For some context, me (M53) and my family live in the South, specifically Charleston, SC. A year back my son Jake (M20 now) started attending the University of South Carolina (go Gamecocks!) and during his freshman year he met a lovely girl named Monique (also 20 years old.) Monique is, as her name suggests, African-American, while our family is Caucasian, but neither me nor anyone else in my immediate family has had any issue with that. She’s sweet, beautiful, and overall an incredible young woman, and we all accepted her with open arms from the first time we met her.
A week ago, my wife and I held a party at our home, and Jake and Monique both made the trip from college to attend. The party was going well until I noticed Jake and Monique were alone and Monique was crying. I asked what had happened and Monique told me that Jake’s cousin Greg (M17) had told him that he shouldn’t “slum it” and called Monique a ghetto whore, among other racist remarks. I went to find Greg and he admitted to this, saying that he was just “looking out for my cousin.” At this point, I told him to leave and he and his parents left, but his parents have been on me as of late for “blowing things out of proportion.”
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For some context, me (M53) and my family live in the South, specifically Charleston, SC. A year back my son Jake (M20 now) started attending the University of South Carolina (go Gamecocks!) and during his freshman year he met a lovely girl named Monique (also 20 years old.) Monique is, as her name suggests, African-American, while our family is Caucasian, but neither me nor anyone else in my immediate family has had any issue with that. She’s sweet, beautiful, and overall an incredible young woman, and we all accepted her with open arms from the first time we met her.
A week ago, my wife and I held a party at our home, and Jake and Monique both made the trip from college to attend. The party was going well until I noticed Jake and Monique were alone and Monique was crying. I asked what had happened and Monique told me that Jake’s cousin Greg (M17) had told him that he shouldn’t “slum it” and called Monique a ghetto whore, among other racist remarks. I went to find Greg and he admitted to this, saying that he was just “looking out for my cousin.” At this point, I told him to leave and he and his parents left, but his parents have been on me as of late for “blowing things out of proportion.”
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> I threw my nephew out of a family party because he called my son’s black girlfriend several racist terms. His parents are saying I made a big deal out of it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You did the right thing, you would’ve been wrong by letting him stay after what he did
NTA. You didn’t blow things out of proportion. You set a basic standard for guests in your home and asked them to leave if they couldn’t respect it.
They aren’t taking their son’s racism serious enough.
NTA. You would be one if you hadn’t kicked them/him out. Nothing to discuss here from my perspective.
Should talk to his parents since he 17 year old if his parents defend the 17 year old then yes kick both out.
NTA. You threw a racist out of your home, who cares if it’s your nephew
Should talk to his parents since he 17 year old if his parents defend the 17 year old then yes kick both out.
NTA, they would all be permanently disinvited. They may always be relatives but they are no longer family
NTA, you can never make too big a deal out of racism. It’s telling that his parents don’t think much of it – are they racist too?
Well done for standing up to them and showing Monique that you don’t share their beliefs and have her back.
NTA absolutely NTA
You did the right thing, it is truly horrible that some popel feel it’s okay to be racist assholes and justify it like it’s nothing. It’s good you stuck up for her. Would suggest keeping away from such family members.
NTA, I don’t tolerate racism in my home and neither should you
NTA. He was being ugly and gross
You absolutely did the right thing. Racism isn’t “just looking out” for someone… it’s hateful, and you protected your son’s girlfriend from that. Greg’s parents should be embarrassed, not you. Good on you for standing up.
And you legitimately think you may be the AH why?
Clearly NTA, but that could change based on posting motive.
I would be disappointed if you HADN’T told them to leave! What an AH! Poor girl didn’t deserve that and I hope she can get past your son’s relatives and just enjoy him the way she has been. It’s very unfortunate that this type of racism still exists.
NTA. Don’t tolerate racism.
What the hell does “Monique, as her name suggests, is African American” mean? Jesus
NTA it sounds like you didn’t make a huge scene you just defended your family and defined your boundaries.
Not not NOT the assh0le. FFS, you’d have been the asshole if you hadn’t kicked that racist out of your house.
NTA You did the right thing.
