Our 2 boys (8 and 9) have been excited to go to the beach all summer. We couldn’t afford most nice ish AIRBNBs in July but they were way more affordable in October for Fall Break. I surprised everyone with a booking with a nice indoor pool and right on the beach and it was affordable. My kids have saved up money to buy things while they are there. My wife never seemed really excited to go anyways, but i love the beach and so do the kids. She is a homebody and just woke rather save the money and do something local. But she was okay with going it seemed like. Even buying some beach toys weeks ago.
Well all was good and dandy and suddenly my wife says a few days ago “today is last day to cancel for 100% refund”. I said, oh yeah that’s true. And then paused. And realized she had already made up in her mind that is what she wanted to do. She had an alarm on her phone to go off for that day. So she asked me what I wanted to do. I said I still want to go. Everyone is excited… but because id rather keep the peace and “happy wife happy life”, I just canceled it anyway. She acted like it was no big deal and went about her day. And the kids don’t know we arent going, but I’m making her tell them.
But AITA for being mad about it and telling her she has to tell them? What would you have done? I feel like I lost my soul a little bit. But maybe I’m putting way too much happiness stock into a vacation that I really just thought I needed…🤷‍♂️
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Our 2 boys (8 and 9) have been excited to go to the beach all summer. We couldn’t afford most nice ish AIRBNBs in July but they were way more affordable in October for Fall Break. I surprised everyone with a booking with a nice indoor pool and right on the beach and it was affordable. My kids have saved up money to buy things while they are there. My wife never seemed really excited to go anyways, but i love the beach and so do the kids. She is a homebody and just woke rather save the money and do something local. But she was okay with going it seemed like. Even buying some beach toys weeks ago.
Well all was good and dandy and suddenly my wife says a few days ago “today is last day to cancel for 100% refund”. I said, oh yeah that’s true. And then paused. And realized she had already made up in her mind that is what she wanted to do. She had an alarm on her phone to go off for that day. So she asked me what I wanted to do. I said I still want to go. Everyone is excited… but because id rather keep the peace and “happy wife happy life”, I just canceled it anyway. She acted like it was no big deal and went about her day. And the kids don’t know we arent going, but I’m making her tell them.
But AITA for being mad about it and telling her she has to tell them? What would you have done? I feel like I lost my soul a little bit. But maybe I’m putting way too much happiness stock into a vacation that I really just thought I needed…🤷‍♂️
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> 1. I told her that she has to be the one to tell the kids that we arents going anymore
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I kind of think Y T A for agreeing to cancel, but once the vacation is canceled, you are NTA for wanting your wife to tell the kids when she’s the one who asked to cancel.
It also sounds like there’s a breakdown in communication here if she’s decided she wants to cancel but is still waiting until the last minute to ask. Do you know why she wanted to cancel? It sounds like you both need to address the larger communication issue.
Honesty YTA for canceling the trip. This whole happy wife, happy life thing has to go. So you can’t be happy, your kids can’t be happy? I would have kept the trip, she could have stayed behind and you could have taken your boys alone.
Instead you have a happy wife and the three of you get to be miserable. How is that fair? Rebook the Airbnb, take your boys and go make memories.Â
INFO: Why couldn’t you and the kids have gone without her?Â
YTA. Why the hell did you cancel it?
ESH. She should have just declined to go to begin with. You shouldn’t have cancelled it when you and your kids could have gone and had a good time. In the end it was you who cancelled it. No one under 65 says “happy wife, happy life” unironically and I assume anyone who trots it out here is rage baiting.
ESH – What on earth is going on in this family? You just cancelled because….. why again? Happy wife happy life, but to hell with the kids? Thats your logic?
You both suck
ESH – everyone sucks here. you made a choice as a couple now you need to face the consequences as a couple. if you cancelled to keep her happy you’re just as responsible as she is. and it kinda defeats the point if you’re going to squabble about who tells the kids. might as well have kept the vacation then. feels like you didn’t want to spend the money and are actually relieved you can blame it on herÂ
YTA. This is 100% on you. You didn’t have to go along with it. You’ve ruined the holiday for the kids.
