So my sister (30F) just had her first baby two months ago. I love my niece, she’s adorable, but my sister has started to assume I (24F) will basically become her free childcare. She’s going back to work next week and asked me to watch the baby 10+ hours a week while she works. For context: I already have a full-time job (not remote), and the only way I could even do this is by sacrificing shifts, rearranging my schedule, and basically tanking my own income. When I told her I couldn’t commit to that without being paid something (literally just to cover lost wages, gas, food, etc.), she went off on me. She said “Family doesn’t charge family.” That I’m “selfish” for putting money above helping my niece, and she “would’ve done it for me” (which I highly doubt with her having her own baby). My parents immediately took her side. My mom said, “You’re young, you don’t have a family to provide for, she does. You should step up.” My dad kind of stayed out of it, but implied I should just help out for a few months until things settle.
I do want to help. I’ll babysit occasionally, weekends, or emergencies. But 20 hours a week is basically a part-time job. And I can’t afford to lose that time without pay. Now my sister is barely speaking to me, my mom says I’m “punishing her for being a mother,” and I’m starting to feel guilty… but also kinda resentful that they expect me to sacrifice my own life for this.
AITA?
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So my sister (30F) just had her first baby two months ago. I love my niece, she’s adorable, but my sister has started to assume I (24F) will basically become her free childcare. She’s going back to work next week and asked me to watch the baby 10+ hours a week while she works. For context: I already have a full-time job (not remote), and the only way I could even do this is by sacrificing shifts, rearranging my schedule, and basically tanking my own income. When I told her I couldn’t commit to that without being paid something (literally just to cover lost wages, gas, food, etc.), she went off on me. She said “Family doesn’t charge family.” That I’m “selfish” for putting money above helping my niece, and she “would’ve done it for me” (which I highly doubt with her having her own baby). My parents immediately took her side. My mom said, “You’re young, you don’t have a family to provide for, she does. You should step up.” My dad kind of stayed out of it, but implied I should just help out for a few months until things settle.
I do want to help. I’ll babysit occasionally, weekends, or emergencies. But 20 hours a week is basically a part-time job. And I can’t afford to lose that time without pay. Now my sister is barely speaking to me, my mom says I’m “punishing her for being a mother,” and I’m starting to feel guilty… but also kinda resentful that they expect me to sacrifice my own life for this.
AITA?
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> 1. i decided to ask for money to babysit my sister’s baby. 2. refusing and asking for money might make me an asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, but your family is.
NTA the entitlement is strong with your sis…
Not your baby, not your problem.
Ok first of all NTA.
You have your own life and it is not unreasonable to ask for lost wages if it’s an everyday job and not a random favor. Also Mom and Dad, they are being hypocritical. I do not know why they cannot babysit her unless there’s medical issues. You can tell them the following:-
1.) Mom and Dad can babysit
2.) If they live in a different area then they can visit and help their daughter for the couple of months like Dad said. If they can live separately comfortably they should have no problems in adding some groceries to their daughters house as they live there.
3.) Only mom can come as this can become a special tradition in family where she visits each daughter when they have a baby.
But you are not the AH. I would like a reply if or when you have the convo
“I’m sorry, that won’t work as I will be at work.” And keep saying that on repeat. Your mum sounds like she would like to look after her grandchild as she clearly wants your older sister to be supported to go back to work.
Why doesn’t your mum and dad step up to help the family out. You already have a job, so absolutely not.
NTA. Tell your parents they can step up themselves if they think she needs help so much
Absolutely NTA. No should be enough but if you feel you need reason to deflect their attitude: Tell them work won’t let you change/drop the shifts
Nta. You are not responsible for her life choices and childcare
NTA, this is insane.
You can’t babysit her child during your work hours. That is not a normal request even among family that helps each other out.
Also, why aren’t your parents babysitting? Do they live to far away? Beacuse otherwise it seems like they are the one “punishing” your sister.
NTA What absolute nonsense this is….. 30 year old woman decides to have a child and expects others to accommodate his bad planning. Your mother is free to help out since she feels so strongly about it….. Not to mention the father, where is he in all this?
You have your own life and have no obligation to cater your sister’s ridiculous entitlement.
I’d do a few hours babysitting for fam free of charge but 20 hours a week no pay that would make you compromise the job you currently have is a HUGE ASK. I wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
NTA
Don’t let yourself be manipulated or guilted into this. Your sister is incredibly selfish.
