Context: I just started dating this guy, Tyler (24), for one month. We’ve been going out for four months, just getting to now each other. I really like him. I (22F) have been drinking for a while with friends and have gone to parties. I do like getting tispy/boarder line drunk, but it’s never been excessive; just napping or talking too much when I’ve had a lot to drink.
The first time I drank with Tyler was at a friends party. We were dancing and just having fun. I went back to Tylers apartment, and I stumbled up the stairs. I stayed the night at his place. I woke up and he cooked me breakfast. He told me that when we got back to his place, he had to stick his fingers down my throat to get rid of some of the alcohol. I was shocked, that’s never happened before. I thanked him and was a bit awkward about it because I didn’t think I got that drunk and didn’t remember that, but to be fair I didn’t remember much, just that I had a great time. He said I threw up in the trashcan in his room and he didn’t throw it out yet and that he would do it when I left. I went to get my clothes from his room, and looked in the trashcan, and there was nothing there. I was confused but maybe he threw it out and forgot?
The next time we drank together, we went to a club for his 24th birthday. I started to drink a bit and I realized I needed to stop, so I switched from alcohol to water. When I drink, especially when I switch to water, I do use the restroom a lot and since it was just us and his friends (which I met for the first time), he came with me to the bathroom. I remember feeling a bit dizzy and leaning against the bathroom wall. That’s never happened, but I thought I was a bit tired. He dropped me off at my apartment the next morning (we danced till the morning). Later, we went to get lunch and he told me he had to stick his fingers down my throat at the club.
He was smirking and laughing about it and it just made me upset. I yelled at him and said “why do you keep doing that?” I was very upset and broke it off. I don’t remember getting too drunk at the club for his birthday. I’ve never had any of my friends stick their fingers down my throat because I’ve never been too drunk that people had to do that. It just made me upset that he keeps trying to force me to throw up when I drink, and sticking his fingers down my throat. It just weirded me out. I know my limit and I know when to stop. No ones ever done that before, it was out of the ordinary.
AITA for getting mad and yelling at him over this?
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Context: I just started dating this guy, Tyler (24), for one month. We’ve been going out for four months, just getting to now each other. I really like him. I (22F) have been drinking for a while with friends and have gone to parties. I do like getting tispy/boarder line drunk, but it’s never been excessive; just napping or talking too much when I’ve had a lot to drink.
The first time I drank with Tyler was at a friends party. We were dancing and just having fun. I went back to Tylers apartment, and I stumbled up the stairs. I stayed the night at his place. I woke up and he cooked me breakfast. He told me that when we got back to his place, he had to stick his fingers down my throat to get rid of some of the alcohol. I was shocked, that’s never happened before. I thanked him and was a bit awkward about it because I didn’t think I got that drunk and didn’t remember that, but to be fair I didn’t remember much, just that I had a great time. He said I threw up in the trashcan in his room and he didn’t throw it out yet and that he would do it when I left. I went to get my clothes from his room, and looked in the trashcan, and there was nothing there. I was confused but maybe he threw it out and forgot?
The next time we drank together, we went to a club for his 24th birthday. I started to drink a bit and I realized I needed to stop, so I switched from alcohol to water. When I drink, especially when I switch to water, I do use the restroom a lot and since it was just us and his friends (which I met for the first time), he came with me to the bathroom. I remember feeling a bit dizzy and leaning against the bathroom wall. That’s never happened, but I thought I was a bit tired. He dropped me off at my apartment the next morning (we danced till the morning). Later, we went to get lunch and he told me he had to stick his fingers down my throat at the club.
He was smirking and laughing about it and it just made me upset. I yelled at him and said “why do you keep doing that?” I was very upset and broke it off. I don’t remember getting too drunk at the club for his birthday. I’ve never had any of my friends stick their fingers down my throat because I’ve never been too drunk that people had to do that. It just made me upset that he keeps trying to force me to throw up when I drink, and sticking his fingers down my throat. It just weirded me out. I know my limit and I know when to stop. No ones ever done that before, it was out of the ordinary.
AITA for getting mad and yelling at him over this?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my bf for him helping me when I was drunk, but what he did was weird. It might make me the asshile because he was just trying to help me. I’m still not sure.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I would be concerned he is drugging you.
