Hi, for privacy reasons this post will be a throwaway, and all names are fake.
Last month, I (30F) went on a family vacation that was planned by my brother Eric (33M) and his wife Natalie (31F). It was meant to be a chill week at a cabin by the lake with me, Eric, Natalie, our younger sister Jess (26F), and our parents (60s).
From the start, Natalie was very particular about how the trip “should go.” She created a full itinerary — color-coded Google Docs, meal planning charts, even mandatory “tech-free” hours. Now, I get that people like structure, but this was less of a vacation and more like summer camp with a drill sergeant.
Jess and I brought it up gently to Eric, saying maybe Natalie could tone it down a little, but he brushed us off and said she worked really hard on planning and that we should appreciate her effort. Okay, fine.
Fast forward to day 2 of the trip. Natalie gets visibly upset because we “missed the scheduled group kayaking time” (we were literally sitting on the porch having wine and laughing with our dad). Later, she snapped at Jess for bringing a Bluetooth speaker because it “ruined the ambiance” and glared at me for checking my phone.
By day 4, Jess and I were over it. So we decided to “accidentally” sleep in through the morning hike and instead made a pancake breakfast with our mom. Natalie walked in, looked around, and just said, “Wow. So I guess the schedule doesn’t matter anymore.” Eric pulled me aside and said I needed to stop “undermining his wife.”
At that point, I was tired of the passive-aggressiveness, so I told him point-blank that his wife was sucking the joy out of the trip. Jess backed me up. Eric got really defensive and said we were acting like entitled teenagers who couldn’t handle a bit of structure. Natalie cried that night and ended up leaving early.
Since then, neither of them has spoken to me or Jess, and our mom is now trying to play mediator. She said Natalie feels “deeply disrespected” and that we owe her an apology. But honestly? I think Natalie was being completely overbearing and treated us like kids at a retreat she was leading.
AITA for not following the “schedule” and basically refusing to participate in Natalie’s over-the-top vacation plans?
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Hi, for privacy reasons this post will be a throwaway, and all names are fake.
Last month, I (30F) went on a family vacation that was planned by my brother Eric (33M) and his wife Natalie (31F). It was meant to be a chill week at a cabin by the lake with me, Eric, Natalie, our younger sister Jess (26F), and our parents (60s).
From the start, Natalie was very particular about how the trip “should go.” She created a full itinerary — color-coded Google Docs, meal planning charts, even mandatory “tech-free” hours. Now, I get that people like structure, but this was less of a vacation and more like summer camp with a drill sergeant.
Jess and I brought it up gently to Eric, saying maybe Natalie could tone it down a little, but he brushed us off and said she worked really hard on planning and that we should appreciate her effort. Okay, fine.
Fast forward to day 2 of the trip. Natalie gets visibly upset because we “missed the scheduled group kayaking time” (we were literally sitting on the porch having wine and laughing with our dad). Later, she snapped at Jess for bringing a Bluetooth speaker because it “ruined the ambiance” and glared at me for checking my phone.
By day 4, Jess and I were over it. So we decided to “accidentally” sleep in through the morning hike and instead made a pancake breakfast with our mom. Natalie walked in, looked around, and just said, “Wow. So I guess the schedule doesn’t matter anymore.” Eric pulled me aside and said I needed to stop “undermining his wife.”
At that point, I was tired of the passive-aggressiveness, so I told him point-blank that his wife was sucking the joy out of the trip. Jess backed me up. Eric got really defensive and said we were acting like entitled teenagers who couldn’t handle a bit of structure. Natalie cried that night and ended up leaving early.
Since then, neither of them has spoken to me or Jess, and our mom is now trying to play mediator. She said Natalie feels “deeply disrespected” and that we owe her an apology. But honestly? I think Natalie was being completely overbearing and treated us like kids at a retreat she was leading.
AITA for not following the “schedule” and basically refusing to participate in Natalie’s over-the-top vacation plans?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I deliberately ignored and undermined Natalie’s planned schedule for the vacation, even though she spent a lot of time organizing everything. Instead of addressing it directly with her, I chose to go around her plans and encouraged my sister to do the same. This upset Natalie enough that she left early, and now both she and my brother aren’t speaking to me. I understand how that could make me seem disrespectful or inconsiderate of her efforts.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Natalie sounds very bossy and frankly exhausting.
Who made her the boss of the entire family?
ESH. Natalie should not have presumed to tell everyone what to do. And you should not have pretended to agree to do it.
NTA, wow Natalie sounds like an entitled brat. I too like schedules but would never think to schedule someone else’s time and vacation.
NTA. Unless you all voted her in as camp counselor for the week she has no business scheduling grown adults down to the minute. She can do that when she has kids.
NTA. If you all had asked her to plan things in advance and agreed on those things then it’s fine but to be forced to do things on your holidays that you didn’t agree to isn’t a vacation, it’s “work”.
Some chill is needed. If you wanted a planned literary you would have said so in advance.
ESH they’re called boundaries. You should have made yours clear from the beginning, and she should have realized that planning your vacation time was overstepping hers.
“AITA for not following the “schedule”
—The only thing you did wrong was follow it for ANY of the time. NTA.
NTA. Jesus, was she attempting to practice parenting for her future kids? Sorry, but an adult attempting to parent another adult by dictating “technology free” times is beyond controlling. Why wasn’t she mad at your parents for blowing off the schedule? Or was parenting limited to you and your sister?
Nta. Last time my family did a trip like this my sis and I wrote in the group chat “this is what we are doing. Feel free to join!” Never a demand, never on a schedule. Just an itinerary for us and other ppl to know about if they want to join.
NTA. The whole point of cabin time is that you don’t have to follow a fucking schedule.
Natalie didn’t get buy-in from everyone for doing it her way. She therefore can’t reasonably be surprised when people don’t want to do it her way. NTA
Did your brother and Natalie fund the entire trip and tell you that this itinerary and the rules were strictly enforced before you agreed to come? No? Then they’re huge AHs and you’re NTA.
Natalie has a lot of nerve forcing this on her in-laws too. I guess she’s not too fond of being liked or respected as a person. Your brother can put up with her all he wants but he can’t force her on others.
i’m gonna say ESH because it doesn’t sound like you ever talked to natalie about it. your brother isn’t her keeper. it would have come off a lot less disrespectful if you had made your feelings known to her instead of complaining behind her back.
NTA. It’s one thing if Natalie wants to have her vacation planned down to the last minute, but she had no right expecting you all to follow it the exact same way.