ETA: this was Sunday night. We stayed Saturday-Monday (today). Four hours from my parent’s house. No other rooms were available. It was NOT a party, this was a weekend fishing trip.
I (28F) and my husband (28M) are on vacation visiting my parents out of state with our 1.5 year old son. It is his first big trip with a long plane ride, time difference, and unfamiliar surroundings. Adjusting has been hard, but he is doing his best. I am also early pregnant with our second child.
I try hard not to let my child be an inconvenience to others or expect people to adjust their lives around him. That is especially difficult when we are not home, where he has his toys, snacks, food, and familiar routine. He thrives on structure, and so do I.
This weekend, we stayed at a friend of my parents’ for some outdoor activities. There were nine adults total and just one toddler, mine.
At 8:45 p.m., I laid my son down in a pack and play in our room. He fussed a little, so after five minutes I went back to soothe him. By 9 p.m., he was quiet. The room was dark and his sound machine was on.
This family eats late, and while setting the table, someone began clattering silverware loudly on the countertops. The room we were staying in was directly above the kitchen, which has an open balcony-style ceiling. My son woke up crying around 9:30. I went back upstairs to soothe him.
While I was rocking him, someone started playing 80s music downstairs. At first I did not think much of it, but the volume was turned up, and a group of women including my mother started singing and laughing loudly. I texted my husband asking if he could have them turn the music down. He replied, “He is going to be fine.” I said he was not falling asleep and that I was the one in the room. He said, “It is not that loud.”
I cracked the door and realized the speaker was directly below our room. I waited for the song to end so I could lay him down in a quiet moment, but they restarted the same song at full volume and continued singing. I waited for another pause, laid my son down awake, and went downstairs. I calmly said I was turning the music down because it was directly under our room and keeping him from sleeping. Some adults agreed, but others made comments about me ruining the mood. I should add the speaker had been set to maximum volume.
Feeling emotional and frustrated, I gave my husband the monitor and went quietly to the basement to calm down and cry without making a scene. He came down 15 to 20 minutes later and told me I was overreacting. He said our son has slept through louder noises and that I was being unreasonable. I reminded him there is a difference between sleeping through something and trying to fall asleep with it. He dismissed me, said I was not going to change his mind, and left.
5-10 minutes later I came upstairs. One of the homeowners apologized for waking my son, which I appreciated. But the others, many of whom were drunk, made exaggerated jokes about whispering so they would not wake the baby. At that point I decided not to eat and went to bed around 10:15.
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I (28F) and my husband (28M) are on vacation visiting my parents out of state with our 1.5 year old son. It is his first big trip with a long plane ride, time difference, and unfamiliar surroundings. Adjusting has been hard, but he is doing his best. I am also early pregnant with our second child.
I try hard not to let my child be an inconvenience to others or expect people to adjust their lives around him. That is especially difficult when we are not home, where he has his toys, snacks, food, and familiar routine. He thrives on structure, and so do I.
This weekend, we stayed at a friend of my parents’ for some outdoor activities. There were nine adults total and just one toddler, mine.
At 8:45 p.m., I laid my son down in a pack and play in our room. He fussed a little, so after five minutes I went back to soothe him. By 9 p.m., he was quiet. The room was dark and his sound machine was on.
This family eats late, and while setting the table, someone began clattering silverware loudly on the countertops. The room we were staying in was directly above the kitchen, which has an open balcony-style ceiling. My son woke up crying around 9:30. I went back upstairs to soothe him.
While I was rocking him, someone started playing 80s music downstairs. At first I did not think much of it, but the volume was turned up, and a group of women including my mother started singing and laughing loudly. I texted my husband asking if he could have them turn the music down. He replied, “He is going to be fine.” I said he was not falling asleep and that I was the one in the room. He said, “It is not that loud.”
I cracked the door and realized the speaker was directly below our room. I waited for the song to end so I could lay him down in a quiet moment, but they restarted the same song at full volume and continued singing. I waited for another pause, laid my son down awake, and went downstairs. I calmly said I was turning the music down because it was directly under our room and keeping him from sleeping. Some adults agreed, but others made comments about me ruining the mood. I should add the speaker had been set to maximum volume.
Feeling emotional and frustrated, I gave my husband the monitor and went quietly to the basement to calm down and cry without making a scene. He came down 15 to 20 minutes later and told me I was overreacting. He said our son has slept through louder noises and that I was being unreasonable. I reminded him there is a difference between sleeping through something and trying to fall asleep with it. He dismissed me, said I was not going to change his mind, and left.
5-10 minutes later I came upstairs. One of the homeowners apologized for waking my son, which I appreciated. But the others, many of whom were drunk, made exaggerated jokes about whispering so they would not wake the baby. At that point I decided not to eat and went to bed around 10:15.
