I (28F) had my birthday last weekend. and my best friend, Lily, threw me a legit surprise party. All my crew, friends, coworkers, even some family, appeared without me realizing. I entered the door and, SURPRISE! went up in the room. Sweet, right? Then I saw him: my ex, Mark. I had not seen him since the day we parted two years ago. He cheated on me with a person I knew, lied to me about it months, and then tried to guilt me into staying. I am no-contact since then. The sight of him in that condition struck me in the stomach; my chest closed up, and I felt sick at once. I shot Lily a text: Why is Mark here? She replied, I wanted you two to be friends again. It is a good time to get rid of things on a birthday.”
I said, no way, and she rolled her eyes and said I was dramatic. That is when I began to suspect that she invited him intentionally since she is now friends with him. Well, I said to her, fine. I am going. I ghosted without a scene-just told everyone that I had to go home. Then a group of people texted me that I had ruined the party and embarrassed Lily after all the effort she had gone to. Lily also sent me a nasty message that I had made her look bad and I should have stayed there, because of everyone. Now I am thinking that I was too much. Mark did not even talk to me, but just his presence triggered a switch and I could not have a good night.
AITA for walking out of my own surprise party because my ex was there?
Comments
Honestly, Lily overstepped here. Your boundaries with your ex are yours to enforce, and a surprise party isn’t an excuse to ambush you with someone who hurt you. You handled it the best way you could in the moment.
NTA – It was YOUR party, not Lily’s place to suddenly decide who you’re friends with. Lily is for sure the asshole.
NTAH. I’d have covered him in cake, myself.
Yeah, lily is fucking mark.
NTA, your ex hurt you and had no reason to be at your birthday party. Should consider if Lily is really a friend with how dismissive she was of your feelings on your literal fucking birthday
You get how fake this reads, yeah?
Girl, find a new friend. BLOCK 🚫 her and go NC.
A real friend would not have invited him and they wouldn’t be friends with him.
Lily set you up.
Updateme
NTA Lilly fucked up inviting him. She should have known better.
NTA fuck that consent violating bitch
NTA and she threw this party for herself, not for you.
This is a straight up frenemy. No real friend would do that to you. Don’t listen to anyone saying you ruined anything.
Lily’s right about ONE THING: “birthdays are a good time to get rid of things” and you can get rid of her as a friend-she made it easy for ya
NTA. Lily ruined the party and the Birthday for you. He most probably is having s*x with him. Otherwise why would she care?
But you need therapy, as this is not a healthy reaction on a sucker ex.
She’s sleeping with him. She wants you to forgive him so she can start officially dating him.
Block her, she’s a twat.
NTA.
Add Lily to the NC list and live your best life. Walking out was the right action.
I would seriously consider if Lilly is your friend, Op. Friends don’t befriend the person who cheated on you
With friends like Lily, who needs enemies? NTA
So, Lily either wants to or is sleeping with Mark.
If that happened to me, and “Lily” sent me a nasty message, I would send her one back that set her straight in a big way. She’s a jerk.
nta
every event is the wrong place for reunions, tries of reconciliations,… and also surprise proposals (for the one the proposal is meant, and for the one who organizes/pays/is the event meant)
Forced on reconciliation in a pear pressure creating surrounding is not something any real friend would even consider
Guess who lily is hooking up with nta
NTA, definitely NTA.
Lily is not even your FRIEND, let alone BEST FRIEND.
You ruined the party my ass. Birthdays are absolutely not an appropriate time to reconcile with your ex. The people calling you an asshole are idiots and Lily is a nasty person herself. These goddamn people have no right to even be mad at you, let alone accuse you of ruining the party, because you didn’t ruin it, Lily did.
Also, go NC with everyone involved. FOREVER.
NTA
Mass text.
“I would like to take the opportunity to thank everyone for coming out to what should have been my surprise birthday party. I also want to apologize to everyone there due to the fact that they were lied to about the true reason behind the party.
