I, J, and six other people (including my girlfriend) decided to go tubing together for my girlfriend’s birthday. We took a few cars with mine being one of them. When I parked and we were ready to leave the car to go sign waivers, I went to put my keys in my wheel. J suggested I put my keys in my gas cap door, claiming they had done this before so I put the keys in there and closed it. I then pushed on it to open to make sure the keys weren’t stuck and thankfully it opened with no problem. (My car is newer and doesn’t have a button inside the car to press to open the door. you just push on it to open it.)
We all left the car, signed waivers, and waited for the shuttle to pick us up. Around 10 mins before the shuttle got there, without me knowing, J and her best friend went back to my car to lock it. J locked the car and by doing so, locked my keys in the gas tank door because it automatically locks when the car is locked. J came back to the group and told everyone she left to go lock the car and honestly I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
When we got off the river and back to the car, I pushed on my gas cap door to discover it was locked. My girlfriend pushed on it too to double check and make sure. I pulled on it slightly but stopped almost immediately because I was scared of breaking it. Then, without warning, J stepped in and started forcefully yanking on it for about five minutes until it broke completely off. We got the keys out and unlocked the car and J went quiet. She never apologized or offered to pay. I didn’t bring it up then and there because it was my girlfriend’s birthday and I didn’t want to make the tensions worse.
When I did confront J, (through text and after my girlfriend told me to) and kindly asked her if she would be okay to pay for me to get the gas cap fixed, she said she would only cover a portion of the cost. She stated that she didn’t believe it was her responsibility to pay for the whole cost because she quote “There were other people who tried to open it and she just so happened to be the person the pull on the cap at the time it just so happened to decide to break.” I told her that to me, it seemed like this was a poor and illogical excuse to not take full accountability for her actions, regardless of if they were a mistake. She never responded to this, blocked my girlfriend and I on everything, and texted my girlfriend saying she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Her best friend did the same.
She has refused to see the situation from any other way than her skewed perspective and keeps telling me that this is my fault and I should be paying too. When I told my friends this, they said she was gaslighting me and trying to get me to take the blame so that she wouldn’t have to pay as much or admit she was being a bad friend.
If she is gaslighting me, I fear it was starting to work for a second because I have started questioning if this somehow was my fault. What do you guys think?
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I, J, and six other people (including my girlfriend) decided to go tubing together for my girlfriend’s birthday. We took a few cars with mine being one of them. When I parked and we were ready to leave the car to go sign waivers, I went to put my keys in my wheel. J suggested I put my keys in my gas cap door, claiming they had done this before so I put the keys in there and closed it. I then pushed on it to open to make sure the keys weren’t stuck and thankfully it opened with no problem. (My car is newer and doesn’t have a button inside the car to press to open the door. you just push on it to open it.)
We all left the car, signed waivers, and waited for the shuttle to pick us up. Around 10 mins before the shuttle got there, without me knowing, J and her best friend went back to my car to lock it. J locked the car and by doing so, locked my keys in the gas tank door because it automatically locks when the car is locked. J came back to the group and told everyone she left to go lock the car and honestly I didn’t think anything of it at the time.
When we got off the river and back to the car, I pushed on my gas cap door to discover it was locked. My girlfriend pushed on it too to double check and make sure. I pulled on it slightly but stopped almost immediately because I was scared of breaking it. Then, without warning, J stepped in and started forcefully yanking on it for about five minutes until it broke completely off. We got the keys out and unlocked the car and J went quiet. She never apologized or offered to pay. I didn’t bring it up then and there because it was my girlfriend’s birthday and I didn’t want to make the tensions worse.
When I did confront J, (through text and after my girlfriend told me to) and kindly asked her if she would be okay to pay for me to get the gas cap fixed, she said she would only cover a portion of the cost. She stated that she didn’t believe it was her responsibility to pay for the whole cost because she quote “There were other people who tried to open it and she just so happened to be the person the pull on the cap at the time it just so happened to decide to break.” I told her that to me, it seemed like this was a poor and illogical excuse to not take full accountability for her actions, regardless of if they were a mistake. She never responded to this, blocked my girlfriend and I on everything, and texted my girlfriend saying she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Her best friend did the same.
She has refused to see the situation from any other way than her skewed perspective and keeps telling me that this is my fault and I should be paying too. When I told my friends this, they said she was gaslighting me and trying to get me to take the blame so that she wouldn’t have to pay as much or admit she was being a bad friend.