If she didn’t want to go, she could have stayed home while you went with the kids.
And if money is an issue, you don’t have to stay in a nice AirBnB. You could book a cheap motel room and all share it. Kids who are eight and nine won’t care.
honestly ESH, she sucks for scheming to cancel behind everyone’s back when the kids were already hyped, but you also went along with it and hit that cancel button yourself. now the kids are the ones who lose out while y’all argue over who breaks the news. both of you dropped the ball here.
Yta.Â
You dont communicate.Â
I bet if she says im hot, YOU get out of bed to turn on the fan ….. im thirsty, you grab her drink.Â
She didnt have to go …. the kids wanted to go. You wanted to go … so why not go?
ESH happy wife, happy life is BS. You’re an equal parent and bear child qual responsibility for canceling the trip. You’re both AHs
ESH. She’s the AH for being self-centered. You’re the AH for giving in. If the only way to keep her happy is to only think about her then you shouldn’t have had kids. Get a backbone. Rebook and let her know she’ll be enjoying being a homebody while you and the kids enjoy the beach. I can’t even believe you need to be told this.
INFO: Why would you go along with this? If she really didn’t want to go, why couldn’t you take the kids without her?
ESH. Your kids will remember your broken promises.
YTA for being a spineless slug
INFO: Is this really all the talking about it that you did? She said it’s the last day to cancel, you presumed that’s what she wanted, and you cancelled? Did you discuss at all why, or a compromise? Why didn’t you talk more about this trip in the prior few weeks? I think ESH because the lack of communication is genuinely baffling to me. I don’t even know how you got to this point.
Double y ta
First for cancelling something 3 out of 4 people wanted to do,and second for not chosing go just with your kids and left your egoist of wife at home.Â
And you are YTA because it is you, who cancelled the trip, not your wife, so you should go and tell your kids that you cancelled the trip your kids wanted so much just because your wife asked and didn’t stand up for them
Bad choice! Go without her if she doesn’t want to go. Enjoy your kids. Discuss things. It’s a partnership
Both of you are assholes. Your wife for being a manipulative wet blanket, and you for letting her be and then making her be the one to break your kids hearts. Like, making her the bad guy is gonna get even with her…Â
I wouldn’t have cancelled the vacation.
YTA for not voicing your opinion when asked. You both don’t communicate, and your kids are paying the price.
YTA. You should have gone anyway. You need to re-book something else. Prices should be reasonable in October most places.
YTA for cancelling! Life is truly too short. Enjoy life especially your boys! I have a college sophomore and yearn for those days!!
YTA – why didn’t you just take the kids? Why are you making her tell then when YOU CANCELLED IT? You didn’t have to, you just decided to hell with it and canceled.
NTA. If your wife didn’t want to go, couldn’t she just stay home and have like a mini staycation herself? I say this as a mum to a 9 year old boy. I’d be over the moon to have a few days to myself.
I feel badly for you and your kiddos. I don’t think I’d have her tell them because she won’t empathize with them since she didn’t seem to care anyhow.
We had to cancel a trip to Disney for next week, 2 months ago, because we just had too many unexpected financial hits. We sat my son down and told him, and he and I both cried. We then made a plan for what we want to do next year so he’d know we were not going to have to cancel again etc. It was a harsh reality check for him, but I also think it helped him know that both myself and his dad were super sad about it too and that life can throw curve balls. This isn’t the issue tho for your wife and you, so at least if you tell them, then you’ll be able to comfort them.
And I’d suggest a big talk about what expectations are for vacations going forward….
Nah you’re not the AH. She pushed for the cancel so she should be the one to explain it to the kids. It’s not fair for you to take the hit when you were the one hyped and actually planning it.
ESH. You and your wife have terrible communication.
YTA for allowing her to ruin the fun for 3 people to satisfy herself. You should have said no or at least made her tell you using words that she didn’t want to go instead of interpreting her actions.
YTA for letting your children down so badly, for what I am willing to bet isn’t the first time. Your kids are going to grow up resenting you for never standing up to their mother and always prioritizing her feelings and games over their happiness. They will learn quickly that they cannot rely on you to keep your word.