Lily let me know that the actual intent of the party was not to celebrate my birthday but rather to force me to be friends again with my ex-boyfriend in a social situation where she felt I would be easily emotionally manipulated and guilted. She was very much aware that I want nothing to do with him, therefore this was a major breach of my trust and personal boundaries.
I left to protect my mental health and emotional well-being, as well as to process Lily’s betrayal. I am thankful for and appreciate all of those who reached out to me to support me while I grieve the end of my former friendship. Those that called me for negative reasons, I wish you the best going forward but will be adding you to the list of relationships I grieve.
Life is too short to waste even a second on people you can’t trust.”
why have you rephrased and reposted a very similar story from 6 months ago with the same character names?
NTA
Lily decided that her wants were more important than your needs. Then threw you a party to try and force her wants.
It might be best for you to take some space from her for a while. It wasn’t a ‘party for you’ it was a ‘You’ll be friends because I want you to’ guilt bash.
NTA – Lily is a POS. She had ulterior motives inviting him to YOUR birthday party. She would have known what you have gone through in the past being besties. You should start with that for people not in the know.
Respond to everyone that said you embarrassed Lily that Lily hurt you by knowingly inviting a person that hurt you and you did the only thing you could.
She knew precisely what she was doing to hurt you – going so far as to state that she knew things weren’t ironed out between you and Mark. She knows you were betrayed repeatedly while in a long term relationship and this was not a “friendship” that needed a forced and public reconciliation. Instead of ejecting him from the party once she was aware you were uncomfortable, she insisted he stay, so you let her have her party exactly how she planned since your very real trauma was clearly not a consideration to her. So now you know where Lily’s loyalties lie.
Let all your mutual friends know that she invited your ex to whom you haven’t wanted contact with since he cheated on you. Let Lilly know you assume she’s fucking him since she invited him. If she isn’t, let her know that she has lost best friend status and might not even be considered a friend anymore. Tell if that she invited your abuser and you’ll never forgive him and you may never forgive her now. Let her know you’ve told these assumptions to every friend and whoever supports the abuser will be out of your life including her.
You had to do something BUT you could have spoken quietly to Mark and asked him to leave. The next day you could have dealt with Lily
Lily isn’t a friend; she is a scuntfaced skank who is most like banging or wanting to bang Mark. I would drop all those people. Find better friends.
NTA
Is she really your best friend? Doesn’t seem like that.
NTA
Pretty sure I saw this fiction posted a few months ago. Best friend is dating ex boyfriend, and they’re going to announce their pregnancy.
Pretty sure Lily is sleeping with your ex Mark, I rmb a story like this on Best of redditor updates, similar scenario also.
Are Lily and Mark a thing?
NTA Never speak to your best friend. Don’t bother explaining. I didn’t realize she’s sleeping with him but it makes perfect sense.
Don’t speak to either of them again. If someone sided against you cut them off.
Life will be simple for a while. I’m warning you…simple life gets very addictive.
Lily is a bitch
NTA.
Lily is an asshole and doesn’t respect you.
I’d stop being friends with her.
NTA, she knew what she was doing and expected you to roll with it.
Nta
NTA. Group text to everyone.
“This wasn’t a surprise party to celebrate my birthday with me. This was an ambush by Lily and my ex to force me to interact with a scumbag who I dumped and went NC with after he cheated on me two years ago.
Lily, we’re done. You broke trust and overstepped. Lose my number. As for the rest of you, I need friends. Not someone else’s flying monkeys harassing me. Decide who you want to be and do it quickly. This is non-negotiable.”
NTA. That’s no birthday gift. And I bet Lily is fucking Mark. Sorry but looks like you’ll be losing a BFF too, but as they say, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
You should have asked two questions:
If yes
OP this was not a surprise party she organised to make you happy, she is setting the scene. With your ex in the background because she is into him and wants you to find it normal when they’ll be together, if he is into her as well.
So , she can take the high horse there,but it is clear to everyone watching from a distance that she had ulterior and not so honest motives. So not onmy NTA, hut she is not being a good friend.
For the people berating you, they are,like so many, judging without knowing, so leave them or tell them what happened.