My bf and I were asked to stay by his mother at her home with our baby until we found one of our own. I wasn’t sure about this idea due to lack of space and privacy etc but agreed when my bf said his mum was talking to her friend about switching rooms as hers was at almost 3x the size of the other room. So he spoke to her about it and In return to switch she wanted a new bed, painting walls and doors to be done, and a few other new furnishing items to which we agreed. After returning with paint and supplies she let us know that even after switching she wants to keep a laundry rack in there to use when she washes her clothes which I was a bit worried about as there will be a newborn in the same room as well as myself recovering in a few short weeks. I thought it wouldn’t be the most comfortable idea especially when I’m breastfeeding or baby is napping/ crying etc so I suggested we move the rack to a different area where there is enough space to house it. I figured this would benefit everyone as no one would need to tiptoe or stop their laundry due to a newborn and it would also give me and baby privacy to bond, feed, change etc. my bf agreed and thought his mum would agree that it was for the best for everyone too. When he spoke to her about the idea all I could hear was shouting and when he came back his demeanour changed completely. He started saying things like “you can’t just kick her out of her own room” “so she’s never allowed in the bedroom?” And “who cares if there a baby in the room, she should be able to do her laundry” and other things to that effect. It made me feel like the biggest villain when I just value my privacy and think at such a delicate time that a rack being moved wouldn’t be an issue? So now I’m not sure if I’m being horrible for asking for privacy. I completely understand that it’s her home which is why I was hesitant to live there but she really wanted the baby here and kept asking for us to stay so I’m just confused over why a small clothes rack being moved is such a big issue. Aita?
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My bf and I were asked to stay by his mother at her home with our baby until we found one of our own. I wasn’t sure about this idea due to lack of space and privacy etc but agreed when my bf said his mum was talking to her friend about switching rooms as hers was at almost 3x the size of the other room. So he spoke to her about it and In return to switch she wanted a new bed, painting walls and doors to be done, and a few other new furnishing items to which we agreed. After returning with paint and supplies she let us know that even after switching she wants to keep a laundry rack in there to use when she washes her clothes which I was a bit worried about as there will be a newborn in the same room as well as myself recovering in a few short weeks. I thought it wouldn’t be the most comfortable idea especially when I’m breastfeeding or baby is napping/ crying etc so I suggested we move the rack to a different area where there is enough space to house it. I figured this would benefit everyone as no one would need to tiptoe or stop their laundry due to a newborn and it would also give me and baby privacy to bond, feed, change etc. my bf agreed and thought his mum would agree that it was for the best for everyone too. When he spoke to her about the idea all I could hear was shouting and when he came back his demeanour changed completely. He started saying things like “you can’t just kick her out of her own room” “so she’s never allowed in the bedroom?” And “who cares if there a baby in the room, she should be able to do her laundry” and other things to that effect. It made me feel like the biggest villain when I just value my privacy and think at such a delicate time that a rack being moved wouldn’t be an issue? So now I’m not sure if I’m being horrible for asking for privacy. I completely understand that it’s her home which is why I was hesitant to live there but she really wanted the baby here and kept asking for us to stay so I’m just confused over why a small clothes rack being moved is such a big issue. Aita?
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> I think maybe me being in the house is too much pressure and very stressful which makes me the asshole. Maybe I’m asking for too much to change which is unintentional but understandable which makes me the asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH – frankly it’s her home and she should not have had to leave her own room.
She offered but I would never have accepted. It’s her home and she deserves the master room. If your BF and you can’t make it work in the other room, then find alternative accommodations.
NTA.
Oh, absolutely. How dare you expect a little privacy and comfort while recovering from childbirth and taking care of a newborn? Clearly, you should be thrilled to share your space with a laundry rack because, you know, nothing says “bonding with baby” like dodging damp socks while breastfeeding. Totally unreasonable of you! /s
NTA.
And DON’T MOVE IN. It’s not about the rack. These two sentences are all you need :
(1) “you can’t just kick her out of her own room”
and
(2) “so she’s never allowed in the bedroom?”
One, yes—yes, you can. Because it’s NOT her room anymore. She’s not getting kicked out of it; she would be SWITCHING out of it.
And two—yes, that is EXACTLY right. She would be ‘allowed’ in the room only when the new occupants granted permission. Otherwise, no: that would no longer be an all-access room for the household.
It’s not about the rack. They’re basically telling you, “Here, there’s this bigger room that we all use all the time, but we’d be glad to put a couple of beds in it for you so you can sleep there, if you want.”
That is SO not the same thing as what they led you to believe a SWITCH would represent. DON’T DO IT.
NTA.
