I (29F) am getting married in a month. Last week, we had a small get-together so my MIL (62F) could see my final dress fitting.
As soon as she saw me in the dress, she wrinkled her nose and said it looked like a cheap curtain and that I should show more cleavage to keep my husband interested.
I was stunned. This dress is my dream dress, and I felt beautiful in it until that moment.
She then spent the rest of the day suggesting alternative dresses, even pulling up photos of skimpy dresses on her phone.
I finally snapped and told her she was no longer welcome at the rehearsal dinner since she didn’t support my choices.
She called my fiancé sobbing, saying I humiliated her and she just wanted me to look sexy. Now, some family members are saying I overreacted and should apologize for excluding her.
My fiancé is on my side, but is heartbroken that his mom is turning this into a circus.
AITA for uninviting her instead of just ignoring her comments?
Comments
NTA, she can keep her comments to herself or keep herself to herself, her choice.
NTA. Your mother in law sounds like a proper cnt.
She was mean and rude. Also inappropriate, she’s going to be your mother in law why is her focus on your cleavage and you looking sexy, that’s a bit weird?
NTA! It’s YOUR special day you can do whatever you decide. Don’t let anyone ruin the moment for you.
NTA
Your MIL sounds classless honestly.
Is she helping pay for the rehearsal dinner (traditionally, the groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner)?
If so—then yes YTA
If not, then NTA. But this is a petty thing to allow it to taint the wedding and beginning of marriage. A bit of an overreaction. She just sounds like every other foot-in-mouth MIL.
NTA though – would totally be my reaction as well.
Um. Maybe rethink getting married. If she’s like this before the vows, what will she be like afterward??
NTA. You’re not an object and she clearly doesn’t think much of her son.
And fwiw, I bet you look amazing in your dress.
Why does your MIL think you need to look sexy at your wedding? You aren’t getting married in Vegas, are you? Maybe her mother should’ve taught her if she can’t say something nice, she shouldn’t say anything at all. Hopefully she will keep her mouth shut at the wedding. It’s not her wedding and she is not the bride.
Things like this always remind me of the Bambi movie, when thumper’s mother said if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all. Your mother-in-law does not practice this and you are NTA
OP, this is how you want to start your relationship with your MIL by disinviting her? Both you and the MIL are incredibly immature.
In the future, just say “you might be right, but my decision is final” to whatever crap she throws your way.
I was watching the Netflix Reputation Stadium Tour with my Mom once and she wrinkled her nose saying Taylor Swift shouldn’t be so covered up and I was like wtf is the matter with you lmao I learned that day it’s just as weird to criticize someone for being modest as it is to criticize them for being revealing. Your MIL sounds like she has the jealous ex-girlfriend syndrome to me too.
NTA. It’s your wedding, not hers. She has 0 rights to say anything about your dress or anything else you like. The spouse-to-be is the only other person who has any say. I applaud them for having your back, even over mommy. Forget what anyone else has to say. Slay on your wedding day in the dress that made you say “Hooray!”
NTA. Have fiance call his mother back and tell her if she doesn’t control the circus she’s not coming to the wedding either. Have him say you’re a bride not a stripper you don’t need to be sexy and it’s gross his mother is trying to be involved with his sex life. Have him make it weird so she knows he’s not letting her do this again.
My in laws did all kinds of stunts like this and my husband uninvited them. It was the best choice he ever made.
Weddings are stressful and annoying and there’s always someone who thinks they know better or can do better. You’re allowed to snap and she’s allowed to voice her opinions (even if it’s not your taste). Granted she should know better but again it’s a wedding, if she doesn’t make you feel like trash, someone else with take the honour of doing it🤷🏾♀️
Calling your dream dress a cheap curtain and pushing cleavage. That’s not support it’s disrespect.
Uninviting her was protecting your peace not overreacting.
You’re definitely NTA. However, do you really want to start your marriage out by forcing your new husband to turn against his mother- even though it is absolutely her fault. I try to minimize drama, myself. Your husband is supporting the way he should. But if you are old enough to get married you’re old enough to laugh off aholes. I say this not just for this situation, but for life. What you needed to do- on the day- was tell her to quit offering suggestions because it is upsetting to you. If she wouldn’t then you ask her to leave the dress fitting. It sounds like she’s going to be an ahole your whole marriage- you can’t change that- but you can develop skills to deflect and deflate aholes. Good luck.
