My neice (3) is becoming a little bratty she is an only child and only grandchild so gets everyone’s attention when the family is together and no one tells her no. On birthdays my sister (26f) encourages her to go over to the birthday person and blow out their candles, this was super cute when she was small but becoming a little tiresome.
My 30th is coming up and my husband has put in so much effort and had paid the person who made our wedding cake to make a special 30th for me. Now this is where it gets awkward because I love my neice but I know it’s coming the “go sit on aunts lap and help her” but I just want to blow out my own candles and have a moment about me on my birthday. AITA?
Comments
NTA. People who blow out other people’s birthday candles are obnoxious. Your sister is the asshole here.
Lmfao are you really that much in your feelings over a 3 year old blowing out your candles lol good luck in your 30s 😂
NTA
Honestly it really doesn’t sound like your niece is a brat who can’t handle being told no, it sounds like your sister is just an AH who is teaching her not to respect people’s boundaries.
Tell your sister in advance that you will be blowing out your own candles, and you don’t want her encouraging her daughter to make other people’s day about her if that’s how you feel. Tell her in advance so that there isn’t any drama at the party itself.
NTA.
But use your grown up words. You don’t have to be mean or raise your voice, but just be firm.
“I love hanging out with little Mildred, but on this occasion, my boyfriend has gone through a lot of trouble to celebrate me. So please do not tell Mildred to come ‘help’ me blow out candles or open my gifts. This one time is for me. If this seems selfish to you, well, that’s your perspective, but it’s ok to not allow a child to have the spotlight 100% of the time.”
u/bot-sleuth-bot
I certainly understand how you feel and it is awkward. If the niece is going to be there you must address it with your sister. Just tell the truth gently, “I would prefer not to have help with blowing out my candles .” Your niece doesn’t have siblings so she is the center of attention but we both know that this cannot last. She has to learn that everyone deserves attention.
NTA. Besides, I don’t want to see a 3 year old spit-blowing all over a cake that you plan to serve. 🤢 This from an auntie of 6 kids that I would die for. I just don’t want toddler spit on my food.
NTA – Have a conversation with your sister beforehand that you prefer not to have any help on from your niece on your bday.
NTA. And this was never cute. Why would you teach a child to blow out someone else’s candles?
NTA. Put the cake up high out of her reach and tell her mother beforehand you aren’t allowing her daughter to blow out your candles. After the meltdown tell her that it’s your birthday and it’s about time her daughter learned the meaning of the word no.
A little bratty? This is nothing. Wait a few years and you’ll see what bratty really means. She’s going to be so hated at school. She needs to learn early on that while everyone is the main character in their own story, they are walk on parts in everyone elses. She’s going to end up with main character syndrome and be an absolute nightmare if they don’t gently guide her while she’s still young.
Tell her no when she’s sent over or get your husband to pick her up when she comes over, because your sisters whole argument is going to be ‘it’s just a cake/she’s only 3/everyone else let’s her/you don’t love her or her telling her daughter auntie doesn’t love her’.
If she has a tantrum, is she tired? Does she need to leave?
And no, I wouldn’t say we will light them again for her to do. If it’s not stopped now both your sister and niece are going to be in for a hard learning experience when she tries to do it at classmates birthdays.
NTA
This didn’t happen lol
Tell your sister ahead of time that your niece is not welcome to blow out your candles. Make sure your parents know this too.
Decoy cake! Leave the good one hidden in a different room. Bring out the small, cheap grocery store cake with candles. Sister & niece get to take that cake home after the kid spits all over it. The rest of you enjoy the fancy cake.
Your sister is setting this kid up for disaster. What does she think is going to happen when her child goes to school and starts getting invited to friends’ parties?
NTA. Make it an adult only celebration if possible. Even if you can’t or don’t want to do that, your expectations are totally reasonable and you should talk with your sister. If your niece does approach you at cake time, send her back to her mom and tell her that you will give her some cake in a couple minutes.
NTA
Tell your sister “I won’t be playing the game. This is a milestone birthday for me. So be prepared ahead of time I will absolutely kick you out and make a scene, as will my husband, if you don’t parent her. If you want, we won’t be offended if you pull her out of the room for the candles. If she screams or throws a fit, that’s on you, and husband will absolutely ask you to take her and leave and we will start over without you. I’m giving you warning now so that you can work on her. You always say how smart she is, I gaurantee she can learn this.”
children blowing out candles = spit cake. NTA and she is going to cause problems at birthday parties for any friends from school although if she’s that bratty I doubt she will get invited to many.
NTA. Who wants a toddler spitting all over the cake that will be served to everyone?
One thing you could do is to place the cake high, like on a kitchen island, and stay standing to blow out the candles. She can’t force her way onto a non-existent lap. Have blockers ready to keep sister from crowding in to hold niece close enough to “help.”
