Hello Morgan and fam, I’ve been listening to tht and fks for about a year and a half and I have never thought of creating an account and posting something until now. Just to clarify, English is not my first language and it’s my first time using reddit so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Now, let’s cut to the chase.
I (20f) have a friend Kate (20f) who has a long distance boyfriend Mateo (20m), not their real names. We are studying in a city A and he lives in a city B that’s a four hour drive away.
They met when Mateo visited a female friend of his, here, in the city that we are studying who also happens to be Kate’s best friend from childhood. (nothing happened between those two) It was early november 2024 when they started talking via messages.
Kate and Mateo were talking for a month and decided that he would visit and stay at her place for a couple of days. That’s in early December 2024. On that visit they made their relationship official (they yet hadn’t slept with each other). After that they continued chatting and talking to the phone after he left.
They met up again the week between Christmas and New Years, and he came to visit her again the day before valentine’s day 2025 (he stayed 12 days, they slept with each other and said that they loved each other). The small problems, however, started around Christmas.
Mateo would disappear and not answer any messages or calls from Kate for hours. They would talk the next day and everything was cool. This continues throughout their relationship, even though kate told him that she doesn’t like him not answering his phone for 8+ hours. Mateo mostly said the reason for not picking up was cause he was driving around with his friends or that his phone was dead. (I called bullshit, i mean what if it’s an emergency?! but whatever) Honestly i have lost count of how many times kate calls me and cries because she feels like he’s ignoring her completely and not answering her calls.
Now I’m sorry I’m writing too much but I need you to get the whole picture.
At the start of march me, kate, and my sister hellen (22f, fake name) visited my hometown. One day as we literally were baking cookies we were having a conversation about things that our parents don’t usually talk to us about. And my sister as the older one in the room gave us advice about sex, how we take care of things after and stds. Kate brought up the subject about stds to mateo in the start as playful banter. (mateo is her 1st boyfriend and he’s had a couple of sexual encounters before, she didn’t) And he got seriously offended. They had a minor fight where he made a seriously disgusting comment about not having sex with any “dirty” women but they again made up.
A big fight? Yeah that happened on the day of her bday and over something as trivial as an “are you okay?”
He didn’t wish her happy bday until kate reposted a story of someone wishing her happy bday (it was a subtle call from her) and she again playfully told him that he forgot her bday and that she was a little upset. The response mateo had?!(And I remember the exact words) “I didn’t forget, but you can think whatever!” and it was through a voice message not even a call. Later that night, mateo had a doctor’s appointment cause he had the flu. When kate called him after to ask how it went (she had already asked him via text and he avoided the question and her, she also called him 11 times) and suggested that maybe it was covid after all, because his cough was persistent and asked him if he was feeling alright, he blew her off and hanged up the phone.
They had some fights after that and he has been avoiding her as of nearly a week ago.
Another example:
Kate and I have agreed to visit the city where Mateo lives this Friday to Sunday. My sister is also studying there so we are going to stay at her place. Kate was asking him where they would go on Friday for a small date and he answered that he couldn’t meet up on Friday. In kate’s question of what’s his plans for Friday evening and if something have happened in his life that he’s not telling her, after mentioning that she is going to travel 4 hours just to see him for a couple days, so they should make the best of it, mateo told her that she was being too nosy. And again he is being distant, is not picking up his phone and all that.
In this week, kate has been soo down and I feel like the spark she had is fading away. Before they became a thing she was always carefree, an extrovert with a bubbly personality and a love for every little thing in life. I see that slowly fading away and her becoming a fraction of what she is, and i truly want the best for her so I have talked to her about it. We have discussed so much about how she feels for this whole situation but she does not want to break up cause she says she loves him so much.
I have given her every little piece of advice I can. And I think breaking up is the only solution. In my opinion, and I am not a psychologist, it’s like he has already mentally exited this relationship. Of course there are other things that he has told her and there are many other fights about different things, and of course there is jealousy but she says she believes he would never cheat on her.
I would like to clarify that
- he doesn’t want to videocall and they have only been talking via voice messages and a couple of quick calls during the week.
- he is not a university student like us, he’s also not working, he is studying for uni entrance exams which even his friends don’t know about. he also told her, that she doesn’t have any plans for her life or dreams after she failed our last exam
- kate is talking to him every day and talks to him about her plans or what she did for the day, he answers in 5-10seconds long voice messages and that’s it. Like the girl sends him at least 5 mins of messages per hour and he replies in seconds.