No racists allowed at my party! I would have kicked him out on his ass in front of the entire party!!!
Blowing things out of proportion? NTA, that was straight up racism. You don’t tolerate that in your house, period.
Blowing things out of proportion? NTA, that was straight up racism. You don’t tolerate that in your house, period.
NTA. You address bigotry by setting boundaries and consequences. Your home. Your rules. Good job addressing it properly. You heard about it. You confirmed it to be fact. You enforced the consequences. Not surprised his parents were ok with it. You know who he learned it from.
NTA. You address bigotry by setting boundaries and consequences. Your home. Your rules. Good job addressing it properly. You heard about it. You confirmed it to be fact. You enforced the consequences. Not surprised his parents were ok with it. You know who he learned it from.
Edit to add: but your comment about her name though. Might want to work on your own internalized racism. Monique is French.
I was just wondering why you think the name, “Monique,” sounds African American to you, and more important is why you had to point that out?
You are what you tolerate. If you hadn’t kicked him out, you would have been saying you welcome racists, which is the same as saying you don’t welcome black people.
I grew up in a very racist family. I had a Hispanic boyfriend I warned and warned and warned, but he insisted it couldn’t be that bad, and we should go to Thanksgiving. We didn’t last 20 minutes. I have had to cut ties with everyone who didn’t learn to be better. If I kept up with them, and had them in my life, they would have access to harm a lot of other people I care about. And it turns out my life is much better, not having to listen to their stupid opinions.
NTA unless you cave.
NTA he terrible
I was just wondering why you think the name, “Monique,” sounds African American to you, and more important is why you had to point that out?
I would ban him and wonder about his parents since its
“Blown out of proportion”
NTA but I’m stuck on your comment that Monique is “African-American as her name suggests.” Maybe I’m missing something because hearing the name Monique I would not automatically assume her ethnicity as African-American, Jewish, Hispanic, Asian, etc.
The parents are probably where he is learning some of this from. NTA
You’re absolutely NTA
BUT kids don’t learn racism/hatred from nowhere so If the parents are blowing it off, then it’s obvious who he gets it from
Edited for clarity
NTA. You did the right thing and maybe keep your distance from that branch of the family. Monique is just a regular name, though, and does not indicate race. It’s French.
“…Monique is, as her name suggests, African-American”.
If anything, the name Monique suggests French, not Black. Be careful of your own possible biases.
NTA. Good on you, you put your money where your mouth is and told your family that you won’t stand for racism in your home. If you think that this young lady could become your daughter in law in the future, then you just showed to her that she’ll be safe in your home, a great way to start a relationship. And if she and your son eventually do go their own ways, you’ve shown your son that you’ll support him in his choice of partners, which is great for your relationship with him. Pat yourself on the back for kicking the racist out of your home and tell his parents that they can pound sand.
Tell them that being rude to a guest in your home embarrassed you and was not and will not be tolerated. Their negative opinions are unwelcome. I would state that they need to follow the rule from kindergarten “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
“None of you have had enough time with this young lady to form any opinion, which shows you are very shallow people. I now know you voice opinions without information and shouldn’t be valued. Don’t share them again within my home or presence. “
NTA I can see why he says what he said
You did him a favor op and don’t invite him back till he apologizes
How does someone become an incel so young
NTA – You didn’t blow things out of proportion, you took them at face value and made the right decision… also ” Monique is, as her name suggests, African-American” she name doesn’t suggest anything about her race just to point that out. The name Monique is of French origin, being the French form of the Latin name Monica.
Well Monique being a French name deriving from Latin makes you no better than that 17 year old
NTA. You stood up for your son and your values. You didn’t try to change the way they think about things, they just can’t be in your house openly disrespecting your son’s girlfriend. Regardless of the obvious racism this is unacceptable
NTA respond back Racists have no place in my home. Raise your son to be a decent human being
Wow, when you said her name was Monique, it suggested to me she was French…..But, I am Canadian so ….
Anyway, NTA, you did right!!
NTA! You are what’s right in this world. Standing up to bigotry is necessary in all cases, and it was quite brave of you to stand up to family bigotry.
The fuck?
You’d have been the AH if you let him stay.