I (22F) got married this June. It was everything I hoped for—but one person who wasn’t there was my former best friend “Kate” (22F), who I uninvited from being a bridesmaid a few months before the wedding. We’ve since gone no-contact. I don’t regret the choice, but I still sometimes feel guilty about how it ended.
We’ve been close since high school, though we always had a rocky dynamic. Kate was there when I got engaged in 2023 and took photos, so she was clearly going to be part of the wedding. But over the years, there were a lot of red flags I ignored.
She often vented to me—sending dozens of daily Instagram videos complaining about her life. Her parents are controlling, but she refuses to move out or set boundaries. I tried being supportive, but it was emotionally draining. I eventually deleted Instagram for my mental health, and she said she understood—then just switched to texting me everything instead.
One day, I didn’t reply because I was struggling mentally. She posted a TikTok (she has a big following) that said “Talking to you because my best friend takes 3–5 business days to respond.” I commented something lighthearted, and she immediately deleted it. I confronted her gently, saying I was overwhelmed and needed space. She got defensive and snapped that I was “no better.”
Shortly after, she texted my husband to make plans—something she’s never done before. It felt like attention-seeking. She also started acting cold toward me in person but overly enthusiastic toward him—laughing more, touching him, etc. We both felt weird about it, told her gently, and she apologized, but the vibe didn’t improve.
Then I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. I rarely open up, but I told her. She didn’t respond—for 2 weeks. But she had read it—she acknowledged it vaguely in front of friends. That silence really hurt, especially since she constantly unloaded her problems on me.
Earlier this year, I interviewed for a job where she works. The interview went great, and I was told I might get the exact role I wanted. Hours later, I got an email saying I wasn’t being hired because I “planned to relocate”—something only friends like Kate knew. When I asked her, she sent a 5-min voice memo blaming the owner but never took accountability. That felt like the final straw.
I texted her a long, calm message about why I felt unsupported. She called me a hypocrite and said I was painting her as the villain. When she asked what this meant for the wedding, I told her she was no longer a bridesmaid. She got ugly, so I sent a final message and blocked her.
Now she posts sad TikToks about losing friends. Our mutual friends—and even her coworker—have distanced themselves from her. I don’t miss her, but I do feel sad sometimes. I feel like I may have gone too far with going no contact since it’s lost her all her other friends.
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I (22F) got married this June. It was everything I hoped for—but one person who wasn’t there was my former best friend “Kate” (22F), who I uninvited from being a bridesmaid a few months before the wedding. We’ve since gone no-contact. I don’t regret the choice, but I still sometimes feel guilty about how it ended.
We’ve been close since high school, though we always had a rocky dynamic. Kate was there when I got engaged in 2023 and took photos, so she was clearly going to be part of the wedding. But over the years, there were a lot of red flags I ignored.
She often vented to me—sending dozens of daily Instagram videos complaining about her life. Her parents are controlling, but she refuses to move out or set boundaries. I tried being supportive, but it was emotionally draining. I eventually deleted Instagram for my mental health, and she said she understood—then just switched to texting me everything instead.
One day, I didn’t reply because I was struggling mentally. She posted a TikTok (she has a big following) that said “Talking to you because my best friend takes 3–5 business days to respond.” I commented something lighthearted, and she immediately deleted it. I confronted her gently, saying I was overwhelmed and needed space. She got defensive and snapped that I was “no better.”
Shortly after, she texted my husband to make plans—something she’s never done before. It felt like attention-seeking. She also started acting cold toward me in person but overly enthusiastic toward him—laughing more, touching him, etc. We both felt weird about it, told her gently, and she apologized, but the vibe didn’t improve.
Then I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. I rarely open up, but I told her. She didn’t respond—for 2 weeks. But she had read it—she acknowledged it vaguely in front of friends. That silence really hurt, especially since she constantly unloaded her problems on me.
Earlier this year, I interviewed for a job where she works. The interview went great, and I was told I might get the exact role I wanted. Hours later, I got an email saying I wasn’t being hired because I “planned to relocate”—something only friends like Kate knew. When I asked her, she sent a 5-min voice memo blaming the owner but never took accountability. That felt like the final straw.
I texted her a long, calm message about why I felt unsupported. She called me a hypocrite and said I was painting her as the villain. When she asked what this meant for the wedding, I told her she was no longer a bridesmaid. She got ugly, so I sent a final message and blocked her.
Now she posts sad TikToks about losing friends. Our mutual friends—and even her coworker—have distanced themselves from her. I don’t miss her, but I do feel sad sometimes. I feel like I may have gone too far with going no contact since it’s lost her all her other friends.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I uninvited my friend from my wedding. 2. This was a nuclear option which resulted in her losing all of her friends, not just ending her friendship with me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You are not responsible for the actions of her other friends, and it sounds like Kate was the textbook definition of an emotional vampire: using you as a dumping ground for her negative emotions while providing no support to you.
Even if someone had an excuse for the other things you listed, preventing you from getting a job would be an instant ban from me. This is your livelihood, and it’s not to be messed with. You’re friends are distancing themselves because she’s bugging them now that she cannot bug you anymore
NTA
NTA. Let’s be real: this wasn’t about one incident, it was about a pattern. Ignoring your chronic illness but expecting you to cradle her daily meltdowns?? Flirting with your husband when she got pissy?? Sabotaging your job? You didn’t ruin her social life, she did by showing everyone exactly who she is. And hey, if she’s so pressed, maybe she can make a TikTok about it. Oh wait… she already did.
