So I (26M) went on a first date with a girl I matched with on Hinge. At first, the conversation was going pretty smoothly she was funny, smart, and easy to talk to. We got to the topic of work, and I mentioned that I work in IT support at a mid-sized company. I enjoy what I do, it’s stable, and I’ve worked hard to build my skills and grow in my role.
She asked how much I make, which already felt a little off for a first date, but I answered honestly and just said it’s enough to live comfortably, save, and have a bit of fun. She laughed. Not like a giggle or a joke-between-friends laugh an actual, dismissive laugh.
She goes, “Oh wow, I thought tech jobs paid way more than that. That’s barely anything. I couldn’t date someone who isn’t ambitious enough to aim higher.”
I sat there for a second, honestly stunned. I asked if she was serious, and she just shrugged and said, “I’m just being honest. I have standards.”
So I stood up, told her I didn’t think we were a match, paid for my drink, and walked out. She later texted me calling me rude, saying I overreacted, and that I should have “taken it like a man.”
I’m not ashamed of my job or my lifestyle. I work hard, I’m good at what I do, and I treat people with respect. I don’t think I owe anyone tolerance for being openly condescending.
Still, a couple of my friends said I should’ve just laughed it off or finished the date politely and ghosted after. So… AITA?
Comments
NTA. you have standards too
Definitely not the AH. You dodged a bullet with that one.
She said she couldn’t date, probably would have been ok with a one night stand, your loss as you’ll never know
NTA
Ha! She taught you a lesson buddy, keep your personal business to yourself especially on your first date.
Hell no! You matched her energy quickly good work
NTA. I know some people like that. A family member of mine she only make minimum wage and says you aren’t a real man unless you make 6 figures…
I feel like an alien reading this. Where in the world do people behave like this? Perhaps I am too Scandinavian.
No. NTA.
So now you no to come up with a different answer for a first date. I wouldn’t tell somebody how much I made on a first date. Make it something light, like we’ll discuss it when we plan our first joint account.
First time responding. This seems like it might be fake but regardless I think this post will do well.
NTA
Talking about these things on the first date is a good way to weed out the undesirables. When you realized you two weren’t a match there was no reason to stay. Her gaslighting you with her text afterword I’m sure just drove that home. Next bad match block the number after you pay your bill and before you are out the door.
“Oh wow, I thought tech jobs paid way more than that. That’s barely anything. I couldn’t date someone who isn’t ambitious enough to aim higher.”
Sorry, but any response other than “Well, I guess you can fucking leave then.” is the wrong response.
I’d say you did take it like a man. A man wouldn’t just sit there and let someone be rude. Someone is rude to you, politely exit. Good job.
NTA
Who cares what you make? Long as you happy.
You do you
You did the right thing, she was completely rude and yes condescending. Count your blessings that you dodged a bullet! Think of the pain you will not go through!
She just said she couldn’t date someone in that salary, while you were in a date. So you left. Makes sense to me.
Oh def NTA
She was rude – and you took it like a (hu)man, she’s delulu if she thinks her behaviour deserved a different reaction.
Should’ve grilled her about her career. It sounds like her ambition is to find a sugar daddy. NTA
NTA.
And you did take it like a man. You politely stopped putting up with something you didn’t want to put up with, and only after paying your own way.
Spare a moment of sympathy for whatever poor fool she latches onto.
Good for you for standing up for your self and having standards of your own!
In fact, if you wrote back say just those 6 words “I have standards of my own”
Wishing you luck
First, never answer that question. She isn’t your accountant or your wife. It is none of her business how much you make. Answer with a ridiculous number, or make a joke, or ask her another question to change the subject.
Second, you should have taken it like a man. Who cares what she thinks? Why do you need her approval?
She was wrong for saying what she said, you were wrong for answering and letting her get to you.
I probably would’ve asked what she did for a living, and unless it was something seriously impressive, I’d have ended up mocking her too. I can be kind of petty like that. Either way, you’re NTA. The date was basically over the moment she laughed at your job. No reason to stay and politely finish the date. F-that noise.