This expectation is completely ridiculous. And if your mom is so opinionated about it, she is welcome to take on that unpaid part time job.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to for your sister and baby, especially at a financial loss. It was her choice to have a kid, not yours.
So your sister thinks it’s wrong for you to choose work, as in earning wages to make a living, over providing childcare to her child so she can work to earn wages to make a living instead of caring for her own child?! Is that right? Yeah NTA
So the sister doesn’t have a husband/partner? There’s no other family except you? . There’s no child care options?
Rubbish.
At this point, she is charging YOU to watch her kids
Why should you pay to work for her?
No
NTA
Absolutely Not! She needs to get her esh together before going back to work! Or your mother can take care of the child for 20 hours a week.
Maybe you parents should “step up”in this case? You know, “family helps family” and shit. Throw it back to them.
NTA
NTA
And you absolutely should not.
NTA family helps family goes even for moms, even more for moms than for sisters. Tell your mom to do it herself and if she have to lose work or relocate, tell her to stop being selfish and to help family!
Tell her you’re not babysitting at all. Hard stop. When her expectations are reset to reality you can reconsider.
This is not your child and you should not be expected to sacrifice one thing for it.
If she can’t stay at home and look after it or afford child care she should of kept her legs crossed silly lady and then to fall out with you, she’s a clown
NTA and I babysat for both siblings and was paid. So this bullshit family doesnt charge is just wrong. If it was for a hour or 2 so she could run errands that’s different. But to expect you to take a pay cut while she goes off to work isnt right
Nta- you aren’t punishing her for anything. Her baby, her responsibility. She should’ve worked out the logistics well before the baby was born.
NTA. You are not punishing her for being a mother, you just set a healthy boundary on a life choice (boring a mother) which is not yours.
Was the pregnancy expected or not? If it was and you were at no point asked prior to it to commit to child care, then you have no guilt to feel by saying « no ».
If the pregnancy is unexpected, then it’s time to require help from the father first and then family / friends.
NTA this isnt your child, you are not obligated to that kind of arrangement.
NTA
I didn’t know that people without children didn’t have bills, didn’t need to eat and save and buy clothes and medication and, tou know, generally spend the money they earn. I’m sure your parents can help her because they just said there’s no excuse right? That’s absolutely nonsense. Don’t give up your own income for anything less than a absolute emergency. Imagine being pregnant for almost a year amd having a bay for months and suddenly dropping on another adult that you expect them to put their life on hold so you can earn money.
NTA.
NTA but for next time, please just keep it at “no” or at the most “no, I have a job too”. You already looked into changing shifts, cutting down hours, there is no need for that. You don’t have to bend backwards for others.
They make it look like it’s a money problem now (“how can you be so insensitive you’d charge money to family”). The problem is they expect you to rearrange your whole life to accommodate someone else.
Why do people have kids then fully expect others to help raise them if you can’t afford it don’t have them simples 🥰
No, NTA.
If ‘family doesn’t charge family’, why then is she technically charging you to babysit? As in lost income from your job.
Her baby, her problem… or your Mums.
NTA and don’t babysit at all…
NTA. Why can’t your parents babysit?
She opened her legs, had a child.
Not your responsibility!
You’ll help as you’ve said. That’s your part as an aunty.
NTA
NTA. Your parents should
If each of your parents think ten hours free childcare per week is reasonable, that’s twenty hours free childcare for your sister. That should cover her.
Be free. Live your life. NTA
NTA your parents are so outraged they can mind the baby.
NTA even in the slightest. You shouldn’t have to miss work to watch your niece, that’s what childcare is for. Especially if she’s not planning on paying you. It’s one thing to help out family in a pinch, it’s another to be asked to take off shifts entirely and not be compensated for lost wages. Grandma should help out if she thinks family should help family regardless of what they’re doing.
I read something far too similar to this about 12 hours ago……
It’s amazing to me that people expect family members to babysit at no charge even though they have a job and life of their own! She chose to be a mother and should have figured out daycare before now. Her entitlement knows no bounds. And your mother saying you’re punishing your sister for being a mother is ridiculous. I wasn’t able to have kids but my siblings had plenty. At holiday get togethers my mother would tell my sisters to sit down, Amy can do that! I finally had enough and said I wasn’t coming anymore because I was expected to cook, clean, you name it. No, you’re NTA, that title belongs to your sister and mom.
NTA. But what about she looks after her offspring herself?
