I (21F) got invited to a friend’s birthday dinner at a pretty nice restaurant. The invite said “dress cute” so I wore a fitted dress I love it’s not too short, but it does have a low neckline. I felt confident and excited to go out for once looking put together.
Everything seemed normal until halfway through the night, when one of the other girls (not even the birthday girl, btw) pulled me aside and said I was “trying too hard” and being disrespectful. She said it was rude to show that much cleavage at someone else’s event, especially when there were guys there who “obviously couldn’t stop looking.”
I was honestly caught off guard. I wasn’t being loud or extra, just sitting, eating, talking like everyone else. The birthday girl didn’t say anything, and we even took cute pics together. But now that this one girl stirred the pot, I keep wondering if other people felt the same and just didn’t say it.
A few mutuals later told me it was kinda “bold” to wear that dress to a group dinner, but also said the girl who called me out is always kinda jealous and dramatic.
Still, I’m second-guessing now. AITA for wearing a dress that made me feel confident, even if it maybe drew more attention than I meant to?
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I (21F) got invited to a friend’s birthday dinner at a pretty nice restaurant. The invite said “dress cute” so I wore a fitted dress I love it’s not too short, but it does have a low neckline. I felt confident and excited to go out for once looking put together.
Everything seemed normal until halfway through the night, when one of the other girls (not even the birthday girl, btw) pulled me aside and said I was “trying too hard” and being disrespectful. She said it was rude to show that much cleavage at someone else’s event, especially when there were guys there who “obviously couldn’t stop looking.”
I was honestly caught off guard. I wasn’t being loud or extra, just sitting, eating, talking like everyone else. The birthday girl didn’t say anything, and we even took cute pics together. But now that this one girl stirred the pot, I keep wondering if other people felt the same and just didn’t say it.
A few mutuals later told me it was kinda “bold” to wear that dress to a group dinner, but also said the girl who called me out is always kinda jealous and dramatic.
Still, I’m second-guessing now. AITA for wearing a dress that made me feel confident, even if it maybe drew more attention than I meant to?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wore a low cut dress to a friend’s birthday dinner which led to another guest accusing me of trying to get attention and being disrespectful
I might be the ahole my choice of outfit made someone at the event feel uncomfy and possibly shifted attention away from birthday girl, even if that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t mean to cause drama, but if I was inconsiderate by not dressing more low-key for someone else’s special night.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA your friend is just jealous of you
This is crazyyyy. What you wear is entirely your choice. No one else should feel entitled to an opinion, let alone call you out for it. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you continue to feel confident in clothes that YOU choose to wear!
As long as the birthday girl didn’t have an issue with your dress, NTA.
Yes, it’s her day, but it’s also just a birthday party. The birthday girl said wear something cute, you did. If the other girl had a problem with it, that’s her problem.
NTA. If you met the restaurant’s dress code, what you wore is no one’s business.
NTA
Your friends jealous AF. You can wear whatever you want as long as it’s permitted by the restaurant. In my opinion, I wouldn’t stay friends with someone like that
NTA – it’s sad that women have to bring other women down over their looks. We should all be supporting each other for being cute!
nta that girl isn’t your friend 😂
NTA. This girl is petty and ridiculously jealous of you. Don’t let her insecurities and “pick me” behavior bring you down. The birthday girl didn’t have a problem with it, and neither did the restaurant. If I were you, I’d just have as little contact as possible with the “friend“ who criticized you in the future.
INFO: It would depend on the dress. In general I would think it’s probably fine if the birthday girl and restaurant didn’t say anything. But with multiple people saying it was an issue it’s possible it was actually over the line and/or didn’t fit the dress code, but the birthday girl just didn’t bring it up. Without seeing the dress it impossible to say for sure.
Nta. If you got it. Flaunt it.
NTA
So, from the sounds of it, this girl is just another mutual to your bday friend.
No doubt the “bold look” comments were the results of her running her mouth to those people, trying to get more people to call you out.
If you don’t normally dress like that, I can see why you would stand out. You probably looked cute as hell!
Even then, you don’t mention anywhere that your friend said anything, and she even involved you in pictures!
Don’t let this jealous chick sour your thoughts. I hope this doesn’t prevent you from dressing up again!
NTA. As long as you’re not wearing white to a wedding, you’re good lol.
NTA
She was pissed because her boyfriend couldn’t take his eyes off you. Ignore the haters. It’s her 21st birthday party not her wedding. You won’t even recall your 21st in 5 years. Tell her to pack her mean girl shit in a bag and take it out back.
NTA, if the birthday girl didn’t say anything, then there wasn’t an actual problem. That girl was just jealous that you looked better than her
You know what is over the top and what isn’t. That girl was a a witch to say something and yes, jealous.