NTA. She’s the one that’s rude. People have no business in asking how much you make. I don’t even know why you even told her. Unless you are going to marry someone, it’s just none of their business what you make. You have dodged a bullet. I wouldn’t have been nearly as nice.
Slow clap.
Impolite people rely on the standards of politeness to keep other people from calling them out. You do not owe politeness to someone with no manners
On a first date? If walk out if she asked.
Asking what you do is fine, asking about your finances is absurd.
NTA – she’s as shallow as a dried up mud puddle!!!!!!!!!! Consider it as a bullet dodged man.
Life’s about more than $$$$, took me way too long to realize it myself (48M) and spend my 20s, 30s and the first half of my 40s chasing the ever moving bar raise after raise only to figure out money doesn’t mean happiness despite having a comfortable 6 figure annual income. Actually hoping to say F#$% it all once my kids graduate highschool, and moving off grid to work as little as possible other than for myself homesteading, If I can have 40K on paper while doing it its enough for me
Congrats on dodging that train wreck. You deserve better
Nope. I’m a woman, and that was totally disrespectful. You sure dodged a bullet with that one. She’s looking for a sugar daddy.
I’m so glad I’m beyond the realm of online dating. What a weird life style. You just avoided a woman who’d never be happy. Good on you NTA.
Online dating seems like a “ deal or no deal” type game. Before ya know it the girls will think they are a fetch and a 8 get the brief case of 100 dollars and have cats into their 30s
This has to just be an engineered post to anger Reddit tech bros
Hell no. She is obviously delusional. I guarantee you make more than 60% of people. If she bases her relationships off of money she’s not a person you would want to invest time into anyway.
NTA
If if you ignore how rude she was, she literally said she couldn’t date someone like you so you left the date. Perfectly rational.
NTA you are 26. Who says a tech support job is not being ambitious. You still have to work your way up. Not everyone gets a huge payday out of school. Most tech people with high jobs young started their own companies. She sounds like a golddigger and you dodged a bullet.
NTA. She said she couldn’t date someone making your wage, so why waste time? You definitely did the right thing.
Should have told her to “reboot her attitude”.
I’ll see myself out..
Finish the date? After what she said the date was over. NTA.
NTA. My standard is that I don’t date assholes, so if someone was condescending like that, I’d pay for my drink and leave, too.
Tell he she is mannish enough for the both of you.
NTAH you have no obligation to entertain a woman who is going to put you down for something so stupid. You are 26…26! You don’t have to make 3 figures a year or 70k if you make even 40/50k a year that’s great! She’s shallow and her “standards” are why she’s single. A relationship is NOT about money or material things. It’s about the connection and person as a whole not how much they have in the bank. You did what I would have done.
NTA, but is this for real? If it is, then this is an important lesson for you: if a woman asks how much you make on your first date, get out of there! That is a huge red flag.
> I should have “taken it like a man”
You did. What did she expect you to do?
NTA.
Either she values you for you or it’s a lost cause.
The time you saved not having to sit next to someone who insulted you is priceless!
NTA – why would you waste another minute of your time with someone you’re clearly not compatible with?
Screw her. Some people are so into themselves… She sounds super super petty. You dodged a bullet.
Thanks for being bold enough to teach her a lesson and respecting yourself. Wow that would be a nightmare to do forever with God forbid you got sick she is going to dump you
I think you saved yourself a lot of drama by what you did. Congratulations for being a straight up guy. Women like that men don’t need and believe me a man like you deserves so much better than that money grubbing hoe. Take it from a woman who has been on this planet for seven decades you don’t need a gold digger such as that.
Nta at all
You dropped this when you stormed out 👑. She is for the STREETS
NTA
She sounds as though she was fishing for your ability to buy expensive gifts. Sounds high maintenance and expensive
Not at all. Red flag to ask what you make. Why was it asked? I have never asked someone that.
“Take it like a man”? What is that? You were nicer than I would be. At least it was a lesson learned early.
Before she asked you to co-sign on a car.
