AITA for uninviting my sister from my wedding over a ruined dress and how she handled it?

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Thanks for the responses guys. Got what I needed 🙂

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  1. AutoModerator Avatar

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    I (F21) uninvited my sister (24) from my upcoming wedding, & now there’s major tension in the family. I was told my mom might not come if my sister and brother are not invited. (My brother’s situation is diff, lots of crazy things always happening with my fam). Anyways, I lost my dad last year, & it already feels like I won’t have family support at my own wedding. It hurts.

    My sister says she was uninvited because she did not pay me $30 for ruining my engagement dress. But that is not the full story. It is about how she handled it.

    Before my engagement party, I was PMSing & could not find a dress I felt good in. After a hard weekend of searching, I finally found one I liked.

    The day of the party (Monday), I was exhausted. I helped set up the entire event with my fiancé including tables & decor, was even up till 3AM the night before chopping veggies for the party. I barely had time for myself. I finally went to get my hair & makeup done later than I was supposed to. My sister was doing both and told me to put the dress on before makeup to avoid messing it up. I asked her to wrap a towel around me. She forgot. While doing my makeup, she spilled foundation on my new white dress. I broke down crying. I was already overwhelmed & now had to wear a stained dress all night. I was also an hour late to my own party because of this.

    I told her I would try to remove the stain, & if I could not, she would reimburse me. She agreed. Later, I tried twice & could not get the stain out. When I reminded her, she told me to try a cleaner or other methods instead of just doing what she said she would. It felt like she was backing out. I reminded her she had agreed to cover it. I told her this was about principle & respect. I mentioned halacha and that she needs to pay me back for what she damaged. She said she would need to ask a rabbi first instead of following through. I was shocked. This is not the first time she acted this way with me

    I told her I need people at my wedding who respect and care about me. I do not want to be gaslit or made to feel crazy for setting a boundary. She also said, “The kids do not need you anyway,” when I told her that our lack of relationship will cause me & the kids to have not have one. I uninvited her and blocked her for my own peace.

    This is not just about $30. It is about her not owning her mistake or respecting my feelings. If she had apologized and followed through, I never would have uninvited her. But I am tired of always being the bigger person. So AITA?

    TL;DR
    Sister ruined my engagement dress, agreed to pay if I could not fix it, then backed out. I uninvited her from my wedding because it is about respect, not $30. AITA?

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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

    > because I uninvited my sister, and therefore her kids (my nieces) are unable to come as well. I would love for them to come, but for that, she would need to be there too.

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  3. anglflw Avatar

    Your sister, and by extension your dress, were victimized by gravity. She didn’t intentionally ruin your dress. It was an accident.

    If you’re willing to lose your sister over this, then definitely YTA.

    But if you can just take a breath, and gain some perspective, life will go on.

  4. JulieF75 Avatar

    I’d go no contact based on the “The kids dont need you anyway.” Good riddance.

  5. ruyrybeyro Avatar

    NTA. It’s not about the $30, it’s about respect. She ruined your dress, agreed to pay, then dodged it. Instead of owning up, she made you feel like the bad guy. The comment about the kids is proper outta order.

    Uninviting family is tough, but you don’t need that stress on your wedding day. Your mum choosing sides is her problem, not yours. You deserve people who back you, not make you chase basic decency.

  6. JeanCerise Avatar

    YTA. She was doing you a favor by doing your makeup and had an accident. And you’re creating a big mess about it. Pay you $30? Go to the rabbi?! Disinviting her? You are overreacting and ruining your family. YOU. YOU are. Very immature.

  7. wlfwrtr Avatar

    You told her to put a towel around but couldn’t do it yourself or see that she hadn’t?

  8. Ok_Cancel_9154 Avatar

    Sounds like you’re really overwhelmed and ready to snap and that you really just wanted her be agreeable, when she was trying to make suggestions that would salvage a dress you liked, and could maybe wear again. Claiming you won’t have much of a relationship with her kids because she won’t fork over $30 the second you demand it is pretty low so I’m not surprised at her response, no one needs a resentful, demanding aunt in their life.
    So maybe take a breath and understand that you’re ready to do serious damage to your relationship over a $30 dress and a perceived slight that didn’t really happen.
    YTA

  9. pottersquash Avatar

    ESH.

