I ( M38) left my wife ( Kelly F38) today. 5 years together. 4 married. I have battled her lack of boundaries about her family for the past 2 years. I understand that they are very close knit, but she never paid attention to how their dynamics affected our relationship. I experienced every “justnofamily” situation. My food was eaten, showing up uninvited, meddling, you name it. 9 months ago, MIL and FIL began divorce proceedings ( he cheated, fell “madly” in love with a side chick with whom he’s lived for the past 15 years, and he decided that he wants to get remarried). He kicked everyone out of the house. It was an emergency, so I agreed to help out. I so fucking regret it. I had to take 4 people in, but they couldn’t think to avoid constantly pissing me off.
I got sick of finding them using our private bathroom ( they had complete access to the other full bathroom by the hallway). SIL started taking naps on our bed which is creepy because a bed is too personal. I came home late and we had to wake her up and still waited for her to snap out of her groggy state so that she could walk out. It lasted for 3 months, but the problems persisted. No matter how many times I told my wife and even told them, they still showed up at random hours. Even if I didn’t run into them, I know she was allowing them to come over. I hated their presence. They would eat my snacks and get on my expensive recliner chair which again, they didn’t contribute a penny for. I had a mini orchard that they picked empty. Things got so tense that I blew at her in front of them. They left, we had a fight and I ended up sleeping in a hotel. I warned her many times about being fed up and needing her to support me. She acted like I was demanding that she abandoned her family.
Today, I came home to find her brother’s car blocking the entrance. Not on the side and not even on the driveway, just right in the middle where my only option would be to get on the lawn. I go inside and he’s laying with his shoes on the couch. He gave me this fresh smile like he’s untouchable. I went to our bedroom and packed as much of my belongings as possible and ignored her pleas to talk. There’s nothing else to talk about. I already called a few lawyers but haven’t received any replies yet. She cried, but at this point, I have no empathy. I don’t even know if I over reacted or if I needed to discuss this in private. I feel defeated and angry and I also hate her family with my soul. They knew they were hurting our relationship and they didn’t care. She knew that I’m a private person who hates being invaded. I helped them because I love her and I didn’t have the balls to let them go to sleep in their car. We don’t have kids, but there are so many things that will be left undone. I loved her so much, but I just can’t do this. She called me immediately after I left and I told her that my decision is final. She sounded shaken, but I told her that right now, I despise her and will never be able to sleep next to her again.
Sorry for any typos. I have a migraine right now. I’m just coming here because I just want to ask if leaving the way that I did was an asshole move and maybe I should have announced my intention of ending our marriage after her brother was gone.
Comments
Not much to say OP. NTA. You stated all the facts, she knew, her family knew. That is in no way for you to have to exist in your home. I’m glad you left.
NTA. If you get manipulated into staying now, you are in for a lifetime of coming in second to her family while being judged and laughed at for being the wet blanket bad guy.
While her family are presumptive leeches, they are only acting this way because your wife, who’s supposed to have your back, tells them to ignore your boundaries and that they are more important that you every day.
NTA
Everyone has their limit. You made your boundaries very clear, and she not only ignored them, she smashed them. Hopefully, you can either get some of your furniture from the house or get her out of the house and you backmin.
NTA consistently ignoring very reasonable boundaries isn’t going to make a successful marriage. You’ve already talked to her, alone and in front of her family, and she refuses to listen. She simply doesn’t care how you feel about it. Relationships require compromise which she seems to not understand. I’m really sorry.
As an introvert, I am wholly on your side. It takes energy just to have people in my space for a few hours and I would go barmy if it went on for weeks. The boundary stomping, invasion of my privacy, stealing and entitlement would have me in a red rage.
Your wife has walked all over your discomfort, ignored your needs and placed you at the bottom of her priorities. I would leave too.
NTA
She made her bed, literally, she can sleep in it with her shitty family
Go be happy and live your best OP
NTA. Your need for peace and no drama trumps their needs. You have a wife problem and is never going to get better. Good luck and move on in your life.
