I (25F) was invited to have dinner with my parents. We were having a simple dinner of hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill. Fries, chips, you know, the classics. After everything was prepared and cooked, we set it all up on the counter as grab and go bar. Lettuce, onions, tomatoes, chili, and…relish.
Now, I love pickles, but I really don’t like relish. I had it once and it hurt my stomach so I just don’t eat it. I don’t like it, so I don’t eat it. simple. I’m not a picky eater either, I just don’t waste time eating foods I know I don’t or won’t like. I’m open to trying foods, but not anything I know I won’t like. Example, I don’t like seafood so I don’t try different fish. I don’t care to eat any type of seafood, so I don’t even bother.
I’ll give some preface here, my dad is the type to try and get someone to try something, specifically me. He’s always telling me, “you need to just try it”, “try it for me”, “why won’t you just try it?”, and so on. It really gets on my nerves and frustrates me because I don’t know why he won’t just let it go. We’ve gotten into arguments over foods I refused to be pressured into trying or eating. I’m not going to eat something I don’t like or know I won’t like.
At dinner while I’m putting my preferred toppings on my burger, my dad approaches me with a jar of homemade relish. I already knew what was coming. He put a little bit on a spoon and said “try this, it’s homemade.” I politely declined as I tried to continue making my plate. He then proceeded with “come on, just try it.” I told him flat out no. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me as he put the spoon closer to me. “Why won’t you just try it?” He said. I looked at him and with a bit of anger in my tone, I said, “I’m not going to try it. I don’t like relish.” He then proceeded to say, “You haven’t had homemade relish. It will change your mind.” I was growing a lot more angry at this point because I don’t know why it’s such a big ideal. Why he’s determined to make me try things I don’t want.
I finally just said loudly that I’m not going to eat the relish. He began arguing with me saying he doesn’t understand why I’m getting so angry and frustrated.
He then proceeded to put a glob of relish on my burger and tell me I need to try something for once. This angered me. Now, I’m not the type to waste food and I know I could have just scraped it off and made my burger again, but I was fuming at this point. I decided to throw my entire plate of food in the trash. This prompted an argument of me “wasting food” and “overreacting.” I wasn’t going to stay and put up with the overwhelming arguments so I just left afterwards.
AITAH for throwing away my plate of food?
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I (25F) was invited to have dinner with my parents. We were having a simple dinner of hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill. Fries, chips, you know, the classics. After everything was prepared and cooked, we set it all up on the counter as grab and go bar. Lettuce, onions, tomatoes, chili, and…relish.
Now, I love pickles, but I really don’t like relish. I had it once and it hurt my stomach so I just don’t eat it. I don’t like it, so I don’t eat it. simple. I’m not a picky eater either, I just don’t waste time eating foods I know I don’t or won’t like. I’m open to trying foods, but not anything I know I won’t like. Example, I don’t like seafood so I don’t try different fish. I don’t care to eat any type of seafood, so I don’t even bother.
I’ll give some preface here, my dad is the type to try and get someone to try something, specifically me. He’s always telling me, “you need to just try it”, “try it for me”, “why won’t you just try it?”, and so on. It really gets on my nerves and frustrates me because I don’t know why he won’t just let it go. We’ve gotten into arguments over foods I refused to be pressured into trying or eating. I’m not going to eat something I don’t like or know I won’t like.
At dinner while I’m putting my preferred toppings on my burger, my dad approaches me with a jar of homemade relish. I already knew what was coming. He put a little bit on a spoon and said “try this, it’s homemade.” I politely declined as I tried to continue making my plate. He then proceeded with “come on, just try it.” I told him flat out no. I could tell he was getting frustrated with me as he put the spoon closer to me. “Why won’t you just try it?” He said. I looked at him and with a bit of anger in my tone, I said, “I’m not going to try it. I don’t like relish.” He then proceeded to say, “You haven’t had homemade relish. It will change your mind.” I was growing a lot more angry at this point because I don’t know why it’s such a big ideal. Why he’s determined to make me try things I don’t want.
