Have a family member that was recently convicted and jailed for a sex crime after the victim came forward after a number of years. They pleaded guilty, so no question of wether of not they did it.
It’s started to be noticed by our kids and other family members that they are never around anymore at family occasions or when their spouse visits, and will only get more noticeable as they will likely serve a sentence of up to eight years.
Their spouse has limited who’s been told, and insists that nobody else is told about it.
Our two eldest daughters are 18 and 16, and have started asking questions, and I believe they should be told the truth about what’s going on.
Comments
They deserve to know, tell them.
I think you need to focus on telling the younger kids more than the near adults. What if he tries to ride up on them. “Hey kid, it’s me uncle lester get in the van I haven’t seen you in ages I’ll give you a ride”
Things could end badly.
You have a right to accurately describe someone’s actions to guard against future harm.
NTA. An 18 year old and a 16 year old are very much capable of understanding that, and I don’t see why you would need to hide it from them.
Gosh. If it’s something you need to do to keep your daughters safe… I’d say NTA.
NTAH. They are old enough to know and also it’s good for them to know, plus he committed the crime and he needs “protection”? LOL
NTA. They’re old enough to know. I’m surprised they don’t already know & haven’t googled his name. It may have made the news. That’s how my niece found out her oldest uncle was in jail when the rest of the family decided she was too young for his image to be tarnished with her
Google good name, print the results and capital leave it on the dining room table
The spouse is protecting the perpetrator. That’s how the cycle of violence persists. The victim wasn’t the first, nor the last. Shine a light on it to protect others, keeping it in the dark allows someone like that the opportunity to do it again.
NTA, but I would definitely let the offender and their spouse know you intend to tell the kids. This is proper communication and is respectful to everyone involved. Doing it in secret makes it gossip and you’ll be viewed as someone who goes behind peoples backs. They specifically asked you not to, but you can respectfully decline their wishes
Your priority is your spouse and children. Their safety takes precedence over other people’s feelings or reputation.
Feel free to share the news and make sure they know to protect themselves if contacted by this individual.
I feel sorry for the spouse who now has to live with the shame of what her husband did.
Not only should they be told. They should be told that if they ever had any interaction with this person that made them uncomfortable in any way, you are here to listen.
I’d also cut out any family member who advocates for protecting a convicted sexual predator. Chance are the spouse who advocating keeping it secret have known about this person sexually abusing & assaulting others for a very long time & covered it up.
Tell them. I would tell anyone with kids
You should go and tell every person in the family and the pedo’s neighbors so that when this monster gets out he can’t easily hurt more children.
NTA
As llong as the records aren’t sealed, it’s public information. Anyone that “needs to know, should.
NTA. Tell everyone. Everyone.
TELL THEM! I had two paternal uncles who should have been in jail for things done to my generation. One got away with it, one got caught doing it to a non-family member and did end up in jail.
No one told my sister and she had a young child. She has a history of spreading gossip, so they did not want her to spread the news. Unfortunately for the aunts and uncles, the rest of us found out via phone calls and email. Result was that most of the enablers got cut off. Sis was not even the one to begin it. It was our Golden Child Brother who did not even have kids at the time.
My kids’s generation is safe. One aunt likes to pretend she is the one who cut everyone off.
Yea, they are old enough. I’d say anyone over the age of 13, 14 is old enough to explain this to. The consequences of not knowing and then falling victim to this person outweigh the desire of the spouse. And by the way, anyone searching the internet would be able to find this out if they looked. And if it were me, I’d be very pissed if I was not told about it.
NTA. Unless it’s under seal, this is all public record. The spouse can want to protect their spouse — in fact, I’m guessing that that’s been going on for a lot longer than you know — but they don’t get to control the narrative.