NTA – she has continuously chosen the comfort of her family over her husband, and then acts surprised that
You don’t bow down and kiss her family’s ass. They come in there abuse the privilege, evade your privacy and constantly violate boundaries. She is now going to see the FAFO moments of her life.
Updateme
NTA – Sorry Bro, you can only tell someone so many times. If they aren’t listening, then there’s not much else you could have done. She refused to set or enforce boundaries with her family. So yeah, she ended the marriage when she continually let them run roughshod over you.
Good Luck
NTA. I’m sorry. She chose them over and over again, and she’s not going to change.
NTA. I’d separate the fiances immediately.
Your wife allowed them to continuously cross boundaries. Your issue is with her. Not her family. Divorce seems like a natural step to constantly being disrespected by your partner. NTA.
NTA.
Sounds like you have given her plenty of notice, plenty of opportunities, plenty of warnings.
The last straw is NEVER a huge blow up. The last straw is usually something laying on the couch smiling, looking like he belongs there, because there is NO FUCKING RESPECT.
That’s all.
She’s let you know and they have let you know where you stand.
At the back of the line.
Im so sorry dude. But you gave her every chance to put you first, even if just a little and clearly even a little effort was too much to ask of her.
It always sucks to find out the person we thought we married wasn’t who they were at the end of the day.
Good luck
NTA. Divorcing her will bring you both what you desire: you – peace, her – her family. She just wants to talk so she can steamroll you into continuing a situation that makes you miserable and one that will continue throughout the course of your marriage. Fly free.
updateme
NTA She should have put up better boundaries with her family. I don’t like anyone coming over without calling first and I don’t like anyone in my bedroom. Hold firm and find someone who loves and respects you.
If she loved you, or cared for you, she’d have listened to what you were saying.
Instead she ignored you and has no one else to blame for her stupidly, ignorance and self centredness.
That brother knew what he was doing, her entire family knew you weren’t happy with what they were doing, because you told her in front of them the problem you were having, and if she had a shred of common sense she’d realise that.
You already talked, she didn’t care, she paid no regards to you, your words and emotional state. Instead she put everyone else first and you last, disregarded.
I hope you find someone who loves and deserves you, because you shouldn’t be ignored or disregarded.
NTA.
NTA
Im sorry you were forced to take nuclear option. You really, truly didnt have choice but divorce terrible.
Hire an attorney ASAP. Soon to be ex wife can communicate with your legal representative from now on.
NTA
Your problem was never her family. It was always your wife.
You reached the end of the road.
UpdateMe
NTA, you were uncomfortable. Your wife didn’t have your back.
I want to know the brothers reaction to you saying you were leaving her in front of him. Come on, DETAILS
I think the way you did it was the only way it would register. And I despise your wife too. Nothing will change. Get out and stay out.
NTA.
UpdateMe!
Boundaries are important – if they’re violated often enough and long enough it can be soul destroying. NTA
NTA, boundaries are important and yours are not respected. I think your right that they know this is hurting your relationship, they just don’t care. Good luck on your second act.
NTAH
in what name is the house?
NTA and you should even contact the FIL and go, “Dude….. I get it.”
NTA. How many chances did you give her? How many times did you tell her. If she truly gave a fuck she would have woken up. Honestly her family sound like a complete nightmare and she clearly enjoys the circus. Fuck that. Choose peace over being violated every day of your life with your wife being a willing participant.
NTA, she’s too enmeshed with them to see how it was really affecting you, until you actually followed through and left. All this time, she was thinking “I put up with it, so you will too”. Enmeshment is tough for people to break out of, when it’s all they’ve ever known and any other way of being feels wrong and like a punishment. She needs therapy to help her see how much her family is actually hurting her. I’m sorry it came to this, don’t go back.
NTA. They all disrespected your boundaries and took advantage of you over and over again. Your wife picked her family over you again and again. The patterns are clear and it won’t ever change, so you need to leave. Just because she wants to be a doormat, doesn’t mean you have to be one too.
NTA. When you gotta go, you gotta go. You could have blown up at him, or her. You could have done a hundred azzhole things that you didn’t do. [I once moved out, with movers, while partner slept through it.]