Grow a spine and take your kids to the beach. Give them the childhood they deserve.
YTA if you never asked her in the first place if she was even OK with it. Any major expenditure (even if it’s a good deal) should be discussed between spouses between pulling the trigger, unless you guys separate your finances.
I swear I am not saying this to be a bitch on the internet – you are headed for divorce. This is so indicative of some larger issues. PLEASE go to marriage counseling NOW before it is too late. This is so eerily similar to my failed marriage. I don’t think either you or she are bad people, but you both really need to work on communication. Stuff like this is deeper than you may realize.
If you are so happy wife happy life then don’t book it in the first place.
Don’t book it then cancel it and disappoint the kids.Â
Leave her at home next time and take the boys with you. She probably likes the me time.
Stop cancelling and just leave her at home where she is most comfortable. It seems like a win/win situation.
Esh – she didn’t even say anything and just cancelled? Let her stay home and you take the kids. Stand up for yourselfÂ
YTA. Have a backbone!
INFo: how tight is the money situation?
ESH. You should not have just cancelled without talking it out and you honestly shouldn’t have made the booking a surprise to her. You need to get on the same page with your wife when booking vacas. You both suck given your willingness to put your kids through the yoyo of being excited for something just to have it taken away.
You are an AH for being mad about the situation you created. It’s fair to be mad at her for not being more flexible with her own planning, or for not evidently being willing to just proceed with a plan that she knows makes most of your family happy. But booking it without telling her and then being pissed when she isn’t onboard is not totally cool of you.
“So she asked me what I wanted to do. I said I still want to go. Everyone is excited… but because id rather keep the peace and “happy wife happy life”, I just canceled it anyway.”
I don’t get this part; she asked, you said you want to go so how did you get to the cancellation? Was there further discussion? Did she start acting weird, slamming doors, etc?
“but I’m making her tell them.”
why? According to this story you made the decision. This is wildly passive aggressive.
” I feel like I lost my soul a little bit.”
sounds like you drowned it in the bathtub out of fear it might irritate your wife.
YTA for canceling – just let her stay home. Rebook it
You shouldn’t have canceled it.
Why the ever loving FUCK did you put her not wanting to go above your excited children? She could have stayed home. YOU upset your kids by not having a spine
I think you rolled over and died on this a little too easy, tbh. You could have just as easily said “Neat. Too bad we all want to go. Guess that deadline is going to pass.”
You cancelled the trip. You get to tell the kids. YTA.
YTA. She’s allowed to hate an idea and voice it. If you are unable to face her begrudgingly going along with something, what she was doing apparently, thats on you not her. When you booked the trip you knew how she felt, that she valued not going enough to not let the chance to get out slip does not make her AH
YTA for cancelling. She can stay behind. How incredibly selfish of her, and you are being a total pushover by letting her decide for the whole family. You let your kids down.
ESH. Why would you support a decision designed to make your kids unhappy? She didn’t have to come. Is money an issue right now or she just hates fun?
Take the boys, leave the sourpuss at home.Â
Both the assholes! I would hate to be your kids. You get them excited to go, they save up money, your wife even buys stuff for the beach, and then you turn around and cancel because of “Happy Wife, Happy Life” BS? Grow a pair, rebook, and create memories with your children.
See if you can get it back
NTA for making her tell the kids, but YTA for cancelling. You should have told her that you and the kids are locked in, that you can afford this, and that you’re still going but she could stay home if she wanted. Your kids aren’t going to trust either of you after this. Building up their excitement just to devastate them will have a lasting impact. I’d try to re-book honestly.
YTA for being spineless
You should tell your kids that their dad is too much of a coward to tell mom he isn’t going to cancel their vacation
ESH. You’re TA because you shouldn’t surprise people with gifts when you suspect they may not be happy with it. The decent thing to do was discuss the plans with your wife, before booking and telling the kids. Your wife is TA for letting the kids be all excited, playing along, and then wanting to cancel and not understanding that is a big deal.
“Happy wife, happy life” is total bs. How about “Happy spouse, happy house”? Its not all about her and her wants. That’s what happens when you have kids.
