My 6 yo son is in the wedding party. All my nieces, nephews, mom, sister, and aunts flew in to go to a niece’s wedding. There was nothing planned the morning of, so I invited everyone to my hotel room for a brunch to get together, and also sing happy birthday to my son.
My sister (mom of the bride) is livid that I would choose to host a gathering that she and her 2 daughters (bride and sister) wouldn’t be able to come to. She said it showed her and her family disrespect. AITA?
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My 6 yo son is in the wedding party. All my nieces, nephews, mom, sister, and aunts flew in to go to a niece’s wedding. There was nothing planned the morning of, so I invited everyone to my hotel room for a brunch to get together, and also sing happy birthday to my son.
My sister (mom of the bride) is livid that I would choose to host a gathering that she and her 2 daughters (bride and sister) wouldn’t be able to come to. She said it showed her and her family disrespect. AITA?
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> Action: hosting a brunch get together the morning of my nieces wedding.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You’re fine.
Not the asshole
He’s 6. So it’s ok for him to feel special
Your sister sounds egoistic and fairly surprised she has time to worry about all this at her daughters weddding
NTA. It’s nice that you were able to figure out a way to make him feel special on a day where the primary focus was someone else’s happiness.
NTA. You had a meal and sang Happy Birthday to a little boy. That’s not a party; it’s not even an event.
NTA. Your sister is jealous of a six year old getting to feel special on his own birthday? What an insecure asshole
omg i kinda get both sides but also like… it was literally just a BRUNCH?? and your son’s birthday is a big deal too. u didn’t force anyone to come and it wasn’t like you threw it over the wedding or anything. i’d say maybe just reassure your sister it wasn’t about disrespect and you just wanted to celebrate your kid before the chaos of the wedding
NTA, he’s 6. birthdays are a huge deal to kids + it’s not like you held a massive party in the same venue hall as the wedding. you all had brunch (would have needed to eat anyway) and people sang happy birthday (does not distract in any way from the wedding happening later).
you’re fine. they can sing happy birthday to him later, and they wouldn’t have been able to join a group brunch anyway.
your sister sounds a little hangry and stressed imo. cut her some slack, but dont let her shame you for this, she has better things to be doing on her daughter’s wedding day
Info: was the wedding on your son’s actual birthday, or was his birthday around the time week of the wedding and you wanted the party that morning because everyone was in town?
If the former, NTA. If the latter, slightly YTA, you could have done it the morning after the wedding.
Also, it sounds like your sister and niece care a lot about you and your son and would want to be there. That’s not a bad thing
NTA this sounds like a sweet little get-together before the festivities. You are not stealing the spotlight. You had breakfast and sang happy birthday. Just ignore your sister.
NTA
Unfortunately once a person is born their birthday is set on the calendar in perpetuity. If your niece didn’t want a cousin having a birthday on her wedding day she could have scheduled her wedding for a day that is not his birthday.
NTA – she should be thanking you for organizing an activity for those who weren’t busy in the morning. It’s unfortunate the couldn’t come, but it did not take the focus off the main reason everyone was there.
NTA – goodness, he’s six! It’s nice you arranged for him to have a special time on his birthday.
NTA, an impromptu celebration BD brunch for a 6 year old wasn’t disrespectful as it didn’t encroach on any wedding events.
Also there was nothing stopping the sister or her daughters from popping in for a minute to wish the child a happy birthday.
NTA-at my wedding we brought out a birthday cake and sang happy birthday to one of my ex-husband‘s nephews. it was his seventh birthday. As someone whose birthday is right next to Christmas I know how important it is to be celebrated on your day.
Was your sons birthday the exact same day as the wedding?
Can I ask what time the wedding was to start and what time your brunch was?
Ask your sister if she would have preferred your son not to get any birthday thing at all? Now that sounds really selfish to me.
Well I think you should have had a conversation with them about it before you planned it – but to be mad over a 6 yo having a small party is a little ridiculous ESH
INFO: what time was the party, what time did the wedding start, who did you invite that was involved in the wedding (e.g. wedding party or family and included in day-of activity), and was that day your son’s actual birthday?
It’s understandable that the bride and her mother would be busy prepping at the time and unable to easily come for brunch but I’m less clear on why this would be disrespectful to them. Is their issue that they want everyone focused on them all day?Your son is 6 and it’s his birthday. That’s an important day at 6! A thoughtful bride would have planned something for him herself, to make her day even more special.You did nothing wrong.edit: Changing my vote to YTA based on new info that it was not actually your son’s birthday. If you had had an impromptu singing of Happy Birthday on the actual day it would have taken a couple of minutes and he would have felt special. Instead, you planned an event on a day NOT his birthday but on the actual wedding day — taking you into AH territory. You wanted a party for him, fair enough, but you should have had it at home beforehand since this party wasn’t on his actual day anyway.