If you had waited til bro was gone, there would have been another reason and another.
It’s sad to me that more people do not understand you don’t just marry a person, you marry their whole family. It’s worth investigating them prior, to ensure you get along. Too many people think love will overcome everything.
NTA
She’s a people please trying to help and her family knowingly and maliciously drove you two apart.
She needs to put her foot down with her family.
That sucks and I’m so sorry.
Misery loves company.
NTA, the brother’s smile said it all – they enjoy tormenting you and have no respect for your marriage at all. Your wife brought this on herself.
Hope the divorce isn’t too acrimonious.
Nta. She picked him over yalls marriage. That’s on her.
NTA I can’t think of a worse decision than leaving your house. They’re still gonna be there and they’ll probably trash it even more because you know she won’t kick them out. Go back there kick all those bums to the curb and have her go to a hotel or sleep in another room. I can’t imagine why you’d leave your home.
NTA but i suspect she is so used to their lack of boundaries she doesn’t even recognize it. And it sounds like they know what they’re doing. Everything thing you say about her is in past tense. It sounds like you are ready to move on.
NTA
NTA. Please go back and get the recliner chair.
It doesn’t really matter if you’re the asshole or not. I think it sounds as if you’re done. That’s the fact. Pointing fingers and trying to determine whose fault it was is pointless. It’s like water under a bridge.
NTA-Please have the strength, self pride & guts to walk away from this toxic mess. She chose her family & always will-you need to accept that. Please move on and start healing. I truly hurt for you reading this-good luck OP!
Naw, NTA. Double down, turn the knife and tell your ex that she caused the breakup because she prioritized her brother et al over her MARRIAGE. Force the sale of the house so none of them have a place to live.
NTA So sorry friend. You have done the only rational thing. I hope you find future happiness. Stand firm.
You don’t disrespect someone in their own home. Good on you NTA
Some comments below telling you that you over reacted etc are just dumb. You helped them out enough
How friggin old are her siblings? I can’t believe that her dad’s divorce resulted in FOUR people having to move in with you?
NTA. It sounds like this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and that this was bound to happen considering her relationship with her family.
Hell no… NTA
Joint accounts if any empty. Hopefully you don’t own property but if you do please get back in there so getting an attorney is imperative! You fortunately didn’t mention children so that should make the divorce much easier. If the attorneys you contacted don’t respond call other ones. With this kind of family dynamics you are describing you need to protect your assets and your mental health. Good luck and get the hell out of this
NTA. Not even a tiny bit. Take her to the cleaners.
I’m sorry abiut your orchard too. For some reason, that stung me.
NTA there’s no short term fix for this. The most I’d consider is whether she can show her commitment long term while you are separated/living apart by unfucking the house of her family’s presence and maintaining a commitment to put your needs first while going to therapy, but yeah it sounds like she only does enough to get you to come around and then goes right back to doing what she wants. So might not be worth it unless you still feel very attached to her.
She and her family ignored every boundary u made. NTA.
At least there’s no kids involved, I’m a very private person also and I also need my space, I think you coped pretty well for how long it went on. NTA. They don’t respect you or your boundaries she only has herself and her family to blame.
Looks like all of them will be finding a new place to crash since the lease is in your name. Reclaim it all including that great recliner
NTA
If they piss you off that much, it’s about THAT time to leave. I gave my ex-gf 9 months to set things right and they didn’t. I left…. best thing I ever could’ve done for my well being.
> I also hate her family with my soul
NTA. You laid out boundaries repeatedly and none of them could maintain those boundaries. Idk what else you could have done to be honest, you gave them a lot of chances to change behavior.
How you broke the news doesn’t really matter. You’ve decided it’s over, end of that. It really sounds like her family didn’t respect you (they probably don’t respect anyone) despite you communicating healthy boundaries and your wife enabled her family to continue this way. I think her family sounds like a bunch of leeches. And more importantly, you didn’t feel backed by your partner. Personally, I would have tried counseling first but you sound sure you’re over this. And you did give your wife plenty of hints of your discomfort. She clearly didn’t care enough to change. Not much else to say. Hopefully you guys can divorce quickly and start new chapters in your lives.