I finally just said loudly that I’m not going to eat the relish. He began arguing with me saying he doesn’t understand why I’m getting so angry and frustrated.
He then proceeded to put a glob of relish on my burger and tell me I need to try something for once. This angered me. Now, I’m not the type to waste food and I know I could have just scraped it off and made my burger again, but I was fuming at this point. I decided to throw my entire plate of food in the trash. This prompted an argument of me “wasting food” and “overreacting.” I wasn’t going to stay and put up with the overwhelming arguments so I just left afterwards.
AITAH for throwing away my plate of food?
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INFO
> I love pickles, but I really don’t like relish.
I thought relish was just finely chopped pickles. Does your family add something else to it that you actively dislike?
> I’m not a picky eater either, I just don’t waste time eating foods I know I don’t or won’t like.
How is that “wasted” time, exactly?
> He put a little bit on a spoon and said “try this, it’s homemade.”
How much time would tasting a single spoonful “waste?”
NGL, you’re not an asshole for not letting other people dictate which condiments you use, but this narrow-mindedness in regards to your palate doesn’t feel particularly great, either.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action that should be judged is that I threw my plate of food away after an argument with my dad over me trying relish. He put it on my burger and I threw it away.
2. The action might make me the asshole because I could have just scraped it off my burger instead of throwing it all away.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH, your dad is an A. But you should have given that hamburger to one of your parents, or taken it home and fed it to the birds or something, not wasted an entire plate of food because you don’t like relish.
NTA. Your father was SO pushy. It’s not like you’re four years old and he’s supposed to get you to try things. He was so inappropriate. Over the top. What’s wrong with him? And then of course he tries to blame you for it.
ESH. Unless you had a serious allergy, wasting food is still kind of a crappy thing to do. Especially if you hadn’t eaten any of it yet, maybe someone else would have taken it to avoid wasting it.
Nothing burns my ass like someone trying to make me eat something I don’t like. I would probably have acted much worse than you did.
NTA. This wasn’t about food. It’s about him trying to control you. You’re an adult. You have the right to choose what you eat. No explanations necessary.
NTA
That was your burger to eat or not eat as you wanted. Yes, throwing it away was a waste but not an AH move.
Repeatedly insisting you had to eat something you didn’t want and then trying to FORCE you to eat it is an AH move.
Your Dad needs to watch the tea and consent video. No means no, even for relish. Adults are allowed to have food preferences and food needs.
(Side note: I love pickles. I hate chutney.)
Someone needs to learn to respect a no, even if it comes from their children.
The dad daughter dynamics you have with your father needs to be addressed, especially around food.
NTA
But you could have put the burger in his plate and taken his and told him he should be happy you don’t want any relish as there is more for him.
NTA, your father shouldn’t be trying to force you to eat something you don’t like but you didn’t have to waste the whole plate.
Also how long ago did you try relish? Taste buds change so you might’ve ended up liking it if you tried.
You advocated for yourself. I admire that part. You could have handled it differently; for example, you could have set that burger down for someone else who happens to like relish and you could have started over with a fresh one.
NTA Being a picky eater is not a moral failing and not something you’re obligated to try to change. If you’re starving to death on a deserted island and the only food available is relish and you still won’t eat it, then there’s a problem, but like, that’s not the situation you’re in. No one is harmed by you not eating relish.
I don’t think you handled the situation in the most mature and graceful way you could have, but, like, sometimes you gotta make a point.
Wtf. Why is he trying to control your body and what you put in it? It’d fn qeird. You’re a grown woman, you know what you want. He can stop treating you like you’re 3 😐
NTA your dad should try that with another adult who doesn’t have at least some fond memories of him and see how far he gets. The only reason he does it to you is because he hasn’t let go of the memory of being in charge of you.
ESH. Just scrape it off, jeez.
It must be hard to have a ten year old child for a father.
NTA You are old enough to say no to foods you don’t like. Your Dad needed the pushback.