YTA for surprising your wife with a vacation you knew she wouldn’t be thrilled with. YTA for getting the kids hopes up and they have excitedly planned for this trip. YTA for cancelling and not just taking them yourself. Your wife is the AH for letting you get the kids hyped when she knew all along that she wanted to cancel. You are both shitty parents to your kids.
You could have gone without her, you know that right? You can handle two boys by yourself. Go. Enjoy it. She can stay home and enjoy homebodiness.
As a wife who starts to get a bit anxious before a vacation, I would never ask to cancel. I would consider some times to say they go without me.
But this entire situation is just sad for the kids.
YTA. Why not let her stay home and you bring the kids? Why cancel it and ruin it for them?
YTA. And your wife. What about happy kids happy life? Creating family memories happy life? Is she going to tell the kids?
Wow dude! LEAVE HER AT HOME! I leave my spouse at home regularly because they are just not interested. It doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore- we have different personalities and different ways to recharge when we are worn out. Go anyways! You’ll have a blast.
ESH. It’s sad that your kids have to suffer because your wife is a selfish asshole and you’re a spineless loser.
NTA. If your wife was so concerned about not going, she should have just talked to you about that. Suddenly bombing the decision on you and your kids is a bad move.
YTA for having no spine. if you want to do something DO IT. why would you miss out on something you AND your kids love because she doesn’t want to go? why does she even have to??
Stop missing out on joys of life because of your significant other. it is NO excuse and really YOU canceled the trip. not her anyway.
Yta. Why did you cancel? If she didn’t want to go, you should have taken the boys alone. She’s the homebody. I don’t blame you for making her tell them but you shouldn’t have canceled at all.
YTA for canceling the trip. Your kids wanted to go, you wanted to go. If your wife didn’t, she could stay home. That was extremely unfair to do to your children. I hope you feel guilty
YTA for cancelling. Do your kids not matter in this at all to you?
YTA because you let her cancel something everyone else was looking forward to. Of course she has to be the one to tell the boys, but you should be there too so she doesn’t say it was all your idea.
ESH as well, your poor boys
Those poor boys- they are going to remember this – and never forgive this – forever (as someone who knows- dad promised to cover my flight to my sisters wedding when I was a broke college student and backed out when I didn’t have time to save enough on my own- I and my sister NEVER forgave him)
[removed]
You suck. And YTA. Try “Happy spouse, happy house,” man!
Get the cliche’ sit-com shit mentality out of your head, grow a pair, and stand up for you and your kids time.
“Last day to cancel.”
“Well, me and the kids are going. You can come along or we’ll see you when we get back.”
Let her complain, argue, whatever. It’s not your job to keep the peace.
YTA for putting blame on her for something she didn’t do.
She set an alarm to remind both of you at the last minute to cancel with a full refund and ASKED YOU what you wanted to do. She did NOT say cancel the vacation.
But you did it anyway then blamed her.
Why couldn’t you have said “oh last day to cancel? No i still want to go and the kids are excited”
Maybe it would have led to a fight, maybe not. but you just caved to an imagined request and then blamed her
YTA you could have gone alone with your kids.
Yaita, i do stuff i dont want to do all the time with two kids 11 &9. I have also done what your wife done!
I dont do it because i dont want to go, i do it just to make sure we are all in the mood still and we wont loose money!
I get the happy wife happy lofe saying but lets be honest…happy wife doesnt mean happy life!
You should of never cancelled
YTA. Why did you cancel? It sounds like she didn’t even push all that hard, she just told you you COULD cancel and you instantly rolled over. Enjoy the knowledge that you both ruined your kids’ vacation
I would’ve took the boys and went with or without ur wife.
Keep who’s peace? Certainly not your children’s. Grow a damn spine, dude. YOU cancelled the trip.
YTA for rolling over without so much as a discussion.
ESH
There has to be more to this story.
Why would you cancel it? That seems like something done out of spite and passive aggression. You should have told her that she didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to and still took the kids. In this scenario, the boys are the ones who are suffering from disappointment all because their parents can’t use their words. ESH except the kids.
