I (39m) am married to (39f). So last weekend, we (my wife and kids) were at the beach and when we got some food, my wife offered me some of her drink because I didn’t get one. When I take the drink, i wipe the straw off (because like, it was in her mouth), and when she saw me do that, she was like, “Why’re you being weird” and when i ask her to elaborate, she goes “You’re acting like im dirty or somethin.” When i tell her that i didnt want the insides of her mouth on the straw im drinking out of, she says “so you’re proving my point.”
AITA? Small conflict, but wanting to see if im the ah. She thinks two kids and 10+ years of marriage i shouldnt be making a problem out of a straw.
Edit: Wife wanted me to add that “I ate it for breakfast th(at/is) morning” and that she appreciates the comments. Also, yall are some freaks.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I (39m) am married to (39f). So last weekend, we (my wife and kids) were at the beach and when we got some food, my wife offered me some of her drink because I didn’t get one. When I take the drink, i wipe the straw off (because like, it was in her mouth), and when she saw me do that, she was like, “Why’re you being weird” and when i ask her to elaborate, she goes “You’re acting like im dirty or somethin.” When i tell her that i didnt want the insides of her mouth on the straw im drinking out of, she says “so you’re proving my point.”
AITA? Small conflict, but wanting to see if im the ah. She thinks two kids and 10+ years of marriage i shouldnt be making a problem out of a straw.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because i implied that my wifes mouth was dirty by wiping the straw.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA.
Do you not, like, kiss your wife?
Have you never kissed your wife on the mouth? The two of you have kids so I’m assuming you’ve literally been inside of her at least twice. What’s your problem with the straw?
YTA.
INFO:
10+ years, this has to had come up before? Is it recent that you have started to “wipe her away”, or have you always done this?
YTA and are also quite probably maybe 12 years old, I’m guessing
I’m germophobic so I would do this but everyone in my life knows this and is no longer offended by it.
Yeah bud… YTAH. You kiss her, right?
You’ve swapped genetic material for over a decade, this does seem weird? I could see if she was wearing super sticky lip gloss or something but traces of spit? That’s strange.
I mean…. I’m on your wife’s side here. You made two kids with this woman but it’s too icky to share a straw? Have you always done this for the last 10 years?
I mean not really an AH but its definitely weird. You’ve kissed your wife before, you have multiple kids so I’m assuming your mouth and other body parts have been plenty of other places on/in her body, why is drinking from her straw so weird? Kissing her would get more of her saliva on you than the straw will.
NAH. I can see why she felt like it was weird, especially if you haven’t done it before. You presumably interact with the inside of her mouth frequently. But kissing someone isn’t the same as getting spit on your mouth from a straw, so giving it a courtesy wipe with a clean napkin isn’t that weird. Especially if she wears lipstick or something.
It’s also weird for her to say that you’re making a problem out of a straw when she’s the one bringing it up and picking a fight about it.
You probably could have avoided all of this by just saying “I dunno, I just felt like wiping it off.” instead of specifically saying that you don’t want the inside of her mouth on a straw.
YTA, I swap bodily fluids (including saliva) with my wife everyday.
NTA,
Honsetly, personally, I don’t have any problem with using things that touched me SO’s mouth (I mean, we kiss, so after that it’s all kinda the same for me). So, personally, I do find your behavior a bit odd. That being said, that does not make you the AH in any way. Different people have different comfort level for different things. That’s fine. <shrug>
You are tbahoat. The biggest asshole of all time.
Fact.
You kiss this woman. You (presumably) put your mouth on every place on her body.
She ( presumably) puts her mouth on every part of your body. She puts things ( your dick ) in her mouth that you wouldnt.
You just told your wife that you find her gross.
She will NEVER get over that.
You may be married to her until you die, bit you will have given her a complex she could never get past.
You fucked up bro.
You can rest assured, she won’t be putting anything of yours in her mouth from now on.
What a weird take. Yeah, you’re the AH.
Yes, you are the asshole. Did you read what you wrote? Jesus christ, she’s your wife man
YTA, and you’ve discovered how to make sure your wife doesn’t put your straw in her mouth ever again too. Good job!
