Let’s start at the beginning. Early 2020 I, 24 male moved in with my family due to having made some aggressively bad decisions that really changed the direction of my life. When I moved in a my family was struggling to pay bills – rent, utilities, internet, trash pick up, etc. I struggled to find a job at first, but once I did I started to help pay bills. I single handedly brought everything they were behind on current and kept them current. It reached a point where they stopped contributing at all and left it all to me.
Fast forward to 2023 and we were forced to move due to a change of ownership for the rental we were in. I worked tirelessly for several months to find a place for us to live – specifically I bought a house. I I was hesitant to let me my family come live with me. It’s not that I don’t care about them, we just want to live different life styles. My mother is basically a hoarder and refuses to throw anything away even when it is blatantly trash. My brother, 13 as of 2025 – the main reason I allowed them to move with me – emulates mothers behavior down to every detail possible. They both want to live in their trash and filth and have zero concept of “clean.” I haven’t once been able to park in my garage because it is literally filled to bursting with nothing but my mother’s stuff.
The two of them don’t know how to talk to each other – all they do is yell and scream at each other. Both are thieving liars. I grew up with my mother constantly stealing from me – on multiple occasions after I started working money just mysteriously vanished out of my wallet. My brother is no better, he’ll keep lying through his teeth even after he’s been caught. It’s so bad that he’s made false police reports and once the police have found out the truth he still can’t admit that he lied.
As of the time of writing this, my house has been infested with flies for months because they refuse to clean up after themselves. Everyday I come home from work to food on the floor throughout multiple rooms in the house. Food sitting on the table. Dishes piled in the sink. I’ve bought countless traps, cleaned and cleaned and cleaned – all wasted effort when I know the root of the problem is them and their desire to live in filth.
I want them to have a roof over their heads, I genuinely do. But I don’t want to live like this. I’m tired of looking at the filth everyday. I’m tired of listening to them fight and argue with each other. I’m so tired of living like this.
Honestly, the past several weeks I’ve had to talk myself out of putting my stuff in a storage unit and living out of my car and just stop paying all the bills and letting the bank foreclose on the house.
I’ve went through the eviction process earlier this year, I just wasn’t able to follow through. They’re my family. I don’t know what to do.
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Let’s start at the beginning. Early 2020 I, 24 male moved in with my family due to having made some aggressively bad decisions that really changed the direction of my life. When I moved in a my family was struggling to pay bills – rent, utilities, internet, trash pick up, etc. I struggled to find a job at first, but once I did I started to help pay bills. I single handedly brought everything they were behind on current and kept them current. It reached a point where they stopped contributing at all and left it all to me.
Fast forward to 2023 and we were forced to move due to a change of ownership for the rental we were in. I worked tirelessly for several months to find a place for us to live – specifically I bought a house. I I was hesitant to let me my family come live with me. It’s not that I don’t care about them, we just want to live different life styles. My mother is basically a hoarder and refuses to throw anything away even when it is blatantly trash. My brother, 13 as of 2025 – the main reason I allowed them to move with me – emulates mothers behavior down to every detail possible. They both want to live in their trash and filth and have zero concept of “clean.” I haven’t once been able to park in my garage because it is literally filled to bursting with nothing but my mother’s stuff.
The two of them don’t know how to talk to each other – all they do is yell and scream at each other. Both are thieving liars. I grew up with my mother constantly stealing from me – on multiple occasions after I started working money just mysteriously vanished out of my wallet. My brother is no better, he’ll keep lying through his teeth even after he’s been caught. It’s so bad that he’s made false police reports and once the police have found out the truth he still can’t admit that he lied.
As of the time of writing this, my house has been infested with flies for months because they refuse to clean up after themselves. Everyday I come home from work to food on the floor throughout multiple rooms in the house. Food sitting on the table. Dishes piled in the sink. I’ve bought countless traps, cleaned and cleaned and cleaned – all wasted effort when I know the root of the problem is them and their desire to live in filth.
I want them to have a roof over their heads, I genuinely do. But I don’t want to live like this. I’m tired of looking at the filth everyday. I’m tired of listening to them fight and argue with each other. I’m so tired of living like this.
Honestly, the past several weeks I’ve had to talk myself out of putting my stuff in a storage unit and living out of my car and just stop paying all the bills and letting the bank foreclose on the house.
I’ve went through the eviction process earlier this year, I just wasn’t able to follow through. They’re my family. I don’t know what to do.
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> Am I the asshole because I want to throw my family out of my house?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are NTA! You have put up with a lot. I don’t have any ideas for you but I do wish you the best of luck.
Don’t let the bank foreclose on you though. You are way too young to have that on your credit. It’s hard to even rent with that on your credit report.
NTA Your brother is a minor and needs professional help. Hoarding is a mental problem. Please contact your local child services so he can get the help he needs. Your mother needs help too but she is an adult and needs to decide for herself to get help. That being said, you do not need to house either of them. Your mother absolutely needs to go.
