Hi,
I (23F) reconnected with an old high school friend (also 23F) about a year ago after we lost contact for five years. Back then, we were really close, but lately I’ve been feeling like she’s taking advantage of me.

She reached out to me shortly after her previous friend group cut her off; At the time, she didn’t have many friends. Over the past year, I’ve made a lot of progress in life – especially in terms of building a strong network – while she hasn’t really grown much herself regarding many things. I was really happy that she reached out because we knew each other since 7th grade and spent our whole teenager time together.

Since reconnecting, I’ve taken her to exclusive events through my well-connected friends, invited her on expensive trips (which I could arrange thanks to those connections), and introduced her to my social circle. She’s now friends with many of my friends, and we spend nearly every weekend at nice places, having a good time. But despite all of this, I often feel disrespected and unappreciated.

Here are some examples:

Once, I got invited to my ex’s birthday party. I let her come along, but I explained that this was an important event for me – his entire family and a lot of high-status people would be there, so I really wanted to make a good impression. She ended up getting completely wasted, made out all night with one of his best friends in front of everyone, and later lost her virginity to him. I felt humiliated because her behavior reflected back on me. She did apologize the next day, but still – it was a really uncomfortable situation.

Lately, she’s been showing a lack of gratitude. For example, I invited her to come to Ibiza with a close friend of mine – she had told me it was her dream to go there. But after hearing which friend would join us, she said she’d prefer if I invited someone else she only met once through me instead, because she likes them more. This has happened several times – whenever I suggest a trip, she insists that we bring certain people she only knows through me along because it’s “more fun with them.” I’ve explained multiple times that I’m not that close with those people and would feel awkward, but she never seems to care. It makes me feel like I’m not enough on my own, like I’m just a bridge to other people she’d rather be with.

Last night, we went to a party where a guy I had a past with was also attending – I told her about him. Today, she told me they talked a lot, he seems to like her, and they exchanged contact info. She also exchanged numbers with another guy who literally told me yesterday that he’d punch me if I were a man (because of a harmless joke I made about his dog). That really hurt me. I admit, I know how to navigate social circles and I enjoy networking, but I’d never put that above loyalty to a friend. I’d never go after someone my friend had history with, or try to befriend someone who disrespected them.

Looking back, I’ve realized how much she’s gained from being around me over the last year. Half of her followers are people she met through me. Every exciting experience she’s had recently was something I initiated. She used to look up to the kinds of people I’m friends with and now that’s her whole social life. On top of that, she’s started copying everything I do: she shops at the same places, dates guys I’d be interested in, her Instagram looks almost identical to mine. It just feels like she’s been upgrading her life through me and when I ask myself what I’ve gained from this friendship, the answer is basically nothing. Sure, we’ve had fun and supported each other emotionally, but those are things I gave her too. That’s just basic friendship but now our friendship seems kind of superficial.
A year ago, she had no friends, barely left the house, and had no experience with networking or social circles. Now she’s living her best life and I feel like I’ve been drained in the process. This isn’t even the first time this has happened. I tend to befriend girls who don’t have many friends, try to ‚help‘ them, and end up getting used.

So, am I the asshole for thinking about ending this friendship? It just feels like it’s only benefitting her while pulling me down.