NTA
She likely had a similar relationship with all her other friends. When you distanced yourself from her, it probably gave them all the ability or reason to do so themselves
NTA. Your best friend was not much of a friend to you, and you were protecting your mental health when you cut ties with her. Unless you were actively telling her other friends to cut ties, their choices aren’t your responsibility or burden to bear. It sounds like she gave a lot of people a very clear view of who she really is, and they didn’t like what they saw. That’s her fault, not yours.
NTA and you deserve so much better than someone who puts you on blast for not responding to her for a couple hours then doesn’t respond for weeks when you need her, I can’t stand people like that
NTA
She’s an emotional vampire. You had to cut her loose for your own well being.
Everyone is writing her off because of HER, not you (unless you’ve been talking shit to friends and swaying their opinions). Who’s the common denominator in all of those situations? Her.
Don’t feel too bad. She needs to learn some lessons, everyone does. People grow and change, you don’t HAVE to be friends forever.
NTA. You are right to go no contact. And it’s not like you gave your friends and acquaintances an ultimatum, they made the decision on their own.
NTA.
You aren’t the reason she lost all of her friends. She is.
Nta, you didn’t force these people to stop talking to her, they made that decision themselves. She sounds exhausting to be around
I think you opened a lot of eyes for other people to see her as a narcissistic one-sided friend since she probably started dumping her personal drama onto them after you ended your friendship. She’s not your problem now—you’re a new wife with a new life. NTA
NTA. Which surprises me based on the title.
She sounds like an emotional parasite. She complains and wants “atta girls” but won’t/can’t reciprocate. She’s an emotional taker. Takers take, that’s what they do. Usually, it’s financially. Sounds like your other mutual friends got tired of her, too.
Block her. Don’t stalk her. You don’t need to know what she’s telling her world. Enjoy your life as you’ve made it.
NTA, but you’ve conflated issues. You choosing to excise her from *your* life is unrelated to what others *chose* to do. No one is so powerful or compelling that others who had no issues with a person would suddenly decide to cease associating with that person.
Similarly, you removing her as a bridesmaid was not the cause of her losing friends. Again, you’re giving yourself too much credit and influence over others.
If this makes you sad, then stop trawling her TikTok. You were friends, you had a falling out, now you don’t speak; it’s that simple. Leave it alone.
NTA. You didn’t cause her to lose friends by blocking her – that is a healthy and sometimes necessary boundary. She caused herself to lose friends from her toxic behavior and that is not on you at all.
NTA. She’s lost all these friends and still hasn’t realized SHE’S the problem. Poor poor pitiful her. More fuel for her attention-seeking on TT.
NTA. Kate will find new acolytes among her sm “friends” to replace y’all.
Nice story, but classic hallmarks for AI. All the paragraphs are about the same length. Using the dash through out. Quotes in many of the sections.
And the job/relocation thing doesn’t make sense.
NTA
You have no control over other people’s choices. Doubt she’s been much different around others. Anyone would get tired of that kind of behavior
Nta. She sounds exhausting However, why were you applying for the job when you know you are relocating?
NTA
She sounds exhausting and like someone that only wanted to take on her own terms, while never giving anything back. I’d call her toxic.
If she has lost all her friends and has her coworkers distancing themselves from her. That’s all on her and has nothing to do with you. Don’t take someone else’s bad behavior as somehow being your fault. They aren’t cutting her off or limiting contact because of you.
NTA. It’s completely fine to feel sad about how it ended and everything went down. That’s never how anyone wants a friendship to end and it’s normal to mourn it a bit. The fact that you don’t miss her kinda says everything, though. Your friendship wasn’t really a true friendship – it was one sided, with her using you as an unpaid therapist and never reciprocating the support when you needed someone. The fact that she turned around and started trying to warm up to your husband when things started going south just reinforces that – if she cared about you and your feelings as a friend, she never would have done that. It was purposeful and manipulative. You’re better off without her, and it ended the way it did because of her and her own behavior.
NTA. You didn’t dodge a bullet, you dodged a tactical nuclear warhead. People like her tear everyone down around them.
NTA.
NTA. I think a lot people took your cue and cut her off too. They might have been waiting for the first domino to fall so to speak. How could you have any impact on her coworkers unless you know them personally? She sounds like an emotional vampire. Take care of yourself and enjoy your marriage!
Kate’s actions caused her to lose friends, not your actions. Kate is the only person responsible for Kate’s behavior. Her former friends are the only ones responsible for their behavior. You had nothing to do with them. NTA
There are some people who only know how to burn bridges. NTA, and it’s ok to be sad.
NTA, sounds like you did what was best for you and your mental health. As for the other people who have distanced themselves from her, they may have finally seen her red flags because of how she treated you and decided themselves to disengage from their relationship with her. None of this is your fault.
Absolutely not
ESH You all have been friends since high school. Friendships should not be disposable so either you all don’t understand that, or you are all mean. Limiting the friendship seemed like it would have been enough for everyone’s well-being.
NTA. She wasn’t your friend. Friends don’t sabotage their friends or text their friends fiancee. She was on the sidelines, cheering you when she had to and sabotaging you when your back was turned.
With friends like that, who needs enemies? It seems you are not the only one who came to that conclusion.
You did what needed to be done. Stop giving her free rent in your head and let it go.
It sounds like she lost all her friends because of her toxic and attention seeking behavior, not only because you had a falling out with her. It also sounds like she’s jealous that you’re engaged while she’s still living with controlling parents. NTA for keeping your peace and removing a bad “friend” from your life.
NTA- Really though, she was never your friend. You served a purpose for her but it doesn’t sound like you got anything out of that relationship and I have been there. I had a someone in my life like that and because of the way I was raised, to sacrifice for others, it took me a long time to realize that friendships are supposed to be balanced. You did the right thing.
NTA it sounds like your friendship was heeeavily one sided. this is sad but you will be better off without her – ive been there.