After the cake is cut, maybe give niece her own piece with a candle she can blow out.
NTA but tell your sister beforehand not only to put it out there, but also so you can gauge her reaction. If she flips her kid and goes crazy, accusing you of hating her child or something, then you might need to rethink even having her there at all. Harsh but true.
Offer her a different candle to blow out. A bigger, prettier candle, one that is special just for her. Relight it & let her blow it out several times. Your cake is safe, she’s happy.
NTA if I had a neice that blew out my candles I would be so mad at the parents for failing.
You can just tell her no when she comes over to “help”.
Make your birthday party an evening “adult only” gathering.
NTA- Why would a 3yr old be at your 30th?
nTA.
Your niece is three, she’s not doing this because she’s spoiled and malicious. She is literally a toddler.
She does not have the brain capacity to manipulate people.
The issue is your sister. The issue is that none of you are telling your sister no. You guys are the problem, even though your sister sounds horrific.
None of you are telling her to back off, to remove her child, that it isn’t cute, that you don’t like it. You’re letting her get away with it because “the niece was a toddler and it used to be cute.”
The niece is not to blame in the situation. She is a baby. She does what her parents let her do. Her parents seemed to have been encouraging her to be the center of attention, so of course she’s gonna think it’s OK because she’s literally a baby.
You need to talk to your sister and explain to her what you said here. But you need to say it in a tone that is not a discussion. And you need to let her know that if she doesn’t think her daughter can handle the event, due to still learning how to exist in the world, it’s OK for them to stay home.
But the moment the niece does XYZ behavior, because her mother lets her, she will ask to go home.
NTA
I hope you are clearly and lovingly telling her what is expected of her behavior and that you don’t go along with it.
So many times, these situations don’t have someone who will guide a child in the right direction.
NTA, they may think it’s cute now but when she is an entitled spoiled brat as a teenager/adult they will be eating their words.
If your sister doesn’t like hearing any of this advice, change the party time. Make it clear that cake and presents are at 11pm when the party has entered the adult only stage
It’s never cute to encourage a child to blow somebody else’s birthday candles out that it’s just not done.
Just hope for the best and let your sister know that she needs to hold onto her child . NTA.
NTA
Child free party. This is your 30th birthday. This is a party for adults. This is not a child’s party. I don’t see a reason for her to be there.
Also, blowing out other peoples candles is never cute.
Don’t know if this is bait but this is like the 4th story about kids blowing out candles this year
Get the kind of candles that won’t blow out.
NTA. And you know that you don’t have to invite her?
Just tell her “No thanks, I got this”.
Nope. Shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA. Your niece needs to be taught boundaries because if not, she will be a total nightmare when she gets older. This also ties into sharing. If she’s not taught to share and respect boundaries, she will become a bully and won’t have any friends.
In total honesty, never ever let a child do that. Shalom you’re loved 💔
Not even going to read this. Kids need to learn no and there are consequences for their actions. Nuff said.
Absolutely not, time to reign the kid and mother in
Just talk to your sister about it ahead of time so that it doesn’t become an awkward situation. Your sister can just tell the kid it’s not allowed this time and not to move when it’s candle time.
NTA- personally I think the whole blowing out the candles on a cake shared by everyone is disgusting and especially a toddler.
But do speak to your family about this ahead of time so it’s not awkward at your party. Send a group chat something like “Hi all, I know in the past (niece) has been encouraged to blow out others candles; however two things with that. 1. She’s getting older and should be learning she can’t do this if it’s not her birthday (imagine if she tried to do this to another child) 2. My boyfriend went through a lot to get my cake and I want to do it on my own. I know we all agree that teaching good manners is an important lesson so let’s work together to make sure (niece) learns this starting at my birthday. Can’t wait to celebrate!” By putting the “we all agree” helps make it a group rather than a you’re being selfish tone
for that you can use a little glass of water and when the brat is coming … face + water = surprise
NTA
i was 17 when my 7 year old cousin spat on me. i grabbed him and showered him down cold in the bathtub….
there was trouble with my uncle after but my cousin never did it again…
NTA. I personally would deal with this directly but it’s completely understandable if you don’t want to have this out with your sister around your birthday. Could you have the celebration in a restaurant/bar after the time kids are no longer allowed.
Do you not know how to say “no”??
Be prepared have a cupcake with her own candle and a small wrapped gift. Appoint someone to give these to her just as you are getting ready to do your candles on your cake. Maybe this will distract and diffuse the situation!
There is a video compilation of kids being thwarted from blowing out other people’s candles. I admit, I get a certain satisfaction out of seeing little brats like that stopped from doing it.
Update us after the birthday party 🎉🥳.
