So I met this guy on a nice first date, pretty casually, and we drank some coffee and he gets one phone call after 1 h from his brother where they.. discuss some beaches or lakes to swim at or whatever. They talked for a few minutes and then he hung up.
Here I already felt that it didn’t really sound very important.. he could’ve just said “hey I’m busy, can I call you back?” to keep the focus on our date and me.
But I thought whatever, it’s fine. Just one call. We go back to talking and he asks me questions, compliments my dress etc. Feels good.
Then he gets another phone call that he answers.
And they talk for almost 10 minutes with each other.
I was getting pretty anxious and the feeling in my body was just awkward as hell, sitting there waiting for him to hang up. I looked at him and he looked back at me, but kept talking.
I looked at the clock. I thought that I don’t wanna sit here and waste my time waiting on this guy to finish his phone calls, better to go home and spend my time doing better things.
I started packing my things up and that’s when he said to his friend “I think I need to go now” and hung up.
I told him I wanted to go home but it was nice meeting him, gave him a quick hug and left.
He called me immediately, but I didn’t answer, then he wrote sorry multiple times.
I wrote back that it’s not nice taking multiple phone calls on a date, and that I didn’t feel prioritized at all so that’s why I left.
He said it was his friend that needed his support because he’s going through something rough so it felt important to talk to him.
I just said “okay”.
I get wanting to be there for your friend, but if it’s important he could’ve told me right then and there that it WAS important to him and ask if it’s okay and then go and talk with his friend somewhere. I would’ve completely respected that because it would’ve showed he respected me and my time. Not just continue sitting with me but completely ignoring that I existed for 10 minutes.
I felt bad after I left, not sure if I overreacted or not. Was about to write to him that I’m sorry I left, but I also really feel he could’ve done this in suuuuch a better way.
AITA?
Comments
NTA.
He’s the asshole for sure. It shows lack of interest and respect when you are on your phone the whole date. It’s possible he had to be there for his friend but he should have said so
This guy has bad manners. You were right to ditch the date. NTA
NTA I’m glad he showed you this on a first date. He was disrespectful towards you and your time.
That’s just plain rude behaviour- and he knew it was rude, otherwise he wouldn’t have immediately apologised. NTA
NTA You didn’t overreact, basic etiquette means prioritizing your date with a quick heads-up for important calls. Trust your gut, you deserve someone who values your time right away.
NTA. He’s more interested in talking to his brother and his friend than in getting to know you. It’s a good idea to end this before it even begins.
NTA. If this is what his best, first date behavior looks like, where do you think it goes from here?
He’s incredibly rude.
Also, i call bs on his friend is going through something. That was his attempt to patch things up with you.
You did not overreact. He is socially immature. Just because a phone rings doesn’t mean you have to answer it. There is a silence feature. If he couldn’t separate for what, an hour or two, from the rest of his social connections, he isn’t ready to date, let alone have a relationship. Hard pass.
NTA. That was the appropriate response. Holy shits dudes these days wonder why nobody likes them…
NTA. I would’ve done the same.
Nta
LOL. Bro said he was rude because his friend needs his help. Well I guess that might be true. But in that case, he has no business going out on dates with anybody.
How hard is it to turn your damn phone off when you are on a date? I know it takes a bit of brains to figure this out. Op obviously deserves better. Good for her on getting the heck out of there.
NTA. If his friend needed so much help he shouldn’t have scheduled a date with you.
NTA. The guy was testing what level of disrespect he could get away with.
NTA. Some people use phone calls as a power move. eh “Look how important I am – you can wait.” Don’t play those games. He’d have only gotten worse.
His friend doesn’t need 24/7 immediately access to him. “Hey man, I’d love to chat, but I’m on a date – can I get back to you?” would be perfectly polite. Don’t feel bad. If his life is so hectic that he can’t turn down a phone call – he shouldn’t be dating.