You need to control your drinking or stop entirely.
ESH
This is weird. And it sounds like he’s not being honest with you.
You don’t need this boyfriend. Get out now and stay safe.
NTA, something is wrong here. He shouldn’t have needed to get the alcohol out if you switched to water, and claiming he needed to when you know he didn’t indicates that something else happened.
I don’t want to alarm you, but you might consider seeing a doctor to run some tests and determine if you were roofied. That’s what this sounds like to me
This feels like he’s setting you up to be the crazy alcoholic who can’t trust your own judgement and he just needs to intervene because you’re so helpless and drunk on your own
It’s weird man.
Really really weird.
I’m very confused. I believe that you didn’t have too much to drink. So you should remember someone STICKING THEIR FINGERS DOWN YOUR THROAT. That’s literally insane to do, and if it is actually necessary, he should have been taking you to the hospital. The way he’s smirking about it and you felt dizzy at the club, makes me suspicious that he’s drugging you. NTA at all. Get out.
since there wasn’t throw up the first time in the trash can and he keeps saying it and laughing about it like it’s nothing, means he’s either toying with you and just talking out his bum or he genuinely fishes in your throat when you can’t remember. So not only either is he just messing around or just has a weird thing with your throat. But you also say you can handle your alcohol and not remember someone fisting your face to help you throw up??? all in short. damn that’s crazy i hope he atleast washed his hands 🤷🏽♂️
ESH.
He needs to not do that, any respectable normal person will just have a conversation about this and understand, apologize, move on.
That said you’re the one drinking so much you can’t remember some of your night. That’s not tipsy or borderline drunk. That’s more. You need to control yourself better and maybe limit to two or three drinks TOPS if you get that drunk SO easily
NTA
No good possible explanations for this behavior: at best, he is controlling and doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy, at worst he’s lying to you, possibly drugging you or has some fucked up kink he’s gratifying while gaslighting you into thinking it’s necessary or good for you.
Please RUN. Your instincts are 100% right.
Chill with the drinking. My goodness. Get a hobby
Now you are nta I find it weird that he does that like it doesn’t seem necessary. Maybe he has a kink for that type of stuff just a guess but who knows?
Just adding to the “this sounds incredibly suspicious” club. NTA. It sounds like you have a decent grasp on your limits and something else is going on. Your spidey sense is going off and you should listen to it.
I’m worried he may be drugging you and follows you to make sure HE’S the one that gets to take advantage.
On top of, he could just TELL you to make yourself throw up, and even then its a SUGGESTION.
Like I know dude bros who do the whole “just throw up when you’re too drunk, you’ll feel better” but none of them in my years of drinking have done this.
Point being, stay faaaaaar away. So far. Please.
NTA. There is something very wrong here. If you were so drunk that he did have to stick his fingers down your throat to force you to vomit, your throat would be raw and scratchy the next day. Vomiting is extremely hard on your body; the force it takes for your stomach to reverse course also sends digestive juices up and out with the vomit. Those juices are extremely acidic. All of that is to say — you would be exhibiting signs of somthing the next day as a result of this action.
Do you know your limit and do you know when to stop? Rhetorical to OP … you don’t need to defend or justify yourself to the reddit “mob” but those are serious questions to ask yourself. If you are aware of and in control of the amount you’re drinking and making the switch to water before you get trashed, then you shouldn’t be feeling dizzy and forgetting significant events from the night before. So what the hell is going on with this guy? And the smirking and repeated claims that he’s sticking his fingers down your throat? Girl. Get TF out of this relationship now.
As a few others have said, it sounds like he’s drugging you. Please go and get tested. You’re not the asshole.
This person is dangerous to you. Please lose him.
He’s in the testing phase with you. If you permit this kind of stuff, over time it will escalate. That’s no kind of life to have. Get out while it’s still safe to do so.
Also NTA for getting mad, but that’s not enough.
Oh, this is all extremely suspicious behavior from him. Either he keeps lying about making you puke, or he keeps violating your physical boundaries. (If you’re ever drunk enough that he genuinely thinks your health is at risk from what’s in your stomach, the correct thing to do is take you to the ER, not just make you puke and put you to bed.) Big NTA either way.