Extra AH vote for obscuring info. It now makes sense why your sister was annoyed.
Trust me you did the right thing. My cousin got married on my 13th birthday and my parents didn’t wish me a happy birthday until the drive home. And I’m 60 now and never forgot.
I mean.. he’s 6. Cake and a sing song would have been enough? Especially if he’s in the wedding party.
NTA. A brunch at which you sing happy birthday? That’s not something anyone should get worked up about.
Actually, I see it as an appropriate solution: a big blow out could be viewed as upstaging, but you don’t want to forget his birthday altogether, so a brunch should be just fine.
Nta.
Had pretty much the exact same situation with one of my kids. We had traveled to another town for a wedding which was going to be in the afternoon. It happened to be on my kid’s birthday.
We had a birthday late breakfast/ brunch where they opened their presents, etc.
Sounds like the only difference was that the people in my family getting married didn’t have any issues with it (they also were not able to come since they had… You know, other stuff to deal with)
NTA
It’s not your fault your niece decided to plan het wedding om your son’s birthday.
And doing it separately in your hotel room ensures her wedding is still about her and not her and your son as after all, if nobody came to say happy birthday beforehand, they would likely do so at the wedding.
YTA because you left out the update where his birthday wasn’t the day of the wedding but the day before and you decided to do it on the wedding day.
So, your sister’s daughter could have chosen just about any day for her wedding, but she chose your son’s birthday?
Birthdays are a big deal to a little kid. He’s probably already disappointed that he’s not getting the full-blown birthday party that most six-year-olds get, but instead has been roped in to his cousin’s wedding party, where the focus will be on her rather than him.
I gather he hasn’t made much of a fuss about it, in which case he sounds like a stoic and generous little fellow. It’s the least the family can do to acknowledge his birthday with a brunch and a chorus of “Happy Birthday”.
And STILL your sister is begrudging him even that small concession? She sounds like a piece of work.
You’re NTA.
And happy birthday to your son.
ESH – need more facts. If it was his actual birthday you are NTA because he deserves to feel special on his birthday. If it was not his actual bday, then I think you should have asked the bride’s family if they minded – sounds like they are hurt b/c they would have wanted to come, not b/c they wanted the whole day to be about them. Hard to tell from these facts.
At first I was like YTA, bjt after reading it and seeing family just stopped by your hotel room…. definitely NTA. Your sister and neices will see him throughout the day at the wedding. Hes 6, he deserves a happy birthday!
Im sure family was appreciative they could stop by for s bite to eat before getting ready and going to the ceremony. Weddings are a long and expensive day/weekend.
YTA.
The common refrain is the bride gets ONE DAY. And you couldn’t even give them that? And didn’t even give them the heads up that you were doing this? You did clearly communicate with your actions that you don’t care about your sister and nieces being able to celebrate with you.
YTA. Your sister took care to set her daughter’s wedding the day AFTER your son’s birthday. So what do you do? You go and dump your son’s birthday on your nieces wedding day, even though his actual birth date was the day before. You owe your sister a massive apology.
NTA
NTA
Solely because if it was a big deal, she wouldn’t have chosen your sons bday- especially since you’re likely to be hosting bday parties frequently on their anniversary, so I doubt this’ll be the only party of his they miss. It’s people in a hotel room; he’s 6. It’s not exactly a formal party, and if no events were planned for that morning, it’s your time. Did they think people were doing nothing until the wedding?
NTA. Who cares that the actual birthday was the day before? I am guessing that all the nieces, nephews, aunts, etc. aren’t always together for this kid’s birthday, so want harm is it to gather when NOTHING was planned that morning? Plus, it sounds like they were busy on the actual day of her son’s birthday with the rehearsal and dinner and who knows, perhaps they also had to travel as well.
Like others have said, birthdays are a big deal when you are 6 years old. I personally think the mother of the bride, the bride and her sister are being extremely selfish and very immature.
I know some others have suggested the birthday celebration should have been done the day after the wedding. There is a good chance that may have conflicted with other plans such as a brunch hosted by the new couple, travel plans to return home, etc.
NTA. If bride didn’t want to compete for the attention, she shouldn’t have picked a date so close to a family birthday. It’s going to be like this for the rest of your lives.