NTA. She sounds insufferable and her comments were completely inappropriate.
NTA Her interest in making sure her son gets a sexy dress is honestly weird.
Also, who wants to place bets of MIL coming to the wedding wearing a dress that shows too much cleavage?
I think it was a weird punishment for the crime. I would have escorted her out of the dress appointment for sure and possibly excluded her from other wedding related planning to protect my peace.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA. Mother in laws are the rudest people in the world!! I’m glad you uninvited her.
She wants you to look SEXY for your fiance on your wedding?! That is what she cares about? Not the importance of what your union means? Does she not think a wedding should be a special, beautiful event and not a party with hookers in a Las Vegas club? lol. She sounds completely trashy.
NTA set your foot down now
Gotta be a fake post. AH for wasting time
NTA!! Your day, your choice…don’t need anybody else’s opinion. It’s sad when you try to include people in something special to you and they find a way to crush that and make themselves the victim. Glad your future husband is in support of your reaction and decision!!!
NTA
It was intentionally hurtful, I know it’s hard, but if you love it… LOVE IT and be gorgeously joyful wearing your dream dress.
What ever possessed he to be so mean is inexcusable…
However, I personally wouldn’t have uninvited her to the rehearsal, what do you gain from that? Except MIL creating more drama, and pulling more people into it.
I hope your fiance speaks to her. He needs to step up and do that ASAP.
She owes you a huge apology
NTA
Nta. Your mother in law should have dropped the subject the first time not doubled down.
You are wrong, however, in the belief you have the unilateral right to uninvite someone else’s guest from anything wedding related. This is a decision for him. she’s his guest you are lucky in that regard that he backed you
Your MIL seems weirdly interested in her son’s penis.
NTA. Why does she want you to look like a wh0re for your wedding?
While I think this might start your relationship with MIL off on the wrong foot, I certainly don’t think allowing her to speak to you this way is any better. Even if things are tense, she now knows that she can’t just say whatever she wants and get away with it. You’ve set a pretty stern boundary and I think going back on it would only give her the green light to treat you like shit with no fear of consequences. You didn’t disinvite her to the wedding itself. She’s missing a rehearsal dinner. She’ll get over it—if she chooses to make your entire wedding (in her world) about this—that’s on her. You have your day and enjoy it! Don’t be bothered by her attitude. And trust me, you’d rather set this boundary NOW and not in 5 years when she’s gotten nice and comfy putting you down.
NTA
Personally I would uninvite her to the wedding, if you decide to have children, sit with your partner and set boundaries that if they are broken then consequences will be tough.
NTA – she obviously has boundary issues – I could never imagine anyone, esp my MIL giving me advice on how to be more “sexy” on my wedding day. So gross.
Fake ass post
NTA, she is and she needed to be put in her place. She knows now who the boss is, it’s you, not her.
NTA.
She FAFO.
NTA
However you have your whole life ahead of you where this annoying woman will be included. Her son likely loved her; so manage her so she has no power o er your thoughts, deeds or life.
You need to own the space and set the tone of your relationship with Mil. She can’t rattle you if you don’t care what she says. She can’t upset you if you see her b****y comments are a reflection of her own lack of self worth. You are the queen to her son, not her.
Use some sugar and some spice. You’re fortunate that you are marrying a guy who supports you rather than a mama’s boy.
Tell her in words of one syllable ….
You didn’t appreciate what she said about the dress. You love it and it makes you feel good so her comments were inappropriate so you’re going to ignore them. (Spice).
She did an excellent job as she raised her son who is not so shallow that cleavage matters to him (sugar).
You know her son wants her at the rehearsal and his happiness means everything to you both (sugar) so of course she’s welcome and you hope she’ll attend.
You know it’s hard sometimes for mama when son’s grow up; both of you love x (son:finance) and you look forward to being friends with her (sugar with a threat of spice as the onus is on her to behave as you remind her you are her son’s love)
Don’t let her get under your skin. Act like she’s irrelevant.
