I’m a junior in high school, and my entire life I’ve been held on a pedestal as one of the smartest in my family. I’ve carried all A’s throughout school, won spelling bees, and retained a valedictorian status until around mid last year when I was passed by a kid taking all APs (which I was totally fine with, it made the pressure lighter and I didn’t really care to be valedictorian anyways).
Since I was little, I wanted to do one of two things with my life: either work some sort of creative/art industry, or work with sea creatures. I realize that the first industry is getting a bit worse, which crushes me, but I really hope to aim for something in the ladder (*edit, I know I said “ladder” and not “latter”, I was an emotional wreck when making this post and just wanted to get all my thoughts out lol) field, like a marine biologist (or even a marine veterinarian, if it would make my mom happy).
My mom, who originally had the assumption I would be upset with not being 1st in my class, thinks of me as super smart. I remember since around the 8th grade I’ve discussed my career choices with her, and she’s always had the idea of me being a pharmacist in her pocket. I’ve heard things such as “you’ll make good pay” and “you can travel a lot”. Sure, I would LOVE to do things like that, and I think I could be smart enough to, but the job seems a bit boring and unsatisfying to me. I think I’d feel trapped in a career like that, and that’s the last thing I want. However, for her sake, I said I’d see about going to school for pharmacy.
About a week ago, I got into an argument with her. She suggested me looking at college scholarships after my first semester, and I decided to bring up the fact that I wasn’t truly interested in pharmacy, and was thinking about other options. She blew up at me, saying I was trying to get a rise out of her, and that art would be a failed career choice for me (I never mentioned anything about art in this conversation). She then said that I would be “throwing my intelligence away” and I’d be wasting my potential for a steady career she wishes she could’ve pursued. Then, she told me her and my dad wouldn’t support me if I chose to throw my opportunities away like that.
I know her and my dad just want the best for me, so this is hard. I’ve felt horrible about it for the last week. I told a friend about it, and she said she’d be disappointed in me if I did end up just doing what my parents wanted of me. WIBTA if I threw away the chance at a career like pharmacy to do something I love?
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I’m a junior in high school, and my entire life I’ve been held on a pedestal as one of the smartest in my family. I’ve carried all A’s throughout school, won spelling bees, and retained a valedictorian status until around mid last year when I was passed by a kid taking all APs (which I was totally fine with, it made the pressure lighter and I didn’t really care to be valedictorian anyways).
Since I was little, I wanted to do one of two things with my life: either work some sort of creative/art industry, or work with sea creatures. I realize that the first industry is getting a bit worse, which crushes me, but I really hope to aim for something in the ladder field, like a marine biologist (or even a marine veterinarian, if it would make my mom happy).
My mom, who originally had the assumption I would be upset with not being 1st in my class, thinks of me as super smart. I remember since around the 8th grade I’ve discussed my career choices with her, and she’s always had the idea of me being a pharmacist in her pocket. I’ve heard things such as “you’ll make good pay” and “you can travel a lot”. Sure, I would LOVE to do things like that, and I think I could be smart enough to, but the job seems a bit boring and unsatisfying to me. I think I’d feel trapped in a career like that, and that’s the last thing I want. However, for her sake, I said I’d see about going to school for pharmacy.
About a week ago, I got into an argument with her. She suggested me looking at college scholarships after my first semester, and I decided to bring up the fact that I wasn’t truly interested in pharmacy, and was thinking about other options. She blew up at me, saying I was trying to get a rise out of her, and that art would be a failed career choice for me (I never mentioned anything about art in this conversation). She then said that I would be “throwing my intelligence away” and I’d be wasting my potential for a steady career she wishes she could’ve pursued. Then, she told me her and my dad wouldn’t support me if I chose to throw my opportunities away like that.
I know her and my dad just want the best for me, so this is hard. I’ve felt horrible about it for the last week. I told a friend about it, and she said she’d be disappointed in me if I did end up just doing what my parents wanted of me. WIBTA if I threw away the chance at a career like pharmacy to do something I love?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my mother that I don’t want to go into the career path she says will be best for how smart I am.
2) She says I’m wasting my potential and intelligence by doing so, and I feel like I’m the asshole for throwing away an opportunity some people would beg to have.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA!!!!! Stop doing what makes your mom happy, you need to do what makes you happy or you will be miserable. It is your life, NOT YOUR MOM’s. If she loves you, she will support you in your career choice no matter what path you choose. Don’t waste your life doing something you are not passionate about.