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> I turned down music at someone else’s house.
I could be the asshole because it’s not my house, my child is my responsibility and if he is having trouble sleeping it’s my problem not theirs.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
> At that point I decided not to eat and went to bed around 10:15.
Oh, jeez.
Couldn’t you have asked them to turn it down, rather than asking your husband and then just coming out and turning it down yourself? I can see why your husband would feel uncomfortable doing that in someone else’s home.
ETA – NTA.
NTA, if someone invites some one to stay with them that has a baby. They should be ready to make some accommodations for it.
If you surprised them with the baby as a +1, then YTA.
I think going in to someone else’s house and expecting them to alter how they live for your child is rude, but that’s just me. Why couldn’t you go back to your parents house to sleep? Is it close to the friends house? That’s what I would have done. I understand that kiddos need routine (I truly do – my kids need to go to bed on time because they’re up at 5:30 regardless if they go to bed at 8:00 or 12:00), but *I* am responsible for making that happen. If that means we go need to go to a hotel, then so be it. I would never expect everyone else to cater to our needs, especially because I know that often times mom’s can be pretty over the top with this (sorry, but I have a feeling you’re understating how much of a fuss you made). I don’t think YTA, common courtesy would in fact have them be a little more quiet with a kid in the house, but I think it was just poor planning on everyone’s part.
Since yours was the only child, do none of the others have children? Or they didn’t bring them? This seems it was an adults-only event. If that’s the case, and the child was not meant to be involved YTA for bringing an uninvited child and expecting the party to accommodate him.
If not, and the entire crew was aware there would be a child, your husband is the AH. I would have traded places with him and let him get the child to sleep with all the chaos downstairs and see if he overreacts.
Yta. In this situation you just have to accept your kid is not going to sleep on his regular schedule. If he’s too cranky, and you/husband can’t deal with it, you head back to your parents place for peace and quiet. It sounds like you were overwhelmed and not really up for this gathering anyway so why stay?
Don’t take your kid to a party and expect people to not do normal party things.
NTA
They shouldn’t have had someone with a young child over if they weren’t willing to accommodate.
YTA. Not your home. One toddler vs how many adults? If the circumstances were not good enough for your baby to stay there, you should have left for a hotel.
Or, idk, gee, how about taking your son to another room that’s Not directly over the party area?? I hear the basement was a good get-away (I’m assuming it was finished and not a root cellar)
NTA
YTA.
It’s not your house, you don’t touch the dial.
And it does indeed sound like an overreaction.
This will always be a divisive topic. So ESH. If they knew a toddler would be attending, then some accommodation should be made about noise, even if it’s putting you in a different room further from noise.
Anyone putting speakers on full is just TA in general.
What’s more concerning is you went, hid, cried, and then had jokes made at your expense that you clearly didn’t find funny and your husband, mother, etc. then did nothing.
I mean I’m just kind of confused. I don’t see why you would try to put your child to sleep in another person’s home during a gathering that features a late dinner.
Especially since you mentioned in a comment you were only 4 minutes away from your parent’s house.Edit: I misread OP’s comment.
Soft YTA I think. It would have been more appropriate for you to have taken your child back to your parents then turn the music down.
One night of less than ideal sleep is not going to cause your child harm. You overreacted here and made it all about your child.
nta. you didn’t yell, you didn’t demand silence, you just turned down a speaker that was literally under your sleeping baby. it’s not like you asked them to end the party, just to chill a bit. people acting like that’s such a huge ask are doing the most. and your husband brushing you off like that? not cool.
NTA. There’s days when you go away and it’s dead silent and they still won’t sleep and it’s exhausting. You have to stack the deck however you can to get them to. Did your partner get the kid to sleep? If he did, great, you were wrong. If he didn’t, he should have dealt with the aftermath of crankiness. I usually just had overtired kid who won’t sleep and scream cried when we went away. You weren’t rude. It was your mum and your side of the family so why it wasn’t your husband upstairs anyway so you can spend time with them I don’t know. Hand him the child directly and retire downstairs for your own nap.
in the future get a hotel. Learning experience for you.
NAH except your husband.
NTA. I don’t know who made these plans, but they were stupid. Why would you stay at a house hosting a party with an infant? You should have somewhere to take the baby so that they can rest. You shouldn’t have to be stuck at the party with a fussy infant.
nah you weren’t out of line at all. your kid was trying to sleep, the speaker was blasting under the room, and you politely turned it down not like you told them to shut the whole party down. the drunk jokes after? uncalled for. they were being loud and immature.
