We are currently having the first cold snap of the year where I live. Last week it was 80°. Last night it got down into the 20s°f. As a result, my house got very cold. It was 54°f when I woke up. It only got up to 57°f during the day.
I was very cold so I turned on the heat in the house just to raise it to 65° max and then I was going to shut it off. Tonight won’t be nearly as cold so I knew if I turned the heat on, warmer up the house a little, the shut it back off, it will maintain better.
My spouse came in and saw I turned on the thermostat and turned it off and got mad that I used it because I “didnt need it”.
I’m cold. I have on pants and a sweatshirt and socks and I have been under my heated blanket. I’m warm if I am under it, but I’d like to be able to get up and do things without being freezing. My hands are freezing because I can’t just sit here with my arms under the blanket all evening.
So AITA for turning the heat on because I was cold?
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We are currently having the first cold snap of the year where I live. Last week it was 80°. Last night it got down into the 20s°f. As a result, my house got very cold. It was 54°f when I woke up. It only got up to 57°f during the day.
I was very cold so I turned on the heat in the house just to raise it to 65° max and then I was going to shut it off. Tonight won’t be nearly as cold so I knew if I turned the heat on, warmer up the house a little, the shut it back off, it will maintain better.
My spouse came in and saw I turned on the thermostat and turned it off and got mad that I used it because I “didnt need it”.
I’m cold. I have on pants and a sweatshirt and socks and I have been under my heated blanket. I’m warm if I am under it, but I’d like to be able to get up and do things without being freezing. My hands are freezing because I can’t just sit here with my arms under the blanket all evening.
So AITA for turning the heat on because I was cold?
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> I turned on the heat in the house without mentioning it or asking and my spouse got man.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA
Info: what is your spouses concern with you turning the heat on? Cost? System not serviced yet?
NTA. It’s not like you are blasting the heat. I get being conservative about HVAC because energy bills are insane, but you deserve some level of comfort.
NTA. Warming up the house a little, trapping heat for the night ahead, is normal and sensible behaviour.
Do you live in Michigan?
NTA. And oh my.
Im angry on your behalf. Why does he get to be the one to decide the temp?
As a spouse, he should care that you’re comfortable. 65 is still chilly, so it’s not like you were trying to create a sauna.
Please don’t give in on this; nobody deserves to sacrifice their comfort.
NTA—54°F is too cold for inside (I personally think 65 is a little too cold too (unless it’s overnight), but it’s not unreasonable)
NTA. I have the cold pretty much 24/7 on, I live in a hot climate, and I used to put the heat on before we’d shower because we hate coming out of the shower and freeze while drying. I only stopped because I read it was too taxing on the system to go from cold to hot like that. What’s your spouse’s reasoning? Also for us, anything under 65°F is way too damn cold and you better be turning that heat on type of event, I would be dying if I were in your shoes right now.
NTA. It is not reasonable for your spouse to expect you to endure an uncomfortably cool temperature in your own home. Turn the heat up if you need to and tell him to go pound sand.
NTA – Need a long conversation about HVAC and hearing equality.
Bruh you were cold, you turned on the heat. That’s basic survival not a crime….your spouse needs to chill literally
There is NOTHING more miserable than being cold! Continue to keep the chill out of your home. NTA
Who gave this guy the right to control you ? and making you miserable in the process (not that this AH cares in the least). He is a mean ba****d. Just my opinion.
NTA.
I turned the heat on two mornings this week. I was cold. I’ll do it again if I damn well please. I’m an adult. I’m a 50/50 member of this household. I get just as much say in if the heat/ac runs as anyone else.
Nta. If you’re cold, get warmer, if he has a problem with that it’s concerning. Very not good from him. You should questions things…
NTA. That’s SO cold! Maybe it’s because I’m a Californian but that’s arctic to me. I don’t use the heat in my house and my husband complains sometimes but I have thermometers in every single room and it is NEVER colder than 70’ in this god forsaken apartment.
NTA. This is perfectly reasonable. We’ve had a couple of very chilly nights and my house is pretty cold in the mornings. I turn on the gas fireplace to warm up the living area so the morning is comfortable. The funny thing is the afternoon gets so warm we still put on the ceiling fans, lol!
37 degrees this morning outside. 54 inside. You bet I turned on the heat.
Nta if they like the cold soo much they can sleep outside.
Nta and you must be in michigan lol
NTA, your spouse is high if he thinks a date is the magic time it’s okay to turn on the heat and not when his spouse is freezing. Go put your icy hands directly on his skin and steal all of his body heat until he gets the memo.
Why does your spouse feel entitled to dictate your needs?
NTA.
What is your partner like during the rest of winter? You didn’t do anything wrong and people acting like that without any sort of seek to understand conversation about why you turned the heater on to learn that you were cold, annoy me. It doesn’t matter what the temperature is outside. If you’re cold inside, use the heater. If you’re hot inside, use the ac. That’s what it’s there for.
