My (30F) husband (43M) accepted a new job and as part of that job he needed to sign a consent form to send to his new employer so they could complete some type of background check or related thing.
He tried to send this email a few times and it would not go through.
He asked me if I would send it and I said I would. So I drafted the following pasted email:
“Attached hereto, please find the executed Consent Form for (my husband). Thank you, (My name)”
I CC’d my husband on the email because he asked me to.
Thirty minutes go by and I get a text from him, “Omg. What kind of overkill email was that? 🤦”
This was yesterday, so today I am at work and I get another series of texts from him where he says essentially that he is completely embarrassed by me. That my email was inappropriate to send to his new employer. He said that he wants to retire from this job and my language was some kind of Tom Clancy book out of colonial times. He said I over complicated it tenfold and this is why he never asks me for help. He said every time I am involved I try to sabotage him and he regrets it.
UPDATE: When he asked me to send the PDF we were on the phone and I read to him what I was typing and asked if it sounded okay and he said yes.
He claims I’m the asshole for how I sent the email. Am I the asshole for the language I used in my email?
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My (30F) husband (43M) accepted a new job and as part of that job he needed to sign a consent form to send to his new employer so they could complete some type of background check or related thing.
He tried to send this email a few times and it would not go through.
He asked me if I would send it and I said I would. So I drafted the following pasted email:
“Attached hereto, please find the executed Consent Form for (my husband). Thank you, (My name)”
I CC’d my husband on the email because he asked me to.
Thirty minutes go by and I get a text from him, “Omg. What kind of overkill email was that? 🤦”
This was yesterday, so today I am at work and I get another series of texts from him where he says essentially that he is completely embarrassed by me. That my email was inappropriate to send to his new employer. He said that he wants to retire from this job and my language was some kind of Tom Clancy book out of colonial times. He said I over complicated it tenfold and this is why he never asks me for help. He said every time I am involved I try to sabotage him and he regrets it.
He claims I’m the asshole for how I sent the email. Am I the asshole for the language I used in my email?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 – I wrote an email to my husbands employer
2 – the language I used might make me an asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and wtf is wrong with your husband? Does he often put you down for random things?
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No, you’re not the asshole your email was professional, polite, and clear, and while your choice of “attached hereto” might have sounded a bit formal or old-fashioned, it’s absolutely normal in many professional contexts and definitely not “sabotage.” Your husband’s reaction seems way over the top; instead of just saying, “Hey, that’s a bit too formal for me,” he turned it into a personal attack, which isn’t fair. If anything, his embarrassment says more about his comfort level with formality than it does about the actual appropriateness of your email
You used professional words in an email to an employer, which should be used. What were you supposed to say “here ya go?”. You made it clear it wasn’t him sending the email, which is appropriate.
How odd for him to say this, and he’s overkilling it. Is he usually this negative about things you do?
NTA. If it was just the text I’d assume he was just teasing you for “hereto.” His full reaction today completely unhinged. The people getting the email aren’t going to think twice about it, and it’s not even an embarrassing email. Is he this mad at you all the time? If it’s just this issue, couldn’t he have written the language himself? Even if he had politely asked you not to write emails like this in the future, I’d be pretty shocked. This is a completely unacceptable way to treat you. If he’s this quick to blow up over nothing, I’m terrified to imagine how he’d act when there’s really something to be mad about.
he literally told you to send an email, not send the email he wrote. he is being so dramatic and the fact that he is putting you down because of an EMAIL is crazy. i personally don’t see why would it be inappropriate?? it actually sounds very profesional 😀 so you are NTA!!
I think your husband is over-reacting. While your choice of verbiage is kind of funny (i’ve been in corporate a long time and would probably chuckle if I received that email) it’s nothing for him to be so embarrassed about. NTA
“hereto” was a bit much.
Info: did he ask you to send an email from your email address to his new employer for him, or did he want you to log into his email on your computer and send it as him?
I’ve sent plenty of emails for my husband, but always from his email as him, never from my email on his behalf.
IMO it gives hiring red flags to have a new hire’s spouse email you on their behalf in an over the top way, like the spouse is their secretary
Tell him to get stuffed! Seriously consider if you want to go through life with a man who will blow up at you for helping him.
> my language was some kind of Tom Clancy book out of colonial times.
Does your husband not know what sort of books Tom Clancy wrote? Or is he confusing Tom Clancy with Thomas Hardy?
ESH
Forsooth, notwithstanding your above reference to the missive, plain English is just better.
This guy can’t even send an email, so why is he complaining? What a dud. NTA
NTA. The e-mail was awkward. I’m a lawyer and I still use plan English. “Please find the attached consent form signed by my husband,” would have sufficed.
But holy fuck did your husband overreact. No one who saw it cares. They just want the form on file. Your husband sounds like he has anxiety and thinks people focus on him more than they probably do.
Your husband is TA in this story. What the hell is this “I want a divorce” crap? How terrible! I would never say this to my wife unless I want a divorce. There’s no real taking that back. If that’s how he treats you, your email is the least of his problems.
Better than:
“Hey f*cknuts,
Here’s the gd form you asked for.
Anything else?”
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Your husband’s reaction is, ridiculous but I will say this is overkill for a professional email. This was past professional, you went into “legalese”. Depending on the atmosphere of his new company it could be complete overkill. It shouldn’t go as far as sabotaging him though. NTA
I mean, yeah. Its a very awkwardly written email, I’ll give him that. It would have been more normal to just say “please see attached consent form”.
If my spouse did that I would probably cringe.