NTA – this isn’t about you being a buzzkill or anything along those lines. You’re trying to keep your kid well rested so that he doesn’t ruin the entire next day for everyone else, and yeah, maybe so that you can enjoy your vacation too, without having to deal with a miserable child.
It’s clear your husband isn’t thinking of tomorrow (is it today?) so I would say let him deal with every tantrum. Any time your child is unhappy as a result of the lack of proper sleep, it’s your husband’s responsibility. He didn’t support you or help you when your child was unable to fall asleep, so you don’t support him or have his back when the consequences happen.
I don’t even have kids, and I know that most of them thrive on routine and proper sleep. If people invite someone with a toddler to stay at their house, they should be willing to accommodate the toddler’s routine and sleep schedule. If they aren’t willing to enforce this accommodation, they’re being bad hosts and quite frankly, I would decline further invites from them.
> I texted my husband asking if he could have them turn the music down. He replied, “He is going to be fine.”
Alright, tool for next time. When you’re struggling to get you kid to sleep and your husband says some shit like this you tell him he can come up and put him to sleep with the music blasting. Not your problem anymore, tag him in and go enjoy the party. Lets face it, if after 10 minutes he had come down and asked the music be a little quieter, they would have taken his word with a lot less nonsense.
Regardless, you shouldn’t be dealing with these situations alone, thats why baby human beings take 2 people to create. It gets stressful and emotional fast, so tap out.
Not waking babies is just as much about the stress it introduces for the parents as it is about the baby. I get that reddit hates all humans under the age of 18 and thinks no accomodations should ever be made for them, but when you invite someone and their baby over, you have hosting obligations to both.
The home owner – who understands how loud that speaker sounds upstairs – realized, and apologized. So nta. The other guests who were giving you shit probably didn’t realize how loud it sounded up where the baby was, or maybe were tipsy or being thoughtless.
Your husband, though. Ffs.
NTA, bro. It’s a basic matter of respect – loud party vs sleepin’ baby, the answer should be a no brainer. Sure, lil dude’s gotta adapt to different environments, but blasting 80s music like it’s a frat party, under his room? Not cool. Stand ur ground; parentin’s tough enough without rude folks judgin’ ur every move. Life’s one big teachable moment, guess this was theirs. Keep your chin up! 👊🍻
YTA because you did it without asking. Do not touch my stuff and do not make me feel like an ass in my own home. I don’t have kids, so I probably wouldn’t have registered that the noise was a problem. A quick “hey, the kid can’t sleep, would you mind turning it down?” is all you needed.
Just to add for some clarity
YTA
NTA. These people sound like dicks, including your husband.
Several of my friends have babies or small children. No one has seen them for an overnight visit in months because they refuse to deal with disruptions to the kids’ routines.
It’s not surprising you were tired and emotional. You have gone out of your way to visit people even though it’s tough to travel with a baby. It seems like you’re the parent who deals with your son when he is tired and cranky, even when you’re tired. Yet no one is supporting you.
I think this is worth a serious conversation with your husband. Tell him you will refuse to go on overnight trips in future unless he can not only cooperate, but co-parent. He can’t refuse to support you. Dismissing you and walking out is not acceptable. You need to sit down and agree on a supportive, cooperative approach for the future.
Also, these are your parents, not his, so you should be clear with them that you won’t visit unless they can be supportive in future.
If your husband and parents won’t support you, don’t visit until your son is older.
This might be a lesson learned situation. I honestly didn’t accept invitations to stay with anyone and just declined or made arrangements that would guarantee that I could keep my child’s schedule (stay in a separate hotel or Airbnb instead of vacationing with others) while my child was small. I was strict with her routine, but I didn’t anticipate anyone to accommodate her even if they assured me that they would. It just didn’t seem realistic and I hate to impose a toddler’s routine on others and prevent them from having fun. I understand you didn’t quite know how it would be and were assured that others would be accommodating, but I wouldn’t trust that or want to impose on anyone and would much rather not come if I couldn’t get separate lodging.
EAH
One of the best pieces of advice I was given from my pediatrician was to make no effort to silence or reduce the volume of household noise while our baby was sleeping, especially the first few months.
She said that the best thing to do was to keep normal household volume, television, dishes, vacuuming, whatever you would do normally, continue to do that while the child is sleeping. Babies adapt very quickly sleeping stimuli, and if you condition your child to sleep in silence, that’s the only way they’ll be able to sleep.
You were the asshole for thinking you get to control the volume of music at someone else’s house. That’s on you. That is not your decision to make.
They were the assholes for being a dick about it. They didn’t have to make jokes, or be snarky.
Also you could have easily told your husband that he can put the baby down if it’s so easy, and you could have gone downstairs to enjoy yourself. Not down to the basement to cry.
INFO: Was there another room you could have moved him to that was not right above the music? Did you ask?
