I (M34) have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (F27) for about three months now, and I’ve been nothing but serious about it. I know how these things usually work, so I’ve made it a point to be as transparent and straightforward with her as I possibly can.
A few days ago, we were chatting as usual when she mentioned that she’d received a call from a private number around 2am. I didn’t make a big deal of it. She even sent me a cropped screenshot of her call log, supposedly just to show the time of the call. But here’s the thing: in that screenshot, I could clearly see the start of another table of entries below, which strongly suggested there were more calls she’d chosen not to show me. I didn’t push it further and just let it slide.
Fast forward to last night, she brought the subject up again and sent me another screenshot… this time complete But in this one, there was only the single call she’d told me about. The rest of the screen was conveniently blacked out. I pointed it out, and she completely flipped, accusing me of not trusting her, telling me I needed to reflect on our relationship, and that it could never work if I had trust issues
At that point, I told her plainly that she was lying. I know I saw more calls in that first screenshot, and I told her I was done!! that the day she decided to be honest, she’d know where to find me.
Fifteen minutes later, she came back admitting there had been other calls, but she was scared I’d blame her for them and claimed she didn’t know how they’d been deleted… What really gets me isn’t the calls themselves, but the way she handled it??
1/The initial attempt to hide them
2/The nerve to flip it around and accuse me of being the problem
3/Sending me a manipulated screenshot to cover her tracks
4/And the fact that she was perfectly willing to gaslight me into doubting what I’d seen
Now she’s been ringing and messaging constantly, begging for forgiveness, saying she made a mistake, and swearing she’ll never do it again. But honestly! I don’t see how I could ever trust her again.
So !! AITA for acting that way and refusing to give her a second chance?
Comments
I think you handled it pretty calmly considering what happened. Even if the calls themselves were innocent, the deception and gaslighting are huge red flags. Her fear doesn’t justify lying multiple times. It’s understandable that you don’t see a way forward after that.
It’s not the calls, it’s the lying, gaslighting and covering up.You can’t build trust on that and that’s a huge redflag. Walking away sounds like the right call.
Long distance is a sham
You’re not wrong for walking away. She didn’t just make a mistake, she doubled down by hiding it, lying about it, and then trying to flip the blame back onto you. That’s a huge breach of trust, especially this early on in the relationship. If she’s willing to manipulate you now, it’s hard to imagine it getting better later.
NTA
Trust is hard to build and easy to break. It’s also a must for most LDR’s.
You’re not the asshole here. People make mistakes, but this was a conscious effort to deceive and gaslight you. Three months in, she’s already showing patterns of dishonesty and manipulation,. giving her a second chance could just teach her that lying is acceptable.
Best end it. Better to find out now rather than later on.
Dude, if she’s already pulling the trust issues card after just three months, imagine the drama in a year! You dodged a bullet, my friend.
She is a narcissist. All of the things you have described come right out of the narcissist’s handbook. If you stay with her, expect more of the same moving forward. I can sadly tell you from personal experience that she will fuck up any kids you have.
NTA
Dude, LDR rarely work unless you have a plan to no longer be long distance. Is what you currently have worth it?
I’m a married man. Been with my wife for close to a decade now.
The fact that you guys feel the need to show your call history just tells me that neither of you trust eachother enough to be in a relationship.
NTA. You dodged a bullet, be grateful for her showing her true character before you wasted any more time, and move on.
Good decision, 10/10.
NTA
NTA. If she’s willing to lie about phone calls, she’s willing to lie about any other contact she’s had with this person.
She was already cheating or thinking about it. Which… Isn’t thinking about it already cheating?
Why is she telling you in the first place unless she is going to be completely honest. People are weird.
Just block her and live your life.
No, you handled it perfectly. Stay away from that chick.
Although I know it’s hard for you to hear, I doubt that this was ever a relationship. I don’t know why she felt it was necessary to send you a screenshot in the first place, but there must have been a reason. If someone gets a call from a private number at 2am, they would probably mention it as an annoyance and probably as a wrong number. It would only be if it happened again that it would become significant. Why send someone a screenshot? And bringing it up again, with note screenshots is even more odd. Anyway, whatever her motives you have already checked out. You don’t trust her, rightly I think. But really this was never what you thought it was.