My (46m) son (18m) came to me complaining of pain “down there.” Wife was at work. I asked a few questions. Said he woke up to a sharp pain that only lasted a few seconds. Since then pain was more dull, only level 3-4 out of 10. I didn’t think it sounded too bad, but I knew the consequences of ignoring it could be bad so I offered to take him to the doctor.
He asked if I could “take a look”, maybe we didn’t have to go. I said sure. He dropped his pants. They looked normal, I mean we are all different but nothing jumped out at me to be concerned about. I said they looked fine.
He said he thought maybe he felt something weird on his right one, and asked if I could feel it. Okay, not how I thought my day was going to go, but sure. So I did. I didn’t feel anything abnormal and told him so.
He asked me to feel the left one and try to compare them, see if I felt a difference. I said he was more familiar with them than I was and I wasn’t a doctor so what did I know and we should just go see a doctor. I wouldn’t be mad if it turned out to be nothing. He just said “dad come on” in an exasperated tone. So I felt them both. They weren’t identical but again I didn’t feel anything that concerned me. I said they felt fine to me but we should still go to the doctor to be sure. He said okay.
So we went. They did not find anything wrong. They asked what he slept in and he said just boxers. They said maybe he accidentally hurt them while moving in his sleep and try maybe wearing more supportive underwear to bed. We went home. On the way home he said sorry for all that and I told him I was still glad he spoke up and it was okay.
I was talking about the events of the day to my wife later that evening and she thought it was super weird that he asked me to touch them. That he was an adult and he should’ve just asked me to take him to the doctor. She thought it was weird he insisted on me touching the other one even after I pushed back at first. And that I was weird for touching them “for no reason” since I was going to encourage him to go to the doctor anyways.
She asked if he was hard. I said no, and that I wouldn’t have cared if he was, that I was hard 90% of the time at that age anyways. And I didn’t like what she was implying. She said she wasn’t trying to imply anything. She just felt he was an adult and I could still support him while not trying to pretend to be his doctor. She asked if I would’ve let my dad do that when I was 18 and I agreed definitely not.
I guess it was ultimately pointless for me to touch them, but I was just trying to make him feel better. I would’ve never done it if he hadn’t asked or had expressed any discomfort by it. AITA?
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My (46m) son (18m) came to me complaining of pain “down there.” Wife was at work. I asked a few questions. Said he woke up to a sharp pain that only lasted a few seconds. Since then pain was more dull, only level 3-4 out of 10. I didn’t think it sounded too bad, but I knew the consequences of ignoring it could be bad so I offered to take him to the doctor.
He asked if I could “take a look”, maybe we didn’t have to go. I said sure. He dropped his pants. They looked normal, I mean we are all different but nothing jumped out at me to be concerned about. I said they looked fine.
He said he thought maybe he felt something weird on his right one, and asked if I could feel it. Okay, not how I thought my day was going to go, but sure. So I did. I didn’t feel anything abnormal and told him so.
He asked me to feel the left one and try to compare them, see if I felt a difference. I said he was more familiar with them than I was and I wasn’t a doctor so what did I know and we should just go see a doctor. I wouldn’t be mad if it turned out to be nothing. He just said “dad come on” in an exasperated tone. So I felt them both. They weren’t identical but again I didn’t feel anything that concerned me. I said they felt fine to me but we should still go to the doctor to be sure. He said okay.
So we went. They did not find anything wrong. They asked what he slept in and he said just boxers. They said maybe he accidentally hurt them while moving in his sleep and try maybe wearing more supportive underwear to bed. We went home. On the way home he said sorry for all that and I told him I was still glad he spoke up and it was okay.
I was talking about the events of the day to my wife later that evening and she thought it was super weird that he asked me to touch them. That he was an adult and he should’ve just asked me to take him to the doctor. She thought it was weird he insisted on me touching the other one even after I pushed back at first. And that I was weird for touching them “for no reason” since I was going to encourage him to go to the doctor anyways.
She asked if he was hard. I said no, and that I wouldn’t have cared if he was, that I was hard 90% of the time at that age anyways. And I didn’t like what she was implying. She said she wasn’t trying to imply anything. She just felt he was an adult and I could still support him while not trying to pretend to be his doctor. She asked if I would’ve let my dad do that when I was 18 and I agreed definitely not.
I guess it was ultimately pointless for me to touch them, but I was just trying to make him feel better. I would’ve never done it if he hadn’t asked or had expressed any discomfort by it. AITA?
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NTA. Your child brought you a concern. It’s weird she has an issue with this. Is it an uncomfortable situation? Yes.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I touched my son’s testicles.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I think it says a lot that your son trusted you with something so personal, honestly. Your wife is the one being weird.
NTA. It’s not like you went out of your way to touch them. He had a concern and came to you with it, you addressed it in the moment, and sought medical attention. You handled things properly.
Your son might be 18 and legally an adult but at 18, and beyond, we still need our parents when we’re scared. And your son was scared there was something wrong, he wanted reassurance. You sound like a great dad to me, I also love your response to how you’d get him checked anyway and it was ok if it all turned out ok.
