So I (22F) was staying with my friend from highschool(22F) for a weekend. She lives in NYC and I flew in from Miami to stay with her for the weekend. She takes me to our mutual friends birthday party we went to highschool together, but Amelia was always closer with my friend. The party is great and we ending up getting pretty drunk. My friend wanted to leave early, I told her she could leave without me but I wanted to stay later. Well we ended up playing drinking games shortly after and soon enough it was 1 in the morning. My friend had taken an uber home and I was one of a few people left at the party. I told amelia it was pretty late and I was scared to travel back alone since her apartment was far from where my friend lived. She offered to let me crash on her floor because some of her other friends were asleep on her couch. When I saw she only had blankets for me to sleep on, I asked why I couldn’t just stay in her bed. She told me no, because she didn’t like sharing her bed, and I explained to her that it wasn’t a gay thing and I always slept in my friends beds. She seemed more annoyed this time and again told me no and shut off the lights to go to sleep. I let it go for the night but I complained to my friend the next morning and she said i was wrong and got mad at me for embarrassing her. We haven’t spoken since and I am staying in her apartment until Monday. AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
So I (22F) was staying with my friend from highschool(22F) for a weekend. She lives in NYC and I flew in from Miami to stay with her for the weekend. She takes me to our mutual friends birthday party we went to highschool together, but Amelia was always closer with my friend. The party is great and we ending up getting pretty drunk. My friend wanted to leave early, I told her she could leave without me but I wanted to stay later. Well we ended up playing drinking games shortly after and soon enough it was 1 in the morning. My friend had taken an uber home and I was one of a few people left at the party. I told amelia it was pretty late and I was scared to travel back alone since her apartment was far from where my friend lived. She offered to let me crash on her floor because some of her other friends were asleep on her couch. When I saw she only had blankets for me to sleep on, I asked why I couldn’t just stay in her bed. She told me no, because she didn’t like sharing her bed, and I explained to her that it wasn’t a gay thing and I always slept in my friends beds. She seemed more annoyed this time and again told me no and shut off the lights to go to sleep. I let it go for the night but I complained to my friend the next morning and she said i was wrong and got mad at me for embarrassing her. We haven’t spoken since and I am staying in her apartment until Monday. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA For wanting to sleep in my friends bed.
So I (22F) was staying with my friend from highschool(22F) for a weekend. She lives in NYC and I flew in from Miami to stay with her for the weekend. She takes me to our mutual friends birthday party, we went to highschool together, but Amelia was always closer with my friend. The party is great and we ending up getting pretty drunk. My friend wanted to leave early, I told her she could leave without me but I wanted to stay later. Well we ended up playing drinking games shortly after and soon enough it was 1 in the morning. My friend had taken an uber home and I was one of a few people left at the party. I told amelia it was pretty late and I was scared to travel back alone since her apartment was far from where my friend lived. She offered to let me crash on her floor because some of her other friends were asleep on her couch. When I saw she only had blankets for me to sleep on, I asked why I couldn’t just stay in her bed. She told me no, because she didn’t like sharing her bed, and I explained to her that it wasn’t a gay thing and I always slept in my friends beds. She seemed more annoyed this time and again told me no and shut off the lights to go to sleep. I let it go for the night but I complained to my friend the next morning and she said i was wrong and got mad at me for embarrassing her. We haven’t spoken since and I am staying in her apartment until Monday. AITA?
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA.
YTA. You don’t get to decide if she’s comfortable sharing her bed.
YTA, she already let you stay at her place. It’s her place that she’s allowing you to sleep at. From what you said, she also seemed to have point-blank told you that you’d be sleeping on the floor; I’m not sure what else you expected.
YTA, an entitled one at that
YTA for staying at a party your friend brought you to when she left, inviting yourself to stay the night and then feeling entitled enough to ask about sleeping in her bed. You did so many things wrong here.
YTA. You are not even particularly close to this person.
You either Uber it out or use the floor. You don’t get to choose as the unexpected houseguest.
YTA for sure. Their place, their rules
Asking to sleep in her bed with her is obviously ridiculous. Sounds like your judgement was impaired.
But since you were all drinking I don’t think it makes you an AH. When everyone gets drunk together it should be understood that people’s judgement may be impaired from time to time.
Doesn’t seem like a big deal. Just apologize and move on. No biggie
YTA. She wasn’t comfortable sharing her bed. No means no.
Beggars can’t be choosers.
The bed sharing isn’t even the worst part that makes you an AH
So you travelled to visit a friend, then when your friend wanted to go home you ditched her to stay at a party without her and imposed on another friend when asking if you could crash at her house and then got mad when she wouldn’t let you sleep in her bed?
YTA
Entitled much?
No one has to share their bed ever. But certainly not when the other person is super drunk and the event in question was their own birthday party. That they hosted.
YTA.
Whats the old saying?
Oh yea
Beggars can’t be choosers.