Good luck
“How much do you make” her
“what’s your bra size?”- you
She laughs and insults you and your carreer, claiming she couldn’t date you cause she has standards, and she has the nerve to claim YOU are the rude one? NTA, that woman is entitled AF and needs a reality check. And what is it “take it like a man” supposed to mean? That you’re supposed to just tolerate insults and disrespect? Screw her, you dodged a bullet.
NTA. She is a huge one.
Why is she even comfortable saying that to a stranger? You dodged a bullet. And trust me, you most likely won’t find anything good from dating apps, they’re not it
Whenever I read situations like this I have not nice thoughts on what I would do
Finishing the date and ghosting her isn’t any better or worse. It wouldn’t have made a difference.
You knew you were done, you didn’t need to stay. She was rude, so why hang out with her? She made it clear she want interested anyway
She did you a favour, she gave a red flag up front and saved you time.
And she makes how much doing what and treating people that way? She’s for the streets
NTA. F her, that’s so rude. She couldn’t possibly expect that someone who she would want to date would have so little self respect as to put up with that.
I’d say the time to walk was when somebody asked your salary on the first date! NTA, she’s tacky af
NTA, though the batshit idiot friends line at the end makes me think the whole thing is fake. If it isn’t, fuck them too and find better friends.
NTA. The only thing you did wrong was not blocking her as you walked out the door.
You one upped her and got the hell out! Good job. NTA
NTA – she’s gross.
Dodged a bullet
I don’t see what’s rude about saving both of you time.
NTA
She sounds awful. This is rude and so materialistic. You have a job, support yourself comfortably, are responsible. These are all admirable qualities. Your response was not only justified, but appropriate.
She already said she couldn’t date anyone that made that so she technically shot you down in the most obnoxious way possible.
Hope you left her with the bill. Definitely not the asshole
NTA. Do you really believe you miss anything by not dating this person anymore? Well done !
And everyone clapped afterwards? Naw smells fishy in here.
NTA and its rich for her to call you rude after how she behaved. Shes proof that you cant buy class.
NTA. You did take it like a man. You respectfully left. She sounds like a treat!
NTA. You gave back what she gave you.
NTA, mark her as gold digger.
Nah I would have down the same. Why waste any more of your time and money on a dead end?
You definitely are NTA. That’s not something you ask on the first date, either. Only when you’re getting serious, etc.
No, do not tolerate disrespect on a first date. IF you were a match, it would have just gotten worse as she got more comfortable. You saved yourself a painful evening and being stuck for a dinner tab. NTA. Good for you.
NTA for not entertaining a brazen golddigger.
Nope. Your friends are wrong. How is anyone like her going to learn they are in the wrong if they don’t face the consequences there and then?
And she may never learn. But she still should face them and learn life isn’t going to drop everything in her lap like a privileged princess.
NTA and don’t let your friends make you think you are!
A. I. rage bait
NTA what did she say expect to do? Keep talking with someone “below her standards”?
Your reply to her: “I have standards”
You stood up for yourself. This is a weird thing to ask on a first date. Tip of the iceberg, and possibly a lesson for her. Saying something wild enough that the other person gets up and leaves is definitely something that I’d self reflect on.
If she was a woman, you would have treated like a man would. She’s a child, run!
Geed her words back to her. You have standards too and living within your means is a perfectly good one. Why should you work yourself to the bone for anyone? You sound like you have a great work life balance. Money to have a bitnof fun and still save is plenty enough. She gold digger
You avoided someone who would never be there for you. Is good to learn that early.
Hopefully you also learned a lesson about over sharing. You should have never told anyone what you make. Especially not someone you don’t know.
This subs so lame now with bait posts
NTA. She will get old someday and we will all laugh. Even those who are older, like me.
NTA!!!
YTA for telling anyone how much you earn. C’mon, man. That’s an insanely rude question and you should have some self respect and refuse to answer it no matter how much you’re making.
The idea that, as men, we should be ok with taking disrespect is insane. It’s just another way we aren’t allowed to express our emotions and then wonder why most violent criminals and “self destructions” are comprised of men.