If your friend didn’t care then you shouldn’t either.
You never know if she would have said something to you if you wore something else, just ignore her if she’s known to be dramatic.
“Dress cute” is a pretty broad dress code too, so it should have some grace both ways.
NTA
Gonna say NTA
AND we need to see the dress
NTA
Girl who spoke to you has some cheek!
This is Reddit, so anybody should be allowed to wear anything they want at any time regardless of the situation. In the real world, it’s a lot more complicated than that so you may morally be in the right and still be TA. It’s all about reading the room. It wouldn’t be appropriate for you to wear a sweatsuit to a formal dance, and it wouldn’t be acceptable for you to wear a cute little cocktail dress to a funeral, or to wear a ball gown to a job interview. What I will say is that it is never OK to steal the thunder of someone at their own party or event. My wife has an absolutely amazing gown that she won’t wear to weddings because she’s aware that it will draw attention and cut up stage the bride. Could she wear the dress to a wedding? Absolutely. It’s not even white, so there wouldn’t be any official reason for anyone to have a problem with it. BUT… in the real world, unwritten rules, sometimes matter. If you were the most glammed-out person at your friend’s party, you might want to rethink turning it down next time. Of course, this is sacrilege in Redditworld because freedom of choice/body shaming/autonomy, etc.
So you need to ask yourself a question that only you can answer – were you trying to upstage the birthday girl? If the answer is no, then there isn’t a problem. But if somewhere in your subconscious mind, you wanted to be the star of the show, then you also have your answer.
NTA, and your friends are gross.
So, I would venture to guess the actual “problem” this one girl had is that you may be more busty than her? It’s pretty common for those of us with a bigger chest be accused of being inappropriate when wearing the exact same thing as someone smaller. Even if this isn’t the case, definitely NTA and I’m sorry that girl made you feel bad.
Not a religious person, but if I ever heard someone giving a woman shit for wearing revealing clothing because it tempts guys to look, I would gladly quote Matthew 18:9…
“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.”
NTA, but that pearl clutching woman is and go fuck herself.
NTA. She sounds insecure which is making her jealous. U have 0 control over who looks at u. If she had such a problem with a man looking she should have taken it up with them. If the birthday girl had no issues then I fail to c the problem. She said “dress cute” and u did. Anyone who agrees witn the insecure one is not ur friend. As in, I would b seriously rethinking ur relationship with them. Cuz real friends r supportive and would b saying what I’m saying instead of supporting a jealous, insecure, drama queen. Fyi, ppl like her thrive on drama, especially if it can make someone else feel bad. They thrive on it, cuz theu need to put someone else down to make themselves feel better. Gross!
You dress yourself. Unless they are buying your clothes, they don’t tell you what to wear.
Op knew what she was doing.
Haters gonna hate
So… let’s discuss what the girl who said something was wearing, and who she was with… which guy was paying attention to you instead of her?
She was wrong, Wear what you like.
Are you curvy? A lot of cute, modern dresses make curvy girls appear “pornish.” Can’t help our bodies but people see curves and immediately think of sexuality
This story sounds oddly familiar, except it was a house party…🧐
She was feeling insecure, and wanted you to feel bad because she felt bad. I’m sure you looked amazing and confident! Unfortunately, people like her hate that.
If people don’t know how to “dress cute” that’s on them. I also fully believe that everyone should be dressing alllll the way up when it’s a bday event!! I always offer my friends dresses too for events incase they can’t find one! NTA
This is going to be unpopular, but NAH. I say this bc I have a friend who is BUSTY & what she considers “low cut” many would consider indecent bc her areolas keep popping out. When it happens at a bar I laugh & discreetly let her know so she can fix it. Doesn’t bother me. If it happened at dinner in mixed company? I would prob be embarrassed.
It is possible that your dress was indecent or not appropriate? Do some soul searching. If you honestly think it was ok, then shrug it off & choose whether or not you want to spend time with these girls. If you want to continue spending time with them, I would prob avoid wearing low cut clothing around them to avoid future conflict. But that’s me.
Tbh it also depends on how this conversation happened. If it was in private & in a non-confrontational tone, that’s one thing. I’d rather they tell me than just trash me behind my back. If it was a mean girl situation that’s an entirely different matter. I don’t associate with people who behave in that manner.
If I felt the request was made respectfully (both in tone & intent) and without moral judgment, then I would honor their request. But that’s me. You can dress however you choose, but you run the risk of not being invited if this is a frequent problem. Either way, it’s not a moral issue unless one of y’all insists on creating one.
NTA. I’m sorry that person tore you down because of her insecurities.
NTA. You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s reaction to how you choose to present yourself. Sounds like someone’s boyfriend may have been looking at your chest. He needs to learn. Not you.
