic, or though “well she couldn’t actually mean that”. Not saying it’s good to be unhealthy, but I am saying there’s a systemic problem in society that has correlated being a bit chunky to crippling health issues, and that’s just not the case.
Yes, obesity is bad in general. But having some weight on your bones isn’t gonna kill you, nor is it deserving of shame. It’s just as harmful as being too skinny, but even then everybody should be comfortable in the skin in which they were born.
So give your friend a hug, tell her you really meant it. She’ll understand.
Just a little bit. You may be completely sincere, but it is hard for her to see it. It is hard for a slender person to truly understand and empathize with how society views heavier people, regardless of how body positive and accepting they are of their own shape. The fact that she is expressing insecurity with her shape likely indicates she is more sensitive to comments from others, even well meaning comments. That said, I have no idea what kind of response would have made her feel better. What you said tried to show appreciation for her body type, even if it landed wrong with her. Best thing you’ve got now is an apology: that you were being sincere in wanting more curves, but realize you don’t know what is like.
NTA, you could have reacted the same way, but chose to take the compliment and mirror it.
NTA. Blonde people want to be Brunette, and Brunette want to be blond, Curly haired people wish for strait hair, and vice versa. Big people want to be skinny, and skinny want to be big. Its life. I get it, I am the skinny one. I freeze in the winter, and in air conditioning in the summer, My butt bones hurt when I sit too long traveling, and quiet frankly, I get tired of having to eat all the time to keep what weight I do have on me. (yeah, If I miss a meal I will lose 2 lbs.) I hear alot of I wish I was skinny like you…Nah, you don’t. Each person comes with their own set of issues.
NAH. I will say tho as a plus-size girlie myself, we usually believe people are lying to us or making fun of us when people say they want a body like ours. We want to be skinnier/healthier.
Also big boobs FUCKING SUCK! I was a DDD by 18. Im a G cup now at 28. The back pain is so horrible, and I now have a curve in my spine that my doctor’s believeit is because of my breasts. My insurance won’t cover breast reduction surgery, and I am not at a point where I can drop almost 10k on it just yet.
I think a bit of both. I get that you do wish you had her body, it’s understandable. everyone wants what they can’t have. but at the same time, seriously? to me how you came off sounded a bit inconsiderate. i mean this in the nicest way possible, but have you ever really thought about how difficult it must be to be plus size? particularly in a society where skinny is worshipped?
ESH
Skinny Minnie here.
You both need to stop wishing for each other’s bodies. You both think that just because the other’s weight/size struggle goes in the opposite direction from yours, that means it’s an easier life.
IT’S NOT. FOR EITHER OF YOU.
You don’t like not having enough natural padding to sit on. She doesn’t like having difficulty fitting into some restaurant booths.
You don’t like being told to eat a cheeseburger. She doesn’t like being told to take a walk.
Just because your section of the boat looks different from hers doesn’t mean you’re in different boats. Ease up on each other.
NAH, you meant it as a genuine compliment but because of the messaging that your friend received, they don’t seem to perceive it as such.
You should never comment about other people body honestly, its just a minefield. As for the rest, booty can be gained with exercice or food and flat chest is perfectly okay, all size are good imo and so think many other people.
You just envy each others bodies, platonically. No.
ESH – y’all need to stop commenting on each other’s bodies in general (compliments are better when they’re about things we can easily control, like putting on an outfit), and work on accepting the way you look, your perceived flaws and all.