I got home from working a 12-hour shift. When I pulled up, I saw my husband and his friend cleaning out our basement. I thought to myself, “They’re working hard, so I’ll just go ahead and put the kids in the shower and to bed since he’s busy and will probably be tired when he’s done.”
Anyway, I put the kids in the shower and decided to start getting ready for bed myself. I began taking my makeup off with an oil cleanser. While I was doing this, he walked in and turned on the shower. I asked him to please turn the shower off so I could wash the oil off my face and cleanse properly. I only asked because when the shower is running, the sink water turns cold.
We’ve gotten into it many times before for this exact reason. Washing my face is something I take seriously. It’s part of my routine, it helps me unwind, and I actually enjoy it.
But when I asked him to turn off the shower so I could finish (because I literally had oil in my eyes) he went off. He said I was being inconsiderate, that he was cold (from sweating and coming inside), and that I should have just wiped the oil off my face and waited for him to finish showering.
That sent me over the edge. It feels like he always chooses to come into the bathroom to shower, shave, or wash his hands when I’m in there washing my face. I’ve told him so many times that the water gets cold when something else is running. Tonight he even said, “People cold plunge; that’s what you should have done.”
So…. AITA
Edited to add…. The door does NOT lock.
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I got home from working a 12-hour shift. When I pulled up, I saw my husband and his friend cleaning out our basement. I thought to myself, “They’re working hard, so I’ll just go ahead and put the kids in the shower and to bed since he’s busy and will probably be tired when he’s done.”
Anyway, I put the kids in the shower and decided to start getting ready for bed myself. I began taking my makeup off with an oil cleanser. While I was doing this, he walked in and turned on the shower. I asked him to please turn the shower off so I could wash the oil off my face and cleanse properly. I only asked because when the shower is running, the sink water turns cold.
We’ve gotten into it many times before for this exact reason. Washing my face is something I take seriously. It’s part of my routine, it helps me unwind, and I actually enjoy it.
But when I asked him to turn off the shower so I could finish (because I literally had oil in my eyes) he went off. He said I was being inconsiderate, that he was cold (from sweating and coming inside), and that I should have just wiped the oil off my face and waited for him to finish showering.
That sent me over the edge. It feels like he always chooses to come into the bathroom to shower, shave, or wash his hands when I’m in there washing my face. I’ve told him so many times that the water gets cold when something else is running. Tonight he even said, “People cold plunge; that’s what you should have done.”
So…. AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I washed my face while my husband was waiting for the shower. He says I was being inconsiderate. Long story short.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and is this the only dispute in an otherwise excellent marriage? If so, carry on. OTOH if this is typical, might be time for couples therapy. Those repetitive conflicts can really eat away at a relationship.
NTA – You were there first he should have waited.
esh because this issue should have been fixed after the first time it happened.
Is a door lock not an option? No one can run the shower if they can’t come into the bathroom while it’s already occupied…
Lock the bathroom door
Girlll NTA, he said HE WAS COLD and that YOU should cold plunge? After explaining to him multiple times- he couldn’t have just waited a few minutes? Sounds like he was looking for an argument and I hate that for you
INFO
> I only asked because when the shower is running, the sink water turns cold.
Immediately?
How long could washing your face possibly take? 30 seconds?
Also, weren’t the kids already in the shower when you started washing your face?
NTA
But if this is a constantly repeating argument between you two, you have bigger issues in your relationship.
Lock the door.
INFO – How long does this cleansing routine last? Depends how long the bathroom is virtually off-limits as to whether he’s an impatient a-hole or you are a bathroom hog. Is it possible to use another sink?
Can you just lock the bathroom door?
ESH. This seems like a constant issue. It’s not normal for the sink to turn cold when the shower is running. Have you considered having a plumber looking at it? Since you have a basement it probably wouldn’t be that invasive to fix the issue.
This seems like a really trivial problem you could work out on your own.
washing your face takes 2 minutes, not even. bro can wait T-T
NAH
You both had your reasons. While for you its a routine to wash up, it’s a lengthy one. But he was doing something out of ordinary (cleaning basement) and had probably not thought about your presence.
So just ignore this I’d say.
NTA but I gotta say this is trivial and why is your husband just blowing in the door? If he can’t knock and ask to share(which is polite) lock the door. Not locking the door makes this trivial
NTA. Your husband must have failed kindergarten because he doesn’t know how to wait for his turn.
NTA, but I have to ask… Why don’t you lock him out when you’re using the bathroom? If this happens a lot and he’s constantly invading the space you’re using… Prevent that? Seems like an easy solution. Yes, it would be nice if he would just show some empathy, but meanwhile…. Just lock him out.
Lock the door when you are in there and he can’t get in.
Anyone else see the video of the stripper saying men hate their wives? I really think she was onto something.
You guys have deeper issues. This is not about the shower.
ESH. Suck it up and hire a plumber to fix the problem with your pipes. The fact that you both allow something so trivial to ruin your night is beyond childish and dumb.
NTA does he actually like you? Install a lock on the door until he learns to respect you
From now on, lock the bathroom door. The person who is already in the bathroom takes priority, all others can wait (unless it’s a bathroom emergency).
This honestly sounds abusive. His need to shower was SO URGENT he couldn’t wait a few minutes? And it’s not the first time this has happened?
It’s beyond rude, it’s beyond inconsiderate. It’s, well, abusive, the way he puts his needs so much higher than yours.
So you worked a 12 hour shift and decided to only put your kids in the shower? You didn’t think it would be a good thing to shower as well?
As for the husband… I get your point and understand the water being cold isn’t the best feeling, but it can happen. You could have also stuck a pitcher under the shower and collected the water you needed just to prove a point 🤷🏼♀️
Washing face with cold water is good for your skin and can help with redness if that’s an issue as well. NTA.
ETA: if there’s no lock on the door and it’s not feasible to get a lock, and your husband refuses couples therapy, and presumably you won’t leave him, embracing the cold water is really the solution here.
Get in the shower. Take it over. Yours now. Also, get a lock. And a better water heater.
NTA. My mother would get mad because every time she was on the phone, I just HAD to speak to her. I was a kid so I can be somewhat forgiven for not learning my manners. But your husband is old enough to realize what he’s doing is intentional.
NTA. You made a clear boundary and he’s completely disrespecting you and your feelings. He’s definitely blowing it out of proportion, and he shouldn’t be treating you like that.
Sounds like you need couples therapy. You shouldn’t regularly be fighting about the fact that your husband interrupts you in the bathroom.
How long do you spend washing your face? 10 minutes? 30 minutes?