Hi. Sorry I don’t speak native english so please bare with me. This is quite long. My husband (47) has two siblings. He is the middle child. He has older sister (48) and younger brother (45.) Let’s call my husband Ted, Sister-in-Law as Mary & Brother-in-Law Ben. Ben has a partner. Lets call her Ana (32.) Ben & Ana started their relationship in 2015. They are not married. They have 3 children (all boys.) These past few years, Mary told Ted & I that Ben & Ana’s relationship is on the rocks. Ben has another woman. Let’s name her Kaye.
Last Nov. 2024, we had a short vacation in our home country (we currently live outside our home country due to Ted’s job.) I was able to speak to Ana, and she was crying infront of me and told me that until now, Ben was still seeing the other woman Kaye. The next day, we went somewhere & in the car, I had the chance to have a small talk with Ben. I give him some unsolicited advices about his current issues with his partner Ana. He was silent the whole time. He also told me how much he loves their parents, and his kids. But no concern towards Ana anymore.
I don’t want to defend anyone but I just want to say that Ben is a good person. He has been nice and respectful not just to his siblings and parents, but also to me. Ana on the other hand is quite difficult to understand. We are extending patience towards her due to her attitude, (hitting kids, shouting at kids, shouting at Ben, slapping Ben, not contented with anything you give her, lazy in household chores, doesn’t cook. She’s always with her mobile phone.) I told Ben that in life, we can only choose one person to be with us. And if he dosn’t love Ana anymore, he needs to talk to her, for possible parenting if they end their relationship.
As a woman, I can really sense that Ben had fallen out of love with Ana. He is scared that if they end their relationship, Ana will take and hide all of their kids to him, because they are all minors (in our country, if your child is minor and the parents of the child separate, the custody will automatically be on the child’s Mom.)
We left our home country by the end of 2024 for Ted’s job. However, early this year, 2025, we have been stormed by a very bad news. Ben suddenly died due to heart attack. We were all devastated. Ted & I flew to our home country, and there Ana told us that Ben choose to hid his illness to all of us because he was too ashamed to his siblings. Ben knows that if his siblings knew about his heart illness, they will have him treated right away. Mary & Ted have been helping Ben with the needs of his kids since he started his family, and he doesn’t want to add as a burden since heart surgery is very expensive and he doesn’t have an insurance.
Then, Ben has this trusted friend, who came to Ted and I to tell us that Kaye is currently pregnant with Ben. Kaye has miscarried twice, and now, she is pregnant again. Kaye is a bread winner, who cannot take the role as a parent because her Dad also has heart disease and that she needs to work far away after she bares the child to support her Dad & siblings.
Ted & I wants to make sure that all of Ben’s kids will grow up with the right amount of love, guidance and education. That’s why we want to adopt Ben’s child with her other woman. I already spoke to Kaye, she confirmed that she is pregnant and Ben knows it. I told her to protect herself, and that Ana shouldn’t know about her condition because I know Ana, she will go after Kaye and hurt her physically.
Ana currently has mental issues due to the loss of her partner, and one of their children has ASD that needs extra care. Ana doesn’t know that Kaye is currently pregnant and I am sure she will be fumed with anger once she finds out. We ate planning to tell Ana after the child is born.
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi. Sorry I don’t speak native english so please bare with me. This is quite long. My husband (47) has two siblings. He is the middle child. He has older sister (48) and younger brother (45.) Let’s call my husband Ted, Sister-in-Law as Mary & Brother-in-Law Ben. Ben has a partner. Lets call her Ana (32.) Ben & Ana started their relationship in 2015. They are not married. They have 3 children (all boys.) These past few years, Mary told Ted & I that Ben & Ana’s relationship is on the rocks. Ben has another woman. Let’s name her Kaye.
