Throwaway Just in Case
My boyfriend (18M) and I (also 18M) have been together for about two months. He’s out to his family, and I’ve already met his parents and siblings. I, on the other hand, am not out to my family because I know they wouldn’t be accepting. I’ve made this very clear to him.
Last weekend, he invited me over for a “low-key dinner” at his house. I assumed it would just be the usual—his parents, siblings, him, and me. No big deal. But when I walked in, his entire extended family was there. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, all of them. The second I stepped through the door, every single person turned to look at me. It felt like I was setup.
I pulled him aside and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me your whole family would be here?” He laughed and said, “I thought you should meet them.” Like it was no big deal.
I was already uncomfortable, but I made it through dinner. Then it got worse. When he introduced me to everyone, he called me his “friend.” Not his boyfriend, his friend.
At that point, I was done. After dinner, I admittedly snapped. I yelled at him for setting me up, for completely ignoring my feelings, and for making me feel small. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but I was pretty angry and overwhelmed. The next day, I ignored his messages, needing space. That’s when he started blowing up my phone, saying I embarrassed him and that his mom was angry at him for not telling me. He called me “dramatic” and said I should have just gone along with it.
Now I feel guilty. I know family is important to him, but I also feel like he deliberately put me in an uncomfortable situation and then refused to even acknowledge our relationship. AITA?
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Throwaway Just in Case
My boyfriend (18M) and I (also 18M) have been together for about two months. He’s out to his family, and I’ve already met his parents and siblings. I, on the other hand, am not out to my family because I know they wouldn’t be accepting. I’ve made this very clear to him.
Last weekend, he invited me over for a “low-key dinner” at his house. I assumed it would just be the usual—his parents, siblings, him, and me. No big deal. But when I walked in, his entire extended family was there. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, all of them. The second I stepped through the door, every single person turned to look at me. It felt like I was setup.
I pulled him aside and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me your whole family would be here?” He laughed and said, “I thought you should meet them.” Like it was no big deal.
I was already uncomfortable, but I made it through dinner. Then it got worse. When he introduced me to everyone, he called me his “friend.” Not his boyfriend, his friend.
At that point, I was done. After dinner, I admittedly snapped. I yelled at him for setting me up, for completely ignoring my feelings, and for making me feel small. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but I was pretty angry and overwhelmed. The next day, I ignored his messages, needing space. That’s when he started blowing up my phone, saying I embarrassed him and that his mom was angry at him for not telling me. He called me “dramatic” and said I should have just gone along with it.
Now I feel guilty. I know family is important to him, but I also feel like he deliberately put me in an uncomfortable situation and then refused to even acknowledge our relationship. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that yelling at my boyfriend and overreacting would make me the asshole. It wasn’t the right thing to do and could’ve avoided the conflict.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
He set you up. HIS MOM yelled at him.
NTA. You were set up. It’s understandable why you were angry. It shows that your boyfriend doesn’t respect your feelings — especially since he brushed off your concerns. Reevaluate your relationship. If he doesn’t take your feelings into consideration now, will he improve?
NTA He showed your feelings don’t matter to him when he set you up to be bombarded by his entire family then laughed about it as if it was funny what he did. He further disregarded your relationship by introducing you as his ‘friend’. Go find someone who truly cares about you.
NTA. But be careful. He might out you to your family next.
Wait. So you’re mad about being introduced as a friend, yet you’re not out to your own family yet. So he should have introduced you as his boyfriend and then let nature run its gossip mill course and make its way back to your parents through the grapevine? I’d be pissed about meeting the entire family. But tell him thank you for not outing you so you’re able to do it in your own time.
ESH
Your response was disproportionate and emotional. First you say you aren’t out, then he’made u feel small’ by not outing you? Pick a lane
His response of ‘mum was mad I didn’t tell you’ means he’s more annoyed at being told off than being wrong.
ESH. Both of your behaviors are immature. Yes, you’re both young, but if you want to be boyfriends, that comes with a responsibility of at least trying to mature.