You cancelled??
Why didn’t you just tell HER to stay home?? Your kids and you are all disappointed in allowing your wife to ruin your happiness without a valid reason.
Your NTA for making your wife tell them, but YTA for canceling.
ESH.
Is there a reason you can’t take the boys by yourself?
NTA for making her tell the kids. You are for cancelling, though. I would have said F, her and her miserable ways. You and the kids could have still gone. See if you can rebook.
  “Everyone is excited… but because id rather keep the peace and “happy wife happy life”, I just canceled it anyway.”
So because she doesn’t want to do it the no onecan do it?Â
Yta to your kids. Stand up for them and say you’ll take them without her.Â
Why do I think this isn’t the first time they’ve missed out on stuff because of her
ESH you should go without her. She sucks because obviously she doesn’t care about her kids happiness over her comfort. She should tell the kids why they aren’t going
YTA for cancelling the trip on the mere assumption that your homebody wife didn’t want to go. Not sure how you ended up with kids because your balls are missing.
YTA for not prioritizing the kids over a selfish wife
Why couldn’t you have left her at home and taken the kids by yourself? Seems like that would have made everyone happy.
As a wife I hate the saying,
“Happy wife, happy life” when you’re married you should be a team. Able to talk about things without making the other angry. I don’t want my husband to sacrifice a trip with the kids, bc I didn’t want to go. You should have just told her not to bother coming, you’re taking the kids.
YTA because you need to be in the same page with your wife before booking things and definitely before telling the kids. Come on, how can you be a parent for 9 years and not know that?
You are both TA.
If it’s still available take your kids and leave your wife at home.
Book the hotel again and go without your wife. I don’t mean that in a snarky way, but you and your kids were excited about the trip and she wasn’t. Why not just let her stay at home where she’s most comfortable and you take a father/kids trip? That’s what I would do.
ESH for handling this like children instead of communicating like the adults that you are.Â
Why did you do it? She didn’t make you cancel. But she dropped the hint. You should have pulled it up and made her hit the button. You don’t have a happy wife, nor a happy life.Â
More frightened of his wife than he loves his kids. Sad to see. ESH
My man YTA your wife can be a homebody and you could have taken your kids who have been looking forward to and saving for this event by yourself and had solo Bo ding time with them. As a parent I cannot imagine doing this to my child, not only that my kiddo and I enjoy a lot of throngs my partner doesn’t so we just leave him home, it makes for a while happy household of people for everyone to get what they want.
Yta. You were petty by canceling, and now you’re petty for making her say it. You could have easily taken the kids alone if she wasn’t comfortable going to the beach. You guys ruined an experience for the kids out of pettiness, and that’s really sad for them and Im willing to bet the kids didn’t deserve that. She’s TA too but you decided to match her energy you’re just as bad and the ones suffering are the kids. Sucks
YTA. Your wife didn’t cancel the trip. You did that. You’re trying to blame her for a choice that YOU made. Sure, she made it clear that she didn’t want to go, but she also left the ultimate decision up to you. Why didn’t you just take the kids and leave her to enjoy some time alone? Seems like that’s what would have made everyone happy…
YTA to yourself and your kids, why in the world would you cancel?? Sounds like you have no spine at all here.
YTA for cancelling the trip.
Not really TA but this behavior will just reinforce her to keep playing you. You are being passive-aggressive by “making” her tell the kids. You didn’t put the kids first either, you decided to cancel it. You should have said: “No, we’re going. If you don’t want to, stay home.” :
but because id rather keep the peace and “happy wife happy life”, I just canceled it anyway.
Grow a fucking backbone ffs.
ESH. She’s an asshole for pressuring you to cancel the vacation but you’re also an asshole for just GOING ALONG WITH IT!! You’re an adult – TELL HER NO. If she’s a homebody and doesn’t want to go to the beach then tell her she can stay home while you go with the boys. As long as you guys are okay financially to spend money on a beach vacation and it’s not affecting the family finances negatively.
YTA
Did she say she wanted to cancel? Did she specifically, with those words say “I want to cancel the trip”? Or did you just assume that’s what she wanted and make a unilateral decision intended to make her look like the bad guy?