NTA. She made her bed she can lay in it. But I would have picked up the brother and tossed him out the door on my way out just for giggles
You absolutely did the right thing.
NTA i hope you have a good therapist
Man you have endured A LOT! I admire your patience but you’re NTA for that. You might have fucked up with your last conversation where you told your wife that you despise her and that you will never be able to sleep next to her again, that was harsh and gives her family ammo to call you the villain now. Good luck getting an amicable divorce.
However, I do hope you divorce her. She prioritized her family over your marriage and you’ve talked to her time and time again about the situation(s), the ball has been in her court for far too long. She can cry all her crocodile tears at her folks house. (Now I understand why her father kicked all of them out of his house. Bunch of uncivilized disrespectful freeloaders.)
Updatedme
Give her one last chance: Have HER kick them all out and to not come back unless you specifically gave them permission to come over or be there.
NTA! Your wife has ALLOWED her extended family to walk all over you and disrespect y’all’s marriage, home, and marital bed!
***I say extended family, because once you get married, your spouse becomes your immediate family! Everyone else falls to the back seat. Yes. They still matter. But they’re not supposed to be on the same level as your spouse and y’all’s kids. Although, I understand that y’all don’t have any. But hopefully you get what I’m saying.
You gave her plenty of chances to stand beside you in your efforts to get those sticky boogers out of y’all’s home for good. But instead, by doing or saying nothing on your behalf, she sided with THEM.
So unless she can grow a spine and remove those lazy squatters from y’all’s home, you should just follow through with the divorce. Because the brother already knows his sister (your wife) probably won’t do/say anything to him or the SIL.
Crappy situation. But honestly, I think that the writing’s already on the wall. Good luck.
If the lease is in your name, you need to get all of them out of there before they absolutely trash the place. Call the police for an escort if you have to.
While I think it unreasonable to tell her that she can NEVER have them over, I agree that until boundaries are set AND enforced, you are very right to be mad that your BIL was there. Did you and your wife ever try couples counseling? Is there something you’re willing to try now or are you past the point of no return?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP. NTA
You sacked up pal. Family is a bitch. Sometimes it’s yours. Sometimes it’s theirs. At the end of the day your relationship couldn’t survive those external stressors.
I can’t blame you for your choices. Hopefully, this is a learning experience for everyone involved or at least for yourself. Good luck and God bless.
Your bil knew what he was doing here. This was a calculated choice to win a pissing contest over the house. You were supposed to be forced into submission and it backfired.
Doesn’t sound like your wife or any of these family members work since they are in your house all day gorging themselves on snacks they don’t pay for.
Throw some garbage out on the lawn, they should scurry after it like the little trash pandas they are, then change the locks.
Nta. On a serious note, your wife had plenty warning that this was a problem and choose to keep disrespecting you in favor of her mangy relatives.
Do what you gotta do.
However next time date longer than a year. Did you know how intrusive her family was during the year yall dated?
If so, not sure why you thought it’d change. If not, then like I said, date longer than a year.
Also, definitely not the AH.
I’d lose my mind if someone was sleeping in my bed! Fuckin who do you think you are there Goldielocks?!
Please pleas please OP show her this post, her family is going to be whispering in her ear now that they think they’d “won” and you need to show her that literally everyone except them knows she was in the wrong.
Edit:NTA
Protect your assets and whatever items you own. Her family has proven many times that they’ll do whatever they want and full take advantage of you.
Two questions : Is your wife the oldest? The next one : Is her family culturally Asian?
It was stressful just reading what you’ve been through. I can’t imagine living through all of that in such a short amount of time. What you need is some PEACE. Breathe in through your nose & out through your mouth. Take care of yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
NTA. I’m glad y’all don’t have kids to put in the mix of this. Good for you for getting out now.
NTA- But definitely get a lawyer if you own the house. If it is your house you need to return to it and make her leave.
You made a boundary, she violated it by continuing to put their comfort over yours. NTA
NTA. Sounds like you’ve discussed the issue numerous times and nothing changed. You left rather suddenly, but I can see how the brother’s smirk while laying on your couch was the end of the line for you. Your wife chose to ignore your wants and needs.
