I’m using my brothers account, because I don’t have reddit, but need advice:
My mother (56f) and me (19f) have been planning to go to a concert of a local folk musician, in a month. She invited four of her friends, all her age, to join us. One of the issues is that my ex-situationship, Sarah, (25f), will be attending as well. Things are a bit rough with me and Sarah at the moment because we tried being friends after dating, but it didn’t work. I really wanted Sarah to join at the time, to have someone my age there among the group of older women, but recently she told me that she doesn’t want to see me anymore after us calling each other best friends the week before.
I really love my mom, but she doesn’t respect my boundaries. She demands a lot of my time, and often vents at me about problems in her life and with other people, and I feel like I have to do damage control and constantly calm her down. In the past, I had to stop her screaming at another passenger in an airplane once, lol. Due to that, I have a tough time saying no to my mom, because it will have a huge fallout to our relationship.
I moved out last year, and have finally gained some distance, but she still gets very passive aggressive when I want to spend my free time away from her. She is currently renovating the house while my father is away in another country for work, and struggles with keeping the kitchen sanitary and eating regularily, and expects me to take care of those things, like requesting specific meals and complaining if they aren’t up to her taste. I don’t have a car, and live more than an hour away. My uni courses take a lot of my free time, so visiting her takes a lot of effort, yet she is still upset when I have to go to work and can’t spend as much time with her.
The concert is happening during pride celebrations. A good friend of mine, who lives far away, could come visit me when the concert is supposed to happen, but due to scheduling conflicts I could not attend the concert and join her in the pride celebrations.
This would be my first ever proper pride celebration, and the concert is of someone neither my mom or me are massive fans of. Regardless, I am scared that she would get mad if I asked to not go, even if it was because I did not want to see my ex-situationship.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I’m using my brothers account, because I don’t have reddit, but need advice:
My mother (56f) and me (19f) have been planning to go to a concert of a local folk musician, in a month. She invited four of her friends, all her age, to join us. One of the issues is that my ex-situationship, Sarah, (25f), will be attending as well. Things are a bit rough with me and Sarah at the moment because we tried being friends after dating, but it didn’t work. I really wanted Sarah to join at the time, to have someone my age there among the group of older women, but recently she told me that she doesn’t want to see me anymore after us calling each other best friends the week before.
I really love my mom, but she doesn’t respect my boundaries. She demands a lot of my time, and often vents at me about problems in her life and with other people, and I feel like I have to do damage control and constantly calm her down. In the past, I had to stop her screaming at another passenger in an airplane once, lol. Due to that, I have a tough time saying no to my mom, because it will have a huge fallout to our relationship.
I moved out last year, and have finally gained some distance, but she still gets very passive aggressive when I want to spend my free time away from her. She is currently renovating the house while my father is away in another country for work, and struggles with keeping the kitchen sanitary and eating regularily, and expects me to take care of those things, like requesting specific meals and complaining if they aren’t up to her taste. I don’t have a car, and live more than an hour away. My uni courses take a lot of my free time, so visiting her takes a lot of effort, yet she is still upset when I have to go to work and can’t spend as much time with her.
The concert is happening during pride celebrations. A good friend of mine, who lives far away, could come visit me when the concert is supposed to happen, but due to scheduling conflicts I could not attend the concert and join her in the pride celebrations.
This would be my first ever proper pride celebration, and the concert is of someone neither my mom or me are massive fans of. Regardless, I am scared that she would get mad if I asked to not go, even if it was because I did not want to see my ex-situationship.
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Normally I would say you shouldn’t flake on someone but it sounds like your mom is really draining you. I think it’s fine if you don’t go, just expect fall out. I think it would also be good of you to set a boundary. You’re an adult with your own life and things to take care of. Scheduling out visits with your mom in advance may help if she’s expecting you to drop things to see her, so then you can just point out that you’ll be there in x amount of time. If your brother is okay with it and better at boundaries he may also be a helpful buffer. I wish you best of luck and hope you enjoy your first pride 🫶
Just say NO