I understand that it is her house, but she wanted you to stay and agreed to the room swap until you found your own place. At any point, if she was uncomfortable with the idea, she could have said no. Instead, she let you guys makeover the other room before she started kicking off.
She is refusing to respect a very basic and entirely reasonable boundary and the baby isn’t even here.
Her recognition and respect for boundaries will not improve once the baby is born.
NTA What is Plan B? She is a MIL from HELL Generosity flew out the window when she began demanding “conditions.” Everything should be centered around the baby.
Where are you living now?
Clearly you should not live with her but do you have a suitable home for a family of 3?
NTA. Would she respectfully text you a heads up she’s doing laundry and will need to access it in a little bit or ask before entering or would she just walk in while you had your trying to breast feed, ect and act like it’s your fault if you got upset? That answer will tell you if you should move in or not
Yeah…if there is any possible way you can not move in there, don’t move in.
It’s not just the drying rack. It’s that somehow your MIL thinks she needs to get her room painted and new furniture out of this arrangement from new parents. It’s that there is a dynamic between your bf and his mother that something as small as a drying rack results in a shouting match which results somehow in them ganging up on you. It’s that MIL would bring up ahead of time that she is going to arrange for an excuse to access your room whenever she wants to. The boundary crossing is going to be worse than you can imagine, and your bf is going to gaslight you into thinking you are a bad person for having them.
Ooh this is bad. Please do not move in with this woman. The laundry rack is just an object she’s placing in that room to have access whenever she wants. It could have been a dresser or a plant, same thing. Control. And once she’s got you where she wants you, she’ll start criticizing and taking control of your life, your relationship and most of all, your baby. You didn’t kick her out of anywhere, it was her idea and her plan. Your bf changing his attitude is a huge red flag too. You will never have a moment’s peace if he gives in to her so easily. This is really sad but please see it for what it is. Her keeping her little boy home and controlling everything. Run. NTA.
NTA This is basically a wait and switch. She wants total access to your baby. I’m not even gonna get into how she’s trying to get a bed and furnishings out of this by pretending to give you the bigger room, but she wants total access to baby and your space and wants excuses to be in there constantly. She has zero intention of staying out of there- like- at all. She will be in there non stop and always helping herself to your baby. Trust me- she is going to ruin your pp time. Move in with your parents or into your own place. Do NOT live with her.
NTA…If you are not living there, do not move in! Everyone deserves their privacy. If there is other room, there is no need for MIL to move to another room and still claim her bedroom as well. Put a stop to moving in now. Your MIL is already over riding you and your boyfriend is letting her. If you give in, you will never have peace.
NTA – but your BF and his mother are!
Who gives new parents a room but believes they should still have access to it (and her “excuse” is to store/use a drying rack which is awful because it means recurring access to the room when the poor new mom is recovering, breastfeeding, etc.)
And your BF thinks this is okay?!
You do not deserve this!
NTA x1,000,000
Your MIL is a real piece of work, and your BF unfortunately isn’t too far behind.
I’m so happy to hear you’re getting your own place. Make absolutely certain MIL does NOT have a key or any way to access your new home without your prior permission.
Congrats on your new baby!
NTA. Please don’t move into this house with these people. So many red flags. You need to be with supportive intelligent people not selfish idiots. Fuck his mom in particular, I’m so sorry she’s your child’s grandmother
They have tried to con you with a bait and switch. They promised something but then want to use your room in a way that is co.pletely inappropriate. You need to be with logical, emotionally stable people whith a new baby and that family does not qualify
Frankly, you should also be wary of your BF. He cannot be trusted as well. If he doesn’t have your back 100% at this time, this doesn’t bode any good.
I’m confused how you can pay to get her all this stuff but can’t get your own place? wtf NTA your bf suuuuuucks for not having your back on this. If I were in your spot I’d let him live with his mommy and go stay with my own parents. Ywbta to yourself if you move in
This ENTIRE process is an effort to invade your privacy so MIL can have unfettered access to your child. Well, it’s her house, and her room, and her laundry rack which she of course always absolutely has to have access to at all time and must be in that room (because it’s such a convenient excuse to invade YOUR space and thus monopolise your child)… so she (and BF who is enabling her) DESERVES to have your child whenever she wants and you deserve no privacy because you owe her for the ‘kindness’ and ‘inconvenience’ and hlep…
NTA. Do. Not. Move. In. And think hard about your BF’s allegiances…
Postpartum is both a wonderful and horrible time. You’re bleeding and leaking milk and you have no sleep and you’re learning all about this little human who you love more than anything in the world. And the hormone crash is unreal.
Do not live with anyone who is not 100 percent supportive of you during this time. This includes your boyfriend if he is putting mommy dearest before you.