Here’s my prediction 🙅…
Your sister will NOT stop your niece from destroying the cake 🎂 . Not just “blowing out the candles” 🕯️ but probably grabbing it or tipping it over.
Let’s add a list of things you are going to hear. Let me know how many of these you hear.
“You can’t be mad. She’s just a child. It was an accident. Why are you trying to shame my child. Be the bigger person. But we’re family. I’m sorry but,…
Why sit down for the blowing? Stand up and close up to the cake. No room for her then.
I don’t think anybody needs to be the asshole in this situation, but an asshole could be kinged by the end of the situation, if nobody is willing to talk. This is a very well planned out thirtieth birthday.So how about we all have a conversation like adults?So that your expectations and boundaries can be set. Telling your family how you feel and saying what you would like to have happen on your birthday does not make you an asshole as long as you are nice about it. Take some time and think about what you want to say.And how you want to say it and then talk to your family.
Discuss it with your sister, since she is the one who has been teaching and encouraging her child to blow out other people’s birthday cake candles.
Don’t blame your niece, she is basically just being an obedient child and at 3 years old you can’t expect her to know better.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA. I wouldn’t be blowing out candles anyway, but I certainly wouldn’t let a little kid blow germs all over the cake either. Kids have to be told no…it’s part of learning about how to deal with life.
NTA. I despise this trend of letting kids blow out others candles. Everyone has a birthday, and they don’t get to take over someone else’s. I taught my kid early that you do not blow out others candles or otherwise make theor celebration about you. You will have your time on your birthday.
Tell your sister ahead of time “I will be blowing out my own candles this year. Niece needs to start understanding not everything is about her. She is going to have a hard time in school, making friends, etc if she doesnt.”
And if sis makes a big deal about it, uninvite her. If you can’t do that, blow out her and nieces candles on their birthday and see how they like that.
Your sister is in for a hell of a time if she doesn’t start correcting the behavior she’s allowed. Currently she is raising a spoiled child. And they often turn into insufferable brats. If her family doesn’t check her, strangers will and they will NOT be kind.
NTA.
Put your cake on a high table where only your partner and you can stand by.
2 hour old account. no engagement in the comments. this is called “fake ragebait”.
Nta you need to talk to your sister about this ahead of time. If she doesn’t agree and believes that her kid is entitled to blow out your candles and open your gift then maybe that’s when you make it an adult party only or your sister can sit this party out.
You deserve to blow out your own candles on your big day. Your not selfish just because you wish to enjoy your birthday without your niece spiting and blowing out your cake to “help” you.
But if you can’t uninvite your sister and and if you can’t have an adult only party then you need to have people there to help you out. Your friends can hurry and step in and carry your niece away and hand back the kid to your sister so you can hand your big moment.
But honestly I think you do need to have a conversation with your sister before the party and let her know that if she does pull a stunt of any kind thinking her kid will get to do whatever she wants let her know you will have people there backing you up and it will backfire on her if she trys anything
NTA
Decide if you want to give your sister a heads up or not.
All you need to do if niece asks to help is “no thank you, it’s my turn.” If sister doesn’t respect your boundaries, then consider becoming petty. Give your candles to your niece once you are done. Then show her photos of candles in other food.
Oh, it’s going to happen. Please update us when she doesn’t tell your niece to go, but also doesn’t stop her.
I have 13 nieces and nephews and I’m also the only aunt who never had the kids “help” me blow out the candles. I see nothing wrong with it.
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Or everybody could skip blowing on food for everybody.
The audacity your sister has! Sends her child to “help” blow out the candles! Your niece is gonna be such a joy to be around! lol
Besides the entitlement issue, the fact a child, or any one of any age is literally spitting on a cake when blowing out candles is so unhygienic and super gross!
Get a cupcake to blow the candle out-whether it’s just you, her, or both of you blowing out the candles.
Happy birthday and enjoy your special cake!
NTA.
NTA. There is no age where it’s appropriate to have your kid blow out other people’s birthday candles unless the person celebrating specifically invites them to. Before the situation arises, directly telling your sister “I’d really like if [niece] didn’t join me to blow out the candles on my cake” should be more than enough. If you want to be clear that you’re not excluding her and love your niece, you can even enter the conversation with a plan for a special photo moment with your niece to replace the usual cake moment.
I have a 2 year old. I would never tell my kid to go blow on other people’s cakes. I’ve seen how he blows and gross
It’s when you’re very politely. Tell her “no, sweetie, go back and sit on your mommies lap. Auntie needs to blow out her birthday candles.” NTA
Just make it clear before the party even starts that it is not an option and you will decline if she is still sent over.
NTA
NTA have someone run interference and if niece gets within 3 feet of you that person grabs her and moves here elsewhere. I have ZERO tolerance for this bratty behavior. Teach your damn kids that not every party is for them and not every cake is theirs.