Your wife’s reaction is very odd.
NTA
NTA. Your wife’s the one with the wrong attitude here reading the wrong thing into it.
NTA, it’s not like you did a full functionality test to completion with him.
NTA and your wife is weird. Your son was hurting and worried. He didn’t want the embarrassment of going to a doctor for nothing. So he asked a trusted parent for help. It’s not sexual and I find it strange your wife leapt off that cliff. You weren’t pretending to be his doctor, just (being) his Dad.
NTA, of course. Sounds like you did the exact right thing, your son trusted you enough to come for help, and you let him lead the way with what he wanted to do before agreeing to go to the doctor. A lot of children are made to feel uneasy discussing their personal anatomy with their parents, which can lead to serious issues with illnesses and tumours being hidden because children feel unable to confide in anyone.
My partner had testicular torsion. He was in pain down there. Thankfully it resolved itself but it was still painful for him. Hopefully it will resolved itself if it gets better, if not, the hospital it is.
NTA. It is an odd interaction, for sure. Your son trusted you and came to you with a concern. You did your best to support him. He obviously didn’t think it an odd request. It’s only weird if you make it weird at this point. I’d say it never needs to be discussed again. If at all, just say you’re proud of him for listening to his body, trusting you to help, and getting the attention he needed.
I mean, you’re NTA for caring about your son, but it is extremely weird that you agreed to examine them. Did you even know what to look for? I think all men know what their balls feel like intimately and knows if something is out of the ordinary for the most part. If something is out of the ordinary, a doctor is who should be consulted immediately.
You’re NTA for helping your son. Your wife is though for sexualizing the situation
NTA yeah it’s a little weird! and if your wife had just said it was a little weird and moved on, that would’ve been normal! but harping about it and implying that it was sexual is overreacting and… creepy? idk. but your son was worried about something personal and you tried to help. a good number of parents wouldn’t do that for their kid, but who cares? that’s between you and him.
NTA sounds like he would rather have someone he trusts looking at his balls over a stranger. i think he sort of just weighed it in his head and decided that if he could avoid having his balls touched by a stranger, it was worth a shot.
your wife is supeeerrrrr weird for asking what she did, esp the bit about if he was hard or not. regardless of his age, he’s still your kid and him hitting 18 doesn’t magically and instantaneously change the relationship between you two. he doesn’t immediately go from your kid to a sexual adult. what she asked was totally inappropriate and marred the innocent nature of ur father and son relationship.
NTA. You confirmed for your son that there was no immediate need for worry. However, this is a good opportunity to tell him to talk to a medical professional about how to self check for lumps and swelling. It’s a conversation sorely missing in raising males. Side note and more of a personal anecdote, but if he’s active in sports tell him to be aware of any changes in comfort or any level of pain down there, because it could be an indicator of a hernia. Especially if he’s weightlifting.
NTA. Even though technically an adult, he’s still a kid who needs his Dad. Not like he asked for a handie….he had a legit concern.
NTA. My mom had to help me put my first couple of tampons in. Same sex parent is well within their rights to help their kids figure stuff out like this especially when the kid is comfortable asking for said help!
NTA. He was concerned and he wanted you to assess what was happening so you did. Does your wife maybe have trauma around this kind of thing? My immediate reaction was “parents have to do crazy shit haha” not anything sexual, I’m sure most people agree. Her jumping to that conclusion might have deeper reasoning
NTA like you said, this wasnt how you expected your day to go, but i think you did everything right
NTA. Definitely just being a good dad. But for me, I’m not a doctor, so I’m not gonna try and diagnose anything or say a Dr visit is/isnt needed. If he’s having testicular pains, then something isn’t quite right, and at that age, anything is possible, I’d take him to get seen just to be safe, rather than wait until it’s too late. But that’s also from the stand point that I don’t pay for any health insurance premiums(military)
NTA.
You we’re being a great dad by helping your son with a concern he had. He repeatedly asked you to feel it and you did. What’s the problem here?
If you had a daughter and she felt a lump in her breast would your wife not feel it if she asked?
Your wife is being weird here.
NAH, but the weird part is that you’d be cool with him being hard.
Teenagers might be hard 90% of the time but the other 10% definitely includes when your dad has your balls in his hands.
Yes, go to a doctor next time so it’s a complete stranger doing it next time.
NTA.
Your son could’ve had testicular torsion and lost his testes completely.
You’re his dad. He’s your son. There’s nothing weird about it. Especially when he’s the one that asked you to check.
Your wife is being weird.
Ask her if you had a daughter who got a breast lump, would your wife say no to checking it if said daughter asked her to?
INFO: would she find it weird if you had a daughter that had a lump in her breast and asked your wife to check for her?
NTA for helping your kid. Very odd response from your wife.
I can’t believe this is even an issue between a dad and his son. I can only pray that my boys will be comfortable enough to go to their dad with things like this because uh… I would have ZERO clue what to do other than take them to the ER.
