Relevant info:
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SIL(youngest sibling) is 30, BIL (oldest sibling) is 34, I am 32, my partner (middle child) is 33.
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My partners family is fairly well off. They worked hard for their money and earned it from the bottom up. My FIL (63) owns his business and its been thriving for over 35 years. My MIL 64) is at the top of her career. Neither are retired.
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My family is not well off. We were poor for most of my childhood. Only really got balance after I turned 17. Ive been working since 16 in highschool.
My SIL invited herself over today and showed up while my partner was at work. (When we lived in our apartment she did this at least once every two weeks) we had some wine and were talking about how work has been and she made a comment about my partner finally being a “real adult” now that we have gotten married (within the last few months) and “moved out”. She went on to say they weren’t really independent until we got this house and stoped “living off her parents “and added that shes been living separately for 3 years now and honestly I was taken aback a bit.
Ive been with my partner for a decade. We are child free and We have traveled a good portion of the world together and have decided to put down roots of our own. We had discussed this with my in-laws and my parents. Both of which offered to help us out with the cost of buying a home. We said we are looking for a place within our means, small but comfortable and we felt very blessed that they offered to help but what we would really need is lodging for a few months while we focus on working our asses off in an attempt to power save money. (We pay for our phone and our one car/insurance but nothing else really. We dont have any financial debt). My inlaws offered their home as it was closer to both of our work so we went there and my parents wouldnt take no for an answer and etransfered a generous amount into my account the night after we discussed it.
We were planning on focusing on working for about a year and seeing where we were then, but we stumbled upon our dream home and with the extra money saved from not having an apartment and the buffer from my parents we were able to buy the house and move alot earlier than we had planned.
My SIL knows vaguely what we were doing. But she keeps playing it off as we were homeless and had to rely on her parents to save us from financial crisis. What she didnt know is my MIL let it slip during our move that both SIL and BIL are being fully funded by my in-laws. Im not gonna air out my BIL’s dirty laundry because hes not doing anything however SIL lives in a fancy 1bdrm apartment in the downtown of an expensive city with her girlfriend. She works as a personal trainer and contracts at a few places in between. She a very bougie woman and has a very specific diet for aesthetics and instagram or whatever. Either way What she makes is not nearly enough for her rent+food+lifestyle.
She did not know that I knew this info. So when she called out my partner for not being independent I blurted out “you’re not really independent though are you?”
She looked at be in confusion and i followed up with “since mummy pays for your entire life”
She put her wine down and left without another word. My partner then got a very angry text saying I berated her out of nowhere and called her every name in the book. What else she didnt know is we have nanny cams for our dogs and our cameras were recording our whole convo. Which my partner already watched. My partner forwarded the video to his parents and brother because they all heard SIL side of the story and the family is split. FIL and my partner say this is what she asked for by throwing around comments like “her shit dont stink” but my BIL and MIL think I should have just ignored her or maybe responded a little kinder as I basically outed her on the spot. SIL wont talk to me, not that ive reached out to her.
So AITAH?
TL:DR: SIL implied my partner wasnt a real adult and wasnt independent and compared our situation to her and I exposed the truth about her situation stated she wasnt independent at all and she freaked out and left.
Comments
NTA. I like how she proved she is a liar.
NTA she dished it n couldnt take it. U just called out the hypocrisy. If shes gonna throw shade she better be ready to get hit w some truth
>my BIL and MIL think I should have just ignored her or maybe responded a little kinder as I basically outed her on the spot.
If she didn’t make that disrespectful comment from the fake high horse, there would not be your comment. At least it sounds like they think she was in the wrong also.
If you are going to diss someone, at least make sure you are perfect. That way you are just an AH rather than a
hypotheticalhypocritical AH.Indeed. Those in glass houses…make sure the glass is bulletproof…
NTA, your SIL got what she was asking for. Hopefully she will keep her distance from now on, and she owes you an apology for lying about you calling her every name in the book.
NTA.. Of course BIL agrees with her, he is still on the tit himself!
Good on you for defending your husband!
Glass houses/stones…
Nah the dildo of consequences rarely comes lubed, she just learned that.
NTA.
You didn’t out her on the spot, you called her on her bull$hit as there was only the two of you there when you said it and if she then didn’t go lying to the rest of the family, it would have ended there.
NTA SIL really didn’t like the reflection of herself that she saw in the mirror you held up to her.
Oh yeah “the family is split”, even though you sent the video of the incident 🥱
YTA for the fake post
“They think I should have ignored her or responded a little kinder.”
“She came into our house uninvited and started insulting us, then got mad when it was dished back, then lied and slandered us to the entire family. No, I will not handle disrespect, blatant lies, unsolicited hypocritical opinions, or slander ‘kinder;’ all that will do is encourage her to continue the behavior. It’s high time SIL learned ‘don’t start none, won’t be none.’ ” NTA.
Nta. FIL and your husband are the real ones.
NTA. Not only is she trying to put you and your wife in a bad light but she lied and tried to defame your character by saying you called her every name in the book. She’s a spoiled little princess and her mommy and brother are used to defending her I guess. Do not apologize and do not back down.
NTA. It was just you and her and the doggy/nanny cams. If she hadn’t gone off lying about what was said, it would have stayed within your home…But she not only had to shoot her mouth off, she lied and tried to make you the big bad villain. You just set the record straight.
My mom and dad gave us a few rules growing up, and I still use them now with mine.
Based on this, she followed all three simple rules and got exactly what was expected.
Updateme
NTA
Of course BIL sides with SIL because he’s getting a free ride too.