    For her: for saying kids don’t need you anyway. Needless cruel for this situation.

    For you: What do you mean she forgot? You were there too. Were you paying her for the hair and makeup? I’m guessing not which means she was doing you a favor and somehow cause of an utter accident you want her to give you $30 bucks and blame her totally?

    I get why she is pissed off at you, I just think she takes it too far with the kids comment.

  10. gurlwithdragontat2 Avatar

    ESH – because you also should have ensured you had a towel on, your makeup was being done, so you were also there.

    This seems like a mistake, and she did make a mistake and agree to pay you thus she should honor that. But this whole post you seem really determined to be a victim. Mistakes happen, so either you move forward and pivot and seek solutions or you wallow and cry for an hour.

  11. SnooPets8873 Avatar

    YTA I would never ask my sister to pay me $30 over an accident. These things happen. I understand that you were stressed out but this is a bit much over very little.

  12. pod10071102 Avatar

    Wow. Sounds like YTA. you wore the dress. You made it through the night.

    Why are you acting like your entire wedding is ruined? You spilled foundation on your dress. Ok, it sucks
but the engagement party should go on
the dress isn’t what’s important.

    What’s bothering you really? You said in your post that your sister told you to put the dress on first so you wouldn’t mess up your makeup. You said in your post that you told her to wrap a towel around you
and that she forgot.

    You further go on to say that she now owes you money for the dress


    What in the world?? Why didn’t you wrap a towel around yourself? Are you not capable? Why did you ‘forget’ to do it?

    You are at fault for not covering your dress yourself. You’re an adult.

    It’s sad that you would go so far as to uninvite someone from your wedding for a spot on the dress you wore to your engagement party. Seems very childish.

    I would apologize to my sister and hope she would still want to be at my wedding. It was also very silly and childlike of you to involve your nieces and nephews on the spat.

    And really
a different relationship with your niece and nephews over a spot on a dress?? 
smh


    Get your priorities straight, OP. I understand a wedding and the planning of a wedding are stressful, but don’t let the stress take over. hope everything makes a turn for the better 💕

  13. MizZo2 Avatar

    Why would you ask her to put a towel around you instead of just…. putting a towel around yourself?

    Why wouldn’t you ask her to get the stain out instead of doing it yourself?

    Once she asked you to try a specific cleaner, why didn’t you again ask her to get it out?

    It doesn’t anywhere say that she outright refused, just that you “felt like” she was backing out. Then YOU brought up religious doctrine, so she said she needed to consult a religious expect on the matter.

    I’m NGL, she seems like she’s being difficult… but you kind of seem like you keep making the situation more complicated or something. This is kind of an ESH

  14. Timely_Egg_6827 Avatar

    YTA – You are equally to blame for the mistake happening. Your sister told you to put on a robe. You told her to put a towel on you and she forgot. Did you get up to put on the robe? Did you get up to put on the towel? No, you got reminded an issue might happen, fobbed it off on someone and well, stuff happened. She’s not your personal servant even if its your wedding. So own your mistake too – you abdicated all responsibility for your dress to someone else because it was too much effort to out on a robe. Where is your apology to her for that?

    And now you are blowing up your relationship with your sister because of $30 and a mistake. I am not sure what type of sister you are to expect someone to make good and apologise repeatedly for a mistake but glad you are not mine.

    And yes, if you are like that with her, then you are safer away from her children if you are going to blow and blame them for every mistake they make. And if you keep doing this type of things, I see why she is burnt out on you.

  15. Randomflower90 Avatar

    Sounds like it is about $30. YTA

  16. Hopel3sslyDevoted Avatar

    So you didn’t even try a dry cleaner? YTA

  17. ProfessorDistinct835 Avatar

    ESH but you are next level. Did you not know she didn’t put a towel on you? Of course you did. So what are you complaining about? Losing your sister over $30 is insane. And you threatened to never see her kids again…over $30.

    “lots of crazy things always happening with my fam” – maybe the crazy is coming from inside your brain.

