I (33F) am currently living with my partner (Sam; 30F) and her brother (Taz; 38M). I made the decision to move in with them half a year ago when my lease ended because although Sam and I would have wanted to move in together ASAP, she was tied up due to a lease with Taz that would end at the of the year. Taz was happy with the living arrangement since my moving in helped out with the rent, and he and I do not have a bad relationship.
As the end of the lease approached, Sam told Taz in August that she and I were thinking of moving out when the lease ended. We then had another talk all together to discuss timeline. He had concerns about expenditure and we all came to a conclusion that March 2026 would be a realistic date for moving out. So, we effectively gave him notice 7 months in advance.
Now, yesterday was when Sam and I were accused of being assholes. Taz asked Sam to chat and he talked at her about how he felt he was ambushed by us and March 2026 was no longer doable. He said that she did not respect him as a brother and 7 months is not enough time for him to find another living arrangement. He also said he thought she and I are moving too quickly (we have been in a committed relationship for a year, living together practically everyday since day 1 and get along incredibly well). He said that if I wanted more space (he assumed that was why we wanted to move out as opposed to the truth which was just us wanting to move forward with our relationship), I could have moved out on my own and Sam could just stay with me while keeping the lease with him also. Sam does not want to live with him anymore though so why should she pay $2000 per month just to keep him happy while basically just living with me? And I never complained about space. I just want to live with my partner and start our private lives as a couple together. Last but not least, he threatened his relationship with Sam saying if we insist on moving out in March 2026, his relationship with Sam would be damaged.
I’m really cross with him and I suspect that I may be in the right in this matter but also want to make sure I have some sense of objectivity before I try to talk with him. Sam values her relationship with him a lot and so do I. He said he had talked to his friends and he felt very validated by their support saying Sam and I are assholes for wanting to move out. I am very confused, reddit. So, are we assholes for wanting to move out after giving him 7 months of notice about our intention? Is it too soon to want to move out and live together after dating for a year?
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I (33F) am currently living with my partner (Sam; 30F) and her brother (Taz; 38M). I made the decision to move in with them half a year ago when my lease ended because although Sam and I would have wanted to move in together ASAP, she was tied up due to a lease with Taz that would end at the of the year. Taz was happy with the living arrangement since my moving in helped out with the rent, and he and I do not have a bad relationship.
As the end of the lease approached, Sam told Taz in August that she and I were thinking of moving out when the lease ended. We then had another talk all together to discuss timeline. He had concerns about expenditure and we all came to a conclusion that March 2026 would be a realistic date for moving out. So, we effectively gave him notice 7 months in advance.
Now, yesterday was when Sam and I were accused of being assholes. Taz asked Sam to chat and he talked at her about how he felt he was ambushed by us and March 2026 was no longer doable. He said that she did not respect him as a brother and 7 months is not enough time for him to find another living arrangement. He also said he thought she and I are moving too quickly (we have been in a committed relationship for a year, living together practically everyday since day 1 and get along incredibly well). He said that if I wanted more space (he assumed that was why we wanted to move out as opposed to the truth which was just us wanting to move forward with our relationship), I could have moved out on my own and Sam could just stay with me while keeping the lease with him also. Sam does not want to live with him anymore though so why should she pay $2000 per month just to keep him happy while basically just living with me? And I never complained about space. I just want to live with my partner and start our private lives as a couple together. Last but not least, he threatened his relationship with Sam saying if we insist on moving out in March 2026, his relationship with Sam would be damaged.
I’m really cross with him and I suspect that I may be in the right in this matter but also want to make sure I have some sense of objectivity before I try to talk with him. Sam values her relationship with him a lot and so do I. He said he had talked to his friends and he felt very validated by their support saying Sam and I are assholes for wanting to move out. I am very confused, reddit. So, are we assholes for wanting to move out after giving him 7 months of notice about our intention? Is it too soon to want to move out and live together after dating for a year?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) my partner and I wanted to move out and communicated that to my partner’s brother which would leave him to have to sort out a living situation on his own
(2) he said that we ambushed him and were inconsiderate for leaving him alone. He is going through some hardships at work which might lead to a potential strike next month.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA…you don’t owe a 38 year old man anything. Assure him that it’s happening and he better stop with the threats, stop with the guilt trip, and start planning his adult life. I hope your partner is on board.
NTA
Taz should be embarrassed that he is a grown man who can’t get his act together with SEVEN months notice. No mature adult threatens to withhold affection and love from a sibling unless they get their way.
You should realize that someone being angry at your life choices doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. It’s irrelevant what his friends think of *your* decision.
IDK maybe its coincidence but this same scenario was posted here just last week.
NTA. Seven months is longer than some leases. That’s plenty of time for him to make decisions and do what he needs to do. He just likes it when other people pay the rent. So he’s gonna make you feel guilty. No matter what you do now that relationship won’t be the same because he’s put up such a fuss. Just go ahead and make your plans and go and if he doesn’t like it go quicker. Sounds like he’s just gonna make your life awful for a while.
I have close family friends (3 brothers and one sister who were then ranging from 17 to 14 years old). They came home from school to find their home empty except a note from their parents saying they had moved to Texas.
I consider that short notice. Seven months… not so much.