Your wife is grasping at straws here. You are allowed to wipe whatever you want. NTA
NTA. If you were both eating I get it. I wouldn’t want to taste what someone else is eating.
NTA – thank you! I’m not the only weird person that does this.
I hate sharing straws, eating utensils, well anything that my husband or kids stick in their mouths or put their mouths on. Yes, I know, I kiss my husband and we share germs, whatever… but swapping spit on a straw is NOT the same as kissing.
It’s got an ick factor in it for me. I’d prefer a whole new straw (ha!ha!). Better yet I want my own drink.
I have actually just given my drink to the husband or kids because I really can’t stomach the saliva exchange.
YTA. Have you never kissed your wife?
NTA, I do this too. I don’t want to immediately put my mouth on saliva. Kissing has an additional purpose, but I don’t want to consume saliva from anyone else in general, no matter how much I like them. I think this conflict is unavoidable, people (obviously, from the comments) find this super offensive but it’s a small action that doesn’t actually carry the weight others appear to give to it. Just try to explain it as a weird quirk and hope she starts to ignore it.
YTA. Your mouth should have experienced enough of your wife that sharing a straw is a non event.
NTA people have germ and spit anxiety and it usually has nothing to do with their perception of their partner nor sexuality, no matter what the replies here say. Why does it bother her so much? would it help to tell her that no, you do not think that, you just prefer a dry straw?
NTA. It’s called a pet peeve and everyone is allowed to have them. I have a twin sister and we both love each other very much. We live together and share almost everything. But I have certain pet peeves and she respects those. I don’t like it when other people drink from my cup, but for some reason I’m perfectly fine sharing a toothbrush. I could go on and on, the list is long for both she and I.
There’s nothing wrong with your wife being a little offended or getting a little upset. The problem arises when she holds on to that hurt. When my sister brings up something that she doesn’t like about me, of course I get offended! It’s hurtful. But to be honest it just doesn’t last that long. If you are willing to move on it’s ridiculously easy to allow that feeling to happen and then let it go.
I think your wife just wants to hold on to r hurt, or else she has simply never learned how to let things go. This is not a hill anyone should die on. I’m willing to bet she has all kinds of pet peeves that are bizarre. None of us are virtues of reason.
Considering that, at one point or another, you have had your mouth on her genitals, I think you’re being a little weird. 😄
NTA – Just because you’ve kissed her, etc, doesn’t mean that you want all that on your straw. You’re not an AH for having a quirk that millions of other people have.
YTA. I will never understand the thought process of people who do what you did. Seriously, you have shared all kinds of physical intimacy with this person over the course of more than a decade, but a shared straw crosses the line for you? In no world does this make any sense.
Definitely odd. But probably not the AH. Just weird.
I wouldn’t necessarily say you’re an asshole, but it is really freakin weird of you…
So you don’t french kiss your wife?
YTA
Tell me you’ve never (French) kissed a woman without telling me you’ve never kissed a woman 😂 Shut the hell up dude WTF is wrong with you YTA.
You must have the most unsatisfactory sex life EVER! I seriously pity your poor wife.
YTA yeah this is weird she’s your wife your tongue has been in places worse than that straw 🤣
Dude is getting pounded…. fast. Sorry, bud, YTA😂
I hate sharing straws and any sort of bottled drink- water soda etc. but I’ve seen my husband straws in his cups and they’re all janky with lip scum and I’m a bit of a germ freak
its not a big deal at all. I think germaphobes are annoying. you kiss her. so yes what’s the big deal. but also if that is an actual conflict then it is silly. I think she’s just picking on you.
Is this the first time you’ve reacted like that? Or is this an ongoing thing?
Yta . Im assuming you kiss your wife ? No difference .
I hope you don’t intend to have something of yours in her mouth ever again.
If It had lipstick or was extra slobbery, sure. But just normal straw use? YTA
But I also think this is fake. 10+ years and this is the first time this has come up? I call BS.
YTA. And I only had to read the title of your post. Wtf.
YTA. You have probably had your mouth on a lot more than her mouth, and I bet it wasn’t as clean.
INFO: Was this about the food she was eating? Why are you bothered by her saliva on the straw but not the saliva-filled backwash in the drink?