You called out for her BS, she ran back to mommy and daddy with lies, and then you doubled down and called her out again with her lies and your cam footage. And to top it off you got her dad in your corner too! Well played!
We could be friends. 😂🍻
Btw I think pops has more respect for you two than the other kids with you guys opting to find your own way and not relying on his money.
NTA if she cannot take it, she shouldn’t dish it out. Really, she shouldn’t even try to dish, because that’s always the decent path to take, but in this case she very deservedly found out after fucking around.
Cameras don’t lie… She needed to be knocked a peg, and she found the right one to do it. You don’t get to come over, drink my wine, then talk sh•t about my partner.
NTA.
Nothing was said about her lying about what you said???
Use of she and they really confusing. Pick one.
That’s a lot of words for a not at all important question
I don’t care who’s what in this situation.
Nope. You do not get to come into someone’s home, be a total hypocrite whilst trying to demean and embarrass your sibling, and have nothing said. Could you have rephrased it more to like “but you are also still receiving financial aid from your parents even though you don’t live at home”? Maybe. But I get the feeling your more abrupt approach may have stemmed from a buildup of dealing with her superior attitude for a while based on your description of her instagramming lifestyle. She then tried to lie about it, so she’s a total hack who can’t accept that she overstepped trying to talk poorly about her sibling in front of you and tried to turn the family against you with lies that you were verbally abusive. Anyone siding with this kind of narcissistic sociopath can stay away from your home too.
You seem highly fake and annoying.
Of course yta, you had an emotional response and outed your mil who gave you the information. You could’ve simply asked her if she was truly independent. You could’ve asked her why she was fixated on others.
Also, “partner”? Really?
Lastly, you sound like someone who was raised upper middle-class but tries to act like you were working class. Can’t you just embrace your privilege? You have it easy, so what?
NTA! She chose to act like she pays for her life while making snide remarks about you and your husband. She deserved it. And you didn’t yell it or call her names. You said it calmly. She left because she got called out.
I’d tell her until she apologizes to you and your husband, and gets off her high horse, she isn’t allowed over anymore.
She can’t look down in you and act like she has been an independent adult for years and then get butt hurt when you tell her you know the truth. I doubt this will change her at all. She will continue to let her parents pay for everything and look down on others who can’t afford to live on their own yet.
How is anybody siding with SIL? She literally is bankrolled by her parents. And is pretending like she has made it by herself. Her comments are laughable.
You know this sounds like a case of play stupid games win stupid prizes. She wanted to Lord it over you that you’d have been homeless. If it wasn’t for her parents when the reality is she’d be homeless without her parents. She didn’t think you knew that she was just going to gently put her heel on you and grind a little to make you feel like you had done something horrible when in reality you did something very smart but she didn’t know you knew just what shape she’s in. So her little stunt backfired in her face. She decided to lie. I mean I’d say give a different perspective but seriously she lied. She outright lied exaggerated embellished to try and make you look like a total piece of crap who was having a temper tantrum because she’s better, smarter and richer than you at you when the reality is you didn’t know such things and she didn’t know you had proof. So now on top of the fact that you made her look really pathetic and stupid and we’re then able to prove that everything she said was a lie and she is really butt hurt. You know what? Just let her suffer Let it go. Eventually, she’ll find a reason to blame it all on you that she wouldn’t have said those things. If she’d have known you were recording and that it’s viol and able to record without the other person knowing and then she’ll be happy that she has something to Lord over you again, people like that rewrite history to suit themselves and always will.
What it should have been was a big wake up call for her but her life revolves around image and she’ll find a way to make it. Everybody else’s fault because God knows she cannot stand the thought of being anything less than perfect. She is a princess. The world is owed to her and if it ever isn’t then somebody else did something wrong.
Just ignore it. Eventually it’ll go away
NTA. She started it; you ended it.
NTA. I’m trying to understand how you “outed” her when you two weren’t in a public place.
Glass houses and all. She asked for it
NTA
She was talking smack and didn’t realize you KNEW who she really was. Tell MIL and BIL that it will happen every time she tries to put you down, only to be doing something worse smh
No. SIL learned that truth has a sharp bite.
This is called “a taste of their own medicine”
But you actually just did it in a very factual manner. You really just asked a question if we are going to be fair here…. She was demeaning your husband and you just showed that she is exactly what she was talking about…..
Had she been a bit nicer, none of that would have come up at all. Sometimes you fight fire with just the teeniest bit of accelerant.. and let the fire do the real work.
It’s hilarious when people throw shit and it hits them in the face too
Haha! SIL didn’t realize that OP knew she wasn’t financially independent. When SIL was confronted with reality, she got embarrassed and left. Unfortunately, the couldn’t drop it and tried to smear OP. The video puts that to rest too. It will be tough for SIL to come back from this episode. Time to be gracious if she is willing to accept it. NTA
You “outed her”? To whom? Only herself, by the sounds of it. Maybe some spiders. NTA.
I’m sorry but ESH not sure how you can call out SIL when you wouldn’t even own a home without financial assistance from MIL/FIL and your parents. None of you are independent. She was out of line but so were you.
Loving that it was recorded. Selfish ppl need to see and hear the crap they spew when they are trying to aggrandize themselves. Boo hoo, SIL. NTA OP
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Soft YTA. Did she deserve it? Absolutely! Could you have just nodded and known the truth without burning bridges? Yeah. But you do you. You know what’s best for you in your life and that’s what matters.
A kinder response to what? Certainly not her kindness. And mummy’s just pissed that she was called out as well. Boo hoo.
Updateme.
NTA. She’s acting high and mighty; but not really.