If she’s concerned about finances or upcoming expenses, I could definitely understand being cognizant of when you have to cancel by.
Poor kids. They should be about to create lifelong memories of their childhood holiday in 2025 and instead they’ll be at home as usual because their parents are assholes.
ESH
I would not have cancelled and I would have gone without her
you should have just gone without her!!
Rebook the trip for you and the boys. Honestly as a parent, trips like this are mostly for the kids anyway. If she gets upset that you go without her, remind her that she didn’t want to go in the first place.
YTA
You’re the one who booked this trip without running by her, and you’re the one canceling the trip on the kids. At least have the courage to do it yourself.
Why didn’t you just take the kids yourself?
My parents used to pull this crap. They would get us so hype about things, only to never follow through. I barely speak to my parents now, for that and other reasons. I have no trust in them whatsoever. This how you want your kids to feel about you? YTA.
Both you and your wife are in the wrong. She should’ve said something as soon as you told her that you booked the vacation. You should’ve told her, in advance, that you were planning to book the vacation.
But the worst part, is how both of you screwed your kids over. You both lied to your children. You, for getting their hopes up without a definitive response from your wife… and her for being that level of cruel for insisting you cancel.
Don’t be surprised if this sets up a hostile dynamic between you, your wife, and the kids. They will remember how you promised this vacation. They will remember how you pulled it out from under them. Be prepared for the reaction of not trusting either of you to be ongoing.
Why the FUCK is your wife’s happiness more important than you and the kids? All 3 of you wanted to go but your wife just kinda implied she didnt wanna go so you martyred yourself for what? Your kids fucking crushing disappointment? Wow. Grow a spine.Â
YTA
YTA to your kids. Man up. This is not about you, wimp.
Uh, dude, YOU were the one that chose to cancel for a bullshit Happy Wife reason. So you go fucking tell them what YOU did. Then maybe stop letting your petulant wife manipulate your ass.
I don’t even understand. Why? Form her part? And Why did you do it, from your part? Nothing you wrote make sense.
YTA for canceling.
The words let’s cancel never came out of her mouth. She asked what you wanted to do. She didn’t say cancel. Did she want to go probabaly not, would she have sucked it up for her kids and husband, probably.
Why didnt you just talk to her dude, shes; your wife. You made an assumption and ruined the trip for your kids.
Is it allowed here to call someone a coward?
YTA.
YTA for canceling???? What a pathetic excuse
YTA Why are you being cowardly,
why are you so afraid of your wife that you cancelled a beach vacation for 3 people because of one person.
Your wife is incredibly selfish and you enable her.
Your son’s will see this they will notice.
YTA I think you should tell the kids that you cancelled the vacation, because that’s exactly what happened.
>”happy wife happy life”
Even if you believe this, you should think deeper and realize that surely what would make your wife truly happy is to be met with an equal who will assert himself when needed so that the both of you can reign in the other’s selfish or negative tendencies when necessary.
In this case, that would be your wife relying on telling you without telling you that she wants to cancel the family vacation at the last moment, for selfish reasons, without having to take any responsibility for it and without even having to say so out loud. The fact that she knew she could do this means that she knows how spineless and willing to appease her you are.
You both should be weeding the garden of your marriage; one of you always rushing to water the other’s weeds is not a good thing.
You are actually bringing out a negative side to her and exposing and growing your own negative side, which ultimately will be unattractive to her and will cause her to lose respect for you, leading to her becoming less happy in the marriage overall — even if she thinks she’s happy with these little victories where you cave before she even has to say anything directly.
The “happy wife happy life” mantra taken as an advocation of reflexive appeasement doesn’t even achieve the intended goal.
YTA for canceling. If she doesn’t want to go, take the kids by yourself. Did she actually ask you to cancel? It feels like there’s some major context missing here. Either way, YTA for cancelling. Rebook it and go without her.
How do you get anything important done ever with such a staggering inability to communicate or plan. Your kids are going to talk about this BS you pulled for literal decades.