This feels like a very concerning control thing from him, and honestly, I wouldn’t feel safe with him if I were you.
He’s TA. Run fast. He slipped you a mickey
NTA bc what??? If he was that worried about you overdoing it he should’ve gone to the hospital as throwing up is not a guaranteed way to avoid alcohol poisoning/blacking out. I second the other comments on getting tested for roofies. You obviously know your limits. Hope you’re ok.
Sounds like he’s playing a joke on you tbh, but that’s best case scenario. Even if he’s just playing with you, he’s being a prick and he should’ve stopped seeing that it’s making you uncomfortable.
NTA
NTA. His behavior is very odd and gross. It’s only been four months – move on. Do not drink on a empty stomach and you clearly need to slow down. You are drinking until you are black out drunk and don’t remember things so you don’t know your limit or when to stop. But that still doesn’t mean he should be shoving his fingers down your throat for any reason.
He’s drugging you because he likes making girls PUKE or you are Ona collision course with alcoholism
Either he’s drugging you or this is one of the only things on Reddit that is actually gaslighting. What the fuck. NTA
This makes no sense.
People would remember someone doing this to them if they weren’t black out drunk. And if he is that concerned about your drinking thinking you have alcohol poisoning, he needs to take you to the hospital instead of doing this. It’s not normal.
Leaning on walls and stumbling around is pretty typical drunk person stuff. How much are you really drinking? Because you’re describing somewhat inconsistent things here.
Either you’re not actually controlling your drinking or he’s lying for some weird reason.
Edit: forgot the judgment. NTA doing this isn’t okay even if he’s just lying
Have you considered he may be drugging you? If you truly don’t believe you are drinking too much but you’re also blacking out and your boyfriend “has to” stick his fingers down your throat for some reason and it only happens when you are in a blackout state, something feels really off here. I’m not entirely positive that it’s his fingers he’s sticking down your throat.
And this is maybe just me, but…are you certain he’s not doing…other things you don’t remember? Please get to your gyno asap or any doctor just to be on the safe side. This guy sounds really fishy.
NTA!
It sounds to me like he has a fetish or sticking his fingers down a girls throat and watching her throw up. It honestly sounds like he is drugging you, so he can do that to you. I would go to the hospital and get your hair tested for date rape drugs. That would explain why you got dizzy and can’t remember things. If your system has this drug, I would then report it to the police. Who knows what else he does to you. It sounds like you clearly know how much alcohol you can handle and since this is the first time he is claiming you had to much; he is definitely doing something to you. Please don’t let this slide. You need to find out the truth and report it; it could save a life. He could accidentally drug you or his next victim too much and cause their death.
WTF did I just read?
….I don’t know if a judgement is helpful here. Something is EXTREMELY wrong. If you’re getting so drunk that you don’t know if this is happening, stop drinking. Talk to your friends and family. Assess the situation. Stop being anywhere with this guy.
This is weird. Since you don’t actually remember throwing up but remember other stuff from those nights, either he’s lying to you, or something is happening for you to be getting way more intoxicated than you realize (eg spiked drinks). I’m curious to know how your friends from the first party thought you were doing; if they thought you were too drunk or if you seemed ok.
Either way, I wouldn’t drink around this guy anymore, and I’d think twice about staying together with him. No matter what it’s a massive red flag.
(Also, in general, I’d say being intoxicated enough to stumble on the stairs is more than tipsy)
He’s drugging you.
NTA
AND…
You describe your drinking in a way that make it sound like drinking is NOT a problem for you
HOWEVER
It sounds as if drinking IS a problem for you.
Perhaps stop drinking for… say 6 months and see?
NTA.
Your reaction on point. Keep things broken up, and don’t hang out with him again. Even just meeting up, if he was drugging you, he could do it again.
You may also want to get an STD test just in case.
NTA
This is incredibly suspicious behavior. Also the fact he said he made you puke in his trash can and hadnt taken it out but you saw nothing in there makes me feel like maybe, just maybe he put something else other than his fingers down your throat and was concerned that you would feel the sensation in your throat so he made that up to explain it.
Other than that, this entire situation is super concerning and I think you should just drop him. As others have said he may also have been drugging you.