I was always considered smart. I HATED school. No one knew I habe severe ADHD & another learning problem. I just made noise & wiuldn’t sit still!
And when I chose my own jobs I chose manual labor types. I can run a forklift with the best of them. I will also run your warehouse, international shipping set-ups, inventory & ordering. NONE of these are desk jobs & my family has always said it was a waste.
NOTHING is wasted if you enjoy what you do! I hope you can go ahead & do what makes YOU happy. After all’s said, it’s your life to live. Not theirs.
NTA
The “ladder” field? I don’t think you have to worry about throwing intelligence away that much. Jokes aside, NTA, but let’s be serious: is your family rich? Do you stand to receive a good inheritance in the future? If not, you do owe it to yourself to find a well paying career you enjoy if you have the grades for it, especially with how expensive everything is getting. If art is seriously a passion, you can manage to juggle it with your career and social life to live a satisfying life.
Marine biology is one of the most competitive fields in the world. There are way more people who study marine biology than jobs in marine biology.
NTA your mom said she wished she would have gone into pharmacy. That’s what is happening here. That said, I always had my mind set to be a teacher because I loved school. My parents advised against it, but I went for it anyway. I probably should have listened because I sucked lol. But that being said, what I really should have done was keep an open mind and considered other options once I was in college. I took some classes that I really enjoyed and should have taken the next in the series to see if I still liked it.
Hopefully your mom’s anger will blow over. But there are ways to get grants and loans when you don’t have parental support. Start investigating FAFSA if you think your parents will truly withhold financial support. And don’t be afraid to start with community college. Most are very good now and can save you a lot of money.
No you wouldn’t be. It’s your life and you sound like you have strong ideas about what you want to do. I’m sure your mum is coming from a place of love and concern, but she isn’t expressing that in a supportive way.
NTA, parents living through their children by writing their child’s future path is ridiculous. Tell her that you will forge your own path and not be following her designs for your life.
You need to follow a career that you enjoy. Most of your life is going to be spent working. You need to actually like getting up in the morning rather than wishing you’d never chosen that route
Find something that interests you. Your mother is trying to live through you. I’m a mum and I get it – she doesn’t want you to make the mistakes she may have made. But that doesn’t work. We all want our kids to be happy, healthy and successful, but what that looks like to YOU will be very different to her perception. At the end of the day though, you have to live your life. Pick what interests you and makes you happy. Be strong.
NTA
NTA, your mother admitted she wants you to study in pharmacy because that’s the career she wanted to pursue. She is trying to live her dreams through you, and that’s not really healthy at all.
I understand parents wanting the best for their kids, but wanting the best for their kids is also letting him choose something that will make them happy, because being stuck in a job you hate is bad, but being stuck in one just to live someone else’s failed dream would be even worse.
If art is something that interests you, before deciding to enroll in an art program, check the different type of creative jobs you could land, there are well paying jobs like graphics or UX designer (obviously it depends of location and the company). Maybe you’d find something that interests you, and maybe in the end you’ll end up choosing a totally different field than art or marine biology.
Wait: since when is being a pharmacist “smarter” than being a marine biologist, Mom? I always thought the former was a trade (granted, one that involves great precision and conscientious attention to detail because you’re dealing with people’s medicine), whereas the latter is a profession requiring in-depth (sorry: yeah, I realize what I did there) scientific training and study. Did she by chance mean “pharmaceutical scientist” instead of “pharmacist”? Because, while being either a pharmacist or a marine biologist requires smarts, you’d be in no possible way “throwing intelligence away” by becoming a marine biologist.
NTA
32 yo here. I was 18 when I attended University, I always wanted to work in cinematography and its what I wanted to do. On the other hand, I was always good with numbers and my father always wanted me to be a civil/ industrial engineer. The day came in which I had to choose my path, and after I voiced my decision, my family threatened me with pretty much being disowned if I didnt chose something better as they saw cinematography as a waste. Now, my older sister was in international business, and my mother suggested to take something like that, in which Id use several languages later on, I always loved studying languages so at the time, I thought “I can still learn languages and not be a failure for the family”, I decided to choose that path so I could “somewhat” make my family happy, while I would “somewhat” be happy myself. Worse decision I ever made haha, halfway through my career my family were always saying how I “wasted potential”. And I found myself just bitter about it. I dont blame them, I made the choice back then, but its all in the past.
Always go with what you want to do. Sometimes you might wonder if youre doing the right thing. But later on, if you succeed or fail, you’ll look back and at least find comfort in knowing that you did it your way.
