Feeling increasingly guilty about this, help me feel better or worse!
My sister has a baby boy who turned one in June. I’ve recently been helping her out by looking after him why she and her partner move house. I’ve been increasingly shocked by what she sends him to my house with for lunch.
This is now: a sausage roll (either Greggs or a Tesco mystery meat from a multipack), 2 bags of crisps (I am not talking about lentil crisps/veg stick brands for babies, I am talking about actual crisps), chocolate biscuits, cake bars and most recently Jaffa cakes. There’s always a yoghurt thank heavens, but that’s it in the way of any form of nutrients.
At first I tried the jokey approach, telling her my three-year-old would start to get jealous of all these treats, that I was worried I couldn’t cope with my nephews sugar highs etc. After several weeks I’ve snapped and told her she is going to have a poorly child who looses all his teeth by age 5 if all she feeds him is junk, and she became upset and said she can’t help it if her child is a fussy eater. She is now mortified, said I’ve accused her of being a crap parent and now things aren’t the same between us.
Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but he’s a BABY, and really should be getting a healthier diet. No idea what to do from here.
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Feeling increasingly guilty about this, help me feel better or worse!
My sister has a baby boy who turned one in June. I’ve recently been helping her out by looking after him why she and her partner move house. I’ve been increasingly shocked by what she sends him to my house with for lunch.
This is now: a sausage roll (either Greggs or a Tesco mystery meat from a multipack), 2 bags of crisps (I am not talking about lentil crisps/veg stick brands for babies, I am talking about actual crisps), chocolate biscuits, cake bars and most recently Jaffa cakes. There’s always a yoghurt thank heavens, but that’s it in the way of any form of nutrients.
At first I tried the jokey approach, telling her my three-year-old would start to get jealous of all these treats, that I was worried I couldn’t cope with my nephews sugar highs etc. After several weeks I’ve snapped and told her she is going to have a poorly child who looses all his teeth by age 5 if all she feeds him is junk, and she became upset and said she can’t help it if her child is a fussy eater. She is now mortified, said I’ve accused her of being a crap parent and now things aren’t the same between us.
Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but he’s a BABY, and really should be getting a healthier diet. No idea what to do from here.
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> 1) telling my sister off for what she feeds my nephew 2) was unkind and should mind my own business
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Looks like that kid’s headed for early onset diabetes!
I have a massively fussy eater. But at 1 – i mean… even ham and cheese toast is better than these! NTA but please, i know its not meant to be your responsibility, but please feed this baby some real food. Also, milk?
INFO: Did you try any form of communication in between your extremely passive jokes and snapping at her? Did you gently suggest any alternatives for what a 1yo should be eating?
NTA Poor kid is gonna be an early diabetes case.
ESH. Yes, she needs to feed him better. But you went the complete wrong way about it. Joking was never going to fix anything. And snapping and acting like the baby was gonna lose all of his teeth was a shitty thing to do. You are an adult. Learn to tell concerns to others like an adult with proper communication.
NTA. Maybe try sitting down and helping her with proper dietary advice.
This might be my own ignorance as I haven’t spent much time around babies, but how is he eating that?? And for how long? Since he started solid foods? Can babies handle and digest that stuff without pain at that age?
Maybe you could have had a serious conversation with your sister about her child’s food. Like, sat her down, bring some credible sources and all that shit. The only thing to argue here is how you handled things.
But you are indeed right. Your nephew is heading down a dark path of childhood obesity, bad physical and mental health and all sorts of conditions when all he eats at one year is basically junkfood. So from that perspective you’re definitely NTA.
Maybe your sister is overwhelmed with being a mother? Is it her first? Is she really stressed out lately?
NTA bad parenting needs to be shamed outright. Someone needs to be standing up for these children.
Truth hurts. She’s a crap parent for not providing and teaching her child healthy eating habits.
Not your kid.
Yes YTA!
Unless you are intimately knowledgeable about this child’s medical history, shut your trap!
This is between the pediatrician and mom. You are NOT part of that equation. You are NOT part of the conversation.
Butt out!
NTA. No kid is so picky all they’ll eat is gas station food. Maybe if that’s all that’s ever offered… watching people feed their toddlers food they shouldn’t is painful and you usually won’t correct their behavior no matter how you approach it.
I’m sure she will wonder why he’s bouncing off the walls, won’t sleep through the night, and has poor emotional regulation (eventually)
NAH
You are absolutely right that this isn’t a healthy diet for a baby but it also sounds like your sister doesn’t really understand how bad this diet is and she’s just trying to keep her baby fed. Maybe a little less judgement and a little more support and education might be the better way to go. My 18 month old just doesn’t eat and it means she wakes more at nighttime, believe me if I thought a few chocolate biscuits would keep her full I would absolutely give it a go now and again. Some people just don’t see the issue with these types of food because they think all food is good food. Maybe ask her if she wants some help with changing his diet if you can spare the time or help her with resources.
Edit: good on you for caring so much.
NTA no… I would be soooo worried about that poor babies teeth. I mean fruit!! Just fruit! Plain rice and butter is better than that.
There is a line for when you don’t judge… this is a line your sister crossed and now yes judge her. Tell her that this will become very VERY painful for the child.