YTA
Stop drinking so much.
The whole throw up to get rid of the alcohol is dumb. You’re already drunk. Your stomach contents aren’t going to change your blood alcohol
People sticking fingers down anyone’s throats even if they’re super close, WITHOUT CONSENT, is not at all okay. Some other comments mentioned being drugged which makes some sense since you got dizzy after only drinking a bit, (idk how much a bit is to you or your tolerance) then switching to water. I’d be worried the fingers down the throat isn’t the only thing being done to you since you don’t remember. His demeanor you mention when he told you he did that is pretty worrying. Please be safe.
I only red the tittle and the first sentence. NO.
NTA you need to leave him and stay away from him. it sounds like he is drugging you…
Well don’t ever get drunk around him again …
Hey, you do realize he is lying, right?
NTA because your “gut” tells you something is not right. However, you are on your way to substance dependance. Moderate or stop now or there will be a 12 step program in your future.
So, there are two options here. Either you are getting so blackout drunk that you don’t remember him needing to make you vomit which is nuts and you have a drinking problem. That makes you the AH if that is the case.
The other option is that he is gaslighting you in some way. If you did not drink that much in the second area why were you dizzy? Do you think he drugged you or did you drink so much that again you have memory gaps?
Either way, you have a drinking problem.
This is too werid – you would remember this unless you were black out drunk.
Eithier he is lying and gaslighting you for some unknown reason ( maybe to make you think you drunk too much?)
You really are getting WAY drunker then you think – but he still shouldn’t do that it’s dangerous
Or he is drugging you none of these things are okay
NTL but I think jumping to the conclusion that he is drugging you is pretty far stretched. It would be a different story if the vibe was different but as you said you danced all night and I can only assume what that means. Regardless it seems like you had a good vibe, I would say be cautious and drink less when you’re around him and observe his behavior. see if he is waiting for you to get more and more drunk, see his intensions as they unfold, discern whether or not he is there to protect you or not. Ultimately if you truly think he’s drugging you I would simply walk away, if the vibe is that far off there’s really no reason to be with someone like that to begin with even if they’re not drugging you,I wouldn’t want a partner that I constantly have to worry about doing something that malicious.
To me, it sounds like that never fucking happened. The trash was empty? If you don’t remember it, it probably didn’t happen. I can’t think of a time I truly didn’t remember what happened the night before, just from drinking. It even sounds like maybe he put something in your drink. Idk man, just don’t go back to him. All kinda red flags over here.
Yeah, that’s not normal for you to have no memory of this occurring. Either he’s screwing with you by trying to make you think you were drunker than you were, or he’s slipping something in your drinks to make you forget things, in which case I’d worry more about what he isn’t telling you he did to you. You are NTA here, but he absolutely is and you were smart to end things.
I’m sorry but I think this man is drugging you and creating excuses for why your throat may be sore.
NTA but why are you dating this guy when he makes you feel like that?
Stop drinking to “pass out drunk”.
Don’t drink at all with this guy, don’t do anything at all with this guy.
Maybe he drugged you.
Run.
NTA – my first thought is “Did he at least wash his hands first or did he shove his hand in your mouth after wiping his ass?”
You legally should only have been drinking for a year that’s not a while
NTA. You might have been getting drugged. None of that is normal, or ok.
ESH. Your BF is the bigger A, he either has some sort of vomit fetish (eew) or this is a way of testing your boundaries, he will escalate from here. You suck because you are repeatedly getting so drunk you can’t remember what happens, and doing around a guy who you know likes to stick his fingers down your throat. Get out get out get out. I hope you survive to outgrow binge drinking.
If this is real, one of three things is true:
He’s drugging you
or
You are getting blackout drunk and don’t realize it.
or
He is lying to you.
There is no way you wouldn’t remember someone sticking their fingers down your throat. Unless you were drugged or incredibly drunk.
If you are sure it’s not you overdrinking, then it’s him doing something that you should get the hell away from. And if you think he drugged you, consider reporting him to the authorities.
If he IS sticking his fingers down your throat, that’s horrific for many reasons – you didn’t consent to that, and that’s NOT how you take care of someone who has drank too much. So he’s wrong to do it because it’s morally wrong, and he’s wrong to do it from a physical/first aid standpoint. It’s wrong on many levels.