No one knows that male body better than males. You know your own son better than anyone else as well, next to mom of course. If anything was visually wrong or even felt off with him, I’m sure you would have caught it. I think mom needs therapy for her issues and you and your son are perfectly fine. I just love that for you that he felt safe enough to come to you. Ultimate parenting win.
I hope your son is okay. I’m sure sudden pain down there with no clear reason is terrifying no matter what age you are
NTA.
Your wife is completely wrong and out of line. Asking if he was hard? I’d be concerned about how she interacts with him and any other children in the house.
NTA but your wife is weird.
NTA
It’s a body part. Would it be weird if he asked you to feel his elbow if he was concerned about it?
Your wife is the only one making this into something sexual. Your son needed medical advice. He went to a parent he trusted (and had the same body parts) for advice.
No different than if a daughter told her mother that her breasts hurt.
NTA
NTA.
Epididymitis
Maybe a little weird, but NTA hopefully with the passage of time this is something you can look back on and joke about
NTA you did what a dad should do, And what makes it even less weird (it wasn’t weird at all) it’s the same sex. If anything, this was very professional and a great way to handle it as a father. You did well, and your sons going to remember this one day and think in times where his dad felt most uncomfortable, His dad still did what a dad should do, And thats be there.
You’re awesome pal!
Both you and your wife are being super weird about this. You for complaining constantly while ensuring your son is healthy and safe, and your wife for literally everything she said.
Your son likely has a hernia (especially if it’s just one testicle with lingering pain), or blue balls. Ask if he had an erection for a long time without release (uncomfy convo but you need to have it), or if he lifted anything moderately heavy recently.
You and your wife need to grow up, your son sounds more mature than the both of you.
NTA
Your son confided in you in a vulnerable situation. Your wife is the weird one.
This isn’t weird at all. I’m a woman, and I’ve had to ask my mom to do a lot worse. You’re his DAD. Who else could he ask?? NTA
Info needed: Is your wife his mother? If not, it’s the only reason I can think off for her being totally ridiculous about it. A mother might understand whereas a non blood relative might not get the level of comfort your child has with you????
Absolutely NTA. He asked you and there is nothing sexual about it. Your wife is being really weird about it and should apologise to you. I don’t know what to make of that really bizarre comment about whether he was hard or not; it’s literally his health and that should be her top priority.
Ew why would she act like that? Ew
NTA but your wife is
Your wife is being hella weird about this. Nta
NTA. My family is like you and your son. When it comes to health, everything goes. I’ve had both of my parents feel my breast lump and I’m the same age as your son. Hell, my mom even asked ME to feel the difference in hers. When I was younger my mom had to pick dog hairs out of my vagina, among many other health things that required exposure or touch. It was never weird, I’d just rather be touched by someone I’m familiar with than a strange doctor.
He probably just feels really comfortable and trusts you, so much that he felt it wasn’t weird. It shows that you’re close and a good dad.
NTA!!!! Wish to high hell I had a support system like that I can’t go to my mom or grandfather with anything can’t ask them for sex advice can’t even make “sex jokes” around my family I’m 31 and the youngest person in the extended family is my daughter. Wife probably grew up in a family like mine. You are not the asshole and I would counter and say you’re a damn good father.
NTA he was scared and wanted his dad, a trusted adult male, to help him with something intimate and embarrassing. He’s 18 but that doesn’t miraculously make him 55 years old. Only 4 years ago he was a 14 year old boy.
NTA. Your son came to you for help, you showed your concern and did what you could, which included getting him to the doctor. Your wife is blowing this way out of proportion. Some may disagree, but I think maybe this was a lesson that you hadn’t learned yet, but now you have: you don’t need to tell Wifey every little thing that happens during the course of a day. When it comes to some things, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
I would have handled this differently, as a teachable moment on being responsible for one’s own health. When you are independent, nobody will tell you to go to the doctor: you have to know when to take yourself. I would have asked Son "Did anything happen that you can think of that would explain this pain?" "How bad is the pain? Is this interfering with your life?" And "At the end of the day, after asking yourself these questions, are you concerned for your health?" If yes, the decision is clear: go get checked out.
As for your choices, while i don’t think many people would recommend doing what you did for one reason or another, your son consented and was clearly scared. And you still had him go see a doctor, which was also the ultimate right thing to do.
He’s an adult but only barely. Hell even when I was in my early 20s and got into my first moving accident while living alone, even when knowing exactly what to do, I called my dad to have him tell me what to do. I was hopped on adrenaline, angry, a little nervous, and just needed that coaching for that first experience. And that isn’t even a major health scare thought like "Fuck, do I have testicular cancer?" At 18 years old, I get it.
NTA. Growing up can be weird.
NTA – congratulations on developing the type of relationship and trust with your son that he can come to you with even “embarrassing” or “awkward” issues.
I can see how wife may perceive it as odd, who are we to control her opinion on it. Neither of you are TA and good coms all around.