NTA bro…marriages can’t survive without mutual respect. Sorry this happened to you 😢
Yeah, when you’re communicating to her over and over it’s too much and she acts like it abandoning her family, that’s just willful disregard. Take care, stay sane, cool off too.
Probably NTA- this has been going on for 2 years????? If it was a few weeks, fair enough. 2 years is crazy. And I tolerate a lot of crazy.
Go back home, throw her out
Sleeping in your bed!!!!!!! I would’ve woken her up with an airhorn and a weapon.
Good for you !!! Been there done that e that did not look back ! You should not fell like the crap under the door mat In your own home !!!!!
NTA. You warned her about their presence being too much on you and she didn’t listen. If you go back to her, it will just happen again.
NTA, your wife will have to lay in the bed she let her sister nap in.
Seems like she’s incapable or unwilling to stand up to her family. I can’t help but wonder if she’s actually this enmeshed with her family or if she’s the just the “doormat” of the family. NTA.
NTA
Far from it. Everyone has a limit. You did the right thing
NTA. Helping her family is fine , but when they start to abuse your hospitality and goodwill.
Updateme
Updateme! Also, good on you for finally standing up for yourself and removing yourself from her toxic family and lack of boundaries. NTA!
My batteries drain so fast in stress. NTA.
This whole thing sounds like a shit show and she knew you hated it, there were so many chances and she let it slide to the detriment of her marriage.
I came from an incredibly close knit family. My husband was uncomfortable with how they used me, overstepped their bounds, spoke to me, and controlled me.
It took a little while to see for myself that my relationship with my family was toxic. I honestly never knew any better.
However, I had an eye opening experience when my mom told me, “some conversations should be left between the family.” I responded, “You are now my extended family. My husband is my immediate family. If I keep anyone out of the loop it will be my extended family.”
My mother wanted to have us take her in when she is old and retired. I stood my ground and told her no. She has a large family. My husband and I will be moving 8,000 miles away soon.
The trouble you are having here, OP, is that your wife does not care about your wellbeing, happiness, or your comfort. She has put her family first too many times. It is simply too late.
Besides, she will never choose you over her family of her own free will. If, and that’s a huge if, she chooses to put you first…she will resent you. You married someone that does not understand you to be her family now.
I think it is time to leave as well. She never cared enough to even consider your point of view. She sure listened to her family’s every work, provided for her family’s every need, and you just fell to the wayside.
NTA
Honestly, I hate cheaters but I don’t have any negative feelings for FIL if the rest of the family acts like this. NTA Op
NTA
She played a stupid game and now she’s won a stupid prize.
You were 100% right to do it that way. I can assure you if she promises things will be different from now on, it’ll last a couple weeks at best. It’s who she is and it’s who they are.
Go live the life you deserve and makes you happy. This was a no brainer.
NTA. You repeatedly stated your boundaries and she repeatedly allowed her family to trample all over them.
I do feel a bit sorry for her. It sounds like her family has no respect for anyone. She had 33 years of this before she met you. She is probably struggling to change those habits.
But you should NOT have left your house. You just basically gave HER BROTHER your house. You need to go back there and tell her that it’s YOUR home, and if she chooses her family SHE should leave. Why give them what they have wanted all along?
All she had to do is set reasonable expectations and boundaries with her family which she chose not to do. You tried to work it out but she continued to let her family trample all over your relationship.
NTA and I hope you can find a good lawyer to get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible.
NTA. We are often in here supporting wives who need their husbands to hold boundaries with his family. The same also goes for husbands that need wives to hold boundaries with her family. Leaving is the best thing to do.
You warned her and warned her finally you have to draw a line
NTA, at all. I said it once, I’ll say it again, the close-knit cult-like families are disastrous. She’s the only asshole for putting her family before you, her husband.
NTA – As someone who tolerated far too much in-law BS for over 30 years you are wise to walk now. It’ll never end. You’ve already done so much more than you ever should have had to, and somehow it still isn’t enough. It’s about loving yourself.