This sounds incredibly frustrating. Being a parent to a young child is so hard.
I’m going to say NAH, with the caveat that you and your husband are the ones that need to change. You aren’t being rude or malicious, so I don’t want to put a negative label on you, but here is why I feel it is on you to change:
This is a party. Whether it was labeled as such or not, 9 adults drinking together in the evening is going to be “party-like”. You can’t expect this type of environment to be quiet.
This is not your home. It is not even your family’s home. It is the home of your parents’ friends. You can’t be going into their home and telling them to quiet down.
Perhaps it would have been better for your husband to stay back at your parents’ home with the child while you attended the party. This way, you can still socialize and enjoy the time with your parents, but your child gets a quiet environment in which to sleep. I know it doesn’t sound fair that one parent needs to miss out on the fun, but that’s part of being a parent.
I think you were kidding yourself that nine adults at a social gathering would be quiet all evening so that one toddler could sleep. Your expectations were unreasonable.
NAH, I don’t think you’re an asshole, but I think you were in the wrong. You didn’t think this through. The fact that you complained about cutlery noise illustrates your unreasonable expectation.
I’ll say NAH. Given that the homeowner was fine with it and willing to accommodate, I don’t think you were way out of line, though it probably would have been better to ask them to turn down the music (or move the speaker so it wasn’t under your son) rather than doing it yourself. One night of disrupted sleep isn’t going to harm your son, so I think you did stress out about this more than you needed to — you could have just let him be and hopefully enjoyed yourself.
YTA. You didn’t even ask, you calmly told them you were turning down music. You were a guest of a guest (your mother) at a place you were being included to do outdoor activities. Your family was being done a favor to be included. You never turn down people’s music or make any demands in that situation. You selfishly put a damper on your hosts evening.
(The real issue seems to be you didn’t like the scene, you thrive on structure and schedules, your husband seemed happy and your child sounded fine. You were rude to your mother and her friends hosting you. Trust your spouse on this one. Next vacation do not stay at other people’s houses as your lodging, get separate rental accommodations.)
NAH. You’re going to learn that kids will sleep when they are tired. They will sleep even when there is a loud noise going on. The new baby will go to sleep while the toddler is throwing a tantrum. If your home is always quiet now when your child is trying to sleep, you’re doing a disservice to them and yourself for the future.
YTA—
“we came for a weekend of fishing, not for a party specifically. We plan to leave today. I didn’t know there would be as many adults here as there were when I accepted the invitation. Had I known I may have opted to skip this weekend to make things easier.”
You said you were leaving today, THEN LEAVE.
You didn’t know it would be so many adults…..why did you not ask??
You are at someone elses house and it’s 8:45pm-10:30pm on a weekend with a house full of adults- if it’s too loud then drive the 4 hours back to your mom’s, find a hotel, or put up with the sound. Don’t go and turn down someone else stereo.
YTA. Parents seem to think they’re the center of the universe and everyone should cater to them.
You are a guest.
You took a toddler to an event where people are drinking and having fun, but you expect everyone to shut down at 9pm because your toddler needs to sleep?
I have raised 4 kids, so I speak from experience. Most kids can handle noisy environments. If you want quiet – don’t go to the event. I have booked separate hotels or skipped parties.
From my experience, saying “hey, the baby is sleeping, can we not be super loud” (not TELL them you’re turning down their music), most will oblige. And if they won’t, deal with it. Go up and lie down with the toddler. Even if they’re stirred, they will go back to sleep if you’re there.
This is a tricky situation for parents. I don’t think anyone is the problem here. It’s hard to anticipate what will happen at someone else’s place.
As a parent, I would just mentally prepare myself to expect the unexpected. Since you’re used to a lot of structure, just remember that when you’re out of your safe zone, it will be chaos.
If you’re mentally prepared for all types of nonsense, it won’t feel overwhelming and won’t result in you breaking down.
I think for the situation you handled it okay, you could have just spoken to the homeowners and explained to them that you would appreciate if the music was turned down but it’s something for next time. You might even want to consider not going to people’s place if you don’t know what to expect.
I would have left and went to a hotel the rest of the trip. I wouldn’t hang with people who think that being an ahole is okay and funny. That’s shit parent behavior aka single person behavior that never cared about others
Yeah, you’re the ass. Get a hotel. Sucks to suck but don’t have kids if you don’t want to feel left out when they have different bed times and you expect them to sleep in different places they don’t know. You’re in someone else’s home, you expect them to cater to ONE child? Nah. Get your head out of your ass, quit being selfish and grow tf up.
Edited to add: All of us pregant lady/new moms have been there but I am lovingly calling you out as the AH in this one.