Presumably you’ve drank enough of her spit over the last 10 years, unless you never kiss her at all, so yea I find it weird to worry about.
Did you just recently start doing this? If so I understand her confusion.
YTA. I guess you have never kissed her nor wanted your dick in her mouth? RIGHT?
NTA
I do the same, but for a different reason. My husband is… a slobbery guy. Whenever he drinks from a straw, it looks like he french kissed it. If I’m drinking from the straw, I’m wiping it off. I don’t care, it’s just different. This man literally spits in my mouth, but I’m not drinking from the straw he slobbered on without wiping it. It’s just different. I don’t think he’s dirty or gross. I don’t want to sip from a slobbery straw.
YTA. I hope she asks you to sanitize your d!ck before it goes in any part of her next time.
YTA. yes, that’s fully weird if she’s your wife. see you on deadbedrooms next I guess.
YTA I drink after my friends & have no problem.
You’re married to this woman and you have multiple kids with her. You’ve been exposed to the inside of her mouth many times, among other things. YTA. It makes no sense to be weird about sharing a straw with someone you’ve had unprotected sex with.
I remember when I was younger, I’d take sips of my parents drinks here and there, and my moms would always have lipstick on her straw and it added a bad flavor when drinking. If this isn’t the case of a lipstick flavor on the straw, then YTA
I’m sure you don’t mind the inside of her mouth on other areas. YTA
NTA
I suppose I can see her point of view. It may come off as an insult. She’s your wife so I’m sure you guys are kissing and doing much more elaborate things that I won’t write here…. So you guys obviously swapping bodily fluid so it may come off as a personal insult to be wiping the straw. So I can understand her viewpoint.
At the same time, it’s something I do. And people do it to me. I don’t know why straws are different. They just are. I don’t think you were wrong for this. Heck when I share a drink with a family member, I will wipe the straw for them (usually with a napkin or something I mean) before I hand it over.
NTA I don’t like sharing straws with family friends or spouses alike it gets cold and gross
Nta I will lick the inside of my girlfriend’s mouth but that doesn’t mean I want to share a toothbrush or a straw.
Nta. To each their own. She can’t dictate what you put into your body. Your body your choice. Seen more than one loving couple just be their own individual way about straws, toothbrushes, or cutlery.
Her preferred method doesn’t have to be yours, it’s a weird hill to force you to die on.
YTA- I would say that maybe if she was wearing lipstick and the straw had that on it I would wipe cuz lipstick stain blah but I agree with everyone pointing out you’re a d!ck for saying that a woman who has had your children and been married for 10 yrs. 🤦🏻♀️
Do you guys spit into each other’s mouths? (Its a kink for some people)
If she’s not for that, she can get over wiping off a straw.
30 days badge baybee let’s gooooo
have you done this to her before over the course of your 10 year marriage?
Did you wipe the straw with your hand? Because you know your hand is actually quite dirty. But anyway, my husband and I share a straw all the time. We also get separate straws if we feel like it because I’m a monster and chew on the straws sometimes. I can see you wiping away lipstick or lipgloss cause you don’t want it on your lips, but germs – unless you suspect she sick, is strange after being married so long. Like others said, I hope you didn’t like blow jobs.
That woman has taken so much of you into her that she’s given birth to your children. Do you think she has cooties?
NAH
It is perfectly normal to have an aversion to someone else’s saliva on food utensils. Lots of people do and it doesn’t matter who the other person is.
Absolutely you kiss your wife, but for some people it feels entirely different when food is involved. It doesn’t make you an AH.
I dated a girl once that I loved so much I would have sucked a fart out of her ass. I also dated a girl that I wouldn’t drink after, so idk if I’m the best person to ask
NTA- for some of us it’s just a habit and has nothing to do with our spouse. I do this myself. Lol sometimes I catch myself doing it to my own straw. It’s just habit.
YTA. I’m sorry, you wiped off the straw because of your wife’s cooties? Wiping off the straw in this situation is so weird, I don’t fault her for being annoyed by it
YTA. Unless you never kiss your wife, that was pointless.
Question, before you asked for the drink, if she had asked for a kiss, would you have kissed her? If you would have, then YTA, if you would have said no, then NTA.