If she is gaslighting me, I fear it was starting to work for a second because I have started questioning if this somehow was my fault. What do you guys think?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to sue my girlfriend’s friend for the full amount of damages she did to my car. She thinks the damages are not fully her fault and that they are my fault too
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
J suggested this, J locked the car, J pulled the gas cap door off. This does seem to be a 100% on J.
I am a little confused as to quite why you stopped pulling on the thing ‘because I was scared of breaking it‘ but then seem to have stood mutely by while ‘J stepped in and started forcefully yanking on it for about five minutes‘ – five minutes is a long time for you not to say ‘Stop doing that’.
However, suing over this isn’t going to make things any better, you’re just going to have to accept that sometimes shit happens and in this case J was the shit and they happened to you.
So, NTA for wanting J to take some responsibility, but practically you need to accept that they’re not going to – they’ve already removed themselves from your life, take that as the blessing it is and move on.
INFO: How and why did J and her friend lock your car?
NAH to the issue cause I think this is a genuine question of legal fact.
What is the but for cause?
But for her yanking on the cap?
But for her locking the keys in the cap?
But for her suggesting/you putting it in cap?
When you go through these you share some part in each one:
Yanking on cap: if she yanked for 5 min in your presences you can’t say “without warning” 5 min is alot of time of you watching someone yank on your car for you to stop them. But theres a larger question that has to be answered which is was there way to get the keys without destroying the cap? If the end result was the cap would have to be destroyed to get the keys and you had no other way of getting your keys, then her yanking is not actually the but for. The but for becomes the keys being locked. At that moment, you were going to have to pay to fix the cover.
She did that right? Not so fast, at this stage I’d say 75/25 (her/you) cause she didn’t do anything unreasonable by locking the car. Y’all were about to leave, its a reasonable prudent thing to lock the car and given you knew that shouldn’t be done, did you give notice of this? If she acted prudently but for your failure to give notice to why the prudent thing is the wrong thing you share in that. (She still gets more cause she should’ve told you she was going to your car and was going to lock your car.)
But then if I was her, I’d agrue the but for was you agreeing/putting them in there deciding it was better to hide the keys but leave the car unlocked. While certainly your choice, if the goal was to secure the car, leaving the keys behind in such a way that any person could’ve pressed the door and stolen your car, I say is a per se negligent act and if we decide that is the actual domino that triggered everything thats on you.
I don’t think its as clean and simple as you make it so y’all dispute is reasonable, no asshole I’m curious how it goes in court….probably depends on how much it costs.
Those behaviors seem to indicate she knows she is responsible.
NTA.
Sue her.
ESH
Yes, it is your fault. FFS, put your keys in behind the gas cap? Seriously? When you came back to stolen/pillaged cars would that have been everyone else’s fault too?
Then ripping it open instead of calling AAA or a locksmith? How irresponsible.
All of you need to rethink your behaviour.
NTA
Based on what you wrote, she caused the whole mess by first locking the car, and then by yanking on the gas cap door. The fact other people were involved too is irrelevant; had she not locked the car, there wouldn’t be any issue.
Since she’s blocked you and your GF, she’s not open for discussion. Take her to small claims court for the repair bill; the friendship is already ruined.
Next time you go tubing, look for a venue that has safe storage for your valuables.
Putting the keys behind the gas cap is dumb AF and you should never do that again. You can’t blame whoever “locked” the door, you put the keys in a ridiculous place.
Suing her would probably cost more than replacing the gas cap yourself. Personally I would replace it and not speak to x again. If you break something, you fix it.
Esh
So, to start with, you leave your car unlocked *and* do not secure the keys at all. You even check that the gas cap door is unlocked as long as the car itself is. A bit later, someone with good intentions locked your car (how, though, while the keys were still behind the gas cap door?) and told you so. You registered it and found nothing wrong with it. Coming back, you find out that locked cars are locked. You, your girlfriend, and, eventually, J try to force it open. J succeeds; maybe because they tried harder, or maybe the two of you had really weakened it. We won’t ever know. Blaming a single person here fully, asking for “full accountability” from them alone whereas you initially caused the dilemma, does not speak to your credit.
Also, what would you have done had J not gotten that door open? And in what kind of timeframe? You weren’t alone, after all.
Yes, I get that having to get the door fixed is annoying and potentially costly. Yes, J contributed to the damage but blaming solely them and expecting them to pay fully makes YTA.