Your husband’s reply suggests he already knew you were going to make a dramatic fuss and he’s trying to calmly reassure you back to reality along with your mom and your dad who also agreed with your husband. Unless your parents are assholes and you in turn married an asshole, then went to visit asshole friends, you were being a hormonal, cranky, pregnant, control freak martyr who decided to further torture herself by refusing to eat and going off crying to bed…. then you fell asleep and your son fell asleep despite how terribly loud and asshole-ish everyone else was being???
Surprised by the amount of comments unaware of the host’s obligation to their guests… and yes the toddler is their guest. This particular guest has a biological need of 14 hours of sleep a day, and no capacity to grit through it like an adult would.
I might have left after it became the gathering was boomer party time. People are either gracious or they’re not.
You’re at someone else’s house deal with the noise or go get a hotel, your child is going to fall asleep eventually, you were rude and dramatic there was no need for the scene you caused and then skipped dinner because you didn’t want to be accountable and deal with the awkwardness you created, left your husband to deal with it, the homeowners are owed an apology, best of luck.
Just so I’m clear, you basically had a grow woman tantrum ? Just a thought, could some of it be due to your hormones? Could some of it being a first time mom ? which I hear is stressful?
I asked my mom a question about how it seemed my younger brother got away with so much? She said, “ You came first and a lot of stuff was us trying to figure out what would work and what wouldn’t. By the time your brother came in the picture we had a better idea of what not to do.” I said so I was your guinea pig? She said well yea, if you want to look at it that way.
NTA, it’s clear who here is a mother and who is a drunk partier.
Yes. Key words “ someone else’s house.”
NTA.
How about your husband just goes every time your child wakes up?
I get the point of having fun and listening to music while drinking a bit or whatever but when you have a toddler over you just act like responsible adults and listen on the volume that’s working for the child.
Your husband didn’t had your back and let you fight two fights, making the baby sleep and handling ignorant adults.
Does he normally supports you and takes his part of the mental load?
NTA, people are being ridiculous, she can’t just leave they were visiting from out of town. The people hosting were aware there was going to be a toddler and still invited them, they need to make accommodations. It’s not the end of the world to turn DOWN (not off) the music. Your husband failed you in not helping and making you feel worse. The jokes I’m sure sucked in the moment but I doubt they were ill intended.
ESH. They shouldn’t have invited a toddler if they knew it would be loud like that, but also I see the argument that they are trying to have a good time too. I just know though that if I was inviting a baby over then I would also make some considerations regarding that baby.
The one who sucks most though is your husband. Next time he says “he’ll be fine” then you need to make him do the work putting the baby down.
YTA As a mother who raised 6 and cares intermittently for 5 grandchildren but who isn’t a big partier, OP you are a guest in someone’s home [someone who is not even a friend of yours]. As a guest, you should expect to adapt to their home in a way that does not prevent it from being their normal environment. A party with 9 adults should not be required to adapt to the requirements of a toddler [whether 1.5 yo or 28 yo] who doesn’t live there.
OP has told us she “thrives on structure.” As a guest in someone else’s home, it is rude to impose OP’s structure on everyone there. If she is unwilling to get along with the purpose of the visit [attend an adult party], she should have engaged someone to care for her child at her IL’s home or stayed overnight somewhere that she can expect silence for her child.
YTA
Yuck on your husband for not helping. Having been in very similar situation before, I packed me and baby up and went to a hotel by ourselves and had a lovely sleep.
People saying YTA. I disagree 😭 she wasn’t being rude or anything. Having a kid crying for a while and not being able to sleep for a long time is very frustrating.
I have no kids but I use to babysit a lot in my teen years. (I say teen years as if it was forever ago I just turned 20 today😂) Idk what family doesn’t help each other out. Turning down the music till the kid falls asleep then you can go back to what you do isn’t difficult just because you don’t HAVE TO. Doesn’t mean it isn’t a nice thing to do.
It doesn’t make them the AH for not wanting to, but it doesn’t make her the AH either for asking and turning the volume down.
If it was my sister and my family we would have helped her out. Being a mom isn’t easy. Also, your husband is an AH. Why hadn’t he tried to help HIS CHILD SLEEP?
In my opinion, the only real AH here is your husband. He should be helping as a parent. You’re frustrated from all this labor of being a mom. And your family has a right to have fun on their vacation.
ESH why didn’t husband come put the baby to sleep since he didn’t think it would be a problem?
Probably should have been in a different room but overall YTA. Eventually that kid will fall asleep on its own at 1.5 years old. Soothe and leave em alone they’ll figure it out
Nta. They could have kept the music turned down. Drunk people are rude. Just ignore them.
YTA. You are a guest.