YTA. It’s not logical, so either you have a mental health issue, can’t control it but recognize it’s a problem, and should be honest about it. Or you’re stupid, can’t apply logic,which is why you forget about all the germs inside the straw, inside the drink,or the fact that it’s highly unlikely you could wipe it with anything cleaner than her mouth. Or used a sanitizing wipe which none exist to my knowledge that are using a chemical safe to put in your mouth afterwards. All that disregard the kissing people do when they aren’t just platonic
You have two options, depending on which it is:
-I’m sorry honey I have an issue, it isn’t logical but I can’t control it
NAH, but yeah, you’re weird for that.
YTA for sure.
YTA. She is your wife. You kiss her. You have sex with her. What is your problem? This women had your child and you won’t drink from her straw. I hope she makes you sleep on the couch for a considerable amount of time
YTA maybe she didn’t want your dirty fingers on her straw?.?. You’ve obviously been intimate so you’ll get more germs off your nasty fingers than her saliva
NTA it’s called being germaphobic
Yes you are. Period
I also will not drink after anyone including my husband. NTA
Wow. Yes. YTA. Do you no kiss her and put other body parts of hers in your mouth? Jeez dude. Get a clue, are you 12???
i agree w ur wife. you’re most likely not drinking out her straw cus u rmbr she gives you head lol. you guys still kiss, yeah? you reciprocate the favor but im sure she eats off ur food and utensils.
No you’re not weird. I’ve met people that get their panties in a bunch about this for some reason. I don’t care WHO it is or what I’ve done with them before, if I even use a straw after someone at all, at the VERY LEAST I’m wiping it off and anyone that doesn’t like that has issues they should probably work on.
NTA but it is weird that you would wipe the straw of someone you kiss and have had 2 kids with.
I bet everyone that has an issue and think hes weird for wiping the straw, you know cause presumably he kisses his wife and his mouth has again presumably been on the nether regions… would y’all share your partners toothbrush?
I mean Ive had worse in my mouth 🙃 but I wouldn’t use the same straw nor would I use their toothbrush!
I also wouldnt kiss my partner with tongue after we’ve just eaten either, but hey thats just me… so I guess Im the AH and weird too!! 😂😂😂
Weird ass post like do you not kiss lmao
YTA
I’m assuming you kiss your wife?
Info: did you wipe it again before giving it back? Because, you know, if had been in your mouth.
NTA.
I (F33) ALWAYS Wipe Water bottles, sodas ect.
Even with my kids.
I Would never share a straw😅
My husbond knows this and often Laugh about it and say im wierd 🫣😅
Ps. English is not my first language
You do realize all those awful germs that you were so worried about being on the straw had already transported to the drink itself. The drink comes up the straw when sucked and a certain amount of the liquid gets exposed and goes back to the drink.
YTA
I’m gonna say NTA since I do this out of habit (although I do have a slight mental crisis when realizing whatever was on my fingers was probably worse). 😂😂
edit – I went back and read your full post so I saw where you stood your ground on it, so yea, you fucked up lol.
I’m not going to judge, but how many times since you’ve been together, have you had your tongue up her booty hole? A straw shouldn’t be a problem.
NAH, I do this too whenever my partner and I share something like a straw. But for me it’s the sensory experience of “wetness” on the outside of the straw getting onto my lips that gives me ick. I also wipe my mouth after we kiss, which I understand is a bit weird. She used to be offended by that but accepted my explanation about the sensory ick and now finds it cute.
I’m not so concerned about germs because as others have pointed out, unless one of you is sick, germs are a non-issue after you’ve been kissing and having sex and generally sharing space with someone for even a couple of weeks.
As a woman, if my man did this it would immediately give me ick.
YTA, I’m sure she’s had your genitals in her mouth, but suddenly with a straw it’s icky
YTA. I can’t believe this is even a question.
You have ejaculated inside her enough to have multiple children and you can’t share a straw? What level of stupidity is this?
I feel like this is rage bait – with this level of bacterial consciousness I hope you wipe every time you pee too.
We are the same, Im not into sharing saliva. NTA
[removed]
Wiping the straw off did absolutely nothing to get rid of the germs unless you used an antibacterial wipe.
