I (25F) live at home with my family. My younger brother (21M) is going on a trip to Japan. About a week ago, he asked if we had any big suitcases. We do. Two older family ones and one that belongs to me personally. I bought mine myself for nearly €200, and I told him upfront I didn’t want him to take it. I’m also going on a trip soon, and he’s not known for treating things with care. Not even his own stuff. I was clear: please don’t take mine.
Last night around 11:30PM (the night before he flies), he starts packing and apparently discovers that the other suitcases are somehow unusable (I don’t know what exactly was wrong). At that point, I had already gone to bed because I had to wake up at 6 AM for work. I’m a light sleeper and have trouble falling asleep, so it takes me a while to drift off.
Just as I’m finally almost asleep, I hear someone in my room and a flashlight shining in my face. It’s my brother. I sleep with earplugs, so I couldn’t fully hear him, but I picked up something like “Can I use your suitcase?” I was shocked and angry. I had already said no days ago. I told him to leave because I needed to sleep. He stayed and kept asking. I ended up yelling and swearing at him, told him to get out, and said I’d wake him up early too (which I didn’t mean, I was just furious). My mom came upstairs too because of the noise, and I shouted for everyone to leave me alone. My dad was probably woken up as well. He has to get up at 4:30 AM for work.
It took me about an hour to fall back asleep. I felt completely thrown off and frustrated.
This morning, my brother texted me:
“Okay sorry I came into your room after 11, but you could’ve just listened instead of yelling and being dramatic so late. You upset mom again. You could’ve just given me the suitcase and I’d have paid you for a new one, but you already had it in your head that you never share anything. I’ll drop it. But if you slam any doors or make loud noises in the morning, I’ll take your suitcase anyway after you leave. So your choice.”
I was stunned. To me, this felt manipulative and borderline threatening. He completely ignored that I had already said no, that I was asleep, and that I needed to get up early. Instead, he called me dramatic, blamed me for upsetting our mom, and said he’d take my suitcase anyway if I dared to make morning noise.
I sent him a message explaining my side: that he had ignored my boundaries, that I was asleep and had to work early, that I had a right to say no. Especially for something expensive. And that how he spoke to me was not okay. I also apologized to my mom and dad this morning for yelling, but I’m still angry about the whole thing.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I (25F) live at home with my family. My younger brother (21M) is going on a trip to Japan. About a week ago, he asked if we had any big suitcases. We do. Two older family ones and one that belongs to me personally. I bought mine myself for nearly €200, and I told him upfront I didn’t want him to take it. I’m also going on a trip soon, and he’s not known for treating things with care. Not even his own stuff. I was clear: please don’t take mine.
Last night around 11:30PM (the night before he flies), he starts packing and apparently discovers that the other suitcases are somehow unusable (I don’t know what exactly was wrong). At that point, I had already gone to bed because I had to wake up at 6 AM for work. I’m a light sleeper and have trouble falling asleep, so it takes me a while to drift off.
Just as I’m finally almost asleep, I hear someone in my room and a flashlight shining in my face. It’s my brother. I sleep with earplugs, so I couldn’t fully hear him, but I picked up something like “Can I use your suitcase?” I was shocked and angry. I had already said no days ago. I told him to leave because I needed to sleep. He stayed and kept asking. I ended up yelling and swearing at him, told him to get out, and said I’d wake him up early too (which I didn’t mean, I was just furious). My mom came upstairs too because of the noise, and I shouted for everyone to leave me alone. My dad was probably woken up as well. He has to get up at 4:30 AM for work.
It took me about an hour to fall back asleep. I felt completely thrown off and frustrated.
This morning, my brother texted me:
“Okay sorry I came into your room after 11, but you could’ve just listened instead of yelling and being dramatic so late. You upset mom again. You could’ve just given me the suitcase and I’d have paid you for a new one, but you already had it in your head that you never share anything. I’ll drop it. But if you slam any doors or make loud noises in the morning, I’ll take your suitcase anyway after you leave. So your choice.”
I was stunned. To me, this felt manipulative and borderline threatening. He completely ignored that I had already said no, that I was asleep, and that I needed to get up early. Instead, he called me dramatic, blamed me for upsetting our mom, and said he’d take my suitcase anyway if I dared to make morning noise.
I sent him a message explaining my side: that he had ignored my boundaries, that I was asleep and had to work early, that I had a right to say no. Especially for something expensive. And that how he spoke to me was not okay. I also apologized to my mom and dad this morning for yelling, but I’m still angry about the whole thing.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled and swore at my brother late at night when he came into my room to ask for my suitcase, even though I had already told him no earlier that week. I might be the asshole because I lost my temper and woke up my parents in the process. He was stressed about packing for his trip, and I probably could’ve handled it in a calmer way.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta, no means no and he’s an idiot for ignoring that
And a bigger idiot for admitting to premeditated theft
NTA You made it very clear that you didnt want your brother to use your suitcase but he still tried to get it. On top of that your family shouldn’t be mad at you for expressing how you feel knowing that your brother is careless with items and they should instead be concerned on why he’s packing so last minute for his trip.
your brother is the asshole
he had a week to prepare and if he could pay to replace it he could have just bought one
Take your suitcase to work with you, just in case 🤣🤣
NTA your brother is manipulative “you upset mum again” well did you really? Or was that a direct consequence of HIS actions? Also him saying he would have bought you a new one, does he even know the actual value of your suitcase? If he has 200€ to buy you a new suitcase then he might as well have bought his own instead of waiting for the last minute and trying to forcibly take yours.
