I guess my sister and her husband have a weird dynamic on things because the things they do is odd, definitely not safe but its their relationship do no one has a right to question them.
Sister(29) op(18F)
Well I do because my sister always comes to me for problems sge has with her husband, so my sister has 4 kids now. She gave birth 4 weeks ago so she’s 4 weeks postpartum, do I agree with my sister having multiple kids? No because its ruining her body, she doesn’t give me it enough time to heal. She already got an infection the during her last pregnancy because she wasn’t healing properly and has mental health issues because of her risky pregnancy.?I guess I just care for her health but its also not my right to tell her what to do. And their struggling right now, they have 30 days to find a place.
My sister always want a small family but now her family is getting bigger, my bil has different views on kids. He comes from a family with multiple kids because that’s how they work. I’ve told my sister about her pregnancy many times because you’re suppose to wait longer but she told me to leave her alone.
Anyways my sister calls me sometimes and that’s it, she called me with a weary voice like she was scared to tell me something. I now understand why she was scared because, she told me she took a pregnancy test and found out she was pregnant. I honestly did know what to say, like my bil and sister are both unbelievable because this is just causing harm.
She was only scared because when she tells the family she’s pregnant then they’re not happy, but she’s very happy about this. She said she can finally get her daughter since she has all boys. I showed my concerns about it but my sister said to get over it because it’s not that serious, that’s when I told her what her and bil is doing is dumb. I only say this because her oldest will have to help raise the new baby now.
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Backup of the post’s body: I guess my sister and her husband have a weird dynamic on things because the things they do is odd, definitely not safe but its their relationship do no one has a right to question them.
Sister(29) op(18F)
Well I do because my sister always comes to me for problems sge has with her husband, so my sister has 4 kids now. She gave birth 4 weeks ago so she’s 4 weeks postpartum, do I agree with my sister having multiple kids? No because its ruining her body, she doesn’t give me it enough time to heal. And their struggling right now, they have 30 days to find a place.
My sister always want a small family but now her family is getting bigger, my bil has different views on kids. He comes from a family with multiple kids because that’s how they work. I’ve told my sister about her pregnancy many times because you’re suppose to wait longer but she told me to leave her alone.
Anyways my sister calls me sometimes and that’s it, she called me with a weary voice like she was scared to tell me something. I now understand why she was scared because, she told me she took a pregnancy test and found out she was pregnant. I honestly did know what to say, like my bil and sister are both unbelievable because this is just causing harm. I showed my concerns about it but my sister said to get over it because it’s not that serious, that’s when I told her what her and bil is doing is dumb. I only say this because her oldest will have to help raise the new baby now.
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She got pregnant 4 weeks post partum? I don’t get anything
If your sister wants a small family and keeps having problems with healing and stuff then how do you know that bil isn’t just forcing this upon her? Calling her dumb isn’t helpful..
Being in such a closer relationship where you dedicate your entire life to someone and make a huge commitment can make it hard to take a step back and see your partner through someone else’s eyes. A lot of abusive relationships never show on the surface and it can be a defense mechanism for your sister to pretend to go along even if she has a different opinion entirely. Not saying that’s absolutely the case here, just my observation. I suggest bringing your concerns to her in a gentle way first, and if there is no genuine response then continue more insistently that she make sure this is what she truly wants. There are resources out there for help during these situations and how to approach her/wording it right. An undesired relationship like this can end up hurting her and her children most, and you could potentially be her light in the darkness as she struggles. Of course you know her better than I do; I only say this because this reminds me in a very bad way of my own past relationship. It was very hard to get out of after being stuck for so long. <3
You aren’t even supposed to have sex for six weeks, did they have it after 2? WTF. That may explain her infections.
Hopefully she is not pregnant and still has HCG from the baby she just had. It sounds like she is under some coercive control. Be kind and supportive and get her to a doctor without him.
You call her dumb when all signs point to marital rape…
Okay so she’s being used as a baby making machine. CPS needs to step in because they are not being responsible parents.
If she’s is not taking care of her physical health I wouldn’t trust her to take care of her kids health.
Your sister is likely being abused and your response is to call her dumb?
NTA. Your frustration is valid. Sometimes, dumb is just the honest truth when watching someone self-sabotage.
Shes not cleared to have sex yet at 4 weeks post birth- thats not OK until week 6. She would have had to both ovulate and have sex at week 2 to show up on week 4 test. These things are unlikely.
She more likely has either PPD or PPP or partial retained placenta which would have been giving her a lot of health problems by now. She needs to speak with her physician ASAP.
If her husband is having sex already that is very VERY abusive and unhealthy.
I would say ‘you know what I think about your health and having more kids. Just don’t call when you won’t listen to reason. I’ll help as best I can but not on this’
They cannot afford the children they have. You’re not wrong to say what they are doing is dumb.
She shouldn’t even be having sex until she’s at least 6-8 weeks post partum. No wonder she has so many infections.
I’m with those wondering if she’s being forced, I don’t know of any woman who would willingly have sex 4 weeks after giving birth. Actually it must be less than that if she already knows she’s pregnant
Instead of calling her dumb, try helping her and checking she’s ok
Tell her congratulations. She told you to leave her alone. There is nothing you can say or do even when she called you “scared” about being pregnant. She’s saying she’s happy. She’ll die happy. There is nothing you can do. Ask her about funeral arrangements if you’re daring enough.
I think you sound like a kid who lacks generals awareness of the unspoken possible issues between what she is saying and what she’s living – like what others have mentioned.
Calling her dumb shows your lack of emotional intelligence and inability to understand complicated layers here.
Id tell her to get snipped behind her husband’s back after this, get a C-section and stop being a human pez dispenser.
At 4 weeks postpartum, the positive pregnancy test is likely leftover hormones from the last pregnancy. Not a new pregnancy.
While it’s possible she ovulated at 2 weeks postpartum, it’s highly unlikely. She was definitely still bleeding and her uterus isn’t even close to back to normal size.
There’s a reason why they say to wait until 6 weeks postpartum for penetration sex. Infection is number one, but it can hurt like hell if she’s not healed.