NTA. I do not eat meat. My partners always have.
When we go out to eat together we did not share drinks because they eat meat and i do not. The few times we did share drinks i would wipe their straw first, just to get any potential taste from their food off of it.
Not once was it a problem.
Even further, ive done that my whole life with my family. Mom, dad, brother, grandma, everyone. They all eat meat and i dont. So whenever we shared drinks i would wipe the straw.
But even regardless of that. Some people leave their saliva all over the straw, because their mouths are extra wet or something. I dont want to get a bunch of someones spit in my mouth when i go for a drink.
I dont care if they are my partner, i dont just want a bunch of spit in my mouth. I know some people are into that, but no thank you. Only time i want any spit in my mouth is when we’re kissing
Everyone’s entitled to their wear hangups, you’re not the a hole.
NTA, I’m the same way and my husband has never had an issue with it. Tell her to pick and choose her battles. If this makes you feel better than what’s the issue.
Okay, y’all should chill a bit, lol.
Is this kinda nutty? Yeah.
But also; I have a big thing about bodily fluids (OCD) and while I generally have no issues with tongue boxing my fiancée’s uvula, I do get grossed out by disembodied fluids.
If she handed me a drink and she had left spit all over it, it would cause me issues, and I would wipe it off.
But also; she wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, even if she didn’t know that I have OCD. Because she loves me. And she doesn’t think I would do anything out of feeling like she’s gross.
Those of you who have kids with someone else need to figure this shit out, if even for your kids’ sake. Not everything needs to be a damn fight, just talk for fuck sakes.
Edit: Forgot to add, NTA
Wow, it looks like you’re on your way to being a celibate!
Yta. You share saliva when you kiss its not like she is drolling on the straw it wouldnt be enough to feel or “infect” you bro. Your an adult and your married to her would u want her wiping her face after you kiss her because it was your mouth? Its the same thing
NAH. There’s nothing wrong with an indirect kiss or cleaning the straw, though her second comment sounds slightly like she’s instigating and your answer could’ve been worded better as just cleaning germs.
The people calling you an AH for something this little are delusional.
Also, why would anyone care if you want to swap spit with them or not. Bodily autonomy is not negated based on your relationship. NTA
Get your own drink next time.
NTA. I do the same thing to everybody, spit wigs me out 😭 people don’t get it
No swapping spit?
Does she drool on the straw?
Bro you’re a joke lol definitely the asshole and probably weird as hell
I sometimes wipe my face after my boyfriend kisses me, I don’t know why, just instinctual. I get what you did, but I’d have said sorry, it is rude.
You rub tongues together…
You put Sandy beach hands on her straw. Next time, just decline if you don’t want to share spot. YTA
Yeah it’s weird lol
YTA. wtf
do you kiss her? do you go down on her? does she go down on you? presumably you’ve literally been inside her since you’ve mentioned having 2 kids and 10 years of marriage. YTA
Weird to wipe it
YTA do you kiss her on the mouth or lick her vagina?
Unless it had slobber dripping off it, YTA. She’s the mother of your kids! Y’all have shared body fluids many times.
NTA. I have this hangup too. I love kissing my husband, I have no problem with all kinds of intimacy, but for some reason I can’t stand drinking after someone else, even him. I always wipe the straw, it makes me feel better, hurts no one, so why wouldn’t I?
Are you sexually intimate with your wife??? If so, it is irrational behavior.
Ha- the only reason I find this so funny is my brother was exactly like this. If someone took a drink out of his straw or from a bottle or can of soda he was drinking, he would be done, would not touch it again. I don’t think either of you are wrong.
NAH
Wait’ll you hear what the young people are up to today… 🍑
YTA. I hope she stops sucking your dick.
YTA – you are being weird.
I hope your wife doesn’t kiss you or give you oral sex cause WTF?
Did she just finish giving you a blowie and then took a sip? Waaaaay overreacting my dude.
Do you have ocd?
INFO
Do you not kiss your wife?
Yea YTA
Im curious, you hsve children but dont want to drink after her? I assume you guys had sex to have your children or at least just had sex as you are married. Do you not kiss? No tongue kissing or other bedroom oral activities?
