Context: I (26F) am still living at home with my parents and sister (20F). I’m currently studying at uni for my master’s degree while working a part time job.
I’m also on the spectrum, which is something my mum still struggles to accept. The last time she talked about my condition, she put emphasis on how mild it was. She also does some very annoying things. For example, sometimes I try to communicate with hand gestures when I can’t find the right words quickly, and when I do it my mum often copies my gestures in an exaggerated way and I think it’s extremely offensive and childish. I’ve asked her to stop multiple times but she’s always refused, saying there’s nothing wrong with it.
Now, onto the actual story: I’m currently learning how to drive. It’s not exactly something I want, I find it extremely stressful and scary, but my mum forced me to. Last weekend, I had a very stressful session with her. I arrived at an intersection and I didn’t see a car that was coming because a row of parked cars were blocking my view. We didn’t crash, but it was extremely stressful and I wanted to stop after that. We stopped at a parking lot and I told her I wanted to stop driving for the day because I was too stressed out. She looked at me like I was joking and ignored my request. We returned to the car and I resumed driving. A few minutes later, we arrived at another intersection and I had to stop on a slope. I struggled to get the car to start again and I slid backwards a little, almost hitting the car behind me who honked at me. I managed to get the car to move eventually and crossed the intersection, but by that point I desperately wanted to stop driving and I told my mum, who gave me directions for the closest parking lot.
This is where I might be the asshole. As soon as I parked, I grabbed my headphones and I spent a minute or so looking at the trees around the parking lot while turning away from my mum, trying to calm down and process everything. When I looked back at my mum, she had an angry expression on her face and said: “What was that about?”. I told her I just needed alone time. She proceeded to explain to me the mistakes I made at the intersection and asked me if I wanted to continue driving after the break. I told her I wanted to go home so she started driving, but when she asked me if I was sure I wanted to go home, I said no, so she stopped on the side of the road and we had a discussion in the car, where she told me that my behaviour in the parking lot was unacceptable, that wearing my headphones and turning away from her was something 3yo kids do. I told her I only did it because I needed alone time. She said I could have said it, to which I replied that I couldn’t because in the moment I was too shocked to speak. After that, I ended up driving a bit longer and apologising to my mum for my behaviour in the parking lot because I felt that maybe I did act a little childish.
So Reddit, AITA for the way I reacted in the parking lot?
Edited to add: I also practice with a professional instructor, not just my mum
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
Context: I (26F) am still living at home with my parents and sister (20F). I’m currently studying at uni for my master’s degree while working a part time job.
I’m also on the spectrum, which is something my mum still struggles to accept. The last time she talked about my condition, she put emphasis on how mild it was. She also does some very annoying things. For example, sometimes I try to communicate with hand gestures when I can’t find the right words quickly, and when I do it my mum often copies my gestures in an exaggerated way and I think it’s extremely offensive and childish. I’ve asked her to stop multiple times but she’s always refused, saying there’s nothing wrong with it.
Now, onto the actual story: I’m currently learning how to drive. It’s not exactly something I want, I find it extremely stressful and scary, but my mum forced me to. Last weekend, I had a very stressful session with her. I arrived at an intersection and I didn’t see a car that was coming because a row of parked cars were blocking my view. We didn’t crash, but it was extremely stressful and I wanted to stop after that. We stopped at a parking lot and I told her I wanted to stop driving for the day because I was too stressed out. She looked at me like I was joking and ignored my request. We returned to the car and I resumed driving. A few minutes later, we arrived at another intersection and I had to stop on a slope. I struggled to get the car to start again and I slid backwards a little, almost hitting the car behind me who honked at me. I managed to get the car to move eventually and crossed the intersection, but by that point I desperately wanted to stop driving and I told my mum, who gave me directions for the closest parking lot.
This is where I might be the asshole. As soon as I parked, I grabbed my headphones and I spent a minute or so looking at the trees around the parking lot while turning away from my mum, trying to calm down and process everything. When I looked back at my mum, she had an angry expression on her face and said: “What was that about?”. I told her I just needed alone time. She proceeded to explain to me the mistakes I made at the intersection and asked me if I wanted to continue driving after the break. I told her I wanted to go home so she started driving, but when she asked me if I was sure I wanted to go home, I said no, so she stopped on the side of the road and we had a discussion in the car, where she told me that my behaviour in the parking lot was unacceptable, that wearing my headphones and turning away from her was something 3yo kids do. I told her I only did it because I needed alone time. She said I could have said it, to which I replied that I couldn’t because in the moment I was too shocked to speak. After that, I ended up driving a bit longer and apologising to my mum for my behaviour in the parking lot because I felt that maybe I did act a little childish.
So Reddit, AITA for the way I reacted in the parking lot?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I reacted to my mum in a way that might have been childish and rude.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Autism or not, it’s normal to want to ground yourself after nearly crashing. NTA
NTA – You communicated that you needed to stop for the day, and she wouldn’t hear you. It’s normal for anyone to need a break after something like that, even more if you’re on the spectrum.
Your mom wants to browbeat you into being neurotypical. You’re not, and that’s okay. Many autistic adults struggle with driving, some are unable to drive at all because of how it affects their sensory issues. I’m your age and even now I’m only able to drive to the stores and locations within a few miles of my home.
If driving is something you want/need to do because public transportation isn’t available to you or you think you might be able to drive small distances, you’d be better learning from a driving instructor and not your mom. If you have other options like public transportation or biking or something else you can rely on, don’t feel pressured to get a license.
100% nta. But explaining what led you to this might help. You needed to calm down after what sounds like a very stressful experience. Hopefully explaining what you were going through will help a bit. Good luck.
Dude, no, NTA. Driving is scary, and I’m surprised your mom is being so insensitive, but maybe that makes sense. The mocking is honestly not even mocking but borderline bullying.
I’ve been driving for years, and a few months ago I almost ran somebody over because I couldn’t see them for a number of reasons. I stopped the car for 5 to 10 minutes and was late to work because I was shaking from how close of a call that was.
Also, it sounds like you’re driving a car with a manual transmission and not an automatic. I can say from experience learning on a manual is no easy feat, but if you get the hang of it you’ll be an excellent driver. That being said, whenever i was teaching somebody how to drive stick I intentionally avoided going up hills because of the chance of rollback, we can learn that later after you’ve gotten the hang of it. So an additional asshole moment for your mom, albeit much more mild than the rest of this.
ESH: let me explain
Your mom sounds like she’s from an older generation that doesn’t understand mental illnesses or Autism. So instead of trying to understand you she thinks your mannerisms are jokes. She probably shouldn’t have forced you to keep driving but if she’s anything like my mom she probably just doesn’t want you to continuously rely on other people for your daily needs.
You however were definitely an AH when you put your headphones on and turned away. I understand needing a minute to process an accident but you shouldn’t have put your headphones in, to your mom that was just rude and disrespectful. I understand autism works in different ways but I think that you could have maybe handled that interaction better.
I hope things get better for you
NTA. By now, your mom should be familiar with the need to turn away and refocus. I agree that you do need to learn to drive – in many places, it’s essential for independence — but maybe your mom isn’t the best one to teach you.
I say this as someone who is a terrible teacher. 😀 I accept my limitations, and always make sure that I’m up front about this if someone asks me to teach them something, or I’m asked to train someone.
Good luck. I hope that driving gets better for you as you have more practice, and I hope your Mom will be more understanding and work with you to find your comfort level.
NTA. Autism Mom here. I’m so sorry you deal with this. Your mother should be learning about autism. Not running from it. Ignoring doesn’t make cease to exist.