NTA, but you’re asking in the wrong place. In this sub you will get a lot of child free people saying “OMG parents are so EnTiTLeD!” or people claiming they raised 48 children and never once had to inconvenience another person.
NTA look, if you like someone enough to invite them and their baby to come stay at your house? It shouldn’t feel like a huge imposition to turn down the music while the baby is sleeping. Now I would recommend to OP that she prep some routines that help – white noise machine, be ready to go out to the car and drive around or allow a bad night and call the visit early so the baby can get back on schedule the next night. My sister travels with the white noise machine and we don’t party, but we also don’t have to be quiet because the kids are accustomed to that noise. Things like that will help you feel like you have control mechanisms in hand rather than relying on someone else to be a good sport in a time when so many people only care about what they have to do, not what’s considerate or kind.
I don’t get why some are dragging the husband here?
When I was hormonal and pregnant (and even sometimes now when my teenagers are being teenagers and I’m all spun up about it) I always relied on my husband and my mom to be the voices of reason. They could talk me down when I knew I was likely being over emotional with pregnant brain and wasn’t seeing things or reacting to things the way I normally would.
OP’s husband reassured her multiple times, took the monitor so she could go cool down, and then came to check on her after 15-20 minutes.
OP was stuck on being right and wouldn’t budge.
She has worded her post to sound super reasonable after the fact so we are against everyone but her.
Her mom, her dad and her husband were all reassuring her and telling her to come back, relax and that the 1.5 year old was safe and would go to sleep.
Also not sure but sounds like OP is still either rocking the child to sleep or staying in the room until they fall asleep which is also a bit over the top at 1.5 years.
Sounds to me like husband isn’t shirking his duties, and grandma/grandpa aren’t being unhelpful, but that OP has made it her duty to have everything perfect all the time because she “thrives on structure” and husband isn’t feeding into it.
YTA unfortunately. It’s not your house or even your parents’ house. You don’t get to change anything in someone else’s home. You went to a party with other adults. You don’t like it? Take your kid and go back to your parents’ place. It’s that easy.
Also, pediatricians frequently recommend NOT to change the volume on things because then you train kids to only fall asleep in their quiet hole surroundings, which is what happened here.
YTA. It wasn’t your house and you expected to mess up other people having a good time. The circumstances suck but you didn’t really have the right to barge around and change things in someone else’s place, at someone else’s event.
YTA
YTA. You’re going to have to sleep train your child to sleep through noise, or your house is going to have to be silent as the grave for him to sleep. He also needs to learn to self soothe as a toddler. This isn’t a baby anymore.
In a situation like this you’re on vacation schedule. Bring the baby out to everyone. Pass the baby around the table, everyone gets a baby fix and you get to be part of the atmosphere. This is how it’s been done for hundreds of years, especially in Europe. It’s hard to loosen up being a new mom, but you were invited, you’re allowed to take up space and enjoy the trip too.
“I try hard not to let my child be an inconvenience to others or expect people to adjust their lives around him.”
Goes to adult party at a friend of the family’s house pit of town on a Saturday night and proceeds to make it all about you, inconvenience others and force others to adjust to you.
YTA.
They invited a toddler and need to be respectful. You did nothing wrong! I would have been so mad.
No. Sounds like they were all AH’s. Babies needs take precedent. Were they drunk coz I’m baffled by their lack of thought and concern.
Gentle YTA. This wasn’t a suitable get together to bring your child to. The homeowners and other guests have every right to enjoy themselves. Perhaps next time hire a sitter or enjoy the daytime activities and go home to your own beds and familiar surroundings.
YTA – why, when the baby went down the first time didn’t you turn the sound machine up higher? you knew there were 8 adults downstairs getting dinner ready. Also, your husband is an AH for his lack of support to you.
NTA. Ive been around similar situations many times where it’s a big gathering but there’s also kids/toddlers that need to sleep, and nobody has ever had an issue with being considerate. Also if I were you I would’ve made the husband put him to sleep
YTA
ESH
As a parent, you need to be making better arrangements for your family. If it’s a party atmosphere, it might not be the best place for a baby sleeping. With so many guests, I’m curious why you had the room above the noise? Additionally, if you want to travel with the baby and stay with lots of people, you need to accept that their sleep might be off. You and husband take turns if someone needs to be with the baby, whoever has the closer relationship to the hosts/guests maybe gets a little extra time at the party.
Your husband should have immediately offered to stay with the baby and give you a break, AFTER nicely asking for the music to be turned down a bit. Being a partner means sharing the load, especially if you see your spouse is getting frustrated or overwhelmed. And everyone else could have at least tried to be a bit quieter and have a bit of compassion for a parent trying to get their baby to sleep and still enjoy the evening.