NTA. That age group of men are such sociopaths. They don’t care about anyone. I’m disgusted
I’d say get a lock for your suitcases and keep the key on you in the future
NTA. I would have slammed doors and made noise as I dragged MY suitcase to MY car and went to work (or hid it really well)
He has over a week to buy his own suitcase, why does her need yours? He can plan a trip to Japan but can plan buying a suitcase?? NTA
Why are 8 yr olds fighting over this?
NTA. You clearly stated that you didn’t want him to use it. He did it to himself :/
NTA.
Make some noise anyways.
Put the suitcase in your car and take it to work with you.
And let him know if he ever enters your room at night again, you will assume it’s a burglar and act accordingly.
I feel bad for your parents, especially your mom
NTA. He had a week to check on the suitcases and buy one for himself if needed, or even negotiate with you to use yours (like buy another one if he breaks it). He was irresponsable and it’s not your fault.
You’re right to be pissed that he woke you up late at night as it was urgent just because he was irresponsable.
Also, the text feels a bit manipulative and to threat to take the suitcase while you’re out is so childish. You should lock your room, if possible.
Everyone here in Reddit licks the butt of the author of the post. Especially in Aita.
Look, you’re not wrong for not wanting to give the suitcase this is yours and u can do wtver u want with it. Your brother ALSO respected it as you said UNTIL the moment he saw the other suitcase was not working so he had no other option than to ask you. He even offered to pay for it (later though). I think you’re very upright and have to chill a little.
I have two older sisters. One was very careful with her things the other is like me. We ALWAYS take care and give each other what we need. It’s not always for the best, like I’ve lost things that are theirs, like keys and other important stuff. BUT now our relationship is really strong. I trust both of them with my new car every day of the week and they trust me even with thier kids.
I don’t know, but in Greece the family is the most important thing, especially over a freaking suitcase.
Also your brother in the message started being a little manipulative (very bad) BUT remember that you guys fought. And u started cursing, not listening to him, not helping him because it would discomfort you mildly. So when siblings fight A LOT of mean things are said. Don’t listen to others that tell you what you want to hear. Here you AND your brother are both wrong. Family is family.
First, put your suitcase in your car. Then, proceed with your normal morning routine, even if you make a bit of noise. Just before your leave for work, wake him up and wish him safe travels and leave for work. NTA.
You’re NTA and I hope you brought your suitcase to work with you to prevent him from stealing it.
>Last night around 11:30PM (the night before he flies), he starts packing and apparently discovers that the other suitcases are somehow unusable
His failure to plan isn’t your emergency to solve.
Sucks for your dad that you may have woken him up, but I can’t say I would not be shouting at someone waking me up with a flashlight shining in my eyes.
ESH
Your brother, obviously, for not getting the word “no” which is a complete sentence.
You, for screaming like crazy and waking up your parents.
YTA It’s just a goddamn suitcase. Also, get out of your parents hair, you’re 25 for God’s sake
NTA- if you can buy a lock for your door, install one. Then you can make sure he doesn’t pull any nonsense with waking you, or taking your stuff anymore.
He procrastinated to the last minute about packing and expected you to solve his problem. He sounds immature and a bit narcissistic. He’s blaming you for what he caused. Straight up tell him that his “emergency” is not your problem, NO has no alternate meaning, and he needs to grow up. That his lack of care of others people’s things are why you said no. Paying you to buy a new suitcase so he can take yours is selfish of him and he is disrespectful of your time. You shouldn’t have to shop again for a suitcase because he didn’t prepare.
From now on, if he asks you if the family has anything that he might need, then you don’t tell him about your things that he can’t borrow. If you had only told him about the family suitcases, he would have woken Mom up to solve his problem. NTA. This might become a funny story in about 15-20 years, when one of his kids is doing this same behavior.
>But if you slam any doors or make loud noises in the morning, I’ll take your suitcase anyway after you leave. So your choice.
If my brothers ever said anything like this to me, I would do everything to annoy them in the morning, lock my bedroom door and take the suitcase with me to work. We don’t allow manipulation in our house.
NTA, and I come from a family where everything was shared. Your brother is an asshole, especially with that text, and blaming you for making your mum upset. If I were your mum, I would be more upset that he was packing only the night before such a big trip and didn’t even check if he had everything he needed. Like okay, I pack my stuff the night before my flight as well, but still everything is prepared days before, only the zipping is left.
NTAH
NTA
You are right to still be angry. That message was not an apology, but a threat with a dose of guilt tripping and shifting of responsibility.
His inability to prepare for a trip as an adult isn’t your problem to fix or help with. He had the time, the information and the opportunity to do something about his lack of suitcase.
Don’t give in and reward his bad attitude by falling for his words.
NTA. He is manipulative and lazy, he should have bought his own suitcase and realize days ahead the other ones were unusable
A question here. Why are you using Euros but using American terminology? It’s a minor question but it’s putting me off.
Are you sure you’re both in your 20s? Because it doesn’t sound like it. ESH
[ Removed by Reddit ]