ESH
him for obvious reasons but you because it’s extremely rude to whoever was hosting the event to throw away a whole burger. You could have even just cut the part that touched the relish off or something.
This feels like part of a bigger issue and not like an isolated incident. Sounds like you’re a pickier eater than you let on and it’s really frustrated your parents raising you. But it also sounds like your parents have frustrated you too. It’s not about the relish and you’re both ESH for how you handled it.
All that aside… it was something homemade that your dad was excited to share. You’re not obligated to eat it but…. If you like your dad and value your relationship, how hard would it have been to try a tiny bite say ‘good job on the relish’ and move on? It’s obvious he worked hard on it and wanted to share. Doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it kind of sounds like you hate your family. Like you’re not forced at gunpoint, but sometimes having a relationship means ‘wasting time’ on things you don’t feel like doing. That’s just how relationships work. Everyone was super immature here.
ESH
Your dad is def TAH continuing to push it on you and especially for putting it on your plate, and this strong show of dissapproval from you may have been needed to get the point across to him.
That being said, refusing to try a food because it hurt your tummy once is dumb, there is no way to know from a one time event that the relish was what hurt your stomach. It could just of easily have been the food you ate the night before or an earlier meal that hurt your stomach. If you do not like the flavor or texture, that is fine, you cannot help that. But if it was just because of the tummy thing and you enjoyed it while you were eating it, then you should not say you don’t like it, rather that you think it is not worth the risk of trying again because you suspect it is the thing that hurt your stomach and you’d rather not risk that again.
If you also didn’t like the taste/texture though(in which case why continue eating it in the first place), then yeah makes sense.
NTA. Sounds to me like your dad is a control freak.
I’ll give you a reply I once used on my dad when he was pressuring me to eat something I didn’t want:
gasp “DAD! You said when a boy is pressuring me, no means no!”
NTA
Come on. Try the relish. Just try it.
I don’t really like relish… but it’s homemade. Maybe it’s dill instead of that nasty bell pepper and sugar flavor. I’d try your dad’s relish, just to be nice, and he’s not even my dad.
What he did wasn’t good, but you overreacted.
Are your relatives blowing up your cell phone about this?
If you don’t eat fish, you shouldn’t say you aren’t a picky eater.
Ugh. My parents were like this. It contributed greatly to my disordered eating. You’re an adult. You know what you like. He needs to back off.
NTA, in my personal opinion. This one really touches a nerve for me. I have been a “picky” eater since I was born. For me it usually centers around meat – I don’t really like meat and only eat certain things. I have lived my entire life with people pushing and pushing and pushing to get me to eat things that I don’t want, and then making snarky comments when I won’t give in.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with celiac disease (genetic autoimmune intolerance to wheat, barley, and rye). It’s REALLY important that I only eat things that are gluten free and not cross contaminated. So now the comments can be even worse.
My question for these people – what difference does it make whether I eat something that you like? Not everyone has the same tastes – that’s ok! Why are you so obsessed with controlling what another person puts into their body? They can’t stand not to make everyone obey their rules, sort of the way a 4-year old toddler makes everyone sit in certain seats at their play tea party.
I don’t blame you for discarding the burger. You’re an adult. You’re allowed to have your own personal tastes and dislikes. You’re also allowed to decide when and where you choose to try or not try something new (for those people in the thread who want to shame you with “it’s just some relish, get over it!”). Also, to the food shamers – here, have some pickled pig’s feet with a side of bull testicle – bon appetit!
NTA – It’s not about the relish.
Reading this was hard; my father always did this, too. Even worse, now I actually like relish but he doesn’t believe me.
NTA
He’s lucky you didn’t throw away the whole jar.
Despite your claims, you area picky eater.
ESH. I hate mushrooms. If my dad came up to me with a homemade mushroom dish, and insisted I try it, I would ask for him to put a little on the side of my plate so I take a bite, even if I know I won’t like it. Maybe even try to complement it, if I can find an honest way to do so. We’ve all probably been in a setting where you gotta choke down something you don’t like out of politeness.
