My dad is getting old. He’s in his 50s. I recently turned 18 my entire life. He’s been a bit of a hoarder and a really abusive due to him drinking. He said that he needs someone to take care of him in his old age I told him I need to move out due to the condition of the house and that if he wants me to take care of him, he’d have to get somewhere else to live and that if I move out, it would be messed up. I told him I understood that, but I couldn’t live the way that we are living. He told me that it’s not that bad and I got upset and told him that there are spiders, mice, roaches, ants, and many more pest that we have to deal with. there was even a time where a squirrel got into the house. I told him this was really bad for my mental health, and I already have psychosis and autism. He told me that that didn’t matter and that I just needed to try and be normal I told him that I wanted to move out even though I don’t make enough and I’d probably be in a shelter. He called me an asshole, and told me that moving out would be a dick move because I need to take care of him. he told me that I don’t really love him or care for him the way I should and that I’m a terrible daughter. I told him that we need a cleaner house with food and no pest he started yelling and threw his bottle at me He kept screaming while I went to my room. He’s still yelling now
am I the A???
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My dad is getting old. He’s in his 50s. I recently turned 18 my entire life. He’s been a bit of a hoarder and a really abusive due to him drinking. He said that he needs someone to take care of him in his old age I told him I need to move out due to the condition of the house and that if he wants me to take care of him, he’d have to get somewhere else to live and that if I move out, it would be messed up. I told him I understood that, but I couldn’t live the way that we are living. He told me that it’s not that bad and I got upset and told him that there are spiders, mice, roaches, ants, and many more pest that we have to deal with. there was even a time where a squirrel got into the house. I told him this was really bad for my mental health, and I already have psychosis and autism. He told me that that didn’t matter and that I just needed to try and be normal I told him that I wanted to move out even though I don’t make enough and I’d probably be in a shelter. He called me an asshole, and told me that moving out would be a dick move because I need to take care of him. he told me that I don’t really love him or care for him the way I should and that I’m a terrible daughter. I told him that we need a cleaner house with food and no pest he started yelling and threw his bottle at me He kept screaming while I went to my room. He’s still yelling now
am I the A???
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> My dad said that I’m an asshole for trying to move out. I told him that I’m getting a job and he said that a dick move.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. just because they’re the parent doesn’t mean that it’s your responsibility to shoulder everything. in the first place, u did not pick them nor made a wish that you’ll be born in this world nor family. it’s better to leave or put him in a retirement home. he’ll be better taken care of and might be able to completely cut off his alcoholism
This is very obviously an abusive home, and unfortunately, you will carry the weight of this around with you for some time. Of course, you’re NTA for both leaving AND wanting to leave. Surely you feel the need to take care of your dad, but he doesn’t seem to be taking care of you. Try to work or study or both and take care of yourself. If anything, you can maybe try figuring out any government resource that could help him help himself with his hoarding problem, but other than that, focus on you and your needs
NTA
Of course you’re not TA. You need to live your own life and protect your own peace. Let your father deal with his own issues and take care of yourself. You don’t owe a neglectful alcoholic parent anything.
Living in a hoarded, pest-infested, and abusive environment is not healthy, and your dad’s guilt-tripping doesn’t make you wrong for wanting to leave
NTA.
He wants to be taken care of while actively neglecting and abusing you. You’re 18 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you it’s not your job to manage your father’s household. Go anywhere you can and start a better life for yourself.
Did you just say 50s is old? 😄😄😄
NTA – however, you need a plan. If your dad is a hoarder then that’s a condition you can’t overcome on your own – he needs help. But so do you. I’m assuming you can’t afford to move out on your own right now, so please reach out to whatever support network you have available to you and tell them what’s going on.
I don’t know where you are or what government support might be available, but at the least lean on your friends and their parents. I have a child your age, and if one of their friends was in this situation I’d move heaven and earth to help them.
All of the other issues around your dad and the care he needs can wait until you are safe and stable yourself.