Last Nov. 2024, we had a short vacation in our home country (we currently live outside our home country due to Ted’s job.) I was able to speak to Ana, and she was crying infront of me and told me that until now, Ben was still seeing the other woman Kaye. The next day, we went somewhere & in the car, I had the chance to have a small talk with Ben. I give him some unsolicited advices about his current issues with his partner Ana. He was silent the whole time. He also told me how much he loves their parents, and his kids. But no concern towards Ana anymore.
I don’t want to defend anyone but I just want to say that Ben is a good person. He has been nice and respectful not just to his siblings and parents, but also to me. Ana on the other hand is quite difficult to understand. We are extending patience towards her due to her attitude, (hitting kids, shouting at kids, shouting at Ben, slapping Ben, not contented with anything you give her, lazy in household chores, doesn’t cook. She’s always with her mobile phone.) I told Ben that in life, we can only choose one person to be with us. And if he dosn’t love Ana anymore, he needs to talk to her, for possible parenting if they end their relationship.
As a woman, I can really sense that Ben had fallen out of love with Ana. He is scared that if they end their relationship, Ana will take and hide all of their kids to him, because they are all minors (in our country, if your child is minor and the parents of the child separate, the custody will automatically be on the child’s Mom.)
We left our home country by the end of 2024 for Ted’s job. However, early this year, 2025, we have been stormed by a very bad news. Ben suddenly died due to heart attack. We were all devastated. Ted & I flew to our home country, and there Ana told us that Ben choose to hid his illness to all of us because he was too ashamed to his siblings. Ben knows that if his siblings knew about his heart illness, they will have him treated right away. Mary & Ted have been helping Ben with the needs of his kids since he started his family, and he doesn’t want to add as a burden since heart surgery is very expensive and he doesn’t have an insurance.
Then, Ben has this trusted friend, who came to Ted and I to tell us that Kaye is currently pregnant with Ben. Kaye has miscarried twice, and now, she is pregnant again. Kaye is a bread winner, who cannot take the role as a parent because her Dad also has heart disease and that she needs to work far away after she bares the child to support her Dad & siblings.
Ted & I wants to make sure that all of Ben’s kids will grow up with the right amount of love, guidance and education. That’s why we want to adopt Ben’s child with her other woman. I already spoke to Kaye, she confirmed that she is pregnant and Ben knows it. I told her to protect herself, and that Ana shouldn’t know about her condition because I know Ana, she will go after Kaye and hurt her physically.
Ana currently has mental issues due to the loss of her partner, and one of their children has ASD that needs extra care. Ana doesn’t know that Kaye is currently pregnant and I am sure she will be fumed with anger once she finds out. We ate planning to tell Ana after the child is born.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Ben was not a good person, holy shit that man lied, cheated non-stop and then let himself die so he didn’t have to deal with any of his fucking problems
Imagine choosing death over being alive for your children.
Edit: leave that child the fuck alone. Yall need Jesus . Holy fuck
YTA, the way you talk about Ana is terrible. Ben was a bad person who apparently preferred dying to taking care of his kids.
I don’t believe this story at all, but next time, the Ben character needs to have SOME redeeming qualities. And he shouldn’t die purposely, it should have been very sudden, like he gets hit by a car on his way home after teaching orphans to read or something.
Cross country adoption is super hard. It is not realistic for you to think you can just adopt this child and take it to live in another country.
Getting a visa or passport could take years.
If the children’s mothers have financial or mental health issues maybe a nice way to help would be to pay for a nanny to help care for these kids.
Yes, if you can adopt the child and provide for him/her I say have at it. It’s very kind of you.
lol Ben was not a good person. Is a good person a liar, a cheat, abandon his kids?? When he met his mistress he wasn’t with his kids right?? So take the blinders off, he was not a good person.
i hope wen Ana finds out she leaves the country with her kids. You can raise that affair baby as an only child.
Then, by all means, adopt the child. Good luck and I hope this story has a happy ending.
“Ben is a good person.”
Is the “good person” in the room with us?
I can’t even imagine what a shitty moral compass you would have to possess in order to think ben is “a good person.”