It sounds like he was trying to connect with you and sharing something he did with you. Without additional context about your relationship, I won’t assume malice—however, I do agree with other comments saying he was being too pushy.
However, throwing out an entire plate of food is really childish and I believe an overblown response to the situation. This whole escalation was so avoidable, and certainly not worth “fuming” about imo.
NTA, that’s fucking annoying. He pushed until you snapped.
ESH, and I expect you knew you would see this one. Your dad for all of that bullshit, and you for wasting a perfectly good plate of food instead of just scraping the relish off the burger.
NTA
Ugh, this post reminds me of all the arguments I’ve had with my dad about <specific food> I dislike. I’m 37 years old and he is still pulling the same ‘why don’t you try it? Are you sure…’ It’s a lack of respecting autonomy & boundaries issue.
I’m sorry your dad did that to you. You’re not overreacting.
Next time pickup some dog shit and chase him around and put it on his burger. Tell him that trying homemade dog shit will change his life!
INFO: where’s your mother when your father is trying to force food on you and arguing with you about it?
NTA, but your father is.
NTA – Sure throwing the whole plate away was probably extreme but your dad really overstepped.
I understand how frustrating it is when people constantly assume you won’t eat something because you are just being picky and pester you. My family did that to me for years over a fruit I didn’t like. They would constantly needle me over it and were convinced I was being picky and would love it if I tried it. Eventually I gave in a tried it and discovered I have a sensitivity/mild allergy to that food. Once that happened everyone backed off.
Turns out many of the foods I didn’t like were actually minor allergies. I tried them for the first time as a kid, thought it was yucky, and didn’t have the vocabulary/knowledge to understand or explain that I was actually experiencing physical symptoms.
I maybe wouldn’t have thrown it away, because somebody else could have eaten it, but you certainly aren’t the asshole for not eating it. Culturally we have a big problem with the idea that being a “picky eater” – which is everything from just knowing what you don’t like to having severe allergies and sensory issues according to people like your dad – is something that has to be forced out of us, and it’s a major control thing where people seem to get some sort of high out of demeaning other people for shit that doesn’t affect them.
Your dad has control issues and you, as an adult and in this case a guest, should not be forced into arbitrary compliance for this kind of shit.
Leaving was probably the best option. Make it clear that if this continues, you won’t be having meals with them anymore.
Additionally: in my experience, most people who raise a fuss over “picky eaters” won’t budge on the shit they don’t like, and often have diets limited to their own culture. Which would, of course, be fine if they weren’t trying to pretend they were better people for being supposedly indiscriminate with their tastes.
NTA. Is there anything your dad doesn’t like? If there is, bring it to every gathering and insist he eats it. Badger him like he badgers you. Don’t relent. If he makes a deal with you to try what he wants you to try, make him go first. Then, when it is your turn, make retching noises like you are going to throw up. Make it into a huge show.
This just made me so angry. I am a picky eater and have experienced the “just try it” pressure my whole life. It’s rude, condescending, arrogant, and flat out inappropriate. I’m SO freaking glad you threw it away. Good for you!! He sucks. NTA
NTA – if my old man tried that, he’d have been wearing it. Getting told “you don’t mess with other peoples food”
NTA. I am quite happily omnivorous, and there’s very little I won’t try. But if I don’t want something, then I don’t want it. Full stop. It’s not a debate, it’s not a negotiation, it’s not even a discussion. It’s a no.
Because I’m a grown fcking adult.
NTA. This isn’t about food at all. It’s about him not respecting your boundaries. Tell him exactly that. A “no” is not a “yes”. You said no- and he needs to respect that or admit he’s treating you like property.
NTA. The issue isn’t the food. Your Dad is desperate to control you. Unfortunately, you’re an adult and what you eat or don’t eat is none of his business.
Your Dad has some issues he could use professional help with.
He should have stopped doing this about 20 years ago. NTA