YTA for sure
As a house guest, I would never tell them where I should sleep. Especially not as an unexpected one. On the other hand, if y’all were fairly drunk no one was probably thinking all that clearly.
YTA, just apologize and move on.
YTA. Amelia was kind to let you stay to begin with. She didn’t ask for an overnight guest and it’s pretty ballsy expecting her to share her bed with you. And the friend who was actually hosting you, who you basically ditched to stay longer at the party, took an uber home. You could have (and should have) done the same.
YTA and if you’re honest with yourself there’s no way you don’t know this.
YTA
And incredibly entitled at that.
You’ve no claim to the bed but does she not have a couch?
YTA – You got hammered at a party, stayed after your ride and place to stay left, and then had to ask the host to let you sleep over, who graciously gave you the thumbs up. Hey, congrats on being 22. It happens.
But even when you’re drunk you gotta read the room. Not every friend is a “share the bed with” friend and you even said you weren’t that close. You’re probably not in that circle for Amelia. Or maybe she was worried you’d throw up in her bed.
Either way she made the call, and that’s that. You should make sure you thank Amelia for what sounds like a great party, and for letting you crash.
YTA for being entitled expecting someone you’re not even close with to share their personal bed. You’re lucky they even offered for you to crash on the floor with a blanket. Next time plan accordingly to take the Uber with your other friend since your worried.
YTA
But also, wasn’t there a couch or is it like a studio situation and there’s only a bed?
YTA
if the other person says “no” its a no.
something that you feel comfortable may not be comfortable for them.
you should apologize to her
YTA.
Amelia said no. That should have been it. You had no right to argue that since other friends let you sleep in the same bed, she had to as well.
YTA. Respect your friend’s boundaries!
You made no plan for how to get to where you were staying, or where else to spend the night. The party host generously offered to let you crash, but it was last minute – if you’d asked earlier she probably would’ve warned you she had only a few blankets and the floor to offer.
At that point, you get yourself back to your other friend’s house (also rude to stumble in late rather than go home with your host), or you gratefully crash on the floor. And if you don’t like those options, you take this as a lesson to make better choices for yourself in future.
It is never ok to invite yourself into someone else’s bed with them. Never. And after you had the audacity to even ask, which was already rude, you should have immediately accepted the “no”.
YTA. You have some apologies to make to both of them.
You were not expected to stay. You were offered the floor. Her friends were already sleeping on the couch. Why would you assume you can sleep in her bed? I actually think offering you the floor was an invite for you to leave without telling you to f off. You should have got in the Uber.
Lol YTA, there is no person on planet earth I’d allow to sleep in my bed with me, least of all some random drunk acquaintance.
Your biggest mistake, and there are several, is that you selfishly didn’t leave the party when your hostess didn’t. So you let your friend know that your partying was more important than respecting her. I’m guessing in one night you lost two friends.
You had a place to stay. If you had left when your friend/host left, you would’t be in this situation. But you decided to stay (at the home of a friend who you admit you aren’t as close with) and then you decided you were too good to sleep on the floor (are you sure you’re 22?). Finally, you tried to pressure someone who you ADMIT to not being especially close with to let you sleep in her bed.
You’re ridiculous in every possible way. YTA.
YTA.
Firstly for not leaving with the friend who’s house you’re staying at/is the one who brought you to THEIR friend’s party (let’s be honest, even if you didn’t go to school together, you wouldn’t not have been invited if it weren’t for your friend).
Secondly for drinking so much knowing you were far from where you were staying.
Thirdly for springing crashing at Amelia’s place on her at the last-minute.
Fourthly for asking to sleep in her bed to begin with. If she was comfortable with that, she’d have offered it.
Finally, tot pushing it when she already said no.
Be grateful she didn’t ask you to leave.
“I let it go for the night but I complained to my friend the next morning and she said I was wrong and got mad at me for embarrassing her. We haven’t spoken since and I am staying in her apartment until Monday.”
So big of you to let it go for the night.🙄
And yes, YTA. In so many ways.
YTA. Why do you need to be told *no* more than once? She already told you she didn’t feel comfortable with that. So why do you have to insist on having things go your way just because you don’t think it’s a big deal. Learn to respect other people’s boundaries.
Girl the reason she didn’t want you in her bed wasn’t because she was worried it was a “gay thing”. It’s because you were so trashed you couldn’t even make it back to the place you were staying and she didn’t want you throwing up on her bed.
Not to mention sleeping when drunk is hard enough and ain’t nobody want some other drunk person they barely know tossing and turning and stealing their blankets.
You’re not the asshole for asking because who knows maybe she would have been fine with it and you were drunk. You are the asshole for giving her attitude with that classless comment when she said no and trying to pressure her instead of respecting her wishes. You are the asshole for complaining to your host and friend about it sober the next day. And you are the asshole for still being so hung up on it you’re posting to Reddit about it still not getting that this women was kind enough to let you stay over and it was extremely reasonable for her to not want you in her bed.