So that brings the question: AITA for wanting my best friend and her boyfriend to break up?
Any advice appreciated…
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Backup of the post’s body: Hello Morgan and fam, I’ve been listening to tht and fks for about a year and a half and I have never thought of creating an account and posting something until now. Just to clarify, English is not my first language and it’s my first time using reddit so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Now, let’s cut to the chase.
I (20f) have a friend Kate (20f) who has a long distance boyfriend Mateo (20m), not their real names. We are studying in a city A and he lives in a city B that’s a four hour drive away.
They met when Mateo visited a female friend of his, here, in the city that we are studying who also happens to be Kate’s best friend from childhood. (nothing happened between those two) It was early november 2024 when they started talking via messages.
Kate and Mateo were talking for a month and decided that he would visit and stay at her place for a couple of days. That’s in early December 2024. On that visit they made their relationship official (they yet hadn’t slept with each other). After that they continued chatting and talking to the phone after he left.
They met up again the week between Christmas and New Years, and he came to visit her again the day before valentine’s day 2025 (he stayed 12 days, they slept with each other and said that they loved each other). The small problems, however, started around Christmas.
Mateo would disappear and not answer any messages or calls from Kate for hours. They would talk the next day and everything was cool. This continues throughout their relationship, even though kate told him that she doesn’t like him not answering his phone for 8+ hours. Mateo mostly said the reason for not picking up was cause he was driving around with his friends or that his phone was dead. (I called bullshit, i mean what if it’s an emergency?! but whatever) Honestly i have lost count of how many times kate calls me and cries because she feels like he’s ignoring her completely and not answering her calls.
Now I’m sorry I’m writing too much but I need you to get the whole picture.
At the start of march me, kate, and my sister hellen (22f, fake name) visited my hometown. One day as we literally were baking cookies we were having a conversation about things that our parents don’t usually talk to us about. And my sister as the older one in the room gave us advice about sex, how we take care of things after and stds. Kate brought up the subject about stds to mateo in the start as playful banter. (mateo is her 1^(st) boyfriend and he’s had a couple of sexual encounters before, she didn’t) And he got seriously offended. They had a minor fight where he made a seriously disgusting comment about not having sex with any “dirty” women but they again made up.
A big fight? Yeah that happened on the day of her bday and over something as trivial as an “are you okay?”
He didn’t wish her happy bday until kate reposted a story of someone wishing her happy bday (it was a subtle call from her) and she again playfully told him that he forgot her bday and that she was a little upset. The response mateo had?!(And I remember the exact words) “I didn’t forget, but you can think whatever!” and it was through a voice message not even a call. Later that night, mateo had a doctor’s appointment cause he had the flu. When kate called him after to ask how it went (she had already asked him via text and he avoided the question and her, she also called him 11 times) and suggested that maybe it was covid after all, because his cough was persistent and asked him if he was feeling alright, he blew her off and hanged up the phone.
They had some fights after that and he has been avoiding her as of nearly a week ago.
Another example:
Kate and I have agreed to visit the city where Mateo lives this Friday to Sunday. My sister is also studying there so we are going to stay at her place. Kate was asking him where they would go on Friday for a small date and he answered that he couldn’t meet up on Friday. In kate’s question of what’s his plans for Friday evening and if something have happened in his life that he’s not telling her, after mentioning that she is going to travel 4 hours just to see him for a couple days, so they should make the best of it, mateo told her that she was being too nosy. And again he is being distant, is not picking up his phone and all that.
In this week, kate has been soo down and I feel like the spark she had is fading away. Before they became a thing she was always carefree, an extrovert with a bubbly personality and a love for every little thing in life. I see that slowly fading away and her becoming a fraction of what she is, and i truly want the best for her so I have talked to her about it. We have discussed so much about how she feels for this whole situation but she does not want to break up cause she says she loves him so much.
I have given her every little piece of advice I can. And I think breaking up is the only solution. In my opinion, and I am not a psychologist, it’s like he has already mentally exited this relationship. Of course there are other things that he has told her and there are many other fights about different things, and of course there is jealousy but she says she believes he would never cheat on her.
I would like to clarify that
So that brings the question: AITA for wanting my best friend and her boyfriend to break up?
Any advice appreciated…
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.