Updateme!
OMG their complete lack of boundaries is weird, creepy and astounding. Using your bathroom and sleeping in your bed? Just randomly turing up and lying on your couch?
Their behavior seems not just crossing boundaries but deliberately provocative. Why else would someone sleep in your bed when they had their own? Use your bathroom when they had their own? Are you sure that it wasn’t a deliberate plan to drive you out?
You HAVE talked to her. You have talked to her repeatedly & she refuses to set boundaries.
You both have to compromise when it comes to families but from what you noted this is not a normal, busy body family situation. Sleeping in your bed, invading your personal space, disrespecting your home by blocking your access & laying about with shoes on the couch. All way beyond normal.
If you love her & think there is ANY chance to work it out, make therapy and strict rules for their presence non-negotiable. You have not asked her to cut them off or not see them. You asked that your space be respected. If she cannot do that, then divorce is the only option.
NTA
People that ignore your repeated pleas for help resolving the discomfort they are causing don’t love you. Good riddance.
Why are you leaving? Kick them all out. NTA
As an introvert that greatly values my space and privacy, this was hard to read. I hope you very soon get some distance and can truly make your own peace. I know you have to be all over the place right now, but I think you will much sooner than later realize just how much you were sacrificing – your relief and sanity may overcome most of your sadness over the divorce.
Enjoy this next chapter in life, you deserve it.
I hope you didn’t legally “abandon” your house because that can give her a greater share in the divorce. Go hire a lawyer asap and follow their instructions.
Freeze your credit and credit cards. Open a new bank account at a different bank in your name only and route your direct deposit there. Get a safety deposit box and put your valuables, documents, a credit card and cash in it.
Document everything you can (texts, etc). Follow their instructions instructions of your lawyer. Best wishes to you!
Don’t leave the house. The family will take over and encourage her to make your life hell and destroy the house and force evictions.
NTA
I hope you enjoy the peace from finally setting your boundary. Your situation would be a relationship killer for most people. You did the best thing you could do for yourself.
Sounds like the damage is done OP. It sucks and would be extremely painful but in the long run it will be for the best. At best you might be able to maintain a friendship but all in all those boundaries have been shattered. Good luck brother, be strong. 💪 🧡
You need to regain control of the house and kick her out. You also need to gain control of all the bank accounts so she can’t drain the dry. Get any and all important papers, assets, mementos, etc. in a secured place ASAP.
With you outside the house, she’s very likely to give away all of your belongings to the freeloading family. Or freeloading family will just take them without asking and you’ll never see them again even if you and wife reconcile.
Ot sounds like you were clear as a bell beforehand. NTA.
Probably the biggest AHs are her family. Not your problem anymore.
Family resets when you get married. The new family needs to come first. The old family needs to come second. If she never accepted that, your relationship never had a chance. Unfortunately, the sort of pleasing family behavior your wife exhibits stems from unaddressed childhood family trauma.
NTA
NTA Don’t abandon your home for this trash.
Congratulations, you have unlocked a lot of peace in your life.
Unfortunate when the people we love choose to be agents of destruction in our own lives. But the level of manipulation in that family is not compatible with the future you envision for yourself.
Prepare for nerves of steel and ask yourself if you really want to be here, a year from now complaining about coming into your kitchen after a hard day and one of your selfish inlaws has eaten the ribeye you were saving. The amount of gaslighting you’re about to experience will be next level. You’ll be made to feel like you’re being selfish, she’s the victim too, she doesn’t even like her family, it’ll never happen again, you’re over receiving, “you’re really going to throw our future away?”, “I thought you loved me but I guess I just loved you more because I would never do this to us,” and so on.
You’ve dealt with too much of this. Enjoy the chapter of peace and stability that is waiting for you.
Nta. You set boundaries, they set them on fire, on purpose.
NTA. Those people definitely are related to the FIL, and none of them are going to get any better.
That smile from the brother. Wow. You exercised Herculean restraint not tearing into him, and instead did the best thing for your future and well being by concentrating on the only important thing: Getting the righteous fuck outta there.
We need you to keep us posted, my friend.