But your husband is definitely overreacting. Its cringe, but its nothing worth making a big deal over.
NTA.
“Hereto” is a bit much, but to be honest I would be judging wayyy more that his wife sent his consent form instead of him. Like you’re his mommy or admin.
“See attached the completed Consent Form for blah blah blah.”
Is probably what he expected. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person in the last 50 years use “hereto.”
We have no way of knowing if you do indeed overcomplicate things or sabotage. Only you and your husband can figure that out.
I guess I’ll say ESH?
Your husband is looking to be unemployed. He is making excuses and trying to blame you for his weaponized incompetence. Watch his behavior closely
NTA
“Hey my wife sent that form in for me because of some computer problem, did that attachment come through ok? Yeah I didn’t know how she was going to word it either haha”
That’s a very awkwardly phrased email, and you definitely should not have said it was sent by you. Having your wife send emails to your employer is not a good look.
NTA, but the “hereto” is the weird part. “Attached please find [husband’s name] executed consent form” would’ve been fine.
NTA. It’s just an email, he needs to get a grip. Is he this uptight and controlling about everything?
NTA tell your husband you are using the vocabulary your education gave you, and he obviously uses his. His plebian brain can’t comprehend people use verbose words in professional settings.
I would have said I was embarrassed by his simple mind. Tell that millennial to get over himself. I’m a reader and I have a large vocabulary, and my husband had a humbler upbringing. He is not insecure by this. He doesn’t say a word if I read. That right there was the comment that fired me up the most, followed by the weird Tom Clancy bit. Your husband sounds dumb, NGL.
NTA, I’m not really sure how you “overcomplicated” anything, or how being super duper formal is “inappropriate”, you sent the form in that was needed, that’s all. Did he mean the person you sent it to was unable to understand the words “hereto” and “execute”?
I personally agree with him that what you wrote was way overkill but like… it’s hilarious. I’d probably laugh about it in a good way if my husband sent something written like that, not get embarrassed.
Did his new job colleagues tease him or something?? Does he think you look smarter than him and his ego can’t handle it?
There’s nothing wrong with what you sent. If he doesn’t like the way you do things, he should do them his damn self.
I’ve worked in government and out. I’ve represented corporations, private clients, judges, doctors, and other lawyers for more than 20 years. My work included multi-district federal civil litigation, class-actions and criminal work. I have yet to hear anyone tell me that plain speaking or writing was anything but a blessing.
Plain English is in vogue with lawyers who actually deal with clients. Doubly so if you do any kind of trial work, especially with juries. New lawyers spend about 3 to 5 years unlearning legalese when talking yo other humans. The only exception really seems to be in contracts or forms.
NTA, his employer might roll their eyes or scoff at hereto but the bigger issue is his wife is performing his roles!!! It looks way worse that he couldn’t attach and send his own email than you sending a professional email.
He used the word tenfold and is upset about your hereto? I’d be more embarrassed that my wife had to send an email for me. NTA, your husband acted like an ass.
NTA and honestly the recipient will not care if it’s too formal, their job is to process the form they are only looking for completion. Your husband is being ridiculous and disrespectful. Who exactly does he think he is to talk to you that way? If that’s how he normally is he doesn’t need to be married.
Huh? First off, I’m not sure what is meant by “it did not go through”. Like was he getting a bounce back email because he fat fingered the address or is he such a Luddite that he can’t operate Gmail? Second, he’s embarrassed that you used language that makes you look literate? Yea he can get bent. NTA
NTA, but as a corporate drone I definitely would’ve laughed at this wording if I received this. “Attached is the signed consent form” is all that is needed.
NTA
I forget how annoying it is to get to these threads early before common sense rules out. These people giving other rulings are confusing me. Your email was overly formal for most corporate or business environments these days, sure, but it was something that would elicit a chuckle from the person reading it, if anything. Knowing you work in the legal sector makes this make complete sense. You worded the email professionally per your own experience of professional email verbiage.
Your husband crying about it after the fact is weird and he’s being an asshole. Nobody cares, odds are, and if a few fancy words actually sabotaged him at this company it’s probably for the best, frankly.
He’s embarrassed because it sounds more sophisticated than him. NTA.
This man is 43 years old?!
Nta. He sounds exhausting.
NTA. The unprofessional thing here was having his wife send an email for him. I would have second thoughts about hiring anyone that lacked the competency to email a PDF form and had to ask his spouse to do it for him.
People are giving you a hard time about the word “hereto” but if I received this email I wouldn’t have even noticed what you wrote because I’d have been too busy wondering why the F he was having his wife send me emails.
Not to mention that he’s a nitpicking bully to you after you did him this favor. Even if I agreed with the people that are criticizing your language, his treatment of you is beyond the pale.
If your husband is too much of a dolt to send an email himself then he has no right to be angry, doubly so after approving the email over the phone. Tell him to stop acting like a septuagenarian and grow up. NTA.
soft YTA because OP didn’t just use professional language, OP used stilted and overly formal language, it also sounds like OP used wording that the husband would not have used. OP could just as easily worded it as something along the lines of “I have attached the completed Consent Form for (my husband). Thank you, (My name)” which still sounds perfectly professional.
I mean I get why he likely cringed reading it & I’m surprised you see nothing wrong with using that kind of language outside a legal/court filing, but he should just let it go & internally note to never ask you to send any emails on his behalf in the future – but NTA.
NTA. What a terrible way to thank you for helping him.
NTA
It’s a little much for your average corporate job but there’s nothing wrong with what you wrote. I’m willing to bet you’re a lawyer though!