YTA. For enabling your wife’s world class selfishness and allowing her to put herself over the kids
YTA for canceling the trip AND being resentful towards your wife even though you did not feel like standing up for your decision to go out of laziness and wanting to minimize “conflict”
Say how you feel and stop thinking she can read your mind or the room and for the love of god, beg the host to let you rebook
ESH. It sounds like your wife communicates passive aggressively, and it sounds like you let her, and it sounds like your kids suffer for it (if only disappointment, but I doubt that).
YTA, dude grow some balls. You canceled a memory for your kids to make your lazy wife happy.
YTA bro why would you cancel it? She can stay home and you guys could go have fun. I don’t understand why you would do that to your kids.
YTA why did you cancel?
ESH.
Wife is because she’s stealing everyone’s joy because she doesn’t like the beach – guess what, she can stay home in a quiet house by herself!
OP is because he can’t be honest with himself and the kids and is using a cop out excuse to be the martyr.
Easy fix – wife stays home and boys and dad go on the trip.
“Happy wife happy life”
YTA and a fool because you don’t have a happy life at all yiu just ruined a vacation everyone else was excited for.
Wow, this is honestly pathetic. There is no good reason for you to have cancelled the beach vacation. You should have told your wife that she’s free to stay behind while you take the kids.
YOU should tell your kids that YOU cancelled the trip because that’s exactly what you did.
YTA. I don’t understand why you canceled. All she did was say that was the last day. Did she ask you to cancel? If she didn’t want to go, you could’ve taken the kids yourself since the three of you all wanted to go.
YTA to your kids. Go without her..
ESH. You could have gone without her. If she wants to stay home, fine. She can stay home by herself.
YTA for not putting up a stand for your kids who you implicitly promised this vacation to (you booked it), and then rescinded on.
They don’t care about the happy-wife-I’m-afraid-of-conflict argument; they will only remember ‘my dad says things then doesn’t do them’.
Also your a double YTA, for then having her explain it.
You are weak
ESH So why didn’t you take the kids yourself?
Your wife sucks because she’s selfish and would rather disappoint her kids so she can sit home. Yeah, you both suck.
BOTH of you sit down and tell the kids. BOTH of you because the fault lies with both of you. Poor kids.
Re-book it right now!!! What’s wrong with you?!?
YTA. There was nothing stopping you from taking the kids without her.
YTA! Wow, so 3 disappointed people, 2 of which are kids and who have been saving? Had it been a surprise for them, that would be one thing. It wasn’t. You and your wife are all too eager to disappoint your kids and negate their trust in you.Â
NTA. It was her idea to cancel. Let her take the heat from the kids.
YTA for canceling the trip. You deserve to be the one to let your kids down with the news. Grow a spine and stick up for your family
Edit. Did you even consult wife on family vacation? Or did you just book it? Then cancel? That’s an YTA moment as well.
Or maybe you booked it and told the kids and now mom is guilted into a vacation she doesn’t want either.
Is there nothing your wife and kids enjoy?
Is there only 1 vacation a year? So many questions and scenarios where YTA
Wife is probably happy to stay home by herself. Rebook and make memories with your boys.
ESH
No, but YTA for canceling it instead of telling your wife “the kids and I are very interested and excited to go, so that’s what we’re going to do. You can come with and we’d LOVE that, or you can stay home, which is also PERFECTLY FINE TO DO.” Let her know you understand, don’t be resentful, and tell her you’re going anyway because it’ll be a fun family outing for the kids. If she’s concerned about the money, that’s a her issue. It may lead to an argument later, but letting her ruin experiences for the kids is just a really good way to generate resentment all across the board.
And honestly, you kind of SHOULD be the one to tell the kids, because you let your wife passive-aggressively force your hand instead of sticking to it. That “happy wife, happy life” thing doesn’t work if she’s constantly manipulating you into giving up fun things that you and the rest of the family want to do.
I would’ve gone without her.
Still would even if it means it’s only going to be a day trip.
INFO: you surprised EVERYONE? like did you surprise your wife with this vacation as well?