It just makes no sense to me.
Last blowy for you for a good bit I recon
YTA.
I have been married for over 15years. I have issues with sharing anything that has been in someone else’s mouth.
I know this is a me issue.
I make an effort around my husband and children to not show my ick in these situations.
I don’t want my children to grow up with the same hang-ups as me.
I also never want my husband to feel dirty.
So I either don’t share something I know I won’t be able to hide my ick on. Or I squash my inner turmoil and share.
You are teaching your children a bad fear. And also making your wife feel dirty.
Either get therapy or buy your own drink.
Making people you loved feel less than for your issues is no ok.
NTA can’t believe how bent some people are over a personal quirk.
NTA some people are like that my husband will not share his drink with me if we are eating in the car and will not share his milk no matter what. But when we do share we do not wipe the straw but some people are different no it doesn’t make them an AH maybe just a bit of germaphobia.
lmao seriously, probably gonna get the silent treatment too 😂
Have you never kissed your wife? She has every right to be offended by you wiping the straw. You had sex with her to have a child so any germs she has you’ve already came in contact with them, unless you no longer have any sexual contact with your wife, which she may want to institute so you don’t gay any of her germs in the future. You’re just pathetic.
Im assuming you’ve french-kissed her? Wtf do think happens there? YTA
Info: is this a reflex when someone is sharing a drink with you or more a deliberate action?
Eh, some people are clean freaks, some people don’t care. I personally don’t care, and I care even less if someone is a clean freak bc I know it’s more them than me. She probably took it personally, so you should apologize and probably not do that in front of her again. But… NTA
NAH really. You most likely swap spit in other contexts, so I can see why she’d feel like it was a silly thing to do. But I also am a ‘wipe the top of the shared bottle’ person – it’s not personal, just a habit. Pointless one too, as a quick swipe on whatever is going to do nothing really to remove germs.
Normal married couple bickering on both of your behalf. Don’t try to find who’s “””right””” here, that’s just hunting for more trouble.
NAH
I don’t drink after my husband, he drinks after me. To each their own
NTA I grew up during the time when mono was a big deal and the schools impressed upon us to never share drinks with anyone. Irrational but I don’t drink after anyone either— including my children and husband of over 14 years.
NTA – ignore all those spewing hate. I french my wife and eat her out. But I don’t share drinks or food (and on the rare occasion I do, I would wipe a straw or glass rim). My wife knows and does not care.
YTA I’m sure you’re fine with her mouth on your unwashed sweaty smelly parts though, right? I hope next time you expect that, she wipes you down first.
Everyone in the family has been inside of her, including you, and you’re worried about sharing a straw?
If she left lip gloss or lipstick on it, sure. But otherwise grow up, bro.
I sure hope you’re nta😅
Do you dine at the Y? Do you stick your tongue in her mouth? Have you kissed her after a BJ?
Unless she is leaving bits of food behind, you’re in the wrong and being weird about something small.
YTA. That was just plain mean of you.
NAH I get it, I do the same thing with my husbands drinks, but tease him for wiping off mine.
YTA.
You’re sad yes
Do you kiss your wife?
If no, why are you married to her.
If yes, you have already shared each others oral biome so your squeamishness is misplaced.
Esit:
YTA
NTA. My parents have been married almost 32 years and my dad still will not drink from or eat off of anything my mom has. Some people are just like that and that’s fine.
NTA. I don’t share drinks or utensils with anyone, regardless of our relationship. It just seems gross to me. If that makes me weird, so be it. Next time, just tell her no thank you and get your own drink. I get her point but still think it’s gross.
NAH, like you aren’t an asshole but you’re absolutely weird. You’ll put your mouth where she pees but won’t drink out of the same straw?
So you can make out with her but no share a straw? Jesus fucking Christ I’m so glad I have a good man.
YTA, but i’m the same way so im also TA lmao
I do not share food / drinks / anything with anyone, even my bf lol
It doesn’t make sense logically, but it does in our heads!! So I get it! But it does make us assholes lowkey lol
Not the asshole. I don’t drink after people, and definitely don’t share straws. So right there were very different people. Tell your wife to chill.