NTA. You work hard in school to have as many options as possible. Being smart definitely should mean doing something you don’t want to. Also biology takes a bit of brains too?
NTA Pharmacology and veterinary are close enough that your undergrad courses would overlap significantly assuming the track for vet school is essentially the same as pre med.
Also unless you really love chemistry pharmacology is a special kind of genius. And all schools have an art requirement for undergrad.
In undergrad meeting students in different degree plans you developed a sort of vibe for what personality is needed for the different specialities. Math and physics while being similar have two different sib cultures and way of looking at problems.
So find a school that offers decent coursework in both and apply to it and try to get scholarships and funding. pre pharmacy is usually a specialisation.
Also if you were pass by a student taking all AP classes your high school must not be very large or competitive. I graduate valedictorian of a small school alhas had some Bs. I knew a co validictorian from a large school and they had about 12 co validocatorians altogether with the exact same GPA: 100% on everything throughout high school. They ended up becoming a kindergarten teacher.
NTA But think long term for yourself. Veterinary science sounds sensible. Art can be challenging financially. If you are driven you’ll do great in anything.
NTA.
Bit if wisdom I’ve picked up
I’m over half a century old and it was not until 9 years ago I started on a new path. And I love my job now.
Good luck and be kind to your mother that said you are the one who has to live your life
What is the point of money? Yes we need it, but I think the point of it should be to enjoy your life.
Also, the idea that you are wasting your intelligence by not going into a technical field is ridiculous. You could use your mind to make great innovative art that inspires people and have a greater positive impact on the world than you could as a mere pharmacist.
“the ladder field, like marine biologist”
You mean, the “latter”? Maybe you’re not as bright as you seem to think.
Classic case of parents trying to live through their kids! What do YOU want to do? I made a list of 5-10 jobs that interested in…then I joined the military and had them PAY me to learn the job.
I had a friend we became engineer than doctor in engineering because her parents always dreamed to have an engineer in the family. As factory workers, they consider that there us nothing better or higher than an engineer.
She hates it. She hates her job.
We tell her that now that her parents had fubally ” their” grade, she can become a button seller in a fashion boutique if she wishes. The contract came to end. I don’t know what she had become.
You have one life.
I know of someone who went all the way through uni to be a doctor. Qualified to make his parents happy and then went and did the degree he wanted, What a waste of five years.
You certainly need to start looking at scholarships and staying in state. But have a look at the options that interest you and have a firm idea of what you want to do and how it will pay.
NTA
NTA
So she’s trying to push you into a career SHE wanted? Does she think she threw her intelligence away by going into another field, or starting a family, or whatever she did, instead of working as a pharmacist? Do NOT let your parents push you into a career you’ll hate. You will probably end up resenting them for it and you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your life about throwing your own dreams away. Which sounds like is what she did with her dreams.
Also, how is being a pharmacist ‘more intelligent’ than a marine biologist?
Find out if you can get a scholarship for the school and career of your choice.
NTA at all. There are a million more jobs out there that you and she have never heard of.
Going to university will expose you to a few thousand more options.
Check out r/aftergifted for stories of super smart kids who were pressure cooked until they had to drop out of their lives.
It sounds like you have more emotional intelligence than to let that happen to you.
NTA. Do what you like. Money isn’t happiness or fulfilled life. And there’s no knowing in what career choice would bring.
To be honest, both art and marine biology are fields where high income is hard to find, but perhaps you know it already and is ready for it, as long as you do what you want do. You would likely to struggle financially for some time at least but it’s fine as long as you are making this choice with open eyes.
You are not obliged to use your life to supplement your parents’ income or fulfil their dreams, you have yours. Moneymaking fields are not only worthy fields of work. Someone needs to do art, and someone needs to advance our knowledge of sea creatures, and since we often underpay them, we should only respect them more for that.
Just make sure you understand what you choose, but the choice is yours to make, and fields you are considering are important and worthy.
NTA. You are a kid. Most college students change their major at least once (up to 80%). Very few people know what they want to do right out of high school, and you may have many careers during your life.
I’ve gone from art major to production worker to sales to personal support worker. My spouse has gone from art major to call center to digital retoucher to educational tech to working for an airline. No one knows where life is going to take you.
NTA- it seems like Mom wanted to be a pharmacist, and since she couldn’t she expects you to fulfill her dreams and wants. Tell her if she TRULY wants you to be happy, then you need to do what makes you, NOT HER, happy.