ESH – you should not have cancelled. If she really didn’t want to go she could have stayed home. She is being selfies the cost of her own children’s happiness. You should not have given in to her crazy.
YTA. Don’t cancel. Have fun.
You are both jerks.
YTA for not leaving her at home and taking the kids yourself. You could manage 8 and 9 year olds solo.
NTA. I really don’t like this mother.
I think a lot of posters here don’t understand what he meant by the “happy wife happy life” thing. If you’ve never been around someone that purposely acts up to ruin everyone’s experience .. LOL you have no idea how bad it can get. So his options were, …
If he goes without her, she’s going to use this as ammunition later in a fight, or to trash talk him to relatives and friends (support systems are a thing!) .. social media .. everywhere she can. (I’d go without her though. I’ll take the arrows.)
If she goes with them, she’s going to complain and mope and pick fights every chance she gets. She’s going to ruin it for everyone – ON PURPOSE.
The third option is not go, but make her tell the kids it was because she simply doesn’t want to.
My take .. I would have told her “Look, this isn’t about you. This is about the kids and their childhood memories. Suck it up and don’t complain. Grow the F up woman. If you cannot promise to be on good behavior for the sake of the kids, you’re staying home.”
I would have posted a lot of pictures of the trip and if anyone asked, I’d just be honest. “She’s a major homebody and wanted to stay home”. I wouldn’t elaborate on it, I’d say “ask her”.
YTA. What awful parents your kids have. This has to be rage-bait. No one who loves their kids would do this to them.
ESH. What a terrible sounding marriage.
YTA for cancelling.
Your wife passive-aggressively got you to cancel. If you tell her she has to tell the boys, she’s going to flip it on you and say “I didn’t tell you to cancel, you cancelled. It’s your fault”.
She’s got you trained. And YTA even more for that.
ESH except your kids. I don’t understand why you didn’t keep the plans and go without her?
The heck? Just GO WITHOUT HER!
Why did you do that to yourself? You let her bug the kids the toys and now it’s being canceled for no reason other than she’d prefer not to?
That’s kind of evil tbh.
ESH- Your wife for her behavior, and for you not just taking the kids without her. Your poor kids are going to be crushed. You know they’ll be crushed and you didn’t even TRY to take them yourself and leave them at the home. Both of you are TA here.
YTA for canceling the trip. Wife is certainly an arse for “making” you cancel. Why couldn’t you go with the kids and leave the wet blanket home?
Oh dear. Another man who is terrified of his wife.
YTA
YTA to your children for cancelling their long-awaited vacation to please your troll of a wife. Are you guys banning laughter and happiness too
YTA and a spineless one at that. Good lord what’s the matter with you. Man up. Those poor kids.
ESH, but NTA for making her tell them. People need vacations, especially families. I would have just said you were taking the boys without her. Just because she doesn’t want to go, doesn’t mean others don’t. She was a huge AH for planning to cancel it. YTA for backing down and letting your wife control the happiness of your entire family and not even arguing. It was a 3 on 1 decision, but you let the one outweigh everyone’s wants. Tbh, depending on how upset I was, I would say she are going to talk to the boys together about it and see how they feel. The bottom line is she has no “real” reason for not going. She needs to grow up and understand that, in life, sometimes the best thing is sacrificing your happiness for others…
Info: do you two just… not communicate with each other?
She says “it’s the last day for a full refund” which is a weird statement with no context.
You assume she wants to cancel and ask no questions and cancel it. You resent her. Which is also just such a weird thing to do with no talking about it.
What is this “interpretive dance from afar” communication you have? Neither of you says anything and neither of you ask questions?! Is this only about vacations or is this how you always don’t talk to each other?
I’d be shocked if both of you don’t resent each other with how little you’re both trying to be understood.
YTA for canceling and for letting her have that much control. We ALL do things we may not want just so our kids can be happy and make memories. Your wife is selfish, so she’s an AH too (so I guess this is ESH) and if she has horrible anxiety that keeps her from being comfortable outside of home, then she needs therapy and medication. But yes – stop acting like a martyr and stand up for what you KNOW is right. Now you get to play the victim and she’s the bad guy, when in reality, you both suck.