Also you shouldn’t have ditched your host.
YTA go apologize.
YTA. Not your home, not your bed, not your blankets, not your decision. You were offered a place to sleep, take it or leave it, but don’t pretend like you were the normal one in that interaction.
Your entitled and ungrateful. YTA.
YTA-It’s her bed. She is allowed to decide who sleeps in it. You need to lose your sense of entitlement and stop complaining. Time to grow up.
YTA
its her bed, not yours. Gay or not I dont want anyone on my fucking bed.
No one owes you their bed.
YTA. It’s pretty simple. No means no. She didn’t want to share a bed with you.
No harm in asking, but no means no YTA
CHOOSING to stay and then EXPECTING them to accommodate to your sleeping preferences is wild lmao scared to travel alone at night? Should’ve thought of that when your friend left early. You should thank Amelia and maybe even apologize to her lol
YTA
She was considerate enough to allow you to crash there, but she in no way is expected to share her bed with anyone. I would not allow anyone to share my bed, except for my husband.
You are a bit too entitled and will probably never be invited as a guest at their places again.
YTA I wouldn’t want you sleeping in my bed with me either. No means no.
YTA.
Why would you not leave with your friend if you were oh so scared to travel by yourself? Makes absolutely no sense.
Secondly this person had not planned on you staying and she has zero obligation for you to share her bed. If you didn’t want the floor you should have been an adult and left. You had no reason to whinge the next day.
Yeah op. This screams, i didnt evolve socially past high school
YTA and a stranger to these people. You embarrassed yourself plenty but your friend has to exist with these people.
YTA
I would be embarrassed to post this shit, YTA. If you’re so afraid of traveling Ali e at night , then why didn’t you go with your friend. Why did you feel entitled to as Amelia to sleep with her when she didn’t offer it? YTA , for nit understanding exactly what you did wrong
Your ego has multiple zip codes. I would love to think this fake but I’ve met people like op
YTA got multiple things:
1.) You should have left the friend you came with left.
2.) When you ask to stay, you take what you are offered. You don’t get upset with the perso. You just asked to stay with.
Hopefully your friend will find better friends.
YTA. Wow what an asshole. What an incredibly gross, self-centered person you are. Jesus fucking christ, lady.
YTA. You overstayed your welcome and then argued with the host for not sharing her bed?! You should have gone home or slept on the couch.
YTA this is crossing a major major boundary. It’s not even just a sexual issue as you mentioned, “it’s not a guy thing”, it’s someone’s most personal private safe space.
Stop complaining ffs
I guess you don’t understand how guest rules work. You don’t get to choose where you sleep in someone else’s house. And, never should you ask to take or share the host’s bed. It’s their private space, not yours.
YTA
Aside from not being able to take the “No,” you probably put your friend in a bad position with Amelia. She even said you embarrassed her! But being a plus-one at a party for someone you admit you’re not close to and then staying when the person who was actually invited left? I can’t imagine how awkward that was.
And then refusing to leave and refusing to sleep on the floor without making a scene? Your friend probably got a “Why would you bring this person to my house and why would you leave them behind?!” text from Amelia and strained their relationship.
YTA
YTA
Yta. Bc it doesn’t matter if you always share the bed after a party. It ain’t your bed. It’s her bed. You’re not the asshole for asking, but it sounds like she made it clear she doesn’t do sharing her bed. You’re the asshole for pushing and trying to argue against her decision, though. Because your other friends can do what they want, it doesn’t have any impact on her choice to not share the bed
YTA – You literally decided to stay longer in a party where you were just a +1, and then demanded to be accommodated in someone’s own bed? Hell is wrong with you??
You’re mad bc a woman you barely know wouldn’t let you sleep in her BED WITH HER? After you ditched your common friend who brought you there who you should have left with?
Read this through and pretend it’s other people who you don’t know. What would your advice to them be?
I believe you know that YTA here.
Imagine if this was 2 men. They’d never even consider asking to share a bed bc it’s weird, awkward & no one wants to share a bed w a stranger.
so lemme get this straight, you were visiting YOUR friend and went to a kickback at HER friends house and when she wanted to go home you ditched her and then once it was time go, you didn’t want to so you asked to stay at a persons home that you didn’t even know and then felt entitled to sleep in her bed even though y’all had just met and she made it clear she didn’t feel comfortable with sharing her bed with a stranger because that’s what y’all are, STRANGERS and then you go and complain to the person you ditched?? YTA
You…you’re…you’re 22? Fucking hell.
Of course YTA princess.
Yta
YTA. Takes a lot of unwarranted entitlement to be such a AH.
YTA Man. She wasn’t close to you. Why would she be comfortable sharing her bed with you? It was nice enough of her to let you stay, and you also complained about it like a asshole. This belongs on r/entitledpeople
YTA. Tbh you’re lucky you were even allowed to sleep over.