I (29F) booked a nice dinner (12 people) to celebrate my mom’s promotion. I told everyone it was my treat.
Context: I’ve lost ~30 lbs in the last year. I’m proud, but my family loves “teasing.”
At the table:
• Brother (32M): “Careful, one bread basket and you’re back to square one.”
• Aunt: “Order the salad—discipline starts today, di ba?”
• SIL showed an old photo of me and everyone laughed.
I said, calmly, “Please stop. It’s not funny.”
They doubled down: “We’re just joking,” “Don’t be sensitive,” “We love you!” Then another round of comments when dessert menus came.
So I waved the server over and—quietly—said: “Please split the checks by seat. I’ll cover Mom’s meal and mine.” I hugged my mom, paid at the host stand, and left.
Cue family group chat meltdown: I “humiliated” them, I “weaponized money,” I “abandoned” a celebration I organized. I replied that I wouldn’t fund being mocked. I offered to reimburse half of Dad’s entrée (he ordered thinking I was covering), but not the others unless I get an actual apology.
Now they’re saying I ruined the night and could have just “laughed it off.” My mom says she understands both sides but wishes I’d stayed.
AITA for leaving and asking the restaurant to split the bill after I initially said I’d pay?
Comments
NTAH. Next time they’ll know better; if not, SCHOOL THEM AGAIN.
Nta that’s rude of them.
That’s straight up bullying of them! WTH?!
FAFO
NTA I’ve lost 117 pounds I wouldn’t put up with this either. I worked really hard to get where I am and so what if I treat myself and eat out and even have dessert. I’m not going to gain all the weight back. My ex was notorious for teasing me about my weight. When I go visit our daughter and grandchild that live with him I stay there cause I get to spend more time with them than going to a motel and having someone drive me. Recent visit even he was giving me compliment he said nothing when me and our daughter went out to eat or when I ate the meals he cooked. He just told me I was on vacation and to enjoy myself I was actually shocked he said that. I couldn’t believe the support I was getting cause my family likes to joke around with teasing and it sometimes gets to me. There’s no reason for it. You had every right to walk out you’ve done a great job losing weight.
They are vile
NTA it’s not joking, it’s being rude, mean and nasty to one member of the family. The one paying for the meal nonetheless. Throw them all away! How would they feel if the roles were reversed??
I’m confused on why u would pay for 12 people in the first place
NTA, I would just say so your humiliated and embarrassed it’s just a joke you are all too sensitive so what you had to pay for all your food boo hoo and hang up.
If they think it’s funny to humiliate someone and then say they love you, they have absolutely no understanding of what love means. You don’t cruelly mock someone you love, especially after they’ve asked you to stop. Screw them. There’s an apology owed here, but it’s not from you. You showed quiet self respect by leaving and letting them face the consequences of their actions. Well done. NTA.
Laugh at them for being broke …. Otherwise why would they be mad? They think they can treat you like shit, walk all over you and clown you for making you still pay for their meals? FUCK that
Why on earth would your Mother or Father just sit there and allow them to say that? As a parent- I don’t care how old you are – I would have shot that shit down.
The people making the comments are pretty crappy people. Those weren’t jokes. And they knew you were treating- I would have still paid because that was the offer but I still would have left.
> I told everyone it was my treat.
…
> Please split the checks by seat.
YTA
This is a dishonorable thing to do, and you know it. You want to feel validated because of what happened at the table. All you need to do is imagine that nothing bad happened at the table, but you still split the bill after saying it was your treat. You look like an arsehole, right? You said it was your treat, and then you split the bill because you didn’t like what they said. WHich means your word is meaningless. Anything you say today, you might change your mind based on what other people do. If you think that this is fair and normal, then I have plenty more examples to demonstrate that you’re at fault here.
You aren’t paying your family to be nice to you. You are paying for dinner; that’s what you said, and what you set out to do. It’s what people expected. You broke your contract because you didn’t get something that you wanted in return. If you think you are owed something then it’s not a treat, it’s a transaction.
NTA. I like how you handled it
What a delightful group! Food shaming the host at a celebration dinner. And they’re saying you ruined the night? Wow.
NTA they are. I’m proud you stood up for yourself. I’m guessing this isn’t the first mean thing they’ve done.
NTA
It costs us nothing to be kind
I am proud of you for losing thirty pounds and I’m just am Internet stranger. Losing weight is hard and so so frustrating!!
NTA
Your family is horrible.. I am not big on it but I say go low contact because they are not healthy for your mental health.