NAH They’re understandably trying to enjoy their evening. You’re pregnant, pregnancy causes a hormonal imbalance (mood swings, it sounds like you had one). No one is an AH here.
NTA.
Had you done what commenter are saying and not gone with your kid if you wanted it quiet by 10 (very reasonable), than you’d be getting comments on how you shouls just bring your kid and not use them as an excuse to not be there. There’s no winning.
YTA. Mexican babies fall and stay asleep at weddings, parties, get togethers with full DJ and mariachis. No one wants to tip toe around ur kid, next time get a hotel. You don’t get to dictate the rules at someone else’s house.
YTA and doing yourself a huge disservice by not letting your child learn to sleep with noise. If you do know that your child can’t handle it and that you cannot handle the change in schedule, you aren’t ready to go to these things. Raised two children. Currently have two grandchildren at my house.
YTA
Your kid was probably freaking out because
youwere freaking out.I’m sure there was a space, somewhere, in this house, that was quiet. You could’ve found it if you’d been less intent on being difficult.
I’m going to say no one was TAH, except maybe your husband for not helping you with the child you share & both parent.
Miscommunication, exhaustion, hormones, and toddlers trying to sleep in new locations is a a recipe for a bad time. I have one that could have slept through anything. I also have one that would wake up if someone 3 counties over sneezed (slight exaggeration).
People who have not had young children for a few years forget. Or people who don’t have children, or have children who can sleep through anything, simply don’t realize.
When my light sleeper was a toddler I refused to stay with anyone who wasn’t family. One time when my husband was deployed, my in-laws booked me a room in a hotel and kept the kids so I could sleep and not be woken up by my, “I’m afraid I’m going to miss something if I sleep through the night,” child. That was the best night of sleep I’ve had as a parent.
Soft YTA.
Look you can’t be a guest in someone’s house and control the volume.
Did you speak to the hosts? Explain your situation and ask for alternatives?
Your behavior was rude and entitled.
Next time speak to the hosts directly yourself. Explain your situation and ASK them if they could accommodate you.
As a guest of a guest I’d have asked you to leave. I’m unsure why you couldn’t just use your words before it escalated that much.
You were rude in behavior but as a host if I was aware I’d have tried to accommodate your needs.
Yta
If she is yta than, that means on the other hand people that dont have kids cant B!+ch when babies cry or kids make noise when they want to relax…it goes both ways..
World does not revolve around u either. Suck it up.
NTAH but I made a point of staying noisy when my kids napped so they’d sleep through anything. We were all well rested.
NTA but you learned a lesson. Even your own husband won’t support you. It is not unreasonable to ask for the music to be turned down. These people know you have a young child. They invited you to stay in their home. I guarantee you that the others there would feel the same way you do if they had their young child they were trying to put down to sleep. It is not that hard to be respectful and turn down the music. Middle aged people don’t need to get wasted and loud then put down the parent when they are trying to be reasonable. I honestly would have brought my child down to the “party” and allowed him to scream his butt off in front of eveyrone. I wonder how that would affect their ability to listen to 80s music.
Don’t agree to stay over people’s houses in these situations. Your husband is going to disagree with you for the sake of avoiding “drama.” You aren’t going to get any support from your mom who would rather get sloppy than help her daughter make sure her grandson is put to sleep without any issues.
Its about common respect and very few people at that event showed you any.
Your husband should had been helping you. You were feeling emotional and frustrated and you were the one dealing with the situation.
You have a husband issue and I think you need to practice being loud around your baby so it sleeps through things like this. I’ve heard parents say that they’ve tried to minimize loud sounds so that baby can sleep, but you’re not mimicking a real environment and you can’t go to outside places and expect everything to be quiet. So instead of trying to limit the loudness, go about your business as normal and baby will adjust. I’m not saying to put the vacuum next to him while it’s running or ruin his eardrums with loud music, but I’m sure you guys have been tiptoeing around and being more quiet than you normally would be, all to keep him asleep.
Do the loud things and he’ll learn to sleep through it. Also, he doesn’t have to be soothed every single time he cries. Are you allowing some time for him to self sooth? They start learning around 4 months but it sounds like every time he cried you ran up there.
YTA. You have to know your boundaries and what works for you. I never stay anywhere that I can’t control my environment. I like to relax with a book before I go to sleep. I want quiet. I don’t expect anyone to fulfill my needs. I’m a grown woman.
You have a kid. You should know better.
I don’t change anything for a child.
Take care of its needs. This is a choice you made.
NTA your parents should be more considerate. If they don’t respect your boundaries for the baby, best not to visit them anymore.
I’d be pretty pissy too if I had loud music playing at full volume next to my bedroom and couldn’t catch a wink of sleep. I wonder how they’d feel if someone returned the favor on them?
