My husband (M 52) and me (F49) wanted to try out a new TV show with our kids (F14 and M12). Within the first few minutes of the show there was some mature…action. My husband gave me a look and I fast forwarded, then accidentally hit play instead of stop. I was juggling the remote and saying, “I’ll look up whether or not this series is appropriate for our kids,” but while I did that he yelled at me and stormed off. I looked it up and agreed we should watch something else, but the damage was done. Even though I told him his feelings were valid and I wasn’t trying to undermine him, just discuss, he insists that when one partner objects to something like that the other partner must automatically have their back – that it’s not up for debate. Since we’re not super struck with what our kids watch – as long as we watch shows together and can discuss tough topics – I thought that a discussion was par for the course. But instead he spent 45 minutes angrily telling me how wrong I was and he couldn’t believe I would even think it was anything that could be discussed. I tried to understand where he was coming from and apologize genuinely, but he just got more and more mad. He didn’t stop until I was in tears, and he said I should ask around about his insistence that when one person objects the other person should automatically have their backs, especially in front of the kids. I feel so blindsided by this – I thought there was always room for discussion, and I certainly didn’t mean any disrespect. So…AITA here?
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My husband (M 52) and me (F49) wanted to try out a new TV show with our kids (F14 and M12). Within the first few minutes of the show there was some mature…action. My husband gave me a look and I fast forwarded, then accidentally hit play instead of stop. I was juggling the remote and saying, “I’ll look up whether or not this series is appropriate for our kids,” but while I did that he yelled at me and stormed off. I looked it up and agreed we should watch something else, but the damage was done. Even though I told him his feelings were valid and I wasn’t trying to undermine him, just discuss, he insists that when one partner objects to something like that the other partner must automatically have their back – that it’s not up for debate. Since we’re not super struck with what our kids watch – as long as we watch shows together and can discuss tough topics – I thought that a discussion was par for the course. But instead he spent 45 minutes angrily telling me how wrong I was and he couldn’t believe I would even think it was anything that could be discussed. I tried to understand where he was coming from and apologize genuinely, but he just got more and more mad. He didn’t stop until I was in tears, and he said I should ask around about his insistence that when one person objects the other person should automatically have their backs, especially in front of the kids. I feel so blindsided by this – I thought there was always room for discussion, and I certainly didn’t mean any disrespect. So…AITA here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for not immediately following my husband’s objections to our kids seeing mature content on TV.
This might make me the asshole for not having his back on an important topic – especially in front of our kids
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Something tells me his reaction isn’t about the Iranian yogurt.
Try to find out what’s ACTUALLY bothering him.
Apparently your husband thinks that he’s the supreme ruler and that his word should not be questioned. You questioned, and he punished you for that. Is this the marriage you had signed up for? NTA for objecting to this kind of deal. Of course things can be discussed. Which is good role modeling for the kids. Not sure what got into your husband, but hopefully it gets out soon.
This sounds like an extreme reaction from him. Is there a history of undermining or not feeling supported in the relationship. This sounds more like a catalyst for a larger issue.
Just curious, what was the show?
You’re NTA. Try to explain exactly what you feel (as you very eloquently said in this post) to him calmly over the table alone. I think things will be understood easier if he’s actually listening and not just trying to impose that you’re in the wrong the whole time.
Was it Yellowstone?
He sounds like a jerk and a prude. And how old are the kids? and would he back off if the situation was the reverse?
You came across a part of the show that you thought was unfit for your kids and immediately… did some research to see if the show was fit for your kids? Was personal experience not enough for you?
ESH. He shouldn’t be yelling and angrily storming around the house, but you should both look into shows before you decide to share them with your kids.
Oh, and the time for a discussion about a potential disagreement on what the kids are allowed to watch should generally not happen in front of the kids.
Is he always so disrespectful?
INFO: What was the show? And what did he object to that you disagreed about in front of the kids?
It seems like which TV show is involved here is an important detail.
NTA. You should never mindlessly pretend to agree with someone just because it’s your partner— especially not when kids are involved! Your kids are counting on you both to do your best to be right, not to be confidently wrong together. You don’t just “back each other up” for no reason. You either agree honestly or disagree honestly and discuss why you disagree and how to move forward. That’s how you actually find the right answer and also how you model good behavior to your kids. You don’t want your kids seeing you pretend to agree with someone who is wrong. You want your kids to see you collaborating on trying to be right, which means if you disagree you need to be honest about it. The first person to speak up isn’t always right so why would you want to “have their back”??
NTA this is controlling behaviour and basically that you don’t get a say or a voice of your own because he’s made a decision and that’s it. Then he’s acting like a child and throwing a tantrum when he doesn’t get his own way. Maybe you need to review the tv shows and see if they are appropriate for HIS age/maturity level!
No NTA. It sounds like something triggered your husband. Has he EVER done the same to you? Negotiated or disagreed with what you said off the bat? It this is the first time he’s done it, you need to talk it out. But also, let him know that behaving this way toward you is not acceptable.
If you hit play instead of stop, just…hit stop? It’s not like there’s a limited amount of button presses on the remote. Did you just leave it playing while you googled the show? You continued to watch it for 45 minutes after he stormed out (storming out isnt great behavior by the way, you paint it as him throwing a tantrum)?