  18. laughinglovinglivid Avatar

    YTA. You both forgot to put a towel on, or you figured it was her responsibility and couldn’t be bothered to do it yourself. She made an honest mistake, and double checked some of the ways you were trying to clean the dress.

    Also none of this is a ‘boundary’. Stop invalidating words therapists use to make yourself feel better that you’re this upset over a $30 dress.

  19. _bufflehead Avatar

    Kiddo.

    > I asked her to wrap a towel around me. She forgot. 

    You were also present. And you failed to protect your dress.

    Let it go.

    Make up with your sister.

    Cut the crap.

  20. Antelope_31 Avatar

    ESH. It’s not her fault your dress is ruined. You could’ve grabbed your own towel or put the dress on later. You aren’t a child. You absolutely feed into all this drama.

  21. misspoofy Avatar

    ESH. Don’t get married at 21.

  22. EmotionalWishbone Avatar

    YTA. You cut a human being out of your life because of some foundation on a dress. Yikes. Good for her.

  23. FutureBowler9817 Avatar

    ……..why couldn’t you put your own towel on……?

    Perhaps you haven’t explained it well, because from what you’ve written, you 100% sound like TA.

  24. Is-this-rabbit Avatar

    YOU wanted a towel around you. YOU should have got a towel and covered yourself. YOU didn’t take precautions to protect your dress. That your dress was marked is entirely on YOU.

    Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. Apologise to your sister. YTA

  25. Aware_Welcome_8866 Avatar

    I don’t see this as about a $30 dress or respect. I see this as about a person who will challenge you all day rather than making things easy. If she had any role at all in your wedding, it would make sense to uninvite her. But if she has no role, I don’t see how her behavior could impact your wedding. Yes, There are always tough calls when making a guest list. But my sister doesn’t respect me isn’t typically a reason for cutting the person.

    And as you can see, your decision is causing quite the drama. She gets to keep making things hard for you with mom threatening not to attend. I just think you’re giving a person you KNOW does things like this MORE ways to do things like this.

    Based on your post, YTA. Yes I get you’re not close and she is often not a nice person. But I also think you shouldn’t bring this level of stress to your wedding. It feels like you’re doing more harm than good for yourself.

  26. Altruistic-Tea7709 Avatar

    Yta. When you take a step back, There’s not really any need for all of this drama – presumably she was doing all of your hair and makeup for free. You could have put a towel on yourself. It was an accident. Is it all worth it? You can stay on your high horse but the price is that chances are you won’t have any family there. A wedding is 1 day, a marriage/ family bonds are for life. It sounds like you have been dragged into the wedding stress machine and it’s spitting you out as ground meat on the other side and leaving you without much perspective. Please just try and step back and think in a few years what will be of value to you? .

  27. Ok_Pianist605 Avatar

    From your post and your comments, if you think you are 100% blameless, nit obly in this but in your poor relationship then you are clearly the problem.

  28. evhanne Avatar

    Why didn’t you put a towel on yourself? YTA

  29. Valereeeee Avatar

    Don’t know if you are right or your sister is, but in my family we don’t leverage invites over whether we are mad at someone.

  30. HereComesTheSun000 Avatar

    YTA you sound insufferable. Perhaps take some time to figure out why you aren’t basking in joy at your upcoming wedding? Because focusing on this, which was your own fault, is definitely not the real issue in your life. Get married, don’t get married but be happy and be kind

  31. Distinct-Brilliant73 Avatar

    boo fucking hoo. Ur dress was stained 😔😔 so you HAD to block your sister?? If anything u r the person needing to be blocked. You sound exhaustingly insane.

  32. TangerineTax Avatar

    You definitely don’t sound mature enough to be getting married. Might want to take a few years and learn how to communicate, forgive, and take accountability for your own actions, which you have not done here.

  33. redlips_rosycheeks Avatar

    ESH. You’re a grown up and you knew an accident could ruin your white dress. I literally NEVER wear white unless I am 1. Not eating/drinking/handling anything that stains in it, 2. Comfortable living in something with a stain for the day/evening, or 3. Prepared with a BACKUP OUTFIT.