He probably ISN’T actually doing that – because you’d probably remember it if he did, and there was no vomit evidence in the trash. So I suspect that he’s not actually doing it, and is lying to you about it for some reason.
Is it possible he’s SAYING that he’s doing it, to make himself look like some kind of hero? Like, “I’m such a good guy, I care about you so much, I saved your life from alcohol poisoning!” If so, that’s also fucked – because he’s not encouraging you to NOT drink. If you were in THAT much danger from drinking so much, he had to stick his fingers down your throat, wouldn’t he be encouraging you to get some help? stop drinking?
If you are missing chunks of an evening, it’s highly likely that he’s drugging you.
No matter what the scenario is, there is absolutely ZERO reason for him to be doing this… so if he IS doing it that’s a break-up-able offense. If he’s not doing it and lying about it, that’s a break-up-able offense. If the reason you don’t remember it is because he drugged you, that’s a break-up-able offense.
So…. please break up.
If you’re drinking so much that you can’t remember him sticking your fingers down your throat then you have bigger issues than your boyfriend preventing you from getting alcohol poisoning.
Best case scenario: he’s controlling and trying to undermine you. He’s lying about putting his fingers down your throat but wants to shame you.
Worst case scenario: he’s drugging you and possibly sexually assaulting you.
There are some other options in between, but even the best case is enough to get the fuck away from him forever. NTA
No sounds like an excuse for SA that you’d notice and not consider the alternative. Like a built in excuse for you feeling sore or whatever else one feels after that act. Maybe get a UA and see if you have anything in your system? I know you’re dating and if you’re intimate I can’t imagine why one would need SA unless it’s a kink or something. The entire situation seems a little reckless and you should be safer and party with a girlfriend too
I would consider going to a hospital to get a drug screening (as well as a STI check up). It would be good to get proof and get him reported to police.
girl call the police
Dear, those were no fingers…
Ummm are you sure he wasn’t drugging you?
I mean there’s already 60 plus posts saying it but just in case you need to hear it again, you’re definitely NTA
And ditch him, this is all red flag behaviour, either he’s just straight up gaslighting you and he never had to do it or hes actually drugging you, causing you to black out and not remember.
Whatever the hell is going on you want to be far away from him for your own safety.
NTA
I could see making a case for forcing you to vomit once, but even that is still questionable. Multiple times, though? Either you have a huge drinking problem with him around, or there’s something fishy going on. If this was at all normal, then sticking his hands in your mouth to get you to vomit should be the last option; you should have something like ipecac (probably not quite as violent as ipecac, it’s just the only vomit-inducer I know of) to help you.
I don’t think there is any good reason at all for him to be gagging you with his fingers. Like I said, you could probably make a case if it was just once, but if somebody is drunk to oblivion, they’ll throw up on their own eventually, you just need to make sure they do it before sleep so they don’t drown in a most foul way.
Comments in here are wild. Girl you don’t remember him doing it, twice?!?
Getting your drinking in order should be the first thing you address and then you can unpack the type of creeps you let near you.
NTA, he’s creepy & suspicious as hell. If i were you, I would leave for your own sake, agreeing with other comments that it sounds like he is drugging you and lying about whatever he may be doing in the process. Not being able to remember ANYTHING after any instance of drinking with him, and suddenly feeling dizzy in the bathroom is giving me drugging vibes.
If he IS drugging you, that finger thing may be a way for him to take the blame off of himself to claim that he “tried to help you”.
I dont want to jump to conclusions but I hope he didnt sa you
Sticking anything into anyone else’s orifice counts as rape – including a penis, fingers, or an object. Dump him NOW.
You need to stop drinking for a while, especially if you’re going to leave your home. You’ve repeatedly put yourself in dangerous situations where anyone could’ve done anything to you.
ESH.
If you continue to not remember anything, then that is the definition of black out drunk. I’ve gotten full black out drunk maybe 3 times in my life. Maybe you’re not as in control as you think?
ESH because this is hard to tell. Don’t get so drunk you cant remember anything, and maybe he won’t feel the need to do that.