For a bit of context, a few months ago, I was added to a group chat full of my classmates. I was inactive until a month ago, when I logged on to be immediately greeted with slurs and racist comments coming from multiple classmates, which were then ignored by other classmates within the chat.
I took screenshots and sent all the photos (with names of all the people involved attached) to our year-level coordinators and formally reported them. Due to the app I was using, everyone in the chat was able to see I took screenshots, and they are all aware I reported them (I confirmed it when they asked)
When I was taking screenshots, I got multiple messages from the girls in the chat telling me not to report the others (as it was only boys who had been sending the hateful language, but the girls had been ignoring it), one girl even going as far as to message everyone telling them, ‘everyone delete everything you sent.’ It was awful, especially since my best friend was in the chat and is dark-skinned, and these girls were her friends and yet supported these guys being racist.
No one really spoke about it in class, but we were doing presentations for health class the other day, where we had to talk about one bias/prejudice people had against others and how we could help people facing it and stand up for them. Literally all the people who did those racist things made a presentation on race, only to laugh and giggle the whole time.
I was irritated because it shows they still don’t care about what their words do to people, and then one boy used the example of ‘being an upstander’ but explained that in group chats, he takes screenshots and stops people from saying racist things. Which is what I did. To him. Because he was the one saying the slurs.
Someone else called him out on this as a joke, which he laughed at and denied, in which I said to him, ‘Don’t lie, bro; people literally have screenshots.’ Then one of the girls, who had defended their racism in the gc and had said the slur before, slammed her hands down on the table and yelled at me, ‘it’s only you who has them!’
I was already angry at her for how she talked during her presentation on race, so I yelled back (and I don’t usually yell at people; that’s not how I go) ‘Because I wasn’t going to sit around and let racist things fly. I’m sorry that I happen to have basic human decency and actually have empathy for other people, including my friends, which you seem to lack. You’re actually pathetic for still defending them and yourself.’
my teacher then stepped in, but ever since I yelled at her, I’ve been wondering if I just should’ve let it lie. She was clearly shaken up over me yelling at her, and I feel awful that I raised my voice at someone. She’s still young, even if she’s my age, and I just took out my anger on her because she’s the one who said the most stuff. I feel really awful, and I think I really messed up here.
AITA??
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For a bit of context, a few months ago, I was added to a group chat full of my classmates. I was inactive until a month ago, when I logged on to be immediately greeted with slurs and racist comments coming from multiple classmates, which were then ignored by other classmates within the chat.
I took screenshots and sent all the photos (with names of all the people involved attached) to our year-level coordinators and formally reported them. Due to the app I was using, everyone in the chat was able to see I took screenshots, and they are all aware I reported them (I confirmed it when they asked)
When I was taking screenshots, I got multiple messages from the girls in the chat telling me not to report the others (as it was only boys who had been sending the hateful language, but the girls had been ignoring it), one girl even going as far as to message everyone telling them, ‘everyone delete everything you sent.’ It was awful, especially since my best friend was in the chat and is dark-skinned, and these girls were her friends and yet supported these guys being racist.
No one really spoke about it in class, but we were doing presentations for health class the other day, where we had to talk about one bias/prejudice people had against others and how we could help people facing it and stand up for them. Literally all the people who did those racist things made a presentation on race, only to laugh and giggle the whole time.
I was irritated because it shows they still don’t care about what their words do to people, and then one boy used the example of ‘being an upstander’ but explained that in group chats, he takes screenshots and stops people from saying racist things. Which is what I did. To him. Because he was the one saying the slurs.
Someone else called him out on this as a joke, which he laughed at and denied, in which I said to him, ‘Don’t lie, bro; people literally have screenshots.’ Then one of the girls, who had defended their racism in the gc and had said the slur before, slammed her hands down on the table and yelled at me, ‘it’s only you who has them!’
I was already angry at her for how she talked during her presentation on race, so I yelled back (and I don’t usually yell at people; that’s not how I go) ‘Because I wasn’t going to sit around and let racist things fly. I’m sorry that I happen to have basic human decency and actually have empathy for other people, including my friends, which you seem to lack. You’re actually pathetic for still defending them and yourself.’
my teacher then stepped in, but ever since I yelled at her, I’ve been wondering if I just should’ve let it lie. She was clearly shaken up over me yelling at her, and I feel awful that I raised my voice at someone. She’s still young, even if she’s my age, and I just took out my anger on her because she’s the one who said the most stuff. I feel really awful, and I think I really messed up here.
AITA??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action of yelling at my classmate is what I think should be judged, and I think me being the asshole/the thing I did wrong was that act of yelling at her in class because I was so harsh on her, took my anger out just on her, and yelled at her publicly in class. One of my friends told me I was too rude to her about it, and now I’m thinking they might be right because I was angry at multiple people, not just her, and yet I took out all that frustration on one girl.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. They’re making racist jokes during anti-racism presentations? The audacity is astounding. You did nothing wrong defending basic human decency.
NTA.
You didn’t ‘mess up’ you stood up against blatant racism when almost everyone else stayed silent. That takes courage, and it’s exactly what being an ‘upstander’ actually means.
The fact that you feel bad about yelling just shows you have empathy and self-awareness, which is more than can be said for the people defending those slurs. You weren’t yelling to bully someone you were calling out harmful behavior that they were still defending in public.
Sometimes, calm conversations work. Sometimes, when people repeatedly double down and even mock the harm they’ve caused, they need to hear the truth loud and clear. You didn’t attack her as a person for something irrelevant you addressed her active defense of racism. That’s not being an asshole, that’s holding someone accountable.
Don’t let guilt make you second-guess doing the right thing.
You are the only decent person in this story. Op, I would be honored to have a friend like you.
NTA
NTA, they suck.
INFO: Was the teacher aware of this issue? Who did you report it to? The only reason I ask is that as a former educator, it’s super frustrating when something explodes in class and you have no idea until it’s sticking to your walls and your class is ruined. Just curious because I feel like this derailed the entire class, and there may have been steps to be taken before it escalated to this point if the teacher and other adults (administrators/counselors) who needed to be aware were. Doesn’t change anything AH-wise – you’re NTA. Just curious how it was handled by your school.
That girl deserved it, all of them had it coming. Also once you reported the screen shots did an adult say anything to you like they will talk to them or did they ignore you?