I’m sorry but you can’t help people who won’t help themselves. Time for boundaries. And you need to do what you have to for your own mental, emotional and financial health. You can live like this for much longer. You should kick them out and have them figure out life without a safety net.
I’m getting the sense that you’re not really asking if you’re the asshole. And I mean, you’re NTA.
It’s a complex issue. Did you buy the house so you could live with them? or did you buy it so you can live in it yourself? It might be good to set an ultimatum — start paying rent, or clean up after themselves. If neither happens, then they can’t stay in your nice house.
Edit: OR, sign a formal rental agreement with your mom if you haven’t already. Protect your home against damages, add a clause against hoarding because it’s a fire hazard and creating unsanitary conditions, and document anything that can be considered a leasing violation. Because if your mother has a diagnosed hoarding disorder, you legally can’t evict her on the basis of discrimination (in the US, under the FHA), but you can allow for “reasonable accommodation”, which gives them a timeline to get the house in order and correct the aforementioned leasing violations.
If they fail, then you can legally evict them. If they succeed, that’s your hoarding problem done with. This way, hopefully, the stress of “kicking them out” will be a little easier to tolerate. Because yes. Its your house, under your name, and they’re family, which makes it impossibly hard. But if anything happens to your home while it’s under your name, then you’re going to be the one that has to take care of it.
Don’t let them drag you down, OP.
Yeah, no. NTA. You don’t need to live like that. And your brother needs help, so he grows up in a safe and hygeinic environment and doesn’t copy mum’s norms. She probably has a big loss or trauma she hasn’t resolved. But it isn’t your burden to live like this until she figures it all out, when she has shown no inclination to change despite all the support you have given.
You can’t protect your mum from the consequences of her own choices, and you are going to self-destruct trying. So reclaim your home and live your best life.
NTA, time for them to go so you can have the home you deserve and live in peace.
NTA at all. You’ve given them way more chances than most people would. It sucks when it’s family but you can’t set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.
Either they step up or the gotta go, Simple as that.
Sounds like you need to get some counseling for yourself so you can follow through with an eviction. At this point, you’re enabling their hoarding and destroying your house, which isn’t good for anyone. If they’re evicted, hopefully, your brother will get the help he needs.
Please don’t let the bank foreclose on the house.
I agree with the people who suggest counseling. Please, OP, try this.
It sounds to me as though you need to see if you can find mental health services for your mother and brother. Perhaps social services could help them find subsidized housing.
If you absolutely can’t deal with evicting them, don’t stop paying bills. If you live in a climate where the plumbing and house won’t be damaged, have the utilities shut off; talk to a realtor about an “as is” sale. You may lose money, but it will be better for your finances than having a foreclosure on your record.
Then tell your mom and brother, you are selling the house and they will need to find somewhere else to live.
KICK THEM OUT!!! They don’t care anything about you so stop destroying your life worrying about them!
Hire a dumpster and empty the garage. Call CPS and report your brother’s situation and serve them the eviction paperwork. Put a lock on EVERY SINGLE DOOR and lock them out of every room except the ones they sleep in.
On eviction day, have them escorted out by the police if they refuse to leave on their own. Once they are gone, change all the locks and put up cameras.
If that doesn’t help then move and don’t tell them where you’re going. I love my family too but you are not helping them by enabling them. I had to learn this very hard lesson as well.
NTA, months of flies isn’t a lifestyle difference.
DON’T LET IT GO INTO FORECLOSURE! It will mess up your credit & make it harder for you to get a loan in the future. Go through with their eviction.
You’ve enabled them for far too long. Evict them and GO THROUGH WITH IT. As long as you keep allowing it, they’re going to keep doing it. You’ve done far more than they deserve.
they’re not family, just freeloaders who have no respect for you or your efforts.
next time, go through with the eviction process. then hire cleaners, painters, repairmen, whatever’s needed to bring the house back to your standards. it will take months to get them out, and it will be worth it.
and change the locks when the movers get their hoards gone.
NTA
NTA – but you know you have to restart the eviction process and stick to it. Your brother will not get the help he needs until you do. You can kick your mother out, be strong. She has ruined your life and will continue to do so until you evict her. Don’t look at it as making her homeless. You will be giving her the incentive to change her life for the better. Put it all in the hands of an attorney and tell them to get it done and not contact you until it is done as you are too soft with your mother. Tell them at the start that you need them to take total control and not give you the option to back out of the eviction. Good luck!! Protect yourself and your future.
NTA for wanting to evict them. Or actually evicting them. Or selling the house and buying an apartment for yourself.
Do not stop paying bills or you will ALL be homeless, your credit will be shot, and your future will be made worse.
Give them 2 weeks to make a serious dent into cleaning up and getting rid of their hoarded stuff & tell them this time the eviction process is not just an idle threat, it will happen. Then let it happen. They will never change their ways until they want to. And you have a right to live in a clean home and not to have your asset devalued and possibly damaged by this behaviour.