For context: I (20F) and my boyfriend (18M) were recently invited to a grill out to celebrate the holidays. My family is also very religious and myself and my boyfriend are apart of the LGBTQ+ community. My boyfriend is a trans male and we both go to extra measures to make him feel more masculine until we can afford the surgery’s.
The invite to the grill out went over normal expectations time food etc. I would also like to mention that this is more about extended family than anyone else. I have an older cousin who we will call Clayton. Clayton and his wife have three kids and we’re just married this year.
During one of the normal banters of our family picking on each other about who inherited what genes through which family members, Clayton decided to bring up religion knowing full well about me and my bf. While brining this up he preaches that the Christian god is the true god and no sin is greater than another except for blasphemy and that no person should pass judgement onto another person. Now normally this a fairly common occurrence he normally was fairly open about his beliefs not in the shove it down your throat way but he would also ask questions as if he wanted to better understand being trans. My boyfriend during these occurrences believed it to be genuine and was bonding with my cousin very well, for context my boyfriends family is extremely religious and everyone save for his brother and a few distant relatives have cut him out.
The conversation was calm and normal up until Clayton brought up my BF for rly being a girl and continuing to call him a girl and say that he was wrong, saying that what he was was a mockery of his god, I told him that he had just been preaching about no person passing judgment. Trying to defuse the situation trying to remind him to practice what he preaches. However the comments kept rolling in “Yet, instead of decimating His creation as your relationship has, I’ve brought new life into the world.” Keeping in mind he had all three children out of wedlock. I said that if no sin were greater than another then his sin was equal to mine. He then called us both ignorant and stated “He’s not going to be OK with you loving a woman, no matter how far into the world and years we go.” So in the utter rage that had consumed me at the amount of disrespect and hurt. I stated “You know that having children out of wedlock lock is very disrespectful in gods eyes”
Clayton completely lost it and said that I was a disgrace that neither I were welcome at his home or with his family, stating that I “threatened” his children. When all I really did was turn the table so he could see it from my perspective. AITA? Did I over step? Did I come off as threatening or did he?
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For context: I (20F) and my boyfriend (18M) were recently invited to a grill out to celebrate the holidays. My family is also very religious and myself and my boyfriend are apart of the LGBTQ+ community. My boyfriend is a trans male and we both go to extra measures to make him feel more masculine until we can afford the surgery’s.
The invite to the grill out went over normal expectations time food etc. I would also like to mention that this is more about extended family than anyone else. I have an older cousin who we will call Clayton. Clayton and his wife have three kids and we’re just married this year.
During one of the normal banters of our family picking on each other about who inherited what genes through which family members, Clayton decided to bring up religion knowing full well about me and my bf. While brining this up he preaches that the Christian god is the true god and no sin is greater than another except for blasphemy and that no person should pass judgement onto another person. Now normally this a fairly common occurrence he normally was fairly open about his beliefs not in the shove it down your throat way but he would also ask questions as if he wanted to better understand being trans. My boyfriend during these occurrences believed it to be genuine and was bonding with my cousin very well, for context my boyfriends family is extremely religious and everyone save for his brother and a few distant relatives have cut him out.
The conversation was calm and normal up until Clayton brought up my BF for rly being a girl and continuing to call him a girl and say that he was wrong, saying that what he was was a mockery of his god, I told him that he had just been preaching about no person passing judgment. Trying to defuse the situation trying to remind him to practice what he preaches. However the comments kept rolling in “Yet, instead of decimating His creation as your relationship has, I’ve brought new life into the world.” Keeping in mind he had all three children out of wedlock. I said that if no sin were greater than another then his sin was equal to mine. He then called us both ignorant and stated “He’s not going to be OK with you loving a woman, no matter how far into the world and years we go.” So in the utter rage that had consumed me at the amount of disrespect and hurt. I stated “You know that having children out of wedlock lock is very disrespectful in gods eyes”
Clayton completely lost it and said that I was a disgrace that neither I were welcome at his home or with his family, stating that I “threatened” his children. When all I really did was turn the table so he could see it from my perspective. AITA? Did I over step? Did I come off as threatening or did he?
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> I want to know if I am the a hole for showing him how it feels to have beliefs pushed on you that everyone’s fully aware that myself and my significant other do not follow
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, you’re cousin sounds like a hypocritical tool.
NTA. Only God can pass judgment, we are called to love one another. Clayton was disrespectful to you both. And did not like being called on his own sin. But please know that we are ALL sinners. None of us better than another. It’s by God’s grace we are saved. And everyone has that opportunity until death. I just heard at church on Sunday someone say, you don’t have to trust the church, but you can trust God. Please don’t let this man keep you and your partner from pursuing a relationship with God if that is of any interest to you. And please don’t judge God on the failings of man, like your cousin.
NTA
Your cousin is a typical hypocrite that uses a cowardly mask of religious selectivity to spew his own issues. At least now you know never to show up to that house ever again in the future.
100% NTA. Let’s not forget that the bible says zippity doo dah about trans people.
Ugh. Sorry but religious folks ain’t really worth talking to. Going NC would be healthier for you.
NTA. People like Clayton believe they are the only ones allowed to point out the flaws and sins in others. Giving him a taste of his own medicine is practically a requirement. Just know that it will never, ever, sink in with someone like him.
NTA. You were both civil until he went off the deep end, and then your bf’s response was justified. Excellent work for pointing out his hypocrisy!
ESH but him more than you, since you were just retaliating. It’s clear that he is not using his religion to be a good person; he’s using it to justify whatever he wants to believe and do. So there’s no arguing with him. He’s going to continue to be so disrespectful/insulting to you and your bf that I suggest writing him off.
He who has no sins cast the first stone. NTA. cousin is a hypocrite. I find that people with the biggest superiority complex have the biggest skeletons in the closet.
Let he who has no sin cast the first stone.
NTA, people don’t get to cherry pick which parts of scripture apply. If you don’t believe, it doesn’t matter. If you do believe, you should know all humanity is flawed and nobody is worth more than another on a heavenly scale.
Just because he got upset at being called on his hypocrisy doesn’t make it an asshole move.
NTA nice one, OP, love to see a hypocrite hammered with their own argument!
NTA I love doing the same thing to homophobes when they try me ^-^ I was top of my class throughout high school ( a very Irish catholic high school, being taught by nuns and everything) in religious studies (we only studied Christianity). So I’m well versed in all the counter points. Especially when they try to quote Leviticus.
He’s using religion as justification for his bigotry. You used his religion to remind him of hypocrisy. Good for you. NTA