i’m 21f and i live with my grandma (70), my 16-year-old brother, and my 103-year-old great-grandpa. my brother and great-grandpa don’t really have anything to do with this situation, and i know they wouldn’t mistreat a cat, so it’s really just between me and my grandma.
when we first moved in, she actually told me we could get a cat. i was super excited because i’ve always wanted one and i know how much they help me emotionally. then out of nowhere she changed her mind and said no.
i tried bringing it up once to talk it out, and she totally blew up, like full-on meltdown, yelling and cursing at me like i was making this huge deal out of nothing, so i just dropped it completely.
then my best friend got a cat, and i started spending way more time over there than at home. honestly, it’s because being around cats just makes me feel better. i lost my sister earlier this year, and it’s been rough, and animals are one of the only things that really help. so when my grandma first dangled the idea and then yanked it back, it hurt.
a little while later she randomly brings it up again, saying “we should talk about getting a cat.” so of course i got excited, started looking at shelters, imagining actually having one. but then she flipped again and was like, “no, never mind, i don’t want a cat.”
her reasoning is that she “doesn’t want animals in the house.” but the thing is…we already have animals. i take care of a bearded dragon, a fish, and a long-tailed lizard. they’re fine, no issues. so it feels inconsistent, like it only applies to the animals she personally doesn’t want.
and it’s not like i’m just living here for free. i pay most of the bills, and i’m also on the lease. i get that doesn’t mean i can just do whatever i want, but it feels like i should have some kind of say, especially when it’s something that affects me this much.
this isn’t the first time she’s tried to control things in my life either. it kind of feels like no matter how much i contribute, it still has to be her way 100%. i’m stuck between respecting her as my grandma/elder and feeling like my needs don’t matter at all.
so am i overreacting for being upset about this? and would i be an asshole if i just pushed the issue, or even went ahead and got a cat since i am on the lease and covering most of the bills?
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i’m 21f and i live with my grandma (70), my 16-year-old brother, and my 103-year-old great-grandpa. my brother and great-grandpa don’t really have anything to do with this situation, and i know they wouldn’t mistreat a cat, so it’s really just between me and my grandma.
when we first moved in, she actually told me we could get a cat. i was super excited because i’ve always wanted one and i know how much they help me emotionally. then out of nowhere she changed her mind and said no.
i tried bringing it up once to talk it out, and she totally blew up, like full-on meltdown, yelling and cursing at me like i was making this huge deal out of nothing, so i just dropped it completely.
then my best friend got a cat, and i started spending way more time over there than at home. honestly, it’s because being around cats just makes me feel better. i lost my sister earlier this year, and it’s been rough, and animals are one of the only things that really help. so when my grandma first dangled the idea and then yanked it back, it hurt.
a little while later she randomly brings it up again, saying “we should talk about getting a cat.” so of course i got excited, started looking at shelters, imagining actually having one. but then she flipped again and was like, “no, never mind, i don’t want a cat.”
her reasoning is that she “doesn’t want animals in the house.” but the thing is…we already have animals. i take care of a bearded dragon, a fish, and a long-tailed lizard. they’re fine, no issues. so it feels inconsistent, like it only applies to the animals she personally doesn’t want.
and it’s not like i’m just living here for free. i pay most of the bills, and i’m also on the lease. i get that doesn’t mean i can just do whatever i want, but it feels like i should have some kind of say, especially when it’s something that affects me this much.
this isn’t the first time she’s tried to control things in my life either. it kind of feels like no matter how much i contribute, it still has to be her way 100%. i’m stuck between respecting her as my grandma/elder and feeling like my needs don’t matter at all.
so am i overreacting for being upset about this? and would i be an asshole if i just pushed the issue, or even went ahead and got a cat since i am on the lease and covering most of the bills?
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> i feel like an asshole because i want a cat, i took no action
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are NTA for needing a cat for emotional support, especially given your circumstances, and for pointing out the inconsistency of the other pets. However, your grandmother is also not entirely wrong for having a preference against a cat in her home.
The issue is her manipulative control, flipping her decision and having meltdowns when confronted. That dynamic is the real problem, not the animal.
NTA, time to move out. You are an adult and if you pay most of the bills and are on the lease then yes you should definitely have more of a say if you want a cat. I am guessing she depends on you to have a place to live considering you pay most of the bills? Maybe it’s time to give your grandma a reality check.
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Are you comparing lizards to animals that shed? Not the same ball game. Grandma is 70, with the back and forth she mentally is doing on the yes/no to a cat, how are the mental gears clicking? Is there slippage in other areas. Do you really want to risk getting a cat when she is having a good day and says yes then risk her leaving the door open at some point? I hear what you want but do you really expect to be able to dictate the terms you are living under when its not your house? Are you financially able to be independant and in your own space?
My son is allergic to creatures with fur dogs, rabbits, horses, all of them cause hives. Some indoor breeds are tolerable. I volunteer at a service dog training center. There is a local cat cafe. Do you have an options for furry cuddles (besides your friend’s cat) that don’t require pets to live with you?
NTA If you pay most of the bills, just move out and find your own place and get a cat. It’ll probably always be an issue, even if you were to get a cat there, she would probably make issues about it forever.