NTA. Don’t give up on your own life just because your dad has chosen a destructive path. You have your whole future ahead of you. Move out ASAP. Reach out to any organization that may help you as well. Good luck.
You’re 18. Of course you want to leave. It’s a rite of passage. We grow up, and we move out. Why are you worrying about what he thinks or wants? 50 something is not old. Go live your life.
NTA.
You are not responsible for your parents.
Normal is a setting on a washing machine and not something to be applied to a human. You are your own normal and not anyone else’s.
Hoarding is a mental disorder and you’re not qualified to handle it any more than you’re qualified to handle open heart surgery.
Take a look at the YouTube channel Midwest Magic Clean. One of the hoarding cleanup videos.
Make an exit plan, see if there are any services in your area… maybe start at your library.
Also, think about notifying adult protective services about your father.
Good luck, kiddo.
NTA
Talk to an experienced, older adult you can trust to help you (give advice/support). You should have had that in your life years ago.
Your dad has not been and is not being a parent to you. He is not thinking about your needs or wants at all. He has not done anything to prepare you to build a life of your own and is actively discouraging you from doing anything in your best interests. Because he is all about you serving his needs and wants.
That is NOT how the parent/child or ANY family or healthy relationship works.
He is a disaster that has been heading to a cliff for a long time. You can’t stop his fall. And you will crush yourself trying to save him.
So find the best way you can to build a life for yourself AWAY from your dad. If you have the academic inclination, consider checking out a community college or seeing what kind of support you can get from FAFSA – as an independent student. (You will need letters from professionals – educators/therapists… to back you up). Or just get a job where you can build your skills and income, get health insurance, build up savings/retirement and possibly access other forms of career/educational development. You’ll be amazed at how far you can take yourself when you aren’t being weighed down by your dad.
Your dad is probably going to fail after you leave, but he is nowhere close to being able to sustain himself… even if you sacrifice every bit of your future for him. There is actually zero chance he will lift one finger to help himself until he has to, until you are not his safety net. Failing may be the only way he seeks/gets the mental/substance addiction help that he needs.
first- 50 years old is not old enough to be asking your children to take care of you, for most people these are primary earning years in a field they have been working for decades. You should definitely be looking towards your future, figure out if you want to get more training and what you want to do for the next few years, without even thinking of dear old dad. Life is meant to be much more than merely survival and you can do anything you set your mind to. Consider looking at the military if you really can’t figure things out, I come from a military family and my oldest has made a wonderful career and traveled the world that all started with 4 years in the Navy. Usually mental health folks hesitate to diagnoses psychosis prior to being 18 years old and there is room for the neurodivergent in just about every field.
NTA. Listen to the lyrics of Tracy Chapman’s song Fast Car. If you don’t make yourself a priority, that’s your future.
Also get some counseling before you get into a serious relationship. You’re going to have to unlearn the enabling behavior you grew up with.
He needs to dry up. The booze is no good. The hoarding has probably ruined the home but you could see if there is a service out there to clear out a home and get him help. He. Is not good for your mental health
NTA. 50s isn’t old and he can take care of himself. It’s time to go live your life.
You are NTA. He’s not old. He definitely has issues but you are not responsible for him. You did not bring him into this world. Sounds like you have suffered enough for being his offspring. You owe him nothing.
I say this as a mother and grandmother. My children owe me nothing. I earn their respect and they willingly show me they love me. BUT they owe me nothing. I didn’t bring them into this world to be indebted to me.
NTA. Do NOT sacrifice your life, mental health and physical health for him. He’s not your responsibility.
He’s in his 50s not his 90s. He’s perfectly capable of taking care of himself unless he’s like in a wheelchair and fully disabled he can damn well manage his own care. If he’s throwing bottles and hollering that proves he’s capable but just doesn’t want to. Let him wallow in his filth and alcohol while you leave that hell house and focus on your own life.
50 isn’t old at all if someone isn’t in active addiction. Get the hell out of there.