NTA. New Englanders turn this into an endurance competition between knuckleheads who make it a point of pride that they force their families to freeze in order to save a few dollars. These are the same people who wear shorts with their “big coat” in January. Some won’t turn on the heat in October, some are stupidly proud of waiting until Thanksgiving. Mother Nature doesn’t care about the date on the calendar, and making your family suffer because you haven’t hit some arbitrary date is an AH move. I get that it can be expensive to heat the house, but that’s just part of the deal when you live in New England. It’s your house and your utilities, too, so you get a say in whether or not to turn on the heat.
I would think it’s a good idea to go ahead and turn it on anyway to make sure that sucker is going to work this winter ❄️☃️
New Englander here. A lot of people I know don’t turn on the heat until November first. I think that’s ridiculous. And i’m one of those people who gets overheated really easily. I say if it gets below 65, it’s time to turn on the heat.
I pride myself for the amount of months I keep it turned off. But when it gets cold it’s time to turn it back on. Wife is a biatch
NTA. This time of the year,we program our thermostat to heat if it drops below 65 and cool if it goes above 75.
It should at least 65 minimum during the day. NTA
NOT AT ALL!!! having another person decide what I need is a deal breaker, but then I’m a single mom :). But seriously, being freezing cold makes you a lot less productive at everything so you’re actually making sure you can be functional, and that is perfectly fine.
MIL said ( when I moved to NE) no heat til Nov. 15-put on a sweatah
I have no idea if you’re the AH or not. Sorry man, I live in Georgia. It’s gonna get down to 57f tonight. I’m opening my windows.
NTA – is he your equal spouse or is he your parent?
NTA, but your husband is! I’m a female and I often say that there is nothing angrier that a woman who is freezing cold. That internal house temperature is way too cold. We keep ours around 68 in winter and 75 in summer.
NTA… i turned my heat on for the first time yesterday too
NTA
Even I would turn the heat on if it got that cold.
what the hell? 65 is COLD for room temp. OSHA recommends 68 degrees at minimum (i know, because my office at work is regularly 63-65 and i feel like it should be illegal to be that cold).
you have the right to be comfortable in your own home. who cares if you’re not technically going to die of hypothermia at 54 degrees, it’s uncomfortable and distressing. (cold stress is a thing). what’s the point of even having heating if you can’t use it?
I lived the first 7 years of my married life, with two little ones, in a house that was never warm. I swore once we had forced air heat, I was not going to be cold, nor would my children be, again.
I had the house set at 70 degrees when we lived in California and now in Houston area, our house is bigger and new with higher ceilings so it’s more like 71-72 when the temp drops for that month in the winter. There is also a time of year when we have the air conditioning on during the day and the heat on at night.
I get annoyed when others in the house turn on the heat or the A/C without discussing it first but that’s because when the HVAC is off, we usually have a bedroom window open. My other family members don’t check for open windows before turning it on. (I don’t mind the heat or A/C on but I don’t want it going out the open window.) I tell them to do a window check first but they seldom do.
What is the issue with turning on the heater?
Is it a big thing where you live?
I live in Tasmania, the little island at the bottom of Australia. If it gets cold, which it does, we put the heater on. We have double glazed windows, etc, to retain heat, but it still gets cold.
I have to have my heat and my AC on at perfect temperature otherwise my husband can’t walk so I understand. Why it might be something like that but not to let you put it on at all That’s just stupid but I understand I had my AC on one day and then have my heat on the next day. If it’s cold put the heat on if it’s warm too warm but the AC on it’s even better for the health It was too cold you need to have the heat on or at least like a portable heater or something
NTA – 57 is way too cold inside. And besides, if something is wrong with the furnace after being off for months, it’s better to find out now than when it’s really cold out.
NTA
You were cold. You needed it.
You need to walk up to him all sultry like , reach your hands down into his pants , grab his junk with your freezing cold hand, and whisper into his ear “turn on the f** heat. It’s freezing in here. “
When you’re cold, add a layer.
But figure out the minimum temperature for the house and don’t be afraid to turn the heat on when it goes below that assuming you can afford it.
We set our thermostat for 67⁰ in the daytime and 64⁰ at night.
If it’s really windy, we set it higher since cold air infiltration is a thing.
We had oil in our old house, which was much bigger and much draftier. Sometimes the bill hit $800 to fill the tank.
This place is about half the size with gas heat, cooking, and hot water.
Last year the average bill was about $125/month with a low of $25 and a high of $330.
Freaking out over turning the heat on once is not good, assuming you had some clothes on.
NAH – however I can only assume you live in new england and I am with your husband it is too early to turn on the heat.
If you live in new england you need to understand the culture here and you just bundle up when there is a cold snap prior to november. Exceptions if you have some sort of condition or are elderly
Takes very little energy to heat the house in that scenario. And testing the system before a deep freeze it super important. Win win and totally reasonable
Idlk, I feel there’s more to this. Maybe spouse is sole bread winner and they can’t afford it or maybe neither are working rn so really can’t afford it
NTA apparently your spouse doesn’t care that you’re dressed like Nanook of the North. Although, in every relationship there is one that runs hot and one that runs cold. It’s a never ending battle. A magical thing happens as you age though. Your spouse will start getting cold too. They’ll lie and say they aren’t cold but they are. You’ll know in your frozen little heart they will wait for the “aha you ARE cold” for the rest of their natural life. That should keep you warm 😁
Nta. 65! Omg i keep my house at 71 in the winters. 65 is way too low! (Virginian here lol)
NTA ! if you’re cold you need to get warm, you should definitely try to talk it out with him more, try to make him understand that you were cold, and if he doesn’t want to listen then maybe take a closer look at how he treats you because no good partner would force their partner to be uncomfortable like that!
