Recently I’ve got into a relationship, I made it clear before that I’ve always been on my own so please give me some space this is new to me.
6 months in, I still like to have one day a week where its just me with a book or in the gym. My partner doesn’t seem to understand this. Keeps kicking off that Im not committed enough and I shouldnt have whole days to myself each week.
I just need it to recharge and I’ve explained this to them as well. Maybe it’s not a normal thing to do? I do really like them but I can’t mentally take being with them all the time.
Am I the problem here? Can anyone relate.
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Recently I’ve got into a relationship, I made it clear before that I’ve always been on my own so please give me some space this is new to me.
6 months in, I still like to have one day a week where its just me with a book or in the gym. My partner doesn’t seem to understand this. Keeps kicking off that Im not committed enough and I shouldnt have whole days to myself each week.
I just need it to recharge and I’ve explained this to them as well. Maybe it’s not a normal thing to do? I do really like them but I can’t mentally take being with them all the time.
Am I the problem here? Can anyone relate.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My actions are that I am continuing to have my weekly Sundays to myself. My partner doesn’t agree with it and said we should have time together
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Yep. I used to be a .2FTE boyfriend, then a 0.6 boyfriend, then a 1.0 FTE.fiance/husband.
You’ll get there but realise the eventual goal is they’ll be there when you go to sleep and also be there when you wake.
NTA
One person should not be the other person’s entire life.
NTA, obviously.
NTA
OP, you are being very reasonable. Just because you’re a couple does not mean you have to lose yourself. Spending every minute together, or the majority of the time, is not a good thing. You need time to yourself and in a secure relationship this should not be a problem.
No one likes a clingy partner, it’s not good. Try again to have a sincere conversation, they should get that you need some time to yourself. If they don’t, you may want to rethink this relationship.
Good Luck, again NTA
You need to assert yourself here as a relationship is between 2 people, and both of your needs are important.
I would say that you need some time. If they can’t handle that then that’s on them to deal with or go away.
NTA. It’s understandable you want time to recharge. You also need to develop your own relationships and interest outside of your couple.
NTA; as long as you want time to recharge, take it. It’s up to both of you – not just your partner – to decide how much time and when to spend it together.
only one day a week for yourself is almost too generous. your partner sounds unwell. NTA
Find someone else that is okay with this arrangement and maybe even wants the same thing. It doesn’t appear to work with your current partner and no point in stringing them along if it isn’t something you are willing to change.
It wouldn’t work with me, so I’d want to know now before I invested any more time into the relationship.
I’m going to say NAH, but with one condition – you can ask for this now, but think about how it would fit in at different stages of a relationship – how would it work if you were living together, if you were married, if you had kids, etc? At a certain point, you can’t just be a partner part of the time, so you might need to think about how that could look.
We just did this one
NTA
I have been in your exact position, I wish I had seen the signs – but it wasn’t until he started throwing tantrums when I was spending time with friends and family that I woke up.
Don’t be me, it took 2 restraining orders and all of the support in the world to get away from what that became.
You are NOT the problem here.
Mature people should realise you are also your OWN person, you can do things on your own and should be allowed to if you need this. If your partner doesn’t understand this, that’s his problem.
6 months is not all that long to be in a relationship and it’s fast to be in one where you spend almost every day together. It is perfectly normal to have whole days to yourself and I say this being happily married for almost 40 years. Being in a couple doesn’t automatically mean you have to be joined at the hip. In fact many, maybe even most, couples thrive on a bit of individual time. I’d be wary of taking this particular relationship any further. You both need different things from a relationship and he is unwilling to try to work it out and insists you give up what you need to make him happy. He is so insistent that it’s made you feel bad about yourself. That isn’t the basis for a good partnership. You should never give up on things that make you feel whole in order to appease the person you’re dating. This is a litmus test, if you give in he’ll know he can bully you into anything.
NTA
He’s being controlling and manipulative. You are definitely allowed to have your own personal time in a healthy relationship
Almost N A H but it sounds like you were upfront about your needs so NTA. I don’t think it comes from malice, they are obviously really into you and want to spend time together building something. That’s cool. But it also sounds like you might be in different spots / somewhat incompatible if they can’t understand and respect your needs.
NTA. Introverted myself, so that alone time is *necessary* for to me be a functioning person. They need to understand that or figure something out because that’s very rude of them.
NTA: Wanting a “day to yourself” is not normal in a new relationship. People usually want to be with each other as much as possible during those early “puppy love” days. But just because it’s not normal does NOT make you tah. I would say that this is a reasonable part of a relationship, and it’s been a part of the relationship since the beginning. Partner is tah for continuing to make this an issue.
I’d say NTA
I was more willing in my 20’s. I’m 48. And I NEED time for myself…. Don’t talk to me until I ‘ve had 3 coffees. Let me watch my series without interrupting every 2 seconds (I rarely watch tv). Etc etc.
I prefer living alone and share good times than put up with a guy that won’t acknowledge my need of alone time.
I think it’s just me getting older and knowing what I don’t want
One day isn’t a big ask tbh