Yes. if you are in an environment your child shouldn’t be PLEASE go home.All the guest who did not bring a child will be appreciative.This extends to all locations.
I do not understand these ytas. I do t have kids but boy oh boy if a friend was over and their kid was trying to sleep I would do my best to make them comfortable because im not an a hole. You guys seem like bad friends/family. So selfish. NTA you were respectful and the owner of the house apologized.
NTA.. It’s fascinating to me that according to so many comments a host suddenly has no obligations to hospitality for a guest when a child is involved.
If I was invited on a fishing trip and then there were suddenly a bunch of other people I didn’t know would be attending loudly singing at 10pm, I would consider it a reasonable ask to turn down the volume slightly for any attendee attempting to sleep, much less a baby. It’s not like you barged into a party with your baby in tow and insisted on joining – the hosts invited you full knowing you had a child, the hosts should have made basic accommodations for your comfort.
Maybe it’s a culture gap but in my family if you invite people to stay with you and they have kids you show consideration for the needs of the kids 🤷♀️
You’re a guest in their home. YTA. The level of entitlement in today’s posts are wild.
YTA. Your child’s sleeping habits while being a guest at someone else’s house don’t get to determine what the homeowners and ALL the other guests get to do! Sounds like this is a vacation situation and everyone is enjoying themselves, you don’t get to kill the vibe for your baby. Sorry. And I’ve said this to family members who try to shush me from speaking normally inside a house because a child is sleeping.
However I’ll give you some grace because it sounds like you are doing the majority of the childcare and your husband is being an asshole. I would encourage you to have more fun and let your husband be more worried about your baby.
ESH
This sounds just like when my parents dragged me to some relatives house for a “get together” which inevitably turned into a loud, drunken party.
My father was just as dismissive and would throw me into bedrooms when I got on his nerves with my “whining” which was little me just wanting to go to sleep in my own bed and not in a strange place.
One time a drunken couple even landed on me because they didn’t notice me on the bed.
Like the people at this party, the adults around me just expected me to put up with it.
In the future, you should assume that all “outdoor activities” and “family get-togethers” will end this way. The adults in my life constantly insisted “oh no, this time is just a small get-together”, but that was always a lie just to convince my mother to drag me to another drunken bash.
NTA. Your husband sucks here.
Am I going crazy? What is it with all the YTA? The room to accommodate the baby only has a door separating itself from the noise, they hear this baby wailing, and they blast music at full volume to belt along to? Everyone doesnt need to be silent but come on, at that point theyre just trying to keep the baby awake.
Also, your husband should have dealt with this.
Babies are notorious for sleeping in loud places. Hence the term “slept like a baby.”’ Last football season there was a baby deadass asleep in the bleachers right behind me. It was insanely loud there and he was just a’snoozin.
Put your kid in the car, put on some calming music and drive him/her around for a bit. Once they’re zonked out, go back to the house.
Do not overtake someone else’s party and then go pout because it doesn’t conform to you and your child. You’re not entitled to domination over everything because you have a kid.
YTA
They can stay up with him then. I hate people like that, like if you know I’ve got a kid and you’re willing to do that then don’t invite me!
NTA. Don’t invite parents with a toddler and expect not to make changes for the kid.
ESH sorry I too have a 1.5 year old he’s NOT a good sleeper at all and has extreme fomo so if he knows a parties going on he won’t sleep.
I think you needed to adjust your expectations for his sleep. If he’s not sleeping bring him down maybe. His schedule will be messed up and it might cause a few days/week of disturbed sleep but that’s what it when you go to other people’s houses.🤷🏽♀️
We’ve left places early and got a hotel when he needed to sleep and was unable. Or he stays up until past midnight on New Year’s Eve because he knew a party was happening downstairs and needed to be apart of it. We’ve gone into rooms and stayed there with him for the entire night before switching off to eat on occasion.
That’s what it is to not make your child an inconvenience to others you make YOURSELF inconvenienced then Instead
They are the AHs for not offering another room that may have been quieter and for making fun of you?? WTF is that!
And don’t even get me started on your husband biggest AH here
NTA. If you are hosting a family with a baby, the baby is a guest, too. It’s being a good host to accommodate for things like a baby needing to sleep. It’s okay that they didn’t think about it in the first place, but it’s being a shitty host if a guest asks for a reasonable request for you to not only dismiss their request but make fun of the guest for it. Same as if this wasn’t a baby, it was an adult with a migraine.
And your husband should have had your back. Him dismissing you instead of offering to take a shift with the baby is being a bad partner and a bad parent.
The problem lies in the fact that you did what you wanted in someone else’s house. You could have gone to the owners, explained the situation, and asked them to please lower the volume of the music.