For things as trivial as a tv show yes I think your husband is correct. Each of you has veto power. He saw enough to know that he did not want your kids watching it. There probably wasn’t anything you could learn from the internet that was going to change his mind.
NTA.
I’m leaning toward what others are saying; this isn’t about the show. Does your husband typically have a short fuse? Does he scream at you often? Or was this new?
Surely with having a teen and a pre-teen this isn’t the first time this situation has occurred. How has former disputes been resolved?
Does he always think he knows better than anyone else? Geez!
NTA. At 14 & 12 your kids are hardly babies and probably hear/see worse on the internet. Or at school. Your husband overreacted if it brings you to tears. His behaviour was probably way more impactful to your kids than the show.
Wtf is wrong with your husband? NTA AT ALL!! And if you want a good family show try one day at a time on Netflix
How long have you been married to this man? And has he always been so controlling? If my husband badgered me until I was in tears, I’m getting in the car and leaving. Even if for just a few minutes. So we can both cool off before dangerous objects start getting thrown. If this is out of the norm for your husband, then you need to find out what the underlying problem is, because there’s definitely one if this was out of his character.
If your husband wants to instil healthy habits, then storming off and raging until he makes his wife cry is not it.
Blinding backing up someone’s opinion is a terrible idea.
You should be calmly (note the word ‘calmly’) discussing your views and points and showing your kids how to have a healthy debate.
You NEVER blindly back someone up, because they could be wrong. He needs to readjust his view on what message he wants to send to his kids versus what he actually showed.
We will always make mistakes, but it’s our reactions to those mistakes that show our character.
ESH. He didn’t handle his objections in a mature matter. You researched what to watch after UA and didn’t check the rating for your next show choice or why it was rated the way it was. Shit, I have a child and even I know to research a show’s rating and why it’s rated the way it is.
I just can’t understand why so many people think there is no fault for you. It baffles me.
NTA. And honestly? This situation goes way beyond a TV show.
You weren’t trying to dismiss your husband. You were trying to be a thoughtful, responsible parent by checking the content of a show — something most people would consider the right thing to do. You acknowledged his discomfort in real time, you even agreed with his objection after looking into it, and yet… he still turned it into a 45-minute tirade that ended with you in tears?
That’s not a parenting disagreement — that’s emotional steamrolling.
Let’s break this down:
✅ What you did right:
❌ What he did:
And now he’s asking you to go around and confirm that “when one partner objects, the other must just fall in line”? That’s not teamwork — that’s control dressed up as “unity.”
Yes, parents should present a united front in front of kids — after they’ve had a chance to talk it through. That’s how healthy co-parenting works. What he’s demanding is obedience, not partnership. That’s not about protecting the kids — that’s about controlling the spouse.
So, are you the asshole?
No. You’re a parent trying to act in good faith — and a partner trying to respect your spouse while still being allowed a voice. That’s what functional communication looks like.
Frankly, his behavior should be raising bigger concerns. This kind of blowup over something so minor — and his insistence on making you feel wrong for trying to have a say — points to a bigger imbalance in the relationship.
You don’t need to “have his back” if it means leaving yourself behind.
NTA. We watched an officer and a gentleman when I was like 12. There was a graphic suicide scene. My parents paused it but I don’t believe immediately turned it off. There was no yelling, no accusing. They’d both seen it before and had both forgotten about this scene. Honestly I was annoyed myself because they turned it off and I was enjoying the movie and I wasn’t that bothered by the suicide scene. However, I would’ve been very upset if it had turned into yelling and storming off.
Definitely agree with other comments tho saying you should research shows before you watch them. But obviously mistakes happen like my parents completely forgetting that scene.
NTA, give a VERY firm “No. No.” With one hand up.
Wait for him to stop yelling and then ask him who he was just talking to like that. It sure as hell was not his PARTNER and WIFE. The mother who gave birth to those kids.
“We are not a house where you can unilaterally decide things for our family. We are a partnership and we discuss things.
While agree, now, that the show was inappropriate for our kids, you do NOT yell at me like that. Especially in front of our children. You don’t want to be disrespected. Well, neither do I. I am your equal. Not a subordinate or lesser than you.
Do you want to talk about something? Talk about it. Never yell at me like I don’t cook your food, wash your clothes, keep every damn appointment, birthday, holiday, or event in my mind, and remembered for this family. I meal plan and make sure everyone in this house has what they need. Never minimize me as if my opinion doesn’t count every bit as much as yours.”
NTA, but it sounds like he was upset about something else and taking it out on you. That was a massive overreaction.
My suggestion: you don’t need to stick around for a lengthy tirade when someone is obviously overreacting. That’s skating on the edge of verbal abuse.
NTA, leave that man
Sounds like he’s thinking about the “two yes, one no” method. It doesn’t mean absolute agreement without discussion, though. It is healthier for your kids to see y’all work through disagreements as a team rather than have one person steamroll the other. Expecting you to kowtow to his demands immediately and never question him in front of the kids is an absolutely shameful expectation.
Where do y’all find these man babys? Every damn post on here is a shitty man treating his wife like dog shit and they think its theie fault..just insane
Jesus Christ his behavior here is off the handle. NTA. This isn’t a parenting dispute. This isn’t a matter of anything reasonable. He’s pissed off that you “disobeyed” him. I am flummoxed that previous commenters so far are looking for ways that this might be reasonable. 45 minutes of berating your partner to the point of tears is abusive behavior. You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just domineering.