NTA. I’m not going to allow anyone to dictate how I dress. It’s cleavage who cares. Sounds like she was jealous.
NTA… do you boo
Not the only fans link in the bio
NTA, the person that said something to you was being rude. Nobody should be policing your outfit.
Why do we get so many posts like this…
Profile is new with an only fans link. I’m calling BS and YTA for being an AI and lying.
YTA. “Dress cute” doesn’t mean tits out lol.
It sounds like the boobage was too much for that event. You can wear what you want, but then you should be ok with other people saying it’s too much, especially if it is too much.
I’m thinking of the Mommy-Son dances I’ve been to where some of the moms dressed like were are going clubbing, not to a family event at school with their son and their son’s friends.
It was obvious they didn’t understand the difference between dressing up/dressing cute for a night out with their kiddo and showing all of everything in stripper heels.
I know, I know. We are supposed to pretend women can walk around wearing nothing at all and never be judged or told anything about it. And somehow no one is supposed to look, either.
But irl…girl, there’s a difference between “cute” and going somewhere all chichona. Maybe coordinate outfits with the group next time or y’all can all get ready together…if you actually want to be in sync with others and the event
It’s hard to say without an example but I’m leaning toward NTA since the birthday girl didn’t say anything. Other girl definitely sounds like she was jealous.
NTA
I have a bigger bust and when I think it’s a little cleavage it’s “a lot” for others. NTAH. You felt cute, nbd.
For us to give an accurate response we need to see the cleavage OP. For Academic Purposes of course.
Without seeing the dress, it’s impossible to judge. A dress you deem “Not too short”, I might view as ma’m you have confused that shirt for a dress. Or if you are busty, everything looks slutty if the neckline is below your collarbone or the shirt is the least bit clingy – the girls draw attention. God forbid you breathe. Sometimes you confuse Cute with Cocktail. Sometimes you can’t win.
NTA if you were told to dress cute, I’d assume everyone else is also dressing cute. I don’t think you did anything wrong
I’m old 😜 and fairly conservative. Put these words out of your mind. I’m sure you looked great/cute. You went to a party and were dressed for it. Don’t let this stop you from wearing the dress again.
NTA When I want my friends to “dress cute” there is no subtext that they can’t look better than me. You are all 21 and likely look great anyway. It isn’t her party, wasn’t her dress code, she is out of her lane.
NTA unless your dress was revealing parts that should be covered by underwear.
The girl who made the comment has the issues.
It sounds like you dressed for yourself – not to show up anyone else or get attention. And sure the guys might have been drawn to you because you looked good but the confidence you felt is what would have been coming across and keeping them engaged, it’s also what annoyed this girl.
If one of my friends turned up to my birthday looking smoking hot and clearly feeling good about herself I would be high fiving her.
People worth having in your life build you up not tare you down. Avoid toxic people if you can which is difficult with group events
Will need photographic evidence to determine
INFO – how low cut? Because there is a line between cute and cringe.
But most likely NTA, because it obviously didn’t cause that much of an issue on the night of, and if the birthday girl wasn’t commenting, it’s probably just one persons opinion and she isn’t the important person.
NTA.
Here’s what to do OP: call the birthday girl and apologise for “trying too hard” and “being disrespectful” and “showing too much cleavage”. One of two things will happen:
the birthday girl will be very confused as to why you’re apologising and for those things and you’ll then be able to say that the other girl called you to tell you off and you were mortified and hadn’t realised. The birthday girl will then tell you that she hadn’t thought any of that, you have nothing to apologise for. (And the birthday girl now knows this other girl is starting drama in her name)
The birthday girl will take your apology and you’ll know that she’s a shitty friend and you should stop hanging around with that group of people.
Basically OP, friends who behave like this aren’t really your friends. So what you’re doing is testing to see if the birthday girl and these other girls are friends or are people you should remove from your life.
The invitation said to dress cute, so it wasn’t a formal occasion, and it’s a fancy restaurant, so it should be perfectly fine to wear a dress that you like.
It wasn’t rude at all, definitely NTA
NTA at all, the other girl is insecure and projecting that onto you.
We need to see the dress …
NTA. And I don’t even care if your dress was actually inappropriate for the venue. Whatever happened to side eyeing with your friend when you see someone dressed like a hussy and maybe saying to your friend later “Did you see what she was wearing?” as you shake your head.
ETA: And what kind of trash is that to claim the guys couldn’t help themselves but stare? They can, but if they’re staring, they’re rude as heck too. Humans can control where their eyes go.
NTA, that B is just angry her man is looking at your cleavage. What a prude. Wear what you want and don’t let jealous B’s make you feel bad about it.