Sounds like you did take it like a man. NTA, and good on you.
What else are feet for, OP!
NTA. She doubled down, she is TA! Don’t you love how people try to turn a normal response to their rude behavior or disrespect into something offensive itself? You have self respect, that’s all.
NTA. She ruled you out. You respected her boundary and left.
You handled that like a real man. Why should you have your time wasted. It’s more valuable than money
You DID take it like a man. You instantly ascertained that you were interacting with a shallow, materialistic person who just told you that you had no chance with her. You didn’t argue, whine, or complain. You left her like you found her: alone.
BTW: I’d bet money she also makes less than you do.
I feel like someone just rewrote the post from earlier about the woman who worked as a hairdresser and just flipped the genders/job.
NTA She was very rude, and then darvo’d and called you rude. She basically announced there was no chance of a relationship, no future, so you did the sensible thing and left after being insulted and dismissed.
Don’t look back. She’s a trash heap.
NTA.
What she means is that you didn’t give her the chance to reject you. She’s hurt that you rejected her first.
NTA bro 😎 awesome!
NTAH! Wow was she quite the snob
You did take it like a man, with dignity and respect for yourself. You didn’t take it like a doormat.
NTA, in case that wasn’t clear. Dodging bullets like Neo.
She sounds awful and it was good you walked out and didn’t waste another moment with her. This is a rude, intrusive, first date question.
This absolutely didnt happen. Its just an excuse for a bunch of incels to come together and bash women.
So I’m a teacher so I make shit. Does that mean I don’t aim higher?
My goodness… would be interesting to know what she does for a living.
Text her back saying “good luck finding yourself a sugar daddy” and block her
You should have excused yourself to the bathroom then ghosted her.
NTA. This response was absolutely perfect, and while it’s doubtful, I hope she learned something from it.
NTA – She was very rude, and you were right to leave. You didn’t owe her anything once she acted that poorly.
I disagree with the suggestions from your friends. You don’t have to be inauthentic and laugh it off when someone is belittling you in public. Life is short, don’t waste your time continuing a date with someone who doesn’t respect you. Call me old fashioned, but I think it makes more sense to be upfront with a rude person and break things off (like you did) rather than being pretend you’re okay with being treated poorly so that you can ghost her later.
You handled the situation entirely appropriately. Good luck finding someone who’s a nicer person!
NTA sounds like she has gold digger tendencies. You did the right thing.
It’s amazing how women want to be progressive when it comes to their gender roles and place in a relationship, but expect men to be ok sacrificing to make sure they uphold all the old gender norms.
NTA.
NTA. Your date was a major AH. Please don’t give this woman another thought. She’s not worth any of your energy.
I would’ve walked away if someone asked me what I make on a first date, it wouldn’t have gone as far as laughing at the amount. Women especially these days are delusional, thinking they can shit all over guys and still be a “high value” woman. I hate that term and NTA, she was an entitled ass and you were right to leave her
You did take it like a man. You didn’t whine or complain, you told her you weren’t a match and left so she could find someone more in line with what she’s looking for.
Bullet dodged
Why waste even one more minute of your life on someone who thinks that blatant disrespect is acceptable public behavior? NTA, you’re fine.
You did take like a man with self respect. NTA you’re just starting out. finding out what you love doing at a young age is priceless man.
NTA . She was incredibly rude
How is this post almost identical to the other AITA with the genders reversed?
No, why go any further when she said it was a deal breaker. She has the standards of an alley cat.
She just wanted a free meal.
I hate this “I was just joking” or “You’re too sensitive” BS. NTA
Shit. First date? I’d have stood up and walked out the moment that question was even posed.
That’s a too big a red flag to try and ignore.
No way you are in IT with this bs ai story.
NTA. Block her
Dayommmmm, OP!
One, you are NTAH.
Two, she – like anyone – is of course free to maintain their own “standards;” cool. HOWEVAH, she was WAY out of line telling you to “take it like a man.” What a twatwaddle thing to say. “You should be cool with me laughing at you for the revenue you generate through hard work and investment in your career.”