This is why I prefer texts. Shalom you’re loved 💔
NTA, it’s all about communication and he didn’t communicate with you.
Another thing (which may not be true for everyone) is that if he knew he was going on a date, he could have at least told his brother (then he wouldn’t have called at the time of the date).
NTA. You’ve put in the effort to go on a date with this man, and his response was to place phone calls above spending time with you. You handled it with grace and dignity.
Come on. You know you’re not the asshole.
I never answer my phone when I’m speaking with anyone. Grow up. It can wait.
NTA. Unless you’re anticipating an urgent call or monitoring an urgent situation (parent is in hospital, partner is 9 mos. pregnant), it’s polite to not take/make phone calls while socializing with others IRL–particularly in a 1:1 setting. And if you DO take/make a call, keep it short: “good to hear from you, I’m going to need to call you back later”.
As for the friend who was ‘having a tough time’, EITHER your date had to cut the date short because the friend was really in trouble OR the ‘tough time’ wasn’t bad enough that your date couldn’t talk to his friend after your date was done. It was super disrespectful for your date to just have a 10-minute phone convo with you just sitting there stuck and silent, waiting on him.
You’re not the asshole. Honestly, I’d be upset too if someone was more interested in their phone than me on a date. Have you tried talking to him about how it made you feel? It might clear the air.
NTA, you were not his priority on the date and he was just simply rude.
NTA. To me, really the #1 first date “rule” is to give your date your 100% undivided attention. You did that for him and he didn’t for you and you stood up for the value of yourself and exited gracefully without causing a scene. Don’t worry – you will find men who aren’t this rude!
NTA. I find it disrespectful on a planned date when the other person was on the phone through out the whole period. It just shows that they are not interested in spending time with the other person. If they are so busy, they should have rescheduled the date, unless their job requires them to be 24/7 on a stand by that at least I can understand why they need to keep on answering their call
That’s a giant ick factor in my opinion. It’s just poor manners to not be present for the person right in front of you. I’m glad you left, seems like that was his only indication that taking not one but two phone calls during a date was extremely rude. Better luck next time! NTA
Absolutely NTA!
YTA . I went on a date with a doctor once. She kept getting pager messages and calls that she refused to ignore. how selfish of her to not focus on me instead of the lives of her patients. needless to say I refused a second date.
No I’d be out! I don’t have time for that 🙄
I’m sorry this all made you anxious. But I also think you should be proud for standing up for yourself. You want a man who respects you and clearly from the get-go he did not. I think it’s hilarious when people exhibit bad behavior and then are shocked when people react to their bad behavior by saying goodbye.
ETA NESTING FAIL
It’s possible he could be the asshole. It’s also possible that maybe he wasn’t into the date and he had people call him and yada yada. Just like women do.
NTA
He disrespected you and your time. You don’t want to be with someone like that, so be glad he showed you on the first date and not after marriage.
NTA. I even turn my phone to vibrate and leave it in my purse for a doctor appointment. If my husband and I are on a date night, I’ll see who is calling because we both have elderly parents with health issues, but otherwise, it’s so rude to carry on a whole conversation when you should be giving someone your full attention.
Keep practising that self respect, men will treat you however you let them.
NTA. First dates are for getting to know the other person better and figuring out if you’re interested in going farther. He showed you everything you needed to know to figure that out.
If he is able to learn from his mistakes, hopefully you’ve saved his next first date some time and discomfort.
Unless it’s an serious emergency.
Stay off the phone
Funny. I was exactly the guy in this scenario a few years back… First year of campus. Dating this girl… I did just what he did. I thought it would make me seem important with all those calls, and she’d like me more. Backfired terribly…
Not saying it’s what happened here. He might just be an AH. Benefit of doubt though.
Nope NTA, my hubs used to do that at dinner, if he didn’t say, “I’ll call you back, I’m eating dinner”, then I just grabbed my plate and went elsewhere to eat. He’s gotten a lot better the last decade.