NTA. She has demonstrated that she has no notion of manners or etiquette, so it’s not about apologies or forgiving her. It’s about whether you want a mannerless boor disrupting your festivities. This is who she is, and what kind of behavior you might reasonably expect from her. Even when the inappropriate behavior was brought to her attention, she made excuses instead of acknowledging her lapse and apologizing. Unfortunately, your MIL is simply not up to the level of etiquette required for a formal event. If she wanted to participate, she should have considered that before she insulted the bride.
The point needs to be made to her, very firmly, by your fiance, that this event is entirely not about her, and if she wants to participate in any further events, she needs to keep her mouth firmly closed, and her opinions to herself, and not make so much as a squeak that might distract from the real stars of the show – the bride and groom. It’s a pity this must be explained to an adult woman as if she was a child.
My mil was complaining about my daughter’s – her granddaughter’s – hair being cut short as a teen. “She needs to look sexy.”
What’s with these old bags thinking that other’s are defined by sexy?
Save the sexy for the wedding night. She sounds horrible.
She needs to learn to keep
her mouth shut. 🤐
INFO: Prior to uninviting her from the dinner, did you at any point tell her that her comments aren’t appreciated or to keep them to herself? I’m not saying this as an excuse, but some people really have zero awareness about how their behaviour and comments hurt other people unless they are explicitly told. From then on they can either correct the behaviour or get themselves disinvited by continuing to be shitty.
If you ignore her comments now, before you are married, then she will see that as a green light to be disrespectful into the future.
If MIL did not want to be embarrassed, humiliated, or called out in public, then she should not have been an AH in public.
Family is family goes both ways. Tell anyone you just responded with the same energy she gave, and ask them if family is family, then why are they not telling her to apologize for her rude and disrespectful behaviour and comments
Were her comments inappropriate? Yes. But she’s still going to be your MIL. Why does it matter what she thinks? You picked your dress and YOU love it. While many have said you are justified in uninviting her to the rehearsal dinner, it’s not a very good way to start a relationship with someone you’ll be with for hopefully a long time. You be the adult. She IS his mother and should be there.
NTA. Your future MIL is gross. Her comments and behavior are unacceptable. Continue to draw boundaries with her because she clearly has none of her own. Glad your fiancé is supporting you. He needs to see that his mom is the problem here and stand up to her.
NTA, setting this boundary now and having your husband back you up will be invaluable for the future of your relationship, you are letting her know right now she cannot overstep and that is so important.
Good luck with that the rest of your married life.
What she did was wrong, but your reaction isn’t helping and is setting yourself up for a miserable life with his family.
Ignoring it, or simply using logic would have been better in the long run. “It’s an interesting choice, but no way to have it ready in time.”
I get it- you don’t want to look like a streetwalker on your wedding. But disinviting her was a mistake and gives her a lot of ammo.
NTA don’t let her control the narrative. Tell everyone that says anything to you exactly what she did and that she’s overly interested in your cleavage and your sex appeal to her son which you find disgusting and will not tolerate.
Keep her out. She will either learn her lesson or never be invited to anything again.
MIL SHOULD KEEP HER FKN MOUTH SHUT.
THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF HER IN YOUR LIFE… nip that behavior
NTA
YTA for creating this fake crap.
NTA… Also, who wants their soon-to-be daughter-in-law to be sexy instead of beautiful at the wedding? That just seems weird to me. There’s a time and a place
like she is going like she is going to know what sexy is at 62 😂
Why is she so focused on what turns her son on? And why does she think only bare skin is attractive?
The important thing here is that your fiance is on your side. You mother-in-law is not going to change, but your fiance is your partner and making it clear right now.
You should have positive people in your life, particularly for your wedding.
If it helps you at all, she’s only humiliating herself with this behaviour. She’ll continue to humiliate herself during your marriage. As long as your and your partner are united I personally say just let her do so, as hard as that can be sometimes.
What a creepy thing to say, “look sexy for my son”…I have two sons in their mid 20s I would never say some like that to their girlfriends, that’s just weird!
Tell her to stop whining or she will be blocked from the wedding as well.
Tell her and your fiancé that her humiliation is a consequence for acting badly. Tell them if she doesn’t like being humiliated she will keep her hurtful comments to herself in the future. She is testing the water to see how much she can get away with. If you don’t stand up for yourself, she will be bullying you in your marriage.
NTA what a bizarre thing to say. Why is she so concerned about you looking “sexy”? This is wildly inappropriate
Your future MIL has been watching too much Say Yes to the Dress. A