Were the shoe on the other foot? No way, dude. She’d freak out and dox your ass.
Thank you for investing in your career and intelligence. Stay a good dude, dude!
You did good bro.
NTA
That was a good time to leave the interaction. If she’s going to guffaw at how much you make, maybe you shouldn’t spend a dime on her.
good on you. i would have done the same. you dodged a bullet.
Nta.
I work in a factory while finishing my degree. I started driving a forklift then transferred to QA. Forklift isn’t glamorous but it paid the bills. Anyone who could laugh at me for driving a lift isn’t Anyone I’d want to be a friend much less date
NTA I’m always amazed at how shallow & superficial people can be. At least you didn’t take her to dinner
NTA
And I bet(hope) she learned a valuable lesson
This post unironically also belongs on the NiceGirl thread. Jesus, what a miserable person. You dodged a car bomb, not a bullet.
No need to demonstrate that your manners are as bad as hers. You should have paid the check, wished her well and left rather than stomping out like a child.
Nta.
you finished the date perfectly politely : you told her what was happening & you paid for your drink.
what more do your friends expect from you?
You did take it like a man, good job. No need to simp for a toxic chick.
Na, you did the right thing. You should have told her to take you walking out like a woman.
NTA enough said.
The only mistake you made was forgetting to block her.
More of this!🤗 Walk out on mf’s! Y would continue 2 sit there with some STRANGER that is being disrespectful or making u feel uncomfortable? NTA.
I’d say you 100% took it like a man & left her where she belonged. Life’s too short for that BS.
nta. at all. good on you.
Didn’t happen. Nice try though
NTA and I never disclose my income. I’ve been dating someone for 3 months and will not tell him. Anyone too worried about your income wants access to it.
NTA and why do these posts always end the same, as in my friends or my family or whomever said I should have just… which is the opposite of what most people with a shred of self respect would do. I can say with 100% certainty that most men would have walked out on her for being a condescending asshole.
Why waste time on someone who is so rude? I’m sure you realize this now, but your salary is none of anyone else’s business and that was your cue to leave right there. The only reply to “I have my standards” would be “so do I” and leaving her in the rearview. Her behavior is appalling. Do not spend one iota more responding or thinking about this immature selfish person. You deserve way better. You are NTA, but she is queen for a day of the AHs. I hope you find a better match soon!
Not the asshole, at all. Should’ve asked her how much she made or how much she’s accomplished to have that kind of expectation from someone she just met. Dodged a bullet.
Finish the date politely… then ghost her?
That’s supposedly better for the sake of saving face and salvaging peace… but fuck that.
It’s such bullshit that popular advice is to be a complacent doormat.
You did the right thing walking out.
It was just as wildly brazen as her saying that shit.
Stay firm with yourself.
She sounds toxic and stupid.
You dodged a series of bullets.
Don’t invest another second in this.
She insults you but you should take it like a man and you are the one that is rude? This women is a walking red flag.
NTAH
NTA – you handled it like a man. She a pretentious B*
NTA . You didn’t yell or cause a scene. You got up and left. You did take it like a man.
I really doubt this happened, but if it did, you did the right thing. Asking your salary on a first date is really weird and critiquing it is super rude. That’s not a good person and not someone you want a second date with, let alone a relationship.
In your early/mid 20s women are pretty quick to reveal what they want from someone regardless of how wildly unrealistic it is. It seems in line especially if they come from money because they’re basically just looking for a new “parent” to take care of them.
NTA. Asking someone what they earn is tacky and rude. You have self respect.
Your friends wanted you to sit and laugh with someone who openly insulted you. Why?
Women need to stop treating themselves like commodities that us lucky men can buy if we have a nice enough car, make enough money, and shower them with gifts immediately into dating. It makes men jaded and reflects badly on women. Most people aren’t like this, but please stop.
You did take it like a man. Shes looking for a bank account
What do you do is an ok first date question.
How much do you make is never an ok question to ask…ever.
I APPLAUD YOU. There is something so liberating about it. Once I had a guy pull over and let me out of the car. I needed to leave the date immediately. lol