Where did the original poster say that the spouse was male? I go through shit like this with my hormonally whacked out wife all the time.
We moved from Miami to Cape Cod. That first fall I came home one night to my husband wrapped in His heaviest jacket and pants under a blanket with the dog chilling on the couch. I explained to him that it truly was ok to turn on the heat.
Sigh….. I’m so glad my fiance never bothers with our “fancy, high-faluting” digital thermostat. Since I started perimenopause, he gave up trying to figure it out. He never really cared anyway as long as I never tried to roast him out. NTA
Unless the family is struggling financially, this is controlling behavior. Its doesn’t matter if only he works, he should care about your comfort and well-being. This also indicates your husband doesn’t respect you or value you.
You need a new husband.
If you don’t have a job, get one. If you have a job, find one that pays more or is a promotion. Become more financially independent so that you feel empowered and feel your have every right to turn the heat on.
If you prefer not working, volunteer. Do things to get you out of the house (warmer places) and network, make new friends.
From Google search:
>There is no single federal minimum temperature requirement for all apartments, as standards vary by location. However, a common baseline is 68°F in habitable rooms, and this is frequently the minimum required by many state and local laws…
NTA
NTA. You live there, too. That said, I keep my house at 55°F in winter, but I’m well dressed for it and I wouldn’t expect a guest/spouse to suffer. He was unreasonable.
It’s not December yet! /s
My mother while growing up.
If you pay the bill, NTA.
NTA – your husband is being unreasonable
Are you the asshole? For turning on the heat. In the house that you live in? I hate men. NTA
NTA
We keep our thermostat on automatic all year. If it gets below 67 the heat comes on. If it gets above 73 the AC comes on. A house in the 50s?? No. Heat needs to be on. That is ridiculous!
NTA. I did the same thing. lol 😜
I had to turn the heat on the other night just to get the chill out of the house. NTA. I turned it to 65 as well, that’s not hot.
NTA
Your spouse sounds like an asshole. If he’s so upset about it, tell him to make more fuckin money.
Does he know women are more sensitive to cold ? Are guys that poor that he prefers you to be cold ?’
Just in case you weren’t aware, it is entirely possible to get hypothermic at 65°, let alone cooler. This has the potential to be a health risk.
Eta: NTA
Maybe it’s time to heat the person and not the house. I’m a fan of electric blankets.
NTA. I did the same thing! Northeast. If it’s cold enough for frost it’s cold enough for heat! Also I’m done being uncomfortable.
YTA /S – You know the rules, no heat till trick or treat!
I am assuming you are in New England, preparing for winter is a marathon not a sprint. It’s not about what short period of heat will do but about helping your body adjust to the cold to make the winter easier to handle. Lots of layers and maybe a space heater or a fire if you are intent on cheating, but no oil/electric/heat pump.
NTA. I also tend to be a bit strict on what “deserves” the heat to be run since I’m perfectly fine wearing sweats and hoodies in the house. Below 60 inside is where I cave. I shouldn’t be seeing my breath.
It sounds like your temps were a touch colder than where I am and I turned on the heat and even made a small fire in the wood stove. NTA, it’s nice to be warm
Go get a new thermostat. One that you can set a max and min temperature.
Then no one even has to think about it, because it keeps the house comfortable all year, no matter what weird temporary weather conditions do.
It sounds like you both can deal with a wide temperature range.
The only reason I can think of not to want to run the furnace before whenever, is if it needs to be inspected before use. But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, just a crazy, arbitrary thing your husband has concocted in his fevered mind.
Your spouse sounds like my ex. He kept the apartment at 55°C in winter and summer. The kids coughed all year long. It’s part of why he’s an ex.
NTA. My husband and I wage a silent internal was against Mother Nature to see how long we can go without turning the heat on, but when we get that cold it’s over.
If you’re cold, you’re cold. You should be warm and comfy.
My home will be at a comfortable temperature. It’s my home. If it’s too hot or too cold it doesn’t feel like home. Anything below 68 is too cold.
NTA
My husband is a walking blast furnace and he turned the heat on this morning before he went to work because HE was cold so he knew that I would freeze solid if I had to get out bed for any reason.
As Yoda so wisely teaches us, your husband needs to Unlearn what he has Learned in this situation
NTA as someone raised in the Northeast (USA) I never let the inside temperature drop below 68°F from October to April. If your spouse isn’t cold that’s a him issue but no one should be gatekeepers the thermostat as long as it’s being set to a relatively reasonable temperature (I could understand him being upset if you were running it at like 80° but you were barely warming the house.)