I (26F) am a lesbian. I’ve known since I was around 13, but I grew up in an ultra-religious, borderline fundamentalist household (Mormon-level strict). My parents always talked about homosexuality as a sin, something shameful and unnatural. So, I stayed quiet for over a decade.
When I moved out at 18, I slowly started accepting myself. By 20, I was out to my friends and in therapy. But I still hadn’t come out to my family. The only one I trusted was my younger sister, Mary (22F). We’ve always been close, and I thought she’d be understanding.
About a month ago, I came out to her. I was nervous and emotional, expecting her support. Instead, she stared at me and said, “You’re going to hell. Don’t speak to me again until you fix yourself.” I was crushed.
A few days later, my parents texted inviting me over for a “family dinner to catch up and reconnect.” They said they missed me and just wanted to talk. I was hesitant but decided to go, hoping maybe they’d come around.
At first, everything seemed okay. My parents were acting overly cheerful, Mary was quiet but polite, and the atmosphere just felt… off. They kept smiling too much. It felt forced.
Then the doorbell rang. My mom jumped up like she’d been waiting for it, and opened the door for Pastor Andrew, a family friend and the most homophobic man I’ve ever met. He’s known in our church community for preaching about “saving lost children” and “traditional family values.”
He sat down like he belonged there. Smiled at me and said, “It’s good to see you. You’ve been on my heart.” I realized instantly what this was — an intervention. Mary had told them, and they brought in their pastor to “fix” me.
I stood up and told Mary I couldn’t believe she betrayed me like that. She just said, “You needed help.”
I told everyone I was leaving. My mom begged me to stay. She said this was about healing, about love. I said, “No, this is about control. I don’t need saving.”
As I walked toward the door, she shouted after me that I was tearing the family apart. And then — as I was leaving — she called out, “No f*** is a child of mine.”**
I didn’t look back. I drove home shaking and cried myself to sleep that night.
The next morning, I got a text that said, “We’re sorry about how things ended. We want what’s best for you.” It sounded like my dad wrote it, not my mom. Then Mary sent a message saying I was rude to Pastor Andrew and that there’s still a way to be “normal.”
I’ve gone no contact. Some aunts and uncles have texted telling me “they mean well” and that “family forgives,” but I don’t think I can forgive people who treat love like a sickness.
So… AITA for walking out and refusing to let them “intervene”?
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I (26F) am a lesbian. I’ve known since I was around 13, but I grew up in an ultra-religious, borderline fundamentalist household (Mormon-level strict). My parents always talked about homosexuality as a sin, something shameful and unnatural. So, I stayed quiet for over a decade.
When I moved out at 18, I slowly started accepting myself. By 20, I was out to my friends and in therapy. But I still hadn’t come out to my family. The only one I trusted was my younger sister, Mary (22F). We’ve always been close, and I thought she’d be understanding.
About a month ago, I came out to her. I was nervous and emotional, expecting her support. Instead, she stared at me and said, “You’re going to hell. Don’t speak to me again until you fix yourself.” I was crushed.
A few days later, my parents texted inviting me over for a “family dinner to catch up and reconnect.” They said they missed me and just wanted to talk. I was hesitant but decided to go, hoping maybe they’d come around.
At first, everything seemed okay. My parents were acting overly cheerful, Mary was quiet but polite, and the atmosphere just felt… off. They kept smiling too much. It felt forced.
Then the doorbell rang. My mom jumped up like she’d been waiting for it, and opened the door for Pastor Andrew, a family friend and the most homophobic man I’ve ever met. He’s known in our church community for preaching about “saving lost children” and “traditional family values.”
He sat down like he belonged there. Smiled at me and said, “It’s good to see you. You’ve been on my heart.” I realized instantly what this was — an intervention. Mary had told them, and they brought in their pastor to “fix” me.
I stood up and told Mary I couldn’t believe she betrayed me like that. She just said, “You needed help.”
I told everyone I was leaving. My mom begged me to stay. She said this was about healing, about love. I said, “No, this is about control. I don’t need saving.”
As I walked toward the door, she shouted after me that I was tearing the family apart. And then — as I was leaving — she called out, “No f* is a child of mine.”
I didn’t look back. I drove home shaking and cried myself to sleep that night.
The next morning, I got a text that said, “We’re sorry about how things ended. We want what’s best for you.” It sounded like my dad wrote it, not my mom. Then Mary sent a message saying I was rude to Pastor Andrew and that there’s still a way to be “normal.”
I’ve gone no contact. Some aunts and uncles have texted telling me “they mean well” and that “family forgives,” but I don’t think I can forgive people who treat love like a sickness.
So… AITA for walking out and refusing to let them “intervene”?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Originally, a physical confrontation of sortd haopened amd my mother tried to hold me down and so I pushed her because I have issues with anxiety and struggled with emotional control. Even though my mother is so devout, I still love her. She is not a bad mother and she always tried her best to spoil us with the extra cash because family means a lot to her. But like I said, she is very self absorbed and she loves herself for being a very good mother (in her opinion). She is kind of old too so she thinks she is showing us love with things like this.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Ah honey, I’m sorry. You deserved so much better than that. If staying connected to your family means you have to pretend to follow their beliefs, you may have to let go. And that’s okay. You’re not wrong as you are, and it’s not wrong to want to be loved for all of who you are. You deserve to live your truth.
Maybe they’ll eventually start coming around when they realize that their hate has cost them their child. Unfortunately, it’s not unlikely that they won’t.
So you have to decide what is healthiest and safest for you. If that’s limited contact, great. If that’s no contact, do what you need.
NTA
As a gay man I can’t say on here what I really think of them as it would get me banned
Unfortunately OP family isn’t always blood related…..What I will tell you though is it WILL get better and you WILL find the people who will become your family as time goes on
Let those hypocrites live their judgemental lives, Jokes on them….Whilst they spend the rest of their lives not prepared to step out of line and fearful of being the centre of church gossip you get to live your life as you like and I’m confident will eventually find happiness
If you look online you should be able to find plenty of organisations in your local area who can help support you and lead you to new friendships
Best of luck OP
NTA. They didn’t want to “reconnect,” they wanted to perform an exorcism. You didn’t tear the family apart, you just escaped the cult. Your spine is made of pure titanium. Good for you.
Simple answer: NTA