And you did well. She didn’t take you serious enough to do something about her family situation. Now’s too late. She learned a valuable lesson tho.
This is really upsetting. Sorry OP. You did the right thing. Good luck to you.
Maybe now you know why her father got a new wife and kicked them out in the first place
She broke your marriage.
You’re just finally leaving.
You know and all these commenters know: you will never be able to feel respected, loved, or wanted in this relationship with your wife because she has made it clear that your needs and wants will never be more important to her than her family.
She has made her decision.
It is totally reasonable to react to that pattern of behavior by being clear with yourself, her, and her family that you’re done.
Please don’t second guess yourself. Never go back.
NTA.
“People don’t change until they have to and by then, it’s often too late” short video
NTA. My uncle went through the same thing. My aunt (ex aunt?) is from a large family and she gave all of them keys to their house. Her brothers, sisters, mother would show up at random times, would eat their food and leave a mess, etc. My uncle put up with it all because he loved her. If he planned a vacation with his wife and two sons, a cousin, his MIL, SIL or BIL would tag along on his dime. He finally had enough and divorced her.
NTA – I’m so sorry
Updateme
Honestly, that was probably the BEST thing you could have done. I would have been ripping BIL’s shoes off, even if his feet came off with them, or smacked the smirk off his face.
Apparently today I’m choosing violence on behalf of others. It makes me SO mad when partners don’t have one another’s backs. Mine certainly never did.
Sounds like quite the circus of moochers and sadly your wife they are abusing her not giving a damn about how this is going to mess her life up! What a sad situation! But I agree, enough is enough!
NTA…she didn’t care that her family was disrespecting you and your home. She cared more about their feelings and wellbeing than her husband’s. Good riddance. People that are like this with family are almost always impossible to be around.
Better cut her off before yall got kids together. She clearly dont give a shit bout you and shes tied to a whole baggage. NTA
I would check the laws where you live. I think in some areas of the US if you sleep away from the home for x number of nights you “abandoned it” which could suck for division of assets.
But yeah, NTA. it sounds like she’s been allowing her family to terrorize you in your own home and you finally snapped.
NTA.
She chose to be her family doormat, you told her your boundaries and she disrespected them numerous times.
NTA. You set boundaries and she ignored them.
NTA. My one concern is you vacating the premises. While I understand the desire and need to just distance yourself from her/them, it could bite you in a divorce. I would move back in ASAP, get a lawyer and say/do nothing until you are ready to file. If her people show up, tell them they are not welcome and ask them to leave. If they don’t, call the cops.
NTA
She didn’t respect your feelings the first time, she won’t respect them at all. A wife is a partner, she should choose you above anyone else like she chose to be with you in the first place. Her family will always walk over you because she is letting them.
Separate your finances, go low contact and start looking into a divorce. Your marriage is over..
NTA. I’ve been in a similar situation. It’s fucking heartbreaking and crazy making.
Good for you, OP. Your wife made her choice (over and over and over again).
I’d be such a lunatic 5 minutes to that nonsense they’d all run… sorry you went through this. Actual adults don’t use a sibling’s home as a flop house. Eeeww.
With you gone they will be there 24/7. Is the house yours as well?
You poor guy. I feel your rage, and believe it is justified. You will find someone who loves you, listens to you, and respects your boundaries. NTA
She allowed her family to disrespect her property, her marriage and her husband.
She’s going to lose the lot and then her family will ignore her as she has nothing left for them to take.
Some doormats learn the hard way that being a doormat seems like the easy option but it never is.
NTA, and see a lawyer as soon as possible. They may advise you to move back into the property.
>maybe I should have announced my intention of ending our marriage after her brother was gone.
She wanted her family to be intimately involved in her marriage, she got exactly that. NTA
NTA. You had your boundaries and your wife did not respect or help enforce them. She’s supposed to have your back not allowing her family members to walk all over your boundaries ESPECIALLY in your own home. Honestly, idk why they didn’t just stay in a hotel. Housing her siblings is not your responsibility and you do not have to stay in a marriage where your own spouse doesn’t respect you. Your home is supposed to be your safe place.