I’m (22F) and went to a small house party last weekend with some close friend. It wasn’t a big deal just a chill night with music, snacks and a few drinks. I wore a new black dress I’d just bought it’s fitted kinda short but nothing too crazy. I felt good in it and honestly just wanted to feel confident and cute for once.
Everything was fine at first but I noticed my friend (24F) her boyfriend (25M) kept watching me. Like not just a quick look, but staring. He made a few weird comments too, like saying I was dressed to distract everyone or asking if I was trying to turn the party into a club. I laughed it off awkwardly, but it made me feel low-key uncomfortable. I didn’t really talk to him and tried to avoid him after that.
The next morning, my friend messaged me saying she felt I was disrespectful for showing up in that dress. She also said I made her feel uncomfortable and that I shouldn’t wear stuff like that around other peoples boyfriends. I told her I wasn’t flirting or trying to get attention I just wore something I liked after all it was a new dress and I wanted to wear it. It’s not my fault her boyfriend can’t look away.
She told me I was being selfish and dressing for attention. A couple of our mutuals kind of took her side too, saying I probably should’ve dress a bit more low-key. Now I’m honestly second guessing myself
Did I do something wrong by just wearing a tight dress that made me feel confident?
AITA?
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I’m (22F) and went to a small house party last weekend with some close friend. It wasn’t a big deal just a chill night with music, snacks and a few drinks. I wore a new black dress I’d just bought it’s fitted kinda short but nothing too crazy. I felt good in it and honestly just wanted to feel confident and cute for once.
Everything was fine at first but I noticed my friend (24F) her boyfriend (25M) kept watching me. Like not just a quick look, but staring. He made a few weird comments too, like saying I was dressed to distract everyone or asking if I was trying to turn the party into a club. I laughed it off awkwardly, but it made me feel low-key uncomfortable. I didn’t really talk to him and tried to avoid him after that.
The next morning, my friend messaged me saying she felt I was disrespectful for showing up in that dress. She also said I made her feel uncomfortable and that I shouldn’t wear stuff like that around other peoples boyfriends. I told her I wasn’t flirting or trying to get attention I just wore something I liked after all it was a new dress and I wanted to wear it. It’s not my fault her boyfriend can’t look away.
She told me I was being selfish and dressing for attention. A couple of our mutuals kind of took her side too, saying I probably should’ve dress a bit more low-key. Now I’m honestly second guessing myself
Did I do something wrong by just wearing a tight dress that made me feel confident?
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wore a tight dress to a house party, which caused my friend to feel disrespected because her boyfriend kept staring at me.
She confronted me afterwards saying my outfit was inappropriate and made her uncomfortable. I might be the asshole because I chose to wear something revealing even though I knew I’d be around people in relationships, and my decision ended up making someone I care about feel insecure and hurt in the moment.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Wear what you feel comfortable wearing.
It’s up to her boyfriend to choose to be loyal and not stare!
His disloyalty is not your responsibility.
NTA..Your friend should feel disrespected by her boyfriend’s behaviour and not by your dress. You have every right to wear what you want and feel good about yourself. She needs to find other ways of dealing with her insecurities.
Get some new friends. Your girlfriend’s response should have been “you look fabulous” then pop the boyfriend on the head for staring. You need new friends, the dress isn’t the problem
NTA. IT’S your freedom to wear what you want.
NTA. But also slightly ESH.
Your friend has a boyfriend with a wandering eye and is taking her embarrassment over that fact out on you. Sounds like she should dump him but instead of doing that tries to take control of the situation in a less courageous way and aims her frustration at the easier target.
She is being a poor friend.
That being said, I do feel that it is mannerly to try to match the overall tone of any outing as much as possible. Dressing up nice, especially elegant, or sexy can make others feel like they missed the memo and will incur resentment and frustration if consistently done.
Seriously, your other friends blamed your clothes?!?
Did they crawl out of a time machine from 1950?
It’s not your job to make other people comfortable with how you dress. Your friend is jealous and mad her bf was checking you out. Wear what YOU are comfortable in, ignore the haters. NTA
I am dying to find ‘the’ black dress to make me feel cute so first off, congrats for having it!
NTA – you don’t have to dress for anyone else and the whole ‘friend’s boyfriend was staring’ is not your problem.
However….there’s also a thing about dressing for the occasion and maybe you were also being stared at because you, as someone else said, dressed for a club instead of a living room. If you were uncomfortable it was likely because you dressed a little out of place, that’s all.
Same way someone would be started at a bit for wearing ripped jeans and a hoodie at a nice restaurant.
NTA- get some new friends honestly
NTA. You are not in control of her boyfriend’s eyes, or words. Simply put.
NTA
Your friend clearly doesn’t know how to handle her boyfriend’s wandering eyes, so she’s taking it out on you.
NTA YIKES you need better friends. You’re not responsible for how anyone’s SO behaves. What the heck is wrong with your friends??
NTA. You wore something that made you feel confident. You’re not responsible for her boyfriend’s behavior. She should be upset with him, not you.
I’d say it depends on you and your friends cultural heritage.
For my white friends NTA you can wear what you want and men should treat you with respect and make you feel like a welcomed guest not an observed (or sexualized?) distraction.
For a lot of my friends who moved here from the Middle East or parts of Asia, it would actually be disrespectful to everyone basically – the host, the other guests, her parents if it was their home. There can be an implied humility that people could expect to have that you would have overstepped without knowing.
NTA.
That is allegedly a grown man, he’s responsible for his own eyes. And if girlfriend doesn’t like his staring problem, she needs to take it up with him.
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Be proud and be yourself.
This is how you sort em out..
Nta but maybe you didn’t dress on par for the occasion? What type of party was it and what type of dress? But still who cares imo
NTA
I think the friend is trying to look past her own fears. If her BF is willing to be so brazen with here right there then how would he act if she wasn’t?
secondly, what would be wrong if you were trying to get attention? You didn’t say you had a relationship right now so why would it be bad for you to be looking for one?
Personally I think one of the sexiest outfits a girl can wear is the comfy sweatpants with tennis shoes and a ballcap. I think its much less to do with the article of clothing but the confidence one carries themselves with.
Let people react how they will. All you can control is your own intent. That doesn’t mean people wont be upset but if your intent was pure then its a good chance whatever they feel is on them to work through. The only behavior modification I would look at is if this friend is someone you want to invest a lot of time into.
Sounds like you need to have hotter girlfriends.
NTA, if anything she should have reached out and apologized for him making weird comments. And/or he should’ve apologized too
NTA – But your friend is clearly taking out her personal issues on you. This a good friend does not make.
NTA, her boyfriend is a creep, your “friends” are not your friends. What are you suppose to do, wear a trash bag?