Where’s the kids dad at?? What’s your mom doing that she can’t sacrifice 20 hours or more or her life per week for free.. or your dad… you didn’t make the child, it’s not your responsibility.. your sister didn’t think about any of this while pregnant or these last few weeks that she’s had at home??? The only people being selfish are your sister and mom for expecting you to do something that will hurt you over time financially. Tell her she should’ve thought it through better or planned better. And maybe even ASK you was that something you could do instead of just assuming that you would or that you should.
NTA, her expectation is utterly unfair. Where’s the father?
NTA. If you can’t afford childcare, or be a stay at home parent… you have no business having kids. What if she didn’t have a sister, what would have been her plan?
Your mother can babysit since she’s so worried,look after yourself,she chose to have e a baby not you! IF she chooses to return to work her choice also she needs to worry about that not you, The entitlement of some people family or not is wild!
What’s her husband doing?
Your parents should “step up”. Or your sister, or the father of the baby. You’re not the one who got pregnant. Don’t sacrifice your career or finances for people who are ALREADY taking you for granted.
NTA
Don’t give in. That’s an outlandish ask! Your sister and your mom are wrong to expect you to do that!
NTA. If your parents feel so strongly about it they can babysit without compensation. Do not sacrifice your livelihood for her. Not even once. Do not call out of work or rearrange shifts. She will take advantage of it. Put a stop to this now. You can babysit on your time, when you are not working, not socializing, not living your life.
For anyone to suggest otherwise is selfish and a mooch.
Until and if you have your own child, no one is entitled to your time.
Nta, suggest your mom babysits
NTA
“I am not unavailable, whether it’s paid or unpaid. I will be at work.”
End of.
yeah seriously their expectations are bananas. 20 hours a week is just wild.
What is wrong with your mother? How can she possibly think that expecting you to turn your life upside down and sacrifice your job and income to babysit your sister’s child is just helping out family? That is ridiculous!
NTA……I really don’t understand people who make the decision to have kids forcing their decisions on someone who had no say in that baby being born….. Baby’s parents decided to have the baby and the should deal with the responsibility of finding childcare…. Your parents should volunteer themselves if they feel so strongly about it….. And you better believe your sister will be very little or no help if you ever decide to have kids
NTA, tell your parents you have a job that pays you well and if you have to go sone where else to do it you will. They can also babysit their granddaughter or her inlaws can babysit.
NTA-your sister and your parents are all AH’s and completely out of line. Ignore them and move on.
NTA. Grandparents are expected to babysit 24/7 without pay not siblings. Why isn’t your mom stepping up?
I’m guessing the dad isn’t in the picture considering there’s no mention of the father but she’s being unreasonable on multiple levels. It’s not like she did t know you had a job and she’d need to return to hers but instead of her speaking with her work to at the very least not be working when you are she decided to instead expect you to lose work. You’re 24 not a child even if you live at home, you have expenses that will go unpaid if you are unpaid. People like this are insufferable they make bad choices and then expect others to clean up their mess. Your sister doesn’t care about you only about what you can do for her and since you won’t do exactly what she wants you’re now the bad guy. PLEASE stand your ground, she has time to find affordable childcare or she can ask her parents, her requests of you will only increase if you give in and you could easily lose your job in which she wont care either because “now you’re completely free” remember you’re 24 an adult so stand up for yourself.
Keep your day job where you get paid real money Sis is quite entitled and selfish for thinking you would rearrange your whole life Let your parents babysit that’s still family helping family Shine your spine for this one and put yourself first
I don’t think you should bring pay into it, even if they did end up giving you some money its not gonna be worth losing your job for. You can’t do it, you have work commitments. End of story. NTA.
If your mother is so determined she is helped, tell HER to step in and help! NTA
Easy NTA: “OK Mom – you look after baby. If I do this I want repayment for the work I will have to miss. Sister decided to have a child, she needs to sort this out. It’s not my problem”
WOW , the utter entitlement. Absolutely stick to your guns. A new born is no joke and no, they don’t sleep all the time. They’re a huge responsibility and it’s the choice (mostly) made by the mother and not her younger sister. Be strong.
She should have had a plan before she got pregnant. Just tell her it doesn’t work with your work hours. She’s going to have to hire someone and arrange a backup for that sitter when she can’t babysit. Just like all other parents juggling work and childcare.