I’m also very worried of the choking hazards. I get that food deserts exist and cost of living is high but if there is Tesco there is often fruit cups! Rice and butter and frozen pees. Pasta and butter and pees/corn. That’s what I feed my kids when I have no idea what to feed them. Carb, fat, vegetable. Add a boiled egg and you’re golden!
I understand how your sister feels, especially if she’s overwhelmed or insecure in her parenting, but someone needed to say something. You didn’t say she’s a bad parent, you called attention to something unhealthy. Big fat difference
YTA. Babies need lots of fat for their development. There’s a reason that little kids crave sweets more than adults do. When you have your own kid, feed them what you want. Your sister gets to decide what her kid can and can’t have. As long as the baby’s not morbidly obese and she’s not feeding him arsenic or illegal substances, you should mind your own business and keep your opinions to yourself. That having been said, I get how you wouldn’t want your own kid getting ideas about what they should be eating from your sister’s kid. If your kids are eating together, then just offer to provide the food yourself and ask for a weekly food stipend to cover the budget.
YTA
It doesn’t seem you and your sister were in an argument or even a discussion about what her child eats, you just went for her throat. You went from passive aggressive to aggressive without ever hitting “Sis, I’m actually really worried about this”
Gentle YTA. I hope she still let’s you look after him. Maybe with your own child you could encourage some better eating?
Who knows, maybe she’s burnt out and needed the wake up call.
She’s your sister at the end of the day. Try and make amends and work with her in a positive way for your nephews sake.
YTA. He is not your kid. You only see what he’s eating at lunch. Do you know what he eats for breakfast or dinner? Maybe she packs that kind of food because her kid is picky and won’t eat that otherwise outside of the house.
NTA offer to have a conversation with her, maybe apologise for being harsh but let her know it came from a place of concern and love for both him and her. Maybe send her over some recipes or advice leaflets etc if she’s open to it. Or suggest that she speaks to her doctor. A 1 year old shouldn’t be eating that kind of food regularly and if anything she’s setting him up to be even more picky in the future
NTA, for the most part fussy eaters are made not born.
Parents who indulge this behavior early on all but guarantee they are making a picky/fussy eater. If a child is truly hungry, they will eat whatever healthy food is given to them.
NTA for your intentions. But YTA for how you went about it.
YTA. You didn’t even try to talk to her sister to sister. You went from passive aggressive joking then straight for her throat. There was no conversation where you said “hey I’m seriously worried can we talk?” That’s not cool.
I’d usually side with the parent on this as kids can be a nightmare with food, but that’s really unhealthy for a 1 yo and the salt content is actually dangerous. Sounds like you’re in the UK too where we get free health visitor support so ignorance is not an excuse – I got told off for giving my 1 yo too many pom bears and they’re specifically for kids. NTA.
INFO – How old is the child? You keep saying baby, but in my mind if the kid can eat solids, they’re no longer a baby and more a toddler. Has the child been diagnosed or at suspicion of autism or any other neurodivergence? It’s entirely possible that those are the only things he’ll eat because they’re the only things his brain will let him eat. It’s equally possible your sister is a shit parent who can’t give her kid nutritious food. It’d be unfair to make a judgement either way without knowing how old the child is and whether he may be neurodivergent and showing the first signs of ARFID or other sensory issues.
Have you tried giving him more healthy snacks? Fruit, veggies, healthy sandwiches etc? If not, why not? If so, does he accept and eat them happily or not? There’s so much missing information here imo.
ESH. You used two extremely harmful approaches to addressing the issues. You expressed concern for her child as jokes about your comfort – how you cope with your child’s jealousy and how you cope with her child’s sugar rush. That’s not addressing your concern about her child’s wellbeing. You needed to have a calm conversation that establishes what you are willing to do while you are in charge of the child’s care. Tell her: I respect your right to be in charge of your child’s diet but don’t bring him crisps and biscuits when I babysit. I won’t feed that to a one year old. Or a 10 year old. You can either give me $5-10 to feed him what we’re eating or bring him an appropriate meal and snacks that are not treats.
Please reframe how you assess the food, junk is a loaded word and can be just categorized as treats or sometimes foods. We always want a healthy diet but food is fuel no matter what so we can save the stuff that doesn’t contain the important vitamins and nutrients as sometimes, not always foods.
Your sister needs to understand that children need to be taught how to feed their bodies. A balanced diet always needs to be offered and resorting to what a 1 year old prefers is going to result in many problems. 1 year olds like to cheat death by the skin of their teeth, ingest poison or climb unreasonably high and we deny them the privilege. What we feed toddlers is always our job to control. Introducing new foods take a dozen tries. One bite isn’t enough to swear off new foods. We keep offering and offering. They’ll learn to eat. If there is a medical reason they cannot, a high calorie, high nutrition meal replacement can be offered but no pediatrician recommends chips and cookies for picky toddlers.
Thanks for all your responses, including the ones calling me out haha.
I should have been clearer in my original post- I meant I snapped after several weeks of trying to speak to her in a nice way about alternative foods she could try offering him and her completely dismissing me.
I’m going to call her tomorrow and try again to talk things through properly- I genuinely do just want to help.
NTA, she is indeed being a bad parent.