NTA- just because it’s your family, doest mean it’s not bullying. You deserve better than that.
Also losing weight and getting healthy is really hard, I really hope you don’t get de-railed for this bullshit. Celebrate your journey of health. It will
Literally save your life.
NTA. You told them to stop. They didn’t.
ESH. Them for being unpleasant. You for reneging on your promise.
NTA. But you need to learn to give it right back girl! “Now that I’ve lost weight maybe we should start thinking about your teeth?”
Why are they making it about the money? Their own meals?
I get that it was your event for your mom and it you stated up front that you were buying.
I don’t understand the meltdown of it being focused on the money rather than what happened.
Would they not have attended if you hadn’t said you were buying?
Because that opens the door for loads of mockery in the future.
You didn’t lose 30 fucking pounds by accident. Discipline started AGES ago.
Tell your family that you don’t fund dinners for jackasses and they proved that they are Jackasses! Tell your mother that she should have stuck up for you that she failed you.
Mom,Congratulations on your promotion, but you failed me!
NTA
NTA!! They are rude and don’t want to take accountability. So they are making you feel guilty. That is shitty behaviour.
No there is no way your mom should say she understands both sides. They were being bullies and tried to cover up their bullying by calling it jokes.
I wouldn’t even accept their apology. My interactions with them would be so limited. I mean they come where I’m at I’m leaving and when they ask I would let it be known I don’t associate with bullies.
body shaming is not a joke nor is bullying would be my response. also u can share that their lack of etiquette and manners is a lot to be desired.
NTA. You didn’t ruin your mum’s dinner, they did.
Your mum has a right to be upset, but should be grateful you even paid for her in the first place.
As for your dad and the other family members berating you for leaving, they had no right to be pissed at you after they ruined the dinner themselves, by teasing you. If someone had joked about my weight at my mum’s dinner, I’d be livid too.
Again, NTA.
NTA. Your weight whether skinny or fat is NOT A JOKE. It is never funny. Ask them to explain what the funny part was? Humiliation is not a punch line.
I do get that you committed to paying for the meal, but they shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds them.
I will never understand the people that bite the hand that feeds them. Literally, in this case. NTA
NTA. Your parents should have told them off.
NTA and start returning their energy – “Hey auntie X, how is that married man you were seeing?” “Hey uncle Y, how is that erectile dysfunction going, can you get a semi now?” “so, SIL, still getting all those UTIs? you should drink more cranberry juice”. Ha Ha, I’m just joking with you. Fuck ’em all.
FAFO and they pay their own tab.
NTA.
They ruined it. Not you.
I’m so tired of this social convention that roasting people is funny and a way to show love. If the person involved isn’t laughing, it’s not fucking funny — and they need to shut up.
NTA.
Oh and here’s another social convention I’m tired of: the person being roasted needs to be the one who gets to decide if it’s funny or not — NOT the person doing the roasting! That garbage where the person who is doing the roasting thinks they get to be the judge of whether or not their joke landed or not needs to stop right about now.
NTA.. good for you for standing up for yourself. Hurtful jokes are not funny. They should have been saying how great you look.
Congrats on your weight loss ! I know how hard it is 👍
NTA- You just hundreds of pounds. Your family was the weight that was just lifted off of you. Don’t socialize with them unless they apologize, and they mean it. Block them all fronts.
Otherwise, it’s just you and mom when you can swing it.
It kind of sucks that you didn’t shut it down after the first comment: “Guys, I know you know how hard I worked to lose 30 freaking pounds, but it’s not about me tonight. We’re celebrating MOM. Oh, and you know how sensitive I am, so if anyone else makes any little comment, you all can pay for your own meals. Understood? Yes? Good, let’s eat and say cheers to Mom!”
Walking out was an ACE move. They don’t get to bully you with weight issues, then call you to too sensitive. It’s their only defense against being AHs. When people say you’re too sensitive, the correct response is always, “Thank you. I’ve worked for a very long time to be a sensitive, caring person.” Then get up and leave, anyway. NTAH
Oh hell no. Did you know that the saying “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” dates back to 600 B.C. although it’s usually traced to Edmund Burke writing in the 1700s? I didn’t until I googled it after reading your post.
Anyhow, back to my original point: Oh hell no. You’re amazing. You achieved so much through discipline and perseverance and were generous to offer to treat them in your mom’s honor until they demonstrated quite how badly they suck. You even gave them a chance to improve before they doubled down.
No no no, you handled the situation with dignity and aplomb. Definitely NTA.
NTA. Tell them it was just a joke….