NTA and she cannot afford childcare, she can apply for subsidized child care, she can rearrange her schedule, or baby’s daddy can rearrange his schedule, or they can both rearrange their schedules to care for their child. Or your parents who seem to be completely on her side can take their grandchild for whatever hours are left over that need coverage.
You should tell them that you did not offer because you can’t do it without losing hours and possibly your job. You should tell them that the only reason you asked for payment is because you would be losing all those hours, and you need that income. If you let family take advantage of you like this, they will do it for the rest of your life. My mom was child care for my cousin, her sister completely took advantage of her, it got kind of ugly.
Her decision to have a baby, her problem to arrange adequate childcare.
You’re not available during your working hours – or during any hours you say.
“Family helps family” immediately puts the person saying it in first place for doing whatever the “help” is. If mom says she can’t because she’s working, that’s exactly why you can’t either.
Did you tell her you would have to sacrifice shifts thus losing income, and rearrange your schedule with your boss?? You can tell her you can help out on this day at this time that works for you.
Soooo why can’t the grandparents watch the baby? I’m sure they have the time and should be the ones helping out since they feel it’s so necessary for it to be a family member. Don’t let anybody guilt you into doing something you shouldn’t and don’t want to do
Throw it back at her and tell her she’s putting money over her own baby!
If she comes back at you about bills and rent and needing money to care for her child, tell her you have bills too and they don’t pay themselves just because you have a niece, so unless she’s going to pay you what you would usually earn at work, the answer is no!
NTA it’s her baby, she had 9 months to figure out childcare. She slacked on her responsibility as a mother.
And tell mom she can watch the baby if she feels that way… Although she only feels thst way because while you’re getting stick for not babysitting, you’re mom gets off from having to do it… Rather you than her.
She chose to shit out a kid. Perhaps she should have had some plans in place before trying to burden you.
Do not sacrifice your financial security for your sisters baby. The next time your mom says something, thank her for the offer to babysit.
NTA. This is an absurd level of entitlement from your sister (and parents).
Sounds like your mother is volunteering to babysit….
NTA.
With your sister’s selfish attitude, you should not babysit for her at all.
Zero, nil, zilch.
Send that hard message across.
It’s good that she’s not speaking to you.
At least she won’t ask you to be free labour.
You must maximise your income.
Especially during your healthy years.
I would advise you not to even assist on weekends, and some emergencies unless you are the only option. Your sister must know she’s not entitled to your time and energy, she didn’t give birth for you.
NTA.
Your sister is not entitled to your time and effort. You are not obligated to help out.
“Family doesn’t pay family” is used by people who want to take advantage of you. If you agree to help, understand that you are agreeing to their mindset that you are there for free babysitting. You give a little and they will take a lot.
Don’t explain to them. Just say no. Explaining your no gives them room to debate it. You don’t owe them that.
You love your niece, but she is not your responsibility. You have your own life, and sacrificing your time, effort and money for no compensation will affect you.
NTA. Send them all a blanket message “This isn’t my baby and this isn’t my responsibility. Quite shocked that you’d bring a baby into the world without putting any thought into childcare. Assuming I would do it for free (and sacrifice earnings I very much need) was stupid, thoughtless and very selfish. Employ a professional or find a daycare. Do what other parents do.”
Or…. tell them to fuck off.
NTA – Your sister had the baby not you. She wants to go back to work rather than stay home to care for her own child. Yet she expects you to stay home and care for her child rather than work? Make it make sense. As for your mom or anyone else telling you to stop being selfish, tell them to stop being selfish! Let them care for the baby. They don’t want to or can’t due to other obligations? Then they can stop being hypocritical. Where is the baby’s father? Childcare should be the responsibility of both parents, not other people. Just say you can’t and then let them care for chips fall where they may.
And yet another variation on the same story with the whole family “ganging up” on OP because they won’t cave in & do exactly what sister wants when sister tells her.
Nya. Why is her job more important than yours. Say no. No rearranging, you didn’t volunteer for it
NTA.
Where’s the babys’ father? Shouldn’t he be stepping up? Shouldn’t your sister thought of childcare options before having the baby?
Keep your job, keep your head down. Your family is showing you who they really are. If the child ever gets dropped off on your porch, call the police.
I think you should explain that you can’t cut your career to be a babysitter. Your sister knew she was having a baby for at least 7 months. She’s had lots of time to get child care worked out. The baby is not your responsibility. Don’t let them bully you and lay on a guilt trip.