    You didn’t have a backup outfit, you KNEW there was a risk of stains while doing makeup and failed to take your own precautions, and you have essentially tried to uninvite your sister from your wedding because she wasn’t responding to conflict like a paid vendor would. She wasn’t a paid vendor, she was your sister, and your “punishment” for her not immediately complying with your demands is to say “get out of my life and it’s okay if you take your kids with you.” And you’re somehow shocked your parents are not agreeing to all this?

    Guess what? You CAN set a boundary with your sister. But it doesn’t free you from the consequences of people setting boundaries BACK ON YOU.

    Yes – your sister should pay you back for a ruined dress (if it is indeed actually ruined, and you’ve literally tried everything to get the stain out without spending more than you paid on the dress). But for a thirty dollar dress and the “disrespect” you felt over your sister’s communication after the fact, you’ve decided to end a 20 year relationship with your sister and what fragile ties you have to your niblings. If you don’t have family supporting you on your big day, take a look at how you manage and support those relationships in return.

  34. 2_old_for_this_spit Avatar

    YTA.

    You told your sister to get a towel, and she forgot. Why didn’t you get the towel yourself? You are just as responsible as she is.

  35. HarrietGirl Avatar

    YTA. You’re causing irreparable damage to your family bonds over a mistake which was as much yours as your sisters. You clearly forgot the towel too.

    Accidents happen; reasonable people don’t cause huge rifts over them.

  36. motaboat Avatar

    This whole story totally jives with the fact you are 21. Barely an adult.

  37. nikkidarling83 Avatar

    YTA Are you sure you’re old enough to be getting married? You don’t seem nearly mature enough.

  38. HereFromFB Avatar

    Did you pay her for doing your hair and make up? Cause it seems like it was getting done for free so I’d think you could eat the $30. It sucks yes, but as others have said, you were both there and you could’ve put the towel on yourself- no matter how busy you claim you were on your phone.

  39. Aminal1234 Avatar

    Why was it your sisters responsibility to cover your dress up with a towel? Why didn’t you do it? Is a $30 dress really worth all this drama? I’d say no. Accidents happen. You both forgot and it sounds like your sister was doing you a favour at the time.

  40. toolazytocare01 Avatar

    YTA..after reading this , I was overcome with pity for everyone around you who has to deal with you on a daily basis..
    Listen kid , sometimes principles and things like honour and integrity need to take a backseat if it means salvaging a relationship with your siblings..please re evaluate your life choices with this new found information..

  41. genescheesesthatplz Avatar

    I don’t understand why you didn’t try a cleaners…

  42. WaywardPrincess1025 Avatar

    YTA. It was an accident and you are more responsible than your sister for the spilled foundation.

    You should apologize and thank her for doing your hair and make -up

    Rude

  43. UnbutteredToast42 Avatar

    ESH, I would give more of an explanation but it doesn’t seem like one is necessary.

  44. SomeoneYouDontKnow70 Avatar

    ESH.

    > I asked her to wrap a towel around me. She forgot.

    Why didn’t you remind her? You’re old enough to get married. You should be old enough to use your words to remind her that you need a towel before she starts applying makeup.

    >I mentioned halacha and that she needs to pay me back for what she damaged. She said she would need to ask a rabbi first instead of following through.

    I don’t know why you need an appeal to authority to resolve a simple dispute like this. Your sister is being unreasonable.

    >It is about her not owning her mistake or respecting my feelings. If she had apologized and followed through, I never would have uninvited her. But I am tired of always being the bigger person.

    You’re tired of being better than your sister? So what’s your solution? Be the smaller person? It’s always hard to tell in the moment, but your sister will get what’s coming to her eventually. You are overreacting to this whole situation. You need people at your wedding who respect and care about you, so why are you alienating your mom by uninviting her kids from your wedding? Do you really expect her to respect after that?

  45. Fioreborn Avatar

    Why didn’t you put the towel on? Why didn’t you say no to putting your dress on before make up? Why did you only try 2 things?

    I mean your sister sucks but it’s not like she dropped it all over your wedding dress.

  46. mattysparx Avatar

    Ummm – sorry but YTA. Seems like you must be